Best route to the first threesome? (long)

[CuriosityKilt]

Hello and wonderful site!

I have spent the better part of the afternoon reading various posts, and while I have learned much, I haven't really seen the specific information I was after. I'm sure its there but I could spend days here.

Here is the pertinent background information:
My girlfriend and I have been dating for nearly three years and are in a commited relationship. Before dating we knew each other for approximately five years, in which we always partied and hung out together but never really on a regular basis. I guess things just eventually clicked when the time was right. We consider ourselves married without the piece of paper.

Anyway, over the last few years we have done some sexual experimentation during our partying. Nothing much more than truth or dare games though.

I have had the fantasy of being with two women for several years but I've never never really mentioned it other than to say "hell ya I would!" at parties when asked. She has alwasy said she would do it as well but never expressed much more of an interest other than doing it to please me. I never expected it to progress beyond that.

Aproximately a week ago, she surprised me by telling me she had been reading up on threesomes and that we should talk about it sometime. So I sat down and made a list of scenarios in which it could happen and the pro's and con's of each. I also listed specific things I fantasize about when I fantasize about a threesome. The idea was to see what she would be comfortable about. Last night we talked about it in length and she said I should research it more.

Thats how I ended up here.

We discussed bringing someone we already know it but the potential for jealousy issues is too high.

We discussed picking up a stranger but the risk of STDs is significant. Not to generalize too much or be insulting but someone that you could randomly pick-up for a threesome is more likely to go home with people on a less discriminating basis.

We discussed hiring a professional, which had a few upsides and is where I was hoping for some input. One upside is it has the lowest probablity for jealousy. Also, we thought if we went to an upscale place, they would tend to be rigorous in testing and protection against STDs. Also, we thought having an experienced person would make the first time transition easier. Also, since this person is in your service, you have to worry less about them trying something you as a couple is uncomfortable with. The downsides are; Its only legal in Nevada. You lose some of the intimacy. Also, never having used a Brothel or know anyone who has, how do you know what an upscale one is?

We discussed a swinger approach, somewhat. Neither of us know much about it so it was ruled out fairly rapidly. Some of the upsides I see are that you have a better chance of meeting someone that is experienced. Also, someone who is commited to the lifestyle is probably more adament about safety than a bar pickup. The downsides are; Intimidation - I couldn't see either of us being comfortable at a swinger meeting. None else come to mind right now.

Anyway, I appreciate it if you made it through that novell. The last two secnarios are probably the only ones we'd consider at this point. Any suggestions on how to go about either? Or some significant pro's/con's I left out. (I didn't list all the ones here that I did on my list in the interest of brevity)

Thanks in advance!

[good times]

My first thought is, how big of a hurry are you to do this? If you want to do it pretty soon then I'd say make a trip to Nevada and go the brothel route, as that is probably going to be the quickest unless you get real lucky. You could go to a swingers club (I think their are a few good ones in your area) and see if you could find a women thats interested. Unfortanately what you will probably find is couples interested in full swap, couples with bi females looking for other bi females, and single bi females looking for other women (not inerested in playing with guys). we go to the clubs in our area pretty regularly and I have yet to see a single woman looking to be a thrid for fmf, But you never know. You could also place an add on a sight like SLS I see a quite a few adds on there from people looking for what you are but I don't know how much luck they have.

[Candy&Cane]

I know three couples who've hired an (high class) escort, who came to their house. All three of them have had an very good experience doing it this way (you'll have to be very clear about the situation though, before you call)..

Allthough we live in a different country, I recognize what Good Times says; the chance of finding a female for only a ffm threesome in a club is very low.. But there is an upside you didn't mention in your post; in a club the chance of jealousy is a lot lower because of the fact that there is no threat to your relationship because of the other female (in an only couples club), as she will do it for fun as she herself has her own man to go home with.

[inbeachcouple]

I agree with Good Times. You could go the whole brothel route, but if I remember correctly, that can get kinda pricy(@ $1000 +). Plus, at least for us, in the back of your head you'd know that the other woman is only in it for the cash and not the attraction, which would really take away from the experience.

I'd say your best route is to take out an add (with pictures), and try to find a single F that way. You could also keep your ears and eyes open when you're out. Anymore, it seems that sooner or later, someone will drop a comment about someone or themselves being bi. Just don't rush into it. You don't want to make sacrifices that will take away from the fantasy.

[Vespertine]

By CuriosityKilt: We discussed picking up a stranger but the risk of STDs is significant. Not to generalize too much or be insulting but someone that you could randomly pick-up for a threesome is more likely to go home with people on a less discriminating basis.

We discussed hiring a professional, which had a few upsides and is where I was hoping for some input. One upside is it has the lowest probablity for jealousy. Also, we thought if we went to an upscale place, they would tend to be rigorous in testing and protection against STDs

Don't assume that just because a facility is rigorous in testing and protection against STD's that it is a safe bet. They do not test their escorts between each client. They could be tested Friday morning and be clean. BUT by the time Friday night comes around they've been with a handfull of clients and have now exposed themself to a plethora of communicable diseases. I am sure they get innoculated for hepatitis so that is a definite up-side.

Regardless if you contact an escort or pick up a stranger at a bar you have to properly protect yourselves. Condoms for intercourse and oral sex. Vaginal dams for oral on a woman. No fluid contact. That's your only true safe bet.
If you properly protect yourselves the risks aren't anymore significant in a bar setting then they'd be with a professional.
It would just be more cost-effective.

I think you should consider the advice of some of the other posters and place an add. You will have control over who you select and can take your time to find exactly what you're looking for. Good Luck!

[stoutgatte]

Something that hasn't been mentined thus far is the thrill of the chase... A large part of the fun is located in the events leading up to the actual encounter, if you go to a brothel, you take away any uncertainty, which is a bad thing in my opinion. Yes, you will still have the anticipation between yourselves, but I believe that it will be seriously reduced when compared to someone who isn't a sure bet. I must add that a professional doesn't appeal to me on any level, so keep that in mind while reading my thoughts.

Then there is the STD risk, I'd agree with Vespertine on this one, the risk always exists, and prostitutes, although tested more often, also have sex more often with more partners. Add to this the fact that there is sometimes (usually?) a gestation period before the tests become accurate (ie you can test negative for HIV up to 6 months after infection, even though you have contracted the disease already) and suddenly this avenue is not really any more safe than going with a normal, very liberal person. Be sure to protect yourself.

Lastly, swinging can be a really nice avenue to explore. That said, it is not for everyone, so research it for yourself and make a decision on what you are comfortable with. You don't need to go to a club to swing, we started out by personal ads and our first couple we met online, met for drinks in a 2-on-2 setting and became really comfortable. We only played with them a month or so after our initial meeting...

If you decide to search for a single female to join you, SLS is a good place to start, but you have to be patient. There are not many women out there who are advertising to do so and many who want to play with those who do. As others said, it might be easier to find a girl in a local pub/club that is open to threesomes. The biggest upside towards hiring a professional lies in this part, there is no time/patience issue, you walk into a brothel, pick someone attractive and do the deed...

[taomaster]

I bought an e-book Step by Step Threesome last year and found it, generally, quite an interesting book. She talks a lot about the psychological challenges and communications issues involved in a threesome as well as some hints on how to go about setting one up.

We discovered however that it's tricky maintaining a threesome (FFM) in the long-term. The first few times it was fun but when it starts turning into a 'relationship' the dynamics can be challenging. Jealousy wasn't an issue however. We've sort of gone back to being good friends now until we can make more sense of it...

Having said that I think it's much more interesting to involve a friend rather than a one-night sexual stand. Expecially in our first MFM at a club it seemed like the M was more interested in 'taking turns' rather than 'sharing'. This was not the case with our friend at all. But to be honest we haven't got enough experience to speak with any authority at all

Maybe FFM is a very different situation than an MFM. The book I mentioned seems to think so as well!

T.

[tina78]

I know for myself, when I was ready for my first 3sum, I approached some friends whom I knew would be open to it. I wasn't in a relationship, and neither were they, so it was three single people (FMF) just having sex. There were no issues of jealously b/c of the fact that none of us were wanted anything more than sex. I know that's not the case for the two of you, but I would suggest you re-look into it being with someone you both know and trust. The odds of jealously are there, and probably higher, but you'll both be more comfortable, be more trusting of whether or not they're clean and safe, and probably have more fun. Maybe this wouldn't have to be a close friend - maybe a distant friend or a friend of a friend, something like that. My next 3sum experience (MFM) was with coworkers. That's asking for trouble, yes, but luckily, we were all really aware of that and were careful about how we handled the situation. We still work together and have no issues about it what-so-ever, it's almost as if it never happened b/c we were very open and honest about it, and it was just "something to do" that night. Since then, I've had 3sums with one of the guys and his girlfriend...it's been a good networking experience. I'd say an ad is a good way, too, just like everyone has suggested, though I've had very little success with ads myself, and I've tried all sorts of sites. Good luck to you, looks like you're taking the right approach to this whole thing!

[CuriosityKilt]

I just wanted to extend my appreciation to all that applied. You seem to have a very wonderful and open community here.

We have listened and taken your advice. We posted an advertisement over at swinglifestyle.com. I can't say dating ads. of any type are something either of us have any experience with, so any input would be appreciated.
http://CuriosityKilt.swinglifestyle.com

I realize photos are important, that is something we will have to discuss.

If nothing comes of it, atleast I can say the effort wasn't wasted. I've learned a lot and I think our relationship has already grown stronger, just by being able to be so open with each other. And it has led to some great sex!

Ps. If it doesn't already exist, you should compile a thread of positive first time experiences from a woman's point of view. I think that would help female newcommers out.

[BradAndJanet]

I think you've done a pretty good job of explaining who you are and who you're looking for; a nice first effort.

Two thing popped out at me though: you talk about "working as a team to fully pleasure the female" and seeing "the pleasure on her face as myself and the other female pleasured her", but she is listed as straight. That would confuse me a bit.

Also, you list your interest level as 'Moderate' and I might not be sure what to make of that. Some might think that you're not interested in a full sexual experience. I'd love to hear other people's opinions on that one though.

Pictures will help. Keep 'em tiny, blur the faces, edit out recognizable features or whatever you have to do, but putting some on the ad will get you more responses. I can't promise quality responses, but you will get more!

Really though, it's not bad at all, so sit back and see what happens next!

-B

[Vespertine]

Originally Posted by BradAndJanet

Also, you list your interest level as 'Moderate' and I might not be sure what to make of that. Some might think that you're not interested in a full sexual experience. I'd love to hear other people's opinions on that one though.
-B

Yeah I agree with Brad. You need to push your interest level up to "Wild". I know when I browse SLS I bypass everything but the Wild's. IMO, the other categories are for watching or soft-swap only.

I'd also re-think using the word "jealousy". I'd hit the back button faster than the speed of light if I pulled up your profile doing a general search. By using that word your insinuating that ya'll aren't secure with your relationship yet. It gives me an uncomfortable feeling looking at it from an interested party's perspective.

Two thing popped out at me though: you talk about "working as a team to fully pleasure the female" and seeing "the pleasure on her face as myself and the other female pleasured her", but she is listed as straight. That would confuse me a bit.

Yeah. I'm confused here too.

But the rest of it was GREAT! Ya'll sound like a nice couple with their heads on straight. Good Luck and just tweak your add a little bit more.

[JustAskJulie]

My main suggestion would be to not sit back and wait for your ad to work, but to be pro-active as well and search through ads to see if there are any willing single females in your area that you can contact.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by CuriosityKilt

We discussed bringing someone we already know it but the potential for jealousy issues is too high.

We discussed picking up a stranger but the risk of STDs is significant. Not to generalize too much or be insulting but someone that you could randomly pick-up for a threesome is more likely to go home with people on a less discriminating basis.

We discussed hiring a professional, which had a few upsides and is where I was hoping for some input. One upside is it has the lowest probablity for jealousy. Also, we thought if we went to an upscale place, they would tend to be rigorous in testing and protection against STDs. Also, we thought having an experienced person would make the first time transition easier. Also, since this person is in your service, you have to worry less about them trying something you as a couple is uncomfortable with. The downsides are; Its only legal in Nevada. You lose some of the intimacy. Also, never having used a Brothel or know anyone who has, how do you know what an upscale one is?

We discussed a swinger approach, somewhat. Neither of us know much about it so it was ruled out fairly rapidly. Some of the upsides I see are that you have a better chance of meeting someone that is experienced. Also, someone who is commited to the lifestyle is probably more adament about safety than a bar pickup. The downsides are; Intimidation - I couldn't see either of us being comfortable at a swinger meeting. None else come to mind right now.

This was an interesting question. It's always interesting to me to see how some people put SO MUCH thought into doing something and others just jump in without any thought.

Are there more options than what was posted above? Are there other pros and cons that weren't listed? What do you think of these options and of the amount of thought that the OP put into trying to make a threesome happen?

[des1re06]

The OP started in 2004, I wonder how many experiences they've had since then.

From our perspective, we've never had a problem finding a single female or female of a couple who could swing alone. Being open to possibilities and not being too pushy seems to work. I simply ask the lady if she's interested. If yes, great, but if not, that's okay too. Communication is key to getting what you want.

Mrs. D

[Nicepairinct]

Toa, is that type of book really a waste of time and energy, not to mention the cost? What were those damned 12 words? haha...I'm curious.