Bringing up the idea of another male?

[H69]

Heard everything was bigger in Texas. What size batteries does that thing take?

[funforall]

I agree with intuition advice.
T & I had our fantasie come up in the heat of the moment. She asked me what mine was. I was hesitant at first as I thought it was a trick and didn't want her to feel insecure. I finally said fantasy speaking 2 women would be nice. After all it is supposed to be everyguys fantasy. LOL
She had a co-worker that wanted to be with another woman and T never been with a woman. They thought it would be fun and set up a date for play. Now I'm into older women (I'm 32 and T is 43) and this was her first woman on woman experience. She said she wished she would of done it earlier. LOL Wasn't as good as she hoped for as they were both inexperienced. This got the ball rolling. I had a female co-worker that enjoyed having threesomes and we started talking. She was game so we brought her into the mix and T enjoyed it alot more than the first and even started talking about the next one.
Now what I'm getting at is she went out of her way for me and made my fantasies into reality. We are glad they worked out as people stated before that sometimes fantasies should stay just that......a fantasy.
Now, I want to do for her what she did for me. We talk and talk and talk about it. At first I was like I'm not sure but the more we discuss the better I feel and now I'm actually looking forward to it. So is she. We even made up our rules of engagement. LOL It hasn't happened yet as I'm in Iraq right now but it does make for some good e-mailing. LOL When are going to hit some clubs when I get home and search some swinger sites when I get home to find the elusive single male that knows this is for her pleasure. Don't want someone that gets attached and knows what his job is. LOL
So all in all to make a long story short I think you should ask him his fantasies. Most guys after telling you thiers will ask you yours. Just be honest and reassure him as of now it is a fantasy. Then start discussing and it. After awhile it will just seem natural to make it a reality.
Fun for all

[28volts]

For us ,it was me that brought it up to my wife.I noticed during sex what excites her. She gets more excited with more stimulations. So I mentioned, instead of my fingers wouldn't another cock feel better and unpredictable. Not exatly in those words. She gets very excited when I talk like that. I thought of her first before she opened to me about me doing another women. We still have not started swinging yet, but "you can feed a baby food dosen't mean they'll eat it". Let him go at his own pace.That's why your with him, is you love him. Plus, I think the anticipation is exciting for both of us.

[cumhungrycouple]

Originally Posted by bethjane

Hello everyone,

I am 35 and my husband is 39. We have been married for 15 years, and he is the only sex partner that I have ever had during this time (I had one boyfriend before I met him). We are not swingers and have never discussed anything like swinging. We are pretty conservative and traditional. Over the years we have occasionally talked naughty in bed and have watched a couple of x-rated movies when we were on holiday. But the idea of including another sex partner is something that neither of us have ever brought up.

So here is the thing. I love my husband more than anything and we still have good sex. However, for the last couple of years I have become more and more curious about what it would be like to experience another male sex partner. I would never cheat on my husband and I have no interest in being alone with another man. I love my husband and I want us to be together for the rest of our lives. I guess what I fantasize about is the idea of experiencing intercourse with another male and my husband together, with my husband completely involved and sharing the entire experience with me. I masturbate a lot to this thought.

I always assumed that this is something that would have to remain a secret fantasy until I started reading all the posts of couples who are in love but have included another male sexually in their bed, and of husbands who fantasize about this scenario. My husband has never mentioned anything like this to me, and I wonder if he has ever thought about it. How do you even bring up such a topic after a 15 year monogomous relationship? I would appreciate any advice on how I could subtlely bring up the idea of another male in our bed without ruining our relationship or undermining his masculinity at the same time. The thought of my husband agreeing to this is really exciting to me, but it is nothing to ruin our marriage over. How can I bring it up and at the same time have a way out if he reacts bad? I don't want to hurt him in anyway.

Hi, have you thought of a 3some with another woman? Men can be naturally "homophobic" and jealous and even mentioning it can be a problem to most men. Even my wife assumed I would be as its a common thing. We - at my wife's suggestion - got another woman for my birthday. We both loved it so much it made getting anotehr man much easier and it was a case of "one pussy for one cock" trial in effect. The wife wasn't bi (is now!!!) and most men feel comfortable with another woman than a man to begin with

We both loved porn and were not conservative at all.I often had to fight her off as she tried to blow me in a crowded cinema. When we get horny we get kinky but as this was in a conservative country where we would have gone to jail! But we both were open minded and into sex. Saying you have been conservative sort of is a danger sign

Still your husband may feel it hard to bring up any fantasies. Its important to point out that he is still attractive, sexy and the best for you. Then start on fantasy talk! You can say he is such a good lover you would like to see him please another woman (the wife used that on me!) as he is so good at it!

But best to talk and watch porn more. Tell him that he feels good in you etc. Make him feel like a man. Tell him when he does nice things special for you and "only he knows" how to really turn you on. Otherwise he will assume you are bored with him!

Take your time and getting more erotic with your husband will at least boost your sex lives. Men love to be told they are the best! And in time he may say "lets try it once".

[satyrsoul]

Hi. I'd suggest you introduce the fantasy as wanting to have two men at the same time (incl husband) and play down the 'being curious about having another man' aspect at first (even though it's integral). The 2-man fantasy can be presented as a kind of over-the-top "gonzo" lark - what woman wouldn't want to have her pleasure doubled? - but if you start in right away about 'wanting to experience another man' you might press a jealous button.

Either way, find a way to talk to him about it and be patient. The last couple I played with talked about it for two years before they were ready to act, and that's not uncommon. If his initial response is "no way!", don't give up hope. Communication is the key..

[sereneiders]

I agree with most the posters advice, but specially I like what Intuition said here, I believe she hit the nail.

I was about to ask why are you so concerned about his reaction. I mean, I understand the concern you have, but also, I suppose after 15 years you'd both should know each other well enough as to know something of these limits, as to trust on each others good intentions and feelings and lean on that trust more than the suspicious toughts anyone could have from missundersanding these ideas.

Swinging is a matter of well tuned communication. Yes, you have fun with the sex, but the more powerfull outcome is the level of communication you'd have and the hability to share everithing. And this requires a certain degree of communication to start with. Knowing exactly in wich ways you'd hurt him is a requirement to reach such a degree of communication... and what worries me is it seems you don't know this.

So, I believe there is a previos step you have to make, and it is to improve your communication skills, as to know if you can or cannot talk about this. This can be done while you do other things people adviced you to, like exploring his fantasies.

What's for sure, and you can read this a lot in the forum, is that swinging doesn't work as a way to fix marital problems, moreover, in such a case it wold make things worst. The lack of communication may (or may not) be masking other issues (people doesn't talk about the issue to avoid facing it), because of this I am telling you to start by improving the level of communication. And here applies what Inuition said about fantasies and sexual tastes: and improved communication is a two way road, you improve it as to let each other know your fantasies, and alsto as to let each other know the odd things you may carry on with yourself along the years and each one of you feel today you shouldn't tell.

It's like a Pandora box... inside there are wonderfull things, but also there could be some nasty things to face. If you open the box without the minimal degree of communication, you're blowing up the cover and everithing will hit your face. The more communication you have, the more control you both will have over the box cover to open it slowly enough as to find out every thing one at a time, dealing and digesting them before going for the next one. Luckily, you'd find way more wonderfull things than odd ones and it would have been worth the price.

[Coupleinidaho]

Originally Posted by bethjane

How do you even bring up such a topic after a 15 year monogomous relationship? I would appreciate any advice on how I could subtlely bring up the idea of another male in our bed without ruining our relationship or undermining his masculinity at the same time. The thought of my husband agreeing to this is really exciting to me, but it is nothing to ruin our marriage over. How can I bring it up and at the same time have a way out if he reacts bad? I don't want to hurt him in anyway.

(Mr. here) Although we haven't, and more than likely will not take the plunge into the lifestyle, the way we even got on the topic was through our own sex play with toys, and watching select MFM porn. We started using dildos on her, of all various shapes, sizes and colors. Progressed to double penetration, and fantasizing with her while I watched her work a dildo on her own (usually with her on top of it). I also have written numerous MFM and gang bang type sex stories for her, with her as the main character, which we had posted on our blog, but have since gone to direct e-mails. (She gets sooo hot when she reads them, not only because of the subject matter, but because I wrote them)

Before I came to this board, I use to think I was a pervert, or that there was somthing seriously wrong with my fantasies of sharing my wife with another man. While the Mrs. wants no part in the swinging lifestyle, we still use toys and multiple partner sex fantasies in our own bed. There's just something about seeing my wife be completely free in her sexual expression that turns me on to such a high degree.

Have the two of you ever used toys? If so, maybe using them with fantasies of another male in the safe environment of your marital bed will break the ice. But be forewarned. Even if your husband does end up getting turned on by the fantasies, he may still never want to actually share you in real life. On the other hand, the fantasies and use of different dildos with your husband might just do the trick for you.

One other thing...it's refreshing to see how concerned you are of your husband's feelings. Most "vanilla" men would be hurt if their wife brought up the idea of her having sex with other men. No matter that you've been married for 15 years. It's definately not something to spring on him, or there will more than likely be repercusisons.

Good luck to you both! =)

[intuition897]

Thanks for posting this CoupleInIdaho, it's good to hear open-minded input from all positions.

I don't think that anyone on this board could be considered "pushy" when it comes to expressing their preferences. Now don't get us started on issues of cheating, abuse or other types of spousal disrespect, 'cause you'll get an earful, but we are definitely "pushy" about such things because someone stands to get hurt in those situations. But we (most of us) are definitely pro-swinging. While you'll often hear us say the mantra, "Swinging is not for everyone," you'll find we have plenty of advice for overcoming the usual obstacles that stand in a couple's way. Sometimes in our enthusiasm, we forget that some folks simply do not WANT to realize this fantasy, but keep it as it is. CoupleInIdaho reminds us that this isn't just a black and white 'swing or don't swing' issue; this is all about what level of comfort you are both happy with, and if it stops at some dirty talk and toys during sex with one another, then that's great!

I'll also say that when/if you do bring it up, he may react very strongly...and negatively. If he says "I never want to discuss this again." or something like that, then there's your final answer. But if, after a few months, or maybe even a year or two, you find an opportunity to "feel him out" again...say while you're watching a porno involving a 3some...gently bring it up again. It may have sparked his curiosity, and he may be more receptive to it. Just a thought.

[AnCinLA]

I think many men feel this way too but are also hesitant to bring it up. That's how it was with us. As with all matters in a relationship, honesty is the best policy. I was very nervous when I told my wife that I wanted to see her with another man, but it was such a liberating experience, I wish I'd done it long ago.

[irish48]

SIMPLE - Get another x rated movie for the two of you to watch on your holiday and make sure the subject of the movie is what you WANT to be YOUR fantasy. That will open the doors for conversation and still give either of you a comfortable way out if necessary.

[sereneiders]

Originally Posted by irish48

SIMPLE

Well, swinging isn't "simple", nor bringing up the subject.

[SrKnight]

One other route you can take is one that my wife and I use regularly just for fun. When we are feeling amorous and have cuddled up in bed together, I ask her to "spin me a fantasy". I let her know this doesn't need to be something she actually would do in real life, just a fantasy. She will close her eyes and begin describing the setting, what she is wearing, who else is there etc... As she imagines the scene in her mind I quietly encourage her to continue with what happens next. I also attempt to do things for her that helps bring it to life a bit, such as when she describes someone fondling or licking her breast, i do that to her. The feelings of it actually helps heighten her arousal and create more in the fantasy. The first time we did this, I had to ask her some leading questions to help her picture the scenario in her mind like what are you wearing under the miniskirt? The act of describing the details in her fantasy was extremely arousing for her.
We now do this on a regular basis. Sometimes it is her describing a fantasy to me, sometimes the other way around and our sex at these times is always fantastic.
I guess the point I am trying to make is that perhaps you should work first at the two of you becoming comfortable with the idea that you both have fantasies in the first place and that it is not a bad thing. Work up from very simple and non-threatening fantasies like maybe having sex with your husband at night in a public park or something. Remember they can be things you wouldn't actually do in reality. See what kind of fantasies he spins for you. Picture them in your mind as he describes them to you. Once you become comfortable with this process you may find the fantasies that you would like to really have happen become something arousing in the real world for both of you.
Hope this other point of view was helpful

Stay Sexy and have a Great Knight