What's Your Advice for Beginners?

[M1F2KTJ]

Originally Posted by DoubleL

If you could pick one important piece of advice that you wish YOU had known when you were a beginner, what would it be?

Resist the urge to be the director. Let things flow. Let them play without interference.

Originally Posted by DoubleL

also

What is one rule that nobody ever really talks about but everyone figures out eventually (for example, men don't advertise bisexuality in swinger's clubs because they will get shunned)?

LittleL

I would have to say spanking/slapping/pinching/biting ... any kind of "rough" play without getting a kind of permission first.

[lovegeneration]

Completely agree with you, guys! Discretion is the first here! Me and my gf always find reliable partners using escort services in Florida

[DavidHeather]

Well we have been playing for over 8 years and we have found that a house party tends to be a good place to be selective and play with a variety of attractive people. The things to avoid is the drama. You could be playing with someone and that persons partner gets upset because they dont think they are getting as much attention (usually a sign of some insecurity)

[Aion222]

Great advice guys. I've never been to any clubs or house parties of the lifestyle so I can't say anything first hand. However, I've had a couple encounters with a married couple and both turned out to be great experiences. It all depends on getting to know the people involved and the level of comfort and I guess "horniness". Lol. But of course, discretion is always a must no matter who the person or people are.

[ShipnB00]

There's some really great advice in this thread, especially for those whom are delving into the style for their first meet or first time..

LFM2 made a very good point about expectations. Discretion in the style is a given, but walk into any meet albeit a club, drinks, house party, etc... with expectations and you're almost assured of disappointment. Your most memorable experiences will come when you don't expect them. Ask any peep that has any real experience in the style.

Patience, it really is of virtue (I hate cliche's!), but looking at it, it falls right back on expectations. The more personal rules you lay down, the more patience you're going to have to endure. Eventually, you will start to make allowances and the more the style will reward you.

Also,,, Be yourself, abiding by someone else's rules or socially self righteous traits (fit-n-trim, shaved, dress to impress, etc...) is only going to put you outside of your comfort level. When that happens, you lose that "comfort" and that's when the style loses its "fun".

I could go on here, but opening a cpl cans of worms on the subject is not what this thread is for...

[TheSwingerSet]

We have been contacted by many newer couples in the past so I thought we would post up a few things to get you started on the right foot.

Everyone has their own ideas on what is right, and there is no right or wrong. We all swing in different ways. Some people are just fine starting out with full swap, some like to play apart and some are just not into that kind of play. What is right for you is for you and you alone (with your partner) to figure out. One thing that we can’t stress enough is that you need to move forward at the speed of the slowest half. No one likes to be pushed and it is just as hard to feel that you are being pulled along.

One thing that we have noticed over the years is that a lot of men want to get into swinging and once they do, it’s the woman who takes over. Our advice in this situation is for the man to hold on tight and enjoy the ride.

The different kinds of swinging, these are just a few of the more common types, because for every swinging couple there is a different type.

Soft swap- Same room sex with your own partner, while the other couple is also having sex or watching you. This may include foreplay activities with the other couple and it may not.

Soft swap with bi activity- Once again same room sex without intercourse with the other couple, usually involving Bi activities between the women or the men, then returning to your own partner for intercourse.

Full swap- exchanging partners for intercourse.

Group sex- Just as it sounds a group of people having sex in the same room. May include bi activity, not to be confused with an orgy.

Orgy- An anything goes pile of fun, will include bi activity or incidental contact. Most of the time it’s a free for all with all participants agreeing beforehand that all will be accepted for penetration.

Getting started

Before you do any contacting of others you need to sit down with your partner, with your clothes on and figure out what you are looking for, doing this with your clothes on will remove some of the sexual excitement from the discussion and allow you to think it through. Naked fantasies, and hot bed room talk are not always well thought out and may cause you issues in the future.

Talk about things like, what you want, what you like and most importantly what you don’t like. At this point you are ready to make your rules. Rules are something that all couples should have and stick to. More issues in swinging are caused by one half of a couple breaking a rule, even by mistake than anything else!

Some of the more common rules are:
No Means NO!!
No activities that we don’t do as a couple.
Condoms for penetration or condoms for vaginal and anal penetration.
Both play or no one plays.
Don’t take one for the team.

As far as rules go we would suggest making a rule for any situation that you can imagine, you can always eliminate a rule in the future. We don’t recommend removing a rule during play.

Meeting others

The most common way is to join websites that have others in your area and contacting them to see if you can make a connection. This can be hard to do as not all profiles on the web are real, and if they are real not everyone you contact will be a match.

Events are a good way to meet others. At an event you will meet a lot of people who 1 are real, 2 are wanting to meet others as much as you. At events it is easy to make that physical connection, the dancing a flirting can spark interest like no online chat, e-mail or photo can. Check our other posts and blogs to see what kind of events we host and what you can expect at an event.

Once you have decided to meet someone

Weather at an event or 2 on 2, we have a few tips to make things go smoother.
Dress to impress, you only get one chance to make a first impression!
For events make up some calling cards to give to people you click with. Something simple, your name(s) e-mail address and or phone number, we even include a picture of ourselves on the card to make it easier to remember us.

Some couples have “high signs” for letting each other know that you are either ok with this couple or you don’t want to play with them.
Some that we have seen or heard about:
Tugging on the ear.
Using a word or phrase.
Blowing kisses to each other.

Drinking, drugs and losing control.
While having a few drinks when meeting others can add to a fun time, if you feel the need to drink to party then you are not ready for this.
We don’t condone the use of illegal drugs at any time and abhor those who use them in mixed social settings, if doing drugs is your thing then save them for use with others that are into the same things.
Both drugs and alcohol can cause you to do things that you may not be comfortable with in the morning so we say, use all substances in moderation.

The one thing we recommend above all else is that you talk to each other about everything and anything, before, during and after. If you had a great time let your partner know and also if you had a not so great time let your partner know. While one half of a couple may have had a blast and would like to hook up with that couple again it might not have been so great for your partner and you need to think about them first.

[mike&leigh]

Communication...... keep the lines flowing between you at all times....

[NCfuncouple98]

Originally Posted by mike&leigh

Communication...... keep the lines flowing between you at all times....

THIS is #1. No doubt about it. Whether it's money, sex, swinging, kids, cars, jobs, it doesn't matter....All of it comes down to communication.

Mr NC and I started swinging almost 3 years ago, and the ONLY way we got through all of the emotions that go along with it is constant communication.

[etengel35]

How to break into swinger lifestyle? Are there any step by step process? How do you even start the conversation about it with your partner? What if your partner is not open to swinger lifestyle?