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nitro2u2

Why isn't normal sex fun anymore?

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I realized that ever since I've started fantasizing about swinging and about someone else fucking my girl, I can't seem to be able to enjoy simple sex like the good old days. In fact if I'm not fantasizing about it, I struggle to stay hard and enjoy the sex.

 

Why is it happening? What can be done about it?

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I was slightly reluctant when we had our first MFM. It was pre-arranged more or less. We had met a couple in Key West who later approached us about having a foursome, noting that she was bi. Foursome, bi, too much at once. We liked the couple, I knew with her D's hubby would do her in a minute. And I liked the other guy, certainly I would do him. We explained this to them in our "no" thanks but not now answer. A month or so later, the guy was flying into Chicago on business and wanted to meet for drinks. Hubby and I thought this might be an opportunity for some type of sexual thing and I dressed the part. We did end up in his hotel room having our first MFM. After that, I fantasized about it each time we had sex. I became more flirtatious. In Key West again a few months later, and as hubby and I sat at a bar, I seduced the young man next to us into our first "on the fly" MFM. After several and a few couple swaps, I got back into more of a normal sexual focus. Took about 2 years.

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I (the male half) have been swinging much longer than the mrs, so this is my point if view. We all have fantasies and fetishes when we begin having regular sex. As we progress in swinging we find most of them have been realized so we focus our fantasies on things we have not done yet. It takes more and more to satisfy us. The mrs was always monogamous but since she started swinging her fantasies have progressed rather rapidly.

 

I believe swinging itself leads to great sex with your partner when you are alone, but you will always yearn for something more.

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Too much sensationalized porn in our lives has de-sensitized our stimulators; its wrecking otherwise normal marriages and relationships. Porn is like any other addiction, as your addiction grows over time, it takes stronger and stronger visual/mental graphics in the brain to stimulate you. Quite a bit has been written on this, by the way. The neighbors, next door to us, went through that. He actually had to go to a porn de-tox type center for 6 months, then when he returned, the couple sold their house and moved away.

 

Going along with this is the fact that we often tend to quit focusing and pursuing making our partners happy, and instead look for more ways and opportunities to feed our own addiction. Part of what "swinging" is all about, actually, is using the swinging activities to revitalize the otherwise, routine marital relationship. First few times I witnessed my wife having sex with another guy, the sexual high to both of us was like having sex with each other for the first time.

 

nitro, what you seem to be hinting at, however, is a voluntary form of cuckolding, I think. You remain monogamous while you desire and encourage your partner to have additional partners. It stimulates the testosterone, adrenaline chemicals, and emotions in the brain; an addictive "high" ... sort of a power ball of emotions. And if you keep doing it, you'll find it takes stronger and more graphic images to stimulate you with your partner, to a point where you simply can't get stimulated with that partner anymore ... the "end game", which I rarely see discussed in these type forums. "End Game" discussions are not pleasant and are rare, as no one desires discussing the downside to their addiction.

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There is no 'me' in 'relationship'...but there is 'pantihose'. Don't know what that means, but I just had to throw that out there.

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You can find whatever you want in relationship, some find Oriental Hips but others even find the more extreme Hitler's Piano. So it's up to you. :)

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Gee, I guess it depends on what one considers "normal." I've always thought of any of the sex among us in our poly family as "normal sex". And it is all fun, all the time. Suppose I'm just easy to please.

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I'm thinking that you won't be happy until your fantasy happens. You are obsessed with your fantasy and nothing now compares to it

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Stop masturbating (if you are) for a few days and just tease each other.

The more you can hold off the more mind-blowing it would be ;-)

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Sex is like a drug and as we up the excitement factor, it takes more and more to get our adrenaline rushing.

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Could be, but what good does knowing the answer to that? "Normal" is just a tag by you, your relatives, your believes, your culture.

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Why is it happening? What can be done about it?

For me, "normal" sex remains fresh and exciting if I can find a new partner every once-on-a-whole.

 

So many women; so little time.

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