She asked an interesting question...

[Guy1964 177]

Ok, I know the "I want to but she doesn't: How do I talk her into it?" has been beat to death on the forums. I'm afraid I come from something of a traditional upbringing, and I'm still trying to get my mind around everything. With my wife, I was trying to be very respectful, and then she said "So, when are we going to have sex?" That's just to show you how clueless I can be.

 

We were talking about fantasies, and she asked me "Would you be comfortable seeing me making out with someone else?" She is the first one I've played with toys with, and we've had great results. (Thank you AngleKin and Julie, BTW.) I'll be the first to admit I have a lot to learn, but I'm trying to get my mind around reaching outside the box.

 

A little background: My first wife was a preacher's daughter who said "Sex is for the man." I know I'll have a lot of you laughing hysterically, but I'm still moving past that way of thinking. I followed AngleKin's advice on use of light bondage and a vibrator to tease her, and she loved that. We're playing with toys now, and I think she's having to instruct me. Any advice on how to respond to her inquiry?

 

(Yes, I'm willing to change my name to "CluelessGuy1964!")

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

Well, would you be comfortable seeing her making out with someone else?

 

Have the two of you ever done any sort of sexual checklist? I think the one we did was on mojoupgrade.com, but I can't get it to load, so it may no longer be a hosted website. However, there are several here: Checklists | Ranai I just looked at sexionnaire.com and like the looks of it, but you may prefer one of the others.

[lotsoffun201 175]

Wow....we just had this same conversation about an hour ago. Mrs fun is also a preachers daughter and was taught the same thing. She relates stories of church girls who read a magazine during sex so the husband gets off, stories of women who have NEVER had an orgasm (including her own daughter)..... Apparently this is very common. We talked about this for quite some time. I told her she needs to MAKE SURE she is pleased not only by me, but anyone else she is with when we swing. She has issues attaining orgasm during sex, and I think much of it is due to being taught sex is for the man, and she alone is responsible for her orgasm. In fact when she taught ladies meetings, she taught the very same thing!

 

It's very difficult to reprogram someone, and it takes time and patience. Something we have been slowly working on.....

[ViSexual 1,006]

Any advice on how to respond to her inquiry?

 

Now, my wife and I are about the reversal of you and your wife. So I can see this from your wife's point of view, but know how you feel too because of discussions with my wife.

 

I think you should respond, "I'm not sure how I'd feel about you making out with another man. But I'm not going to put restrictions on you. I want you to be happy so let's discuss it further and maybe explore it with baby-steps."

 

We've had a few couple friends with wives who like to kiss on the lips. As simple as this is, I totally love it. My wife indulges it, at best. Once she realizes that it's not foreplay, and will never go further, she's more OK with it. I think that I, and the other wives, are simply enjoying a small taste of the lifestyle, while trying to make our spouses still feel safe. I guess this could be called, 'Delicate Soft Swinging'. LOL!

 

The real problem with your wife making out with other men, is the other men. If they get the feeling that she's cheating on you then it's going to be drama. If they feel that making out is an invitation to go further, then it's also going to be drama. If you two do consider something like this, make sure the other man knows that it's something you both have agreed on and it's more about you two than him.

[Emily & Art 19]

Hmmm???? So let me get this right: you two aren't swingers. Your wife is more sexually adventurous than you. She might even be trying to slowly work you into swinging. Is that about right?

 

I'd strongly suggest the the two of you start reading Dan Savage's sex advice column (savage love)out loud to one another. It's simple really, read one of the letters submitted out loud then take turns answering the letters writers question then read Dan's answer to the question. This will get the two of you to honestly and openly discuss sex and your joint sex life. It will have the added benefit of opening your eyes to a much larger array of sexual expression and sexual pleasures.

 

Just my two cents.

[Guy1964 177]

Hmmm???? So let me get this right: you two aren't swingers. Your wife is more sexually adventurous than you. She might even be trying to slowly work you into swinging. Is that about right?

 

I'd strongly suggest the the two of you start reading Dan Savage's sex advice column (savage love)out loud to one another. It's simple really, read one of the letters submitted out loud then take turns answering the letters writers question then read Dan's answer to the question. This will get the two of you to honestly and openly discuss sex and your joint sex life. It will have the added benefit of opening your eyes to a much larger array of sexual expression and sexual pleasures.

 

Just my two cents.

 

Thank you for recommending that writer. I love how direct he is. I'm still chuckling about "Don't make babies with crazy people."

 

We're super-vanilla, and just starting to explore our sexuality. Largely, with advice we've gotten on this board. Is it heading for swinging? I don't know. I think it was Angekin or Sunbuckus that chided me that they think I'm underestimating how adventurous she is. I'm getting good ideas here and we're applying them a step at a time.