How many couples are too many?

[lovemonkey#1]

hi guys,

recently my SO and i posted a profile on SLS and have gotten a fairly decent amount of responses. we're very flattered and we've been discussing possibilities. while we're not interested in all of the couples, there are several that have contacted us that we're intrigued by, as well as 10-15 more that we've searched out but have not contacted yet. we have yet to have our first experience and we've decided to take it slow. we'd prefer to start with same-room sex and, under the right circumstances, progress to a soft swap.

so, here's the first part of my question. speaking from experience, what's a good number of couples to court at the same time without getting overwhelmed? 1? 3? 5?

second part: once you get some swingtime logged in and you start to feel more comfortable with the lifestyle, how many couples do you tend to maintain relationships with and how often do you get together for playdates?

lastly, an etiquette question: if you're courting more than one couple at a time, is it considered rude to mention that you're seeing other couples or is that something that you just don't discuss?

now, i realize that a lot of people are going to respond with "it all depends on your comfort level..." for the first two questions, but i'm mainly looking for first hand experiences from people who have been through this. in other words, i'd like to hear about why you choose the numbers you do. i'm trying to get a feel for how most people go about this.

thanks for reading and i look forward to your responses

[sweetblond_pa]

We are new to this as well & have the same questions you do. I would love to read the experiences of other couples. Thanks!

[LadyCleo]

You are right, it depends on your comfort level. LOL

As for being discrete, I think that it is important to let others know that you are seeing others. Just no details. No names, handles etc.

As for an amount, a number, of couples, ummm...we started out with only one because we were so into them that we didn't have time for another couple. What with getting a sitter for our kids, arranging our schedules etc, it just wasn't possible. If you don't have those time constraints, 2-4 depending on how often you want to play and how much you want to juggle.
Currently, we have one couple we see regularly and 6-8 others we would play with if we saw at a club or party, or we might get together with them if our schedules meshed.

You could just invite all of them over to your place for a house party. LOL

Good luck to you,
LC

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by lovemonkey#1

hi guys,

recently my SO and i posted a profile on SLS and have gotten a fairly decent amount of responses. we're very flattered and we've been discussing possibilities. while we're not interested in all of the couples, there are several that have contacted us that we're intrigued by, as well as 10-15 more that we've searched out but have not contacted yet. we have yet to have our first experience and we've decided to take it slow. we'd prefer to start with same-room sex and, under the right circumstances, progress to a soft swap.

so, here's the first part of my question. speaking from experience, what's a good number of couples to court at the same time without getting overwhelmed? 1? 3? 5?

We are on three swinger ad sites. We found that most contacts came right after we registered. We have guidelines we follow when eliminating prospective playmates. First, we are not interested in couples who make cock and pussy "introduction" pics public on their site. We'd rather they keep those private and open them to us when--or if--we want to see them. Second, we read their profile carefully to see how well they communicate who they are and what they want; if they sound uncertain, we don't pursue them. Third, physical attraction is important to us and this can narrow the field very quickly. We have not met with anyone yet. We spoke to a couple on the phone today and we may talk to another couple tonight. It took over six months to get to this point. We have a third couple who looks promising as well. We have found it takes plenty of focus to keep everyone's e-mail info straight. :rollseyes Three couples seems like plenty right now!

Since we have not yet been "out to play" I can't answer your second question.

lastly, an etiquette question: if you're courting more than one couple at a time, is it considered rude to mention that you're seeing other couples or is that something that you just don't discuss?

We like to let the other couple know that we have not yet swung...once we do swing, we will say we've been with one other couple...after we progress to more activity with the one couple or play with more people we'll probably say we have been active for about a year now (or whatever time frame is appropriate). We will not discuss who we play with--discretion is paramount.

I hope members will provide their opinions. I am eager to hear from others too!

LM

[TNT]

Originally Posted by lovemonkey#1

so, here's the first part of my question. speaking from experience, what's a good number of couples to court at the same time without getting overwhelmed? 1? 3? 5?

This really depends on the how many you feel you can juggle at one time. Some people only want one couple or single to play with on a long term basis, others will want many different ones.

Originally Posted by lovemonkey#1

second part: once you get some swingtime logged in and you start to feel more comfortable with the lifestyle, how many couples do you tend to maintain relationships with and how often do you get together for playdates?

We have one couple that we play with on a regular basis (at least once a month). We always try and keep at least three single men for regular playmates, but right now we are down to two as one just got a new girlfriend, which is cool, because her and I hit it off really well and as soon as time allows we will have another couple that is close that we can get with on a regular basis.

As far as how often do we play...well..some months it will be just about every weekend, other months maybe not at all or just one weekend. Depends of scheduling and what's going on in everyones life. We really have no set number and just usually play everything by ear. Even though we have regulars, should we meet someone else at a club or social and feel like playing we do, they may or may not become regulars.

Originally Posted by lovemonkey#1

lastly, an etiquette question: if you're courting more than one couple at a time, is it considered rude to mention that you're seeing other couples or is that something that you just don't discuss?

Everyone we play with knows that we play with others...we make it very clear that we are not in this to be exclusive with anyone.


Teresa

[aviancpl]

Originally Posted by lovemonkey#1

hi guys,

recently my SO and i posted a profile on SLS and have gotten a fairly decent amount of responses. we're very flattered and we've been discussing possibilities. while we're not interested in all of the couples, there are several that have contacted us that we're intrigued by, as well as 10-15 more that we've searched out but have not contacted yet. we have yet to have our first experience and we've decided to take it slow. we'd prefer to start with same-room sex and, under the right circumstances, progress to a soft swap.

so, here's the first part of my question. speaking from experience, what's a good number of couples to court at the same time without getting overwhelmed? 1? 3? 5?

second part: once you get some swingtime logged in and you start to feel more comfortable with the lifestyle, how many couples do you tend to maintain relationships with and how often do you get together for playdates?

lastly, an etiquette question: if you're courting more than one couple at a time, is it considered rude to mention that you're seeing other couples or is that something that you just don't discuss?

now, i realize that a lot of people are going to respond with "it all depends on your comfort level..." for the first two questions, but i'm mainly looking for first hand experiences from people who have been through this. in other words, i'd like to hear about why you choose the numbers you do. i'm trying to get a feel for how most people go about this.

thanks for reading and i look forward to your responses

Actually, since you haven't had your first experience yet, we'd suggest that instead of trying to court 2 or 3 couples at once, pick the ONE that seems most "right" for you and experiment with them first (i.e. find out if the lifestyle "works" for you). This way, if you find it's not something you want to continue to pursue you don't have multiple couples that you then have to go back to and say "sorry, we changed our minds."

Don't be in a rush to have that first experience either. First impressions are important - for us, our first experience (which was excellent, BTW) set the tone for continued experimentation - and we've had an absolute blast ever since!

As for the second part of the question, we maintain friendly relationships with some 20 couples, and know many other by extension. We get together with a given couple once a month, but for the most part we usually catch up with everyone at parties and such.

Have fun!

[cpl4playmass]

We started replying with 2-3 at a time and usually ended up with one meet and greet out of it.

We actually found that until you get with a couple you don't know whether you match sexually. We've met with over ten couples the past year and only matched sexually with one. We've tried to meet with them again but they have a busy schedule so it's been hard.

We actually progressed to enjoying little parties where we meet a whole bunch of couples. We went to one last month and when we got there we didn't think we had any kind of match. Well let me tell you, when we continued on to the after party, we were so wrong!! What fabulous time we had with everyone. It's so hard to tell until the clothes come off!!! hehe.....

[lovemonkey#1]

thanks for the imput everyone. we have been talking off and on to one couple that we seem to have hit it off with pretty well. although, things have not progressed to the bedroom yet, we're planning on getting together soon to have drinks and just see how it goes. speaking from your experiences, is it just as hard to find someone to have same-room sex with you as it is to find some one to swap? the reason i'm asking is we're not ready for any type of partner switching yet and were wondering how that may play into the equation. in otherwords, are people more/less likely to get naked and play with their own partners if they feel that there is no pressure to swap from the other couple?

[WesternSwing]

When we got into it we were meeting many couples. Gawd knows we burned through the cash going out to dinner and drinks a couple of times a week meeting new people.

But when it came down to it our first experience was with a couple we met at a non-swing party hosted by some swingers. So there were lifestyle people there, but it was clear that it was a mixed party and no swinging was to happen. It was nice to meet this couple this way, eventually the opportunity arose, and we have had serveral good experiences with them since.

We are presently seeing two couples when the occasion permits, and honestly that is all we have time for. And we don't play everytime we see them either. Sometimes we just go to dinner or lunch.

Both couples know they are not the only ones, and we know that we are not their only playmates. It's never been spelled out, but from our casual conversation we don't expect it from them, and they don't expect it from us. The good thing is that we have found some people we are comfortable with, and they with us.

We will share experiences in conversation (probably how we know we are not the only ones), but never names. It's sexy, sometimes funny, and always breaks the ice and gets the motor revving.

Mr. WS

[good times]

Originally Posted by lovemonkey#1

speaking from your experiences, is it just as hard to find someone to have same-room sex with you as it is to find some one to swap? in otherwords, are people more/less likely to get naked and play with their own partners if they feel that there is no pressure to swap from the other couple?

I don't know for sure as I can only speak for us but I would say it is probably easier to find someone for full swap. As we are not into exhibitionism or voyeurism, we wouldn't be interested at all unless the possibility for full swap was their. That is not to say their aren't exhibitionists out their as I've seen plenty of them at the clubs. I would make sure that the couple you intend to meet knows this in advance though. It is important, especially if you aren't into what I would consider regular full swap swinging to make sure the other couple understands that from the beginning as no one likes to get all dressed up and meet someone only to find out the people they are meeting never intended to swing with them in the first place. This is not to be confused with meeting up with somebody and then deciding you are not compatible as that is a totally different thing.

We had one couple that we meet up with thinking by their responses to our questions that they were into swinging including full swap. Turns out, after having a few drinks and visiting with them for a couple of hours that they were not swingers at all but were voyeurs, when we explained that we were just into swapping, they said that they understood that but figured we wouldn't mind if they just sat and watched us have sex. We were not pleased at all and made a hasty exit.

[lovemonkey#1]

thanks again, everyone.

i think that we've made it pretty clear in our SLS profile that we are very new to this and are looking for only same-room at this point. we didn't want to misled anyone much less waste their time. we've decided to be completely forthcoming with each couple that we've talked to with our boundaries and expectations. so, basically, i'm not too worried about the "but we want to swap, what's up?" scenerio. if that comes up, i see it as a problem on their part and we don't really want to deal with pushy people anyway

[JustAskJulie]

I thought this was a good general question that others would benefit from more input on. So folks, what do you think? How many couples do you try to maintain a relationship with at one time?

[sweet_tna]

Hmmm . . . right now, I'd say there's a core group of 4 couples with whom we play with any regularity. There are two or three more on the fringes, with whom we're friendly and may play with a little at parties or clubs (if we happen to run into each other). And there's one couple that we're in the "courting" phase with.

=)

[iapr]

- we never make a date with two or more people at the same time. Otherwise there are no restrictions or limits imposed on how many we communicate with.

- Play dates are so irregular and unscheduled they just happen when they happen. If you crack some kind of code for how to have regular playdates please share with the rest of us.

- We never discuss our "social" life with others but we do make it clear if asked that we are not exclusive with anyone nor do ask for exclusiveness from anyone else. What happens in our bedroom is our business and what happens in theirs is theirs. Their is nothing to be gained besides drama in discussing your personal life with others.

- We have never "chosen our numbers" and I would strongly discourage you from trying to do that either. Once you start to meet people in the flesh you will quickly find that all bets are off once you get away from the computer. You will not be attracted to most people you meet and of the ones you are, not all of them will be interested in you. Let me break down some numbers for you, if you email 10 people count yourself lucky if 6-7 even bother to write back. of those 6-7 count yourself lucky if 4 write more than a couple times. If you and even 1 other agree to meet face to face you're doing pretty good. If there is a 4-way attraction at all you have hit the jackpot. If you actually play in a reasonable amount of time you are doing really well.

As far as same room vs soft swap vs full swap, do what you are comfortable with and pursue your interests. There will be some people that are open to the idea of same room and some that aren't. Same with full swap. You can not please everyone so do not even try.

[SCcpl40]

For us the number grew in time. We stared out with one, then went to a social, then there were 3 more to the mix, as years go by we've been to house parties, conventions, so the number is in the 20's now. We introduce our new friends to our current ones. Each relationship is special and we work to maintain them through cards, phone calls and emails. We try to pick socials where we can all meet up. There's no procedure, no recipe to follow, just find out what works for you and stick to it. It's all about fun with no pressure.