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kittycat43

Married female new to the idea of swinging

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I am a 43 year old female. I am interested in exploring my sexual cravings. I am married to a wonderful man who isn't able to always perform. We have a strong loving marriage. How do we go about exploring my fantasies without him actually participating. Is this possible. Maybe he can watch?

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Many married women post on-line profiles at swingers' Web sites that describe essentially the same desire as yours. The Web site that my wife and I most often use is called SwingLifestyle. Many such profiles can be found there. So it's not uncommon. When I get home, I'll find an example and if the example has a so-called external link, I'll send the link by way of a Swingersboard Personal Message (would be bad form for me to post a link in a public forum).

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Hey kittycat43 Well I guess it's up to your husband or what you two can agree on. Husbands not participating or watching is not really that uncommon. Actually, we've run into this situation many times especially were the wife is bi and husband just wants to watch and not be involved.

 

It's great you have strong loving marriage which really is a prerequisite for what you're looking to do. It also means you have the ability to communicate with each other and figure out what works for both you. Good luck and feel free to ask questions here. There's a lot of great people and information to help you on this forum.

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It's certainly possible. As SW_PA pointed out, there are profiles just like that on SLS and other places. You could put up a profile stating what you are after, and then together you two work through finding you a suitable playmate. You can set up the scenarios however you like, him present or you playing alone. It's going to take some vetting probably since that kind of profile is likely to attract more than the usual number of fakes (cheating husbands, no-shows, etc).

 

Another option for starting out would be going to a swingers club. That approach actually has several advantages I think. It's a safe and controlled environment, and what his level of involvement is can range from being right there beside you, to watching, to being in a totally different part of the club enjoying a drink or chatting with a new friend. But, you went to the club together and will leave together, and I think that is especially important when you are just getting started in swinging.

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who isn't able to always perform.

 

You know there's a pill for that right?

 

Although we haven't had any experience with the guys needing those pills yet, I suspect there is more to performing than just getting hard.

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KC43,

 

Welcome to the Board. You receive lots of great advice here. One of the best things about this site is that you will hear diverse perspectives. They are colored by personal experience, and the relevance of that experience to your situation only you can evaluate. What follows is a perspective that reflects a 33 year marriage with a decade or so in various aspects of the LS...

 

1. Swinging (the lifestyle, LS) exposes and tests the most important relationship in your life--yours with your spouse. Marriages exist on multiple levels. Moreover, marriages change on multiple levels. Embarking into the LS influences many of those levels. Yes, the LS is about physical intimacy, pleasure and sex. But it is also about--and we would assert more importantly about -- trust, communication and compersion. The latter term might be unfamiliar to you. Worth looking up, defining and discussing.

 

2. There's a bit of a "genie out of the bottle, toothpaste out of the tube" aspect to nonmonogamy. No one goes back to being a virgin, after all. No one can pretend that sex outside of marriage didn't happen. So going slowly and thinking about what that means to you, to your spouse and to your relationship matters. If you want a word to help you think about it, try "vulnerability". How will entering the LS give both of you pleasure? How will it make both of you (feel) vulnerable?

 

3. Anyone who says swinging is casual is kidding themselves. The sex might be casual-no-strings-attached. But there are enormous highs of play-with-other-people. A gamut of emotions/feelings including a few of the so-called deadly sins--lust, envy, pride. Swinging exposes strengths and weaknesses in individuals and in couples.

 

4. The LS juxtaposes the fantasy world with the real world. Enjoy the former. Make sure you are solidly grounded in the latter.

 

5. Take your emotional pulse. Take your partner's. Repeat. Move forward at a rate that is comfortable for your both. Above all, leave no partner behind.

 

Have fun, find joy.

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...

2. There's a bit of a "genie out of the bottle, toothpaste out of the tube" aspect to nonmonogamy. No one goes back to being a virgin, after all. No one can pretend that sex outside of marriage didn't happen. So going slowly and thinking about what that means to you, to your spouse and to your relationship matters. If you want a word to help you think about it, try "vulnerability". How will entering the LS give both of you pleasure? How will it make both of you (feel) vulnerable?

 

3. Anyone who says swinging is casual is kidding themselves. The sex might be casual-no-strings-attached. But there are enormous highs of play-with-other-people. A gamut of emotions/feelings including a few of the so-called deadly sins--lust, envy, pride. Swinging exposes strengths and weaknesses in individuals and in couples...

 

I agree that one needs to be emotionally stable to engage in non-monogamy of any type But if a couple is stable there is no need for consternation or over thinking it. We have all undertaken adventures in life that didn't live up to expectations, but it's not the end of the world. Vacations are sometimes a dud, restaurants disappoint, but that doesn't mean we don't go (or stop going) on vacations or out to dine. Most of the time you just need to discuss, reevaluate, adjust. Worst case, just stop. Look, your spouse had sex with people before you met, and would again if you unexpectedly left this earth. So a few episodes during marriage don't mean much.

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