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Hi all, was just trying to figure out if this is ok in the swinging community? My wife and I are thinking about going to a lifestyle club near our house, but are not sure if we want to get into swinging completely and was wondering if what we want to do is acceptable, and if it is ok how to tell people at the club what are intentions are. We want to have interactions with other couples or other women but my wife or myself don't think she would like to be penetrated by another man, or have oral. We would just like it to be fingering of woman on woman and maybe another man play with her or she could give him a hand job, or use toys on her. She thinks she could go for this and she thinks she would enjoy this she just does not want to be penetrated by another man or have oral with either man or woman. Would this be ok at a club, and if so is there an easy way to explain myself. Thank you all very much for the help.

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Welcome to the board!

 

You don't have to do anything you aren't interested in when at a club. "No" really does mean "No" in the swinging world. ;)

 

I don't know of an easier way to say what you are interested in, but just be up front with anyone you make a connection with, and let them know what you are and aren't interested in, preferably early in the conversation. That way those that aren't interested in those types of limits can move on, and you can focus on finding someone that is fine with your limits.

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Hey thanks for the words of advice. Are limits something that are somewhat common in the community or are we just the odd ball couple.

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Hey thanks for the words of advice. Are limits something that are somewhat common in the community or are we just the odd ball couple.

 

Almost everyone has limits of some type. Yours at this time are a good bit tighter than most (other than those that are there only for the scene), but don't worry about that. We all play in the zone we are most comfortable. :)

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Yeah, your limits - given that you do want to involve others - are pretty limited, but that doesn't mean you won't find willing takers. You could say you were only interested in manual (or hand) play and only your wife plays.

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Your interest and goals are not very different from others who enjoy soft swing. You should not hesitate to go to a swingers' club. There is no obligation to "perform". Even if you simply meet people and share ideas with them, it will be worth your time.

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Thank you all very much, also is it acceptable to go to a club and just have sex with your partner until the right opportunity comes along.

Also do people dress very minimal when they go to the clubs, or is it ok for my wife to dress minimal if we go. Also is it ok to feel each other up on the dance floor if there is one. Right now that is more our thing, I like her to dress minimal and feel her up in public areas. Is stuff like that acceptable at a club or is that only for rooms designed for that. Thanks Again Everybody

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Thank you all very much, also is it acceptable to go to a club and just have sex with your partner until the right opportunity comes along.

Also do people dress very minimal when they go to the clubs, or is it ok for my wife to dress minimal if we go. Also is it ok to feel each other up on the dance floor if there is one. Right now that is more our thing, I like her to dress minimal and feel her up in public areas. Is stuff like that acceptable at a club or is that only for rooms designed for that. Thanks Again Everybody

 

It's totally acceptable to go to a swing club and only have sex with your partner. We do it a lot and I imagine that's true for a lot of experienced swingers. Minimal dress is fine in every private club, but for hotel takeovers you'd need to check the website and see how they handle possible interactions between members and vanilla folks. Feeling each other up is probably totally okay, although individual clubs might have some rules about complete or partial nudity in the public areas (not because they care, but because of alcohol/banquet licensing restrictions).

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Welcome to the forum, brianjones! I hope the forum becomes a treasure trove of information for you and your wife.

 

Thank you all very much, also is it acceptable to go to a club and just have sex with your partner until the right opportunity comes along.

 

Yes, I think many who start out in the LS begin this way. They play at the swing club with each other and then ease into other types of play when both partners are comfortable to expand their boundaries.

 

Also do people dress very minimal when they go to the clubs, or is it ok for my wife to dress minimal if we go.

 

Dress to what you are comfortable yet confident in but if you want to catch some attention, dress to impress at the same time. Some couples go in appropriate clothes to walk around in public then change into sexier, more revealing clothes once they go in the swing club.

 

Also is it ok to feel each other up on the dance floor if there is one.

 

I don't see why that would be a problem. The only problem would be touching someone else, which you would want to ask beforehand.

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It's totally ok to have your limits but first make sure you and your wife know what you want to do (and not do) with other couples, and if you get to talking to a cpl or a single person that you make sure that you let them know what your limits are up front. And remember some people might not want to deal with your limits such as cpls that do only full swing that's ok too. It's just like any other social gathering, there is nothing wrong with just talking to people and being cordal. You might later on decide you want up what you and you've already made friends ; ) it's also ok to ask the other people what their interest is as far a playing.

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Your limits are your limits and there TOTALLY ok. From your first post you pretty much sound like soft swingers (swingers that will only go as fat as oral sex). You just have a little more restriction.

Every swinger ive ever met would be more than happy to respect your limits.

Just make certain that you express those limits. And that both of you are on the same page about how to express those limits.

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P.S. we went to our first swingers party full expecting to only do soft swap. Met a couple we still play with to this day and decided to go full swap right there and then.

Be prepared that you may change your limits in the heat of the moment. Just make certain that you both agree before you do anything.

  • Confused 1

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Soft swap is totally fun btw! ;) We play with a couple that doesn't do penetration, and one of my most favorite play partners rarely does intercourse, and never does oral. You may be thinking, wow, what a snore, but yowsa he's my favorite for a reason!

 

Now the soft swap couple play a lot with each other, and they are so awesome to watch. They really get the room going!

 

At the club, the only expectation of behavior is that you only do what you're comfortable with. Practice saying no thank you. Make sure you are both crystal clear on your boundaries. DH and I have our few rules, with the addition that if, in the heat of the moment, one of us forgets a rule, the first time it happens we get a pass. If it happens again or on a continuous basis it would require more consideration. Maybe that rule is obsolete. Maybe something else is going on.

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I think it's good to make rules but more importantly to stick to them :lol: It's easy to get caught up in the moment and slide past your comfort zone. Just remember, you can always go back.

 

Like some others have said, you may find it a bit difficult to find what you are looking for but then again, I love hand jobs. It's one of my favorite things but MD on the other hand...well, she isn't so easily pleased, lol. All joking aside, most likely you won't do anything unless you do it with each other. Clubs can be intimidating and hard to find a couple to click with. It's not much different then going to a bar and trying to pick someone up, only people at an LS club are half naked, okay, many are naked, :D

 

Don't set any expectations except to have a good time together. Don't be afraid to say it's your first time and what you think you would like to try. If you can't find what you want then you have each other and that's all you ever need.

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Again thank you all for the wealth of information. If anyone else has any other tips please share them with me. Thanks

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Hello everyone it's been way too long since we've posted here! We've been busy swinging and having a blast.. yes life has been very good. We must say, that much of the success is due to the great advice from the people of this board. We read this thread and it brought us right back to when we were first starting out.... So to add to this conversation, we can tell you that more often than not, we go out to the clubs now with the sole intention of having a great time together. We always end up dirty dancing together, hopefully making a new friend or two, and depending on the mood of the club that night, end up in a private room together or sometimes putting on a show for the lurkers ::P:

If we happen to make that 4 way connection and everyone is good to go, wow, then it's just that much more magical.

Our best advice for new couples... talk, talk, talk, and don't hold back with discussing your fears and anxiety about the lifestyle together, and when you're really stuck on an issue, come here and read the forums and search for topics related to your current situation. There is a wealth of info here!

We hope you guys come back and keep asking questions. Welcome, and good luck!!

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I am firmly convinced that a couple who said they were only interested in mutual masturbation while doing a handstand would eventually find someone whose interests and limits were the exact same. Nothing at all wrong with having your limits, it just means the tighter they are, the more time it will take to find the right match, but that doesn't mean you can't have just as much fun together along the way until that happens.

 

To answer you other questions, yes, for clubs, you can dress just about as sexy as you would like and are still comfortable with. Once you get away from on-premise clubs, the rules sometimes get tighter for the reason of keeping the venue or hosts out of trouble.

 

Feeling up on the dance floor - done it many times :)

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Plenty of good advice here. I'll just chime in with my 2 cents.

 

We started out as a soft swap couple, too. I think that's totally okay. It's all about enhancing your sex life; if dipping your toes in the pool is all it takes, and you don't feel like diving off the deep end, nobody is going to expect you to. If they do, it's their problem. Just be honest: you're brand new to swinging and just checking it out. You don't know yet what you want, but at this point, at most, you think it's just soft-play, and then everyone goes back to their own partners. Or it could be just watching. That's the point. You're just experimenting right now. Most couples are respectful and helpful about that, and they give you your space. Some clubs even have pins you can wear that let people know you're newbies.

 

I would echo what Emily&Art said, to keep your limits flexible. The only thing that should remain absolutely INflexible is your need to communicate with your partner before exceeding those agreed-upon limits. Come up with code words or signals that you can use between you to ask and answer. It can be something subtle, like what you order for drinks. Red wine is yes, white wine is no... Something like that. Code words that can be brought up easily in conversation. Your pets' names, fore example. I think we brought up pets in conversation with just about every couple we ever chatted with, so it was easy to use your code words that way.

 

Like Emily&Art, our decision to full-swap was made on the fly. Actually it was the result of a miscommunication, although it worked out well for us in the end. Probably fortuitous, because I was so reluctant to just go for it. In the end, the lightning didn't strike, our hearts didn't break, and we had a great time. However, I wouldn't recommend doing it that way! We were just lucky I think.

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      When the song ended, Nancy walked over to me and put her arms around my neck and kissed me. She looked me in the eyes and said, let's go. I want to have you alone first, and I had no problem with that. We walked down the hall and checked the first two bedrooms and found them occupied. The master bedroom was at the end of the hall, and when we opened the door, we saw Sue and Dan had already gotten there. We started to close the door, and Dan said to come on in. There was more than enough room on the bed; he and Sue only needed half of it.
       
      Nancy put her arms around my neck and kissed me, and whispered that she wanted me naked. At this point, she started to unbutton my shirt. I felt her firm breast pressing against my chest as I ran my hands down her sides. Her skirt had no snaps but was held up by the elastic waistband. It was just a matter of hooking my thumbs under the waistband and stretching it out a little so it would slide down her long legs. Just as I had suspected, she was panty-less. As she undid my pants, I cupped one of her tits in my hand and lowered my mouth to her nipple. My other hand found her wet hot pussy, and I started to finger fuck her with ease. Her hands had pushed my pants down to my knees, and she was stroking my swollen cock with both of her hands. I could hear her breathing getting heavier with each passing moment as I sucked her nipple and fingered her sweet wet hole. She looked me in the eye and pulled my head closer to hers for a long sexual kiss. She started slowly going down to her knees, all the while kissing my chest and stomach. When she reached my now rock-hard shaft, she cupped my balls and the base of my dick in both hands and opened her mouth to take its head into her mouth.
       
      As I stood there getting this magnificent blow-job from this woman, I looked over to the bed. Sue and Dan had moved to the sixty/nine position, and Sue was sucking his cock like she did mine the night before. Dan had his face buried between Sue’s legs, licking her sweet pussy for all its worth. He had his hands spreading it as far as he could to get his tongue in as deep as he could. I remembered just how good Sue’s pussy tasted when she would come, and she always came from a good licking. I wondered just how Nancy’s pussy would taste and did she enjoy it as much as Sue. It would not be much longer before I would find out because of the way she was sucking my dick and watching Sue and Dan, I started to unload in her mouth. My first squirt was deep inside her mouth; the second one she had pulled back but had her mouth open so that it landed in her mouth but mostly on the tongue. As she was swallowing the first two loads, the third hit her closed lips and started to run down her chin. She wiped it off with her finger and then cleaned her finger with her tongue. She stood up and looked me in the eye, and said thank you, we kissed deep and long, and then I told her it was my turn. As she landed down on the bed, I removed my shoes, socks, and pants. She was on her back naked except for her garters and stockings.
       
      I laded down beside her and started to kiss her gently on the neck; slowly, I worked my way down to her nipples, where I sucked and nibbled on each one of them. All the while, I was running my fingers in and out of her hot wet pussy. Her pussy was neatly shaved with just a puff of blond hair left above it. I have always preferred a little hair left instead of an all-shaved pussy, (I wondered if Sue had told her that and she shaved that way just for me). I was working my way down to her honey pot, and she was opening her legs for me. I normally like to work a woman by kissing, nibbling, and sucking on the inside of their legs before I dive into pussy licking. That always seemed to bring their tension up a notch, so when I did go for the gold, they were more than ready for it. With Nancy having her garters and stockings on, that kind of blocked that approach. I soon found out that she did not need that step of foreplay; I also found out that she was anything but a quiet climaxer. I had no sooner started licking, sucking, and nibbling her pussy than she started humping and screaming and cumming. She was begging me to fuck her right then, I needed a little more time to recoup from my climax before I could go on, and she didn’t seem to want to give it to me. I looked from between the legs, and I don’t know if Sue saw the whipped dog look in my eyes or if she was so turned on by Nancy's pleading for a hard fucking or what, but Sue came to my rescue once again.
       
      Sue was on top of Dan, and he was hammering away at her for all he was worth. Sue leaned over and started kissing Nancy and telling her to let it come. I was still down licking her pussy and thinking, "Let this climax run its course, and things will settle down till I recover and can produce again. With Sue's kissing and sucking Nancy's tits and Nancy sucking on Sue’s tits and a double effect. Dan announced that he was coming, and I felt myself coming back into the game. As I slid back up on Nancy to where I could enter her, Sue sat back up on Dan and started riding him hard. She was about to have her own climax and needed to concentrate on that. Just as I put the head of my dick to Nancy’s pussy she said NO, not this way; she pushed me off and got on her hands and knees and said do me from behind; I like it this way the best.
       
      I have no problem with doggie style, so I got behind her and guided the head of my dick into her pussy. I normally like to start slowly, but Nancy told me to do it hard and fast. So I jammed it into the hilt. She instantly started to rock back and forth, and it took a couple of seconds to get into her rhythm, but I got there and was on the in-stroke when she was rocking back and on the outstroke when she was going forward. Like I said before, you know when Nancy comes, everybody knows when Nancy comes, and it did not take long for her to come doggie style.
       
      After she came down from her climax, her body just went limp, and she sank onto the bed face down. Ok, I understand about fast climaxes; been there and done that a time or two myself, but this is the first time I had experienced it happening with the woman I was with. Normally it’s the man that has this happening. I lay down beside her and put my arm around he, and kissed her on her shoulder. I can hear and feel her breathing hard, but that is all the response I get. I look over and Sue is still riding Dan’s dick. I see that glazed-over look in her eyes, one that I have seen many times before, and I know that she won’t last much longer. Just then, I see Dan arch his back and drive into Sue as deep as he can go, his hands are pulling Sue down onto his shaft, and I know that he is releasing his load into her. Sue is wide-eyed and tells him Yes, give it to me, and I know from being there that she has also reached her climax. I lay there and watched her rock back and forth as Dan kept his back arched to give her as much dick as he could. I know the feeling of her pussy muscles on a dick, and I know what he is feeling at this moment. They are constricting and relaxing, constricting and relaxing as she rocks back and forth. Milking every bit of his juice out that they can. I watch as they slow down, and then Sue collapses onto Dan’s chest; she starts that silly giggle that lets you know that you did a good job.
       
      Sue rolled onto her back next to Nancy and looked at me, and asked if I was enjoying myself, and I told him yes. Dan said he needed a drink and asked if any of us wanted one. Sue wanted a margarita, Nancy wanted a glass of ice water, and I said I could use a beer. As Dan was off to get the drinks, the three of us sat up in the bed, the women sat cross-legged, and I just slid up between them and used the headboard as a backrest. I could smell the must of just fucked pussy in the air. There were two women sitting crossed-legged with their pussies open for all to see, and I still had a hard-on. Sue spoke first and said to Nancy, " Did I not tell you he was a good fuck or not" At that point, I could have crawled under the bed, except that Sue was now rubbing my hard dick. Nancy agreed and said that she can’t wait to go again. Sue said that the night was young, but Nancy would just have to wait her turn now because she was next. Thank god Dan showed up with the drinks.
       
      The four of us sat there talking and sipping our drinks. We could hear the party going on in the other part of the house with the music and the occasional orgasm from one of the partygoers or another. Sue asked if we knew where Don was, and Dan said he saw him with Joann, to which Sue said, "Well, he will be occupied for a while". All this time, Sue was stroking my hard cock, then she said that it looked like I was ready to go again, and so was she. Nancy asked her if we could all do it like they did it at the last party. Sue looked at me and then back at Nancy and said that she thought it would be all right. I must have had a questioning look on my face because Sue told me that I would defiantly like this.
       
      Sue had me sit on the side of the bed with my feet on the floor. She then turned around and straddled me backward. I felt her guide my dick into her pussy as she sat down on my lap. " As exciting as the unknown is when having sex with a new partner, it is just as exciting as being in the know and having sex with someone that you have been with before. You know just what they like, and they know what trips your button; Sue knew just what to do to trip my button." She started to rotate her hips to give my dick that just-right grinding. Feeling her slow humping up and down along with the rotation was driving me insane. About that time, I felt a tongue wrapping around my balls and work up my shaft to where I was buried into Sue’s wet box. I looked around Sue to see Nancy on her hands and knees licking not only my balls and dick but also Sue’s wet pussy, and Dan was behind Nancy just fucking away. Sue started to rotate and moan, which caused me to shove up harder; Nancy was licking and sucking faster, which made Sue moan and rotate faster. It was like a snowball rolling downhill. The more it went on, the faster it got. I don’t know what was going on with Dan, and I did not care. I know that I came harder and longer into Sue’s pussy than I can ever remember doing. I remember falling back onto the bed with Sue laying on top of me and still feeling a tongue licking the both of us, and then I heard a far-off scream that said fuck me fuck yes fuck me.
       
      Sue was pulling on my arms and telling me it was time that we rejoined the party. We walked down the hall naked and into the den. We went to the bar, and I sat down on one of the stools. Sue went and got us both a drink and stood between my legs with her arms around my neck. She asked me what I thought of Nancy, and I told her that she was definitely different than any woman that I knew. She said that there was a long story behind that and she would tell me later, but not tonight, I laid my head down between her breast, and she was holding me and rubbing the back of my head when Don came walking up to join us.
       
      Don sat down on a stool, and Sue went over and put her arms around him and asked if he was having fun; I said that he looked like he had been road hard and put up wet. To which he came back with a one-word answer. " Joann". Sue and I just laughed, and I asked if she was still a whirlwind in bed, and he said that she was a man killer if you let her.
      Sue kissed us both and said that we men better get used to the whirlwinds because they are going to rule the world someday.
       
      Note from Jay:
      I have tried to express some of my feelings, thoughts, and happenings into the stories about how I got back into swinging after Dee’s death. I know that it is not your typical swing stories that you are used to reading here. I know that I have brought up couples out of the blue for those that have not been on this site for very long. There are stories posted by " Jay and Dee" that tells how we got started in the swinging lifestyle, how we found out that Don and Sue were swingers, and stories that were milestones in Dee’s and my journey into this wonderful lifestyle.
       
      A lifestyle that I thought had ended with Dee's death. A lifestyle of freedom, pleasure, understanding, and pure joy that I thought I would never be a part of again if it were not for Sue. Some might read into these stories that I have an infatuation with Sue. That is not true. I love Sue. If you go back and read The Surprise, you will know that I have known Sue since we were in elementary school. Her older brother was my best friend until we graduated high school; now, her husband is my best friend.
       
      If it were not for Sue and Don standing by me and pulling me out of my depression, getting me back into not only the lifestyle but life itself did I meet Pam.
       
      Pam is another story all together
       
      I lost Dee in 2004, and the stories about how I got back into the swing happened in 2006. In future stories, I will try not to go back too far into the past, but sometimes my thoughts go there, to a time, a place, or a person that is so important to me that I must bring it up for the story context.
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