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Bristol65

A year later and still talking.

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I first joined the board and posted a question about a year and a month ago. Back then my wife surprised me with her fantasy about watching another couple have sex. I got a lot of helpful advice and realized how supportive this forum really is. We played with the idea of visiting a swinger club as newbies with the understanding that nothing would happen on our first visit. We decided we were not ready to take that step and I really didn't want anything forced. I'm glad I didn't because I believe she felt safe to share other fantasies without the pressure of fulfilling them. I have enjoyed a year of exciting bedroom role play due to this "trust". So, why am I posting my second thread?

 

We recently had the conversation around the question "which of our fantasies that we pretend to act on would be the most likely you'd like to bring to fruition?" I shared first and when her turn came she again surprised me with how serious she was. She shared that she would like to watch a man masturbate for her. She actually shocked me by telling me about her research on craigslist which she decided would not work (too creepy). Anyway, last time the advice was really helpful and I'm unsure what would be the best thing to do.

 

Would the club be the best thing to consider again?

 

How would we know if and when we might be ready for that step?

 

Any advice on how a rather conservatively raised 40ish year old couple might best overcome the initial uncomfortableness?

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Have you considered fulfilling her fantasy by watching someone on cam? If so, there is a world of men willing to masturbate for her. I don't know about other sites, but I believe AFF has a very busy camming community.

 

If it has to be in person, I'd go back to Craigslist with a carefully crafted ad, weed out the spam, the flakes and the married men fantasizing with no intention of ever doing anything and maybe be left with one or two possibilities.

 

As to when you'd know if you were ready, I think a strong interest in having a fantasy turn into reality is probably a sign.

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Okay, so when we first started our lifestyle adventure almost five years ago, it began after two years of talking about it. You are on the right track. The first site we came across was AFF and it scared the shit out of MD. Had we discovered SLS or this site first then we may have started swinging two years earlier (similar to your wife's CL experience).

 

Just keep the talks going and be open and honest and most importantly...patient.

 

I agree with the cam idea posted above or possibly a club but many of the guys willing to masturbate for you are a bit too creepy for us.

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This is how it started for us..

 

My wife enrolled us into a Tantric love making class many years ago. We learned about moving sexual energy between us and how to talk to each other about sex that was in a healthy way. In class we would always be touching each other, in a PG sort of way most of the time, we became use to people looking at us while we completed the excersize's in front of the class. The class was about sex. But no sexual touching happened in class we had homework that we did at home alone for that.

 

Where I am going with this we made a bunch of baby steps before we took the plunge. The Tantric course we took was 9 weeks long and after that we attended higher level classes. In the end I think that it took about nine months after we as a couple decided to swing that we actually took the plunge. And yes one of the steps was going to a swinger club and only doing each other. We did that several times. It was one of the hottest things we had ever done.

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I think we've all been where you are. Going from talking about it to doing something about it is a big step. For my husband and I we had talked about fantasies and swinging for along time. Then about a year ago we were in Las Vegas and had read about a club called the Red Rooster and said what the hell let's go see what we've been reading about. I have to say there was some hesitation when we pulled in the parking lot but we weren't going to let the opportunity past, besides we could always leave if we weren't comfortable. The club is kind of a throw back in many ways, the decor is dated but I think part of its charm. Anyway paid our donation, dropped our liquor at the bar and checked the place out. One of the guys must have guessed we were new to the club. He introduced himself and showed us around, no pressure just friendly and it was nice to get a feel for the place. We had a fun time checking the club out and the couples. After a while we decided to check out the group room. We had no intention of doing anything but went into the group room to check out what was happening. There were people having sex and I have to say I got hot watching and asked my husband to sit so we could be comfortable watching and in the back of my head thinking why the hell not. I start playing with his dick and my husband managed to get my boobs out and starts playing with them, now I'm really getting hot and I take his dick out and start sucking on it. The fact that there's other people there watching only makes it hotter. After sucking him for a couple of minutes I put his dick back in his pants and zip him up with a promise of more to cum. We left shortly after that and had great sex back at our room. We've been back to the Red Rooster since then and each time we have gotten more comfortable there and we have gotten bolder on each visit and look forward to our next visit in a couple of weeks. Who knows how far we'll take it this time. I guess what I'm saying is go to a club, check it out. I'm a lot more comfortable going to a club like the Red Rooster then contacting someone through Craig's list. If you don't take that first step you'll never know if this lifestyle is something you and your wife are comfortable with. Try it, you just may like it and imagine the opportunities it opens up for both of you.

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First, let me say thank you for the replies.

 

In this last year we have visited sites like SLS and AFF, but we always shied away from paying for a membership in which we might not take advantage. Are the sites worth the membership fees? Are they a good fit for a 40 year old couple. Are people patient for a hesitant couple?

 

We were very close to visiting a club a while back. We decided that we were going to find a club and we had established ground rules that we were going to visit without any type of participation. I was given the job to find one that seemed right. A lot of the local clubs seem to make her uncomfortable with bra and panty dress codes and descriptions of orgy rooms. Actually, not only her, I am uncomfortable with that too. Also, although I find her absolutely gorgeous, she feels her forty year old body after two kids have made her not fit into something like that. We even talked about visiting a club during a trip to Vegas but that trip fell through.

 

We have become more adventurous though and discussing the real possibility has become a favorite activity of ours. Use of sex toys with threesome fantasies, dressing sexier for a dinner date and talking about men at the bar that she'd be interested in, and we even almost skyped with a guy once have all led to a very fulfilling sex life.

 

As I said before, I really feel that since I did not push to make any of these fantasies a reality, she was much more likely to share more and thus more adventurous in role play. I can't help wondering though, if we ever find the perfect combination of circumstances in which we might take that next step, well, that just might be beyond our wildest imaginations.

Anyway, I still contemplate what could be the next step that we could do together and I appreciate this board for those that listen and help me work though these steps.

 

So, maybe a Vegas trip and a visit to the Red Rooster in which we decide to just get used to what a club visit is like might be a good plan?

 

Advice on finding a newbie friendly local Southern California club could be helpful.

 

Recommendation on websites that fit us and would be worth membership fees?

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. . . Recommendation on websites that fit us and would be worth membership fees?
Yes, SLS and AFF.

 

My wife and I are in our sixties and we receive earnest inquiries at SLS from people as many as twenty years younger. Your real impediment is not your choice of a vehicle. It might be your reluctance to take the vehicle out for a drive on the freeway.

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A lot of the local clubs seem to make her uncomfortable with bra and panty dress codes and descriptions of orgy rooms. Actually, not only her, I am uncomfortable with that too. Also, although I find her absolutely gorgeous, she feels her forty year old body after two kids have made her not fit into something like that.

 

I hope your wife does some reading here, particularly in those threads where people express discomfort with their appearance and whether they'll fit into a swinging community or a club or whatever. People of all sizes, shapes and ages swing and a slightly worn 40 year old body will be attractive to a lot of people, just like it is to you (and they won't have love as the reason, so maybe their admiration will get through where yours isn't fully accepted as validation).

 

If you're uncomfortable with an orgy room, don't go into one. I promise, there won't be anyone trying to drag you in. Swinger clubs really do operate on a "no means no" basis, so just agree that you'll say no to anything you haven't decided ahead of time to do.

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Okay, so when we first started our lifestyle adventure almost five years ago, it began after two years of talking about it. You are on the right track. The first site we came across was AFF and it scared the shit out of MD. Had we discovered SLS or this site first then we may have started swinging two years earlier (similar to your wife's CL experience).

 

The reason I recommended AFF was for camming. I used it because it's popular in Hawaii and I liked reading the blogs, but the percentage of flakes and fantasizers is quite high, much higher than (at least in our experience) that of SLS.

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Lot of great answers here but I’ll include a couple of thoughts. First off, I would vote for the club idea vs. the site idea, Using Craigslist or some other site for a single guy for this is a bit creepy to me. I think you might end up adding more stress vs. having fun.

 

Second, at a club, it seems to me with the baby steps you might be looking for, it would be a no-brainer to me to get with a couple, especially one that was only into soft.

 

So before you flame me, I need to say it is our experience that many MANY couples out there where one or both partners don’t mind sitting something out to watch their partner and are thus ideal for any kind of threesome or other play to have fun.

 

If she is ok with another female in the room, maybe only watching, then this is exactly what I would try knowing what I know now.

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The reason I recommended AFF was for camming. I used it because it's popular in Hawaii and I liked reading the blogs, but the percentage of flakes and fantasizers is quite high, much higher than (at least in our experience) that of SLS.

 

AFF scared the shit out of us because it was too hardcore for us and what we felt we were looking for. I do tend to knock AFF quite a bit but all for personal reasons :)

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Yes, the memberships are worth it if only for the reason that most 'real' couples will ignore unpaid memberships. The MAIN reason (of many reasons) for us is that, as a free member, you can't see our private pictures or any pictures we send in an email. As a couple that keeps their face pictures private, how can you really determine if you want to meet us if you don't know what we look like? If you are willing to meet us and you don't know what we look like then that is even more scary :) So if you are serious, pay for a 3 month subscription and give it a try.

 

As far as clubs, it depends on where you are. What's S CA? San Diego? LA? I would have to guess there are ton's of clubs in LA if not some decent ones where you are.

 

We have been to clubs, paid $80 to get in, only to find 2 other couples we are not attracted to and 13 single guys walking around holding their cocks like they might lose them if they let go. Pick a 'couples only' club or or 'couples only' night to go. Most all clubs will have private rooms, semi private rooms and group rooms. Even in the group rooms, no is no, and you should never assume you are invited to do anything other than watch! Really good clubs will have a couples only group room where the single guys can't get too.

 

Having said that, MD has had someone try to mount her uninvited and she simply turned and politely told the guy no and they backed off. It's not always an attraction thing, for her, it was a distraction thing. The guy she told to back off turned out to be a long term swing couple that we still love to play with today even though we are 1000 miles away :( now.

 

SLS is by far the most active we have found but there are pockets where other sites are dominant. You don't want to pay for them all so ask others in your area but SLS has never failed us.

 

I've never seen a club that has a 'bra and panties' dress code but have heard others say things like that here on the boards just remember, it may be a bit uncomfortable but if it's the dress code for everyone then it level's the playing field. If she is worried about looks, what we have found is that we are way too critical of ourselves, that takes a while to overcome but it's probably the least important of things to worry about.

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As far as clubs, it depends on where you are. What's S CA? San Diego? LA? I would have to guess there are ton's of clubs in LA if not some decent ones where you are.

 

We live about 30 minutes east of LA. Yes there are quite a few clubs, but again our reluctance and insecurities have us second guessing. Some of the popular LA clubs sound as if they are a playground for young and Hollywood perfect couples and there are others that sound sketchy. We talked last night and we thought that maybe we could make a visit to vegas around January or February. We were kinda getting the impression that vegas has clubs with more people just seeing what the scene is like. If someone has a glowing recommendation for an inland Empire club, we'd consider it.

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We live in New York and what we have found is that is the image they ALL want to portray but with the exception of a very few, what you will find is that most people are average. We have one here in NY that requires you to fill out a membership form and send pictures prior to them letting you attend but those are rare because everyone wants to make money above all else.

 

Here is one of the reasons I like SLS. You can go to the clubs tab and you can see all of the bigger ones, For instance, here in NY, we see on page one, Caligula, Scarlet Zone, Bowery Bliss, Long Island Manor, etc. and we can see the theme for the night and the advertisement will tell you if there is a group sponsoring the night there. Many of the clubs will not allow signup on the club announcement page (because they don't want to only have like 3 people signed up and people thinking that nobody is attending) but if you find a group sponsoring the event that night, you can go to the group's page (typically it will say at ) and then you can see who's signed up.

 

My advice, is don't get too wrapped around the axle of who may possibly be attending. I'll tell you from experience there are going to be an age gap from early twenties to someone being wheeled around in a wheel chair with an oxygen mask.

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Swing sites are so location specific that its hard to say whats the best for anyone.

 

In Vegas and the Central West it seems to be Kasidie.

In the Upper Midwest and LA - LL

In the south/florida - SDC

I'm sure there are others I'm not aware of that are big in certain cities and locations.

 

SLS seems more universal but due to its free membership, it has a higher % of flakes and fakes than the others I've found.

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Hello bristol65 - You story is an exact copy of our story so I won't repeat what you wrote. I can speak to the club topic, we live in San Diego and have visited every club here in SD and a few in LA including FA which is close to you. We were looking for a club that we felt comfortable in as we were in our mid forties aging bodies and the wife didn't want to compete with the 20-30 somethings. We went to Red Rooster in Vegas and it became our second home. lol. You will see every walk of life there having great sexual experiences. The age of the participates leans towards an older group, but all ages are present. Every club appeals to different people, but judging by what you have wrote I think you will feel comfortable at the RR. Our next favorite is Freedom Acres in Devore. They have a good website you can visit, it can be a younger crowd than RR , but we feel comfortable there and you sound a lot like us. We are on SLS and Kasidie by the name Used2BVanilla. If you want more , feel free to contact us.

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Update

 

I have signed up for kasidie and am really just absorbing what other couples' stories are.

 

The wife and I are thinking of a Vegas trip in the next few months and think the Red Rooster might be our speed for a first try.

 

I'm still not convinced were made of the stuff to be an active participant in the lifestyle, but investigating and the interesting conversations between my wife and I have been fun.

 

Thanks again

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Glad to see that you guys are considering a trip to Vegas to visit the Red Rooster. The weekdays are fairly quiet and the couples room upstairs may not be open but you can still get a feel for the club. Friday and Saturday nights are great and although we haven't been on Sunday we have heard that it's a good day also. Check their website for info. Go out there and have a good time whether you just talk to a few folks, walk around and watch, or feel you want to participate at whatever pace you maybe inclined. Just like you we were hesitant but walk through the door and find out what it's like. You may just find it's something you want to explore or decide it's not for you. Go at your own speed but most of all enjoy yourselves.

Good luck and let us all know how it goes.

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Bristol, many fine people have already posted here and I don't have a lot to add but wanted to chime in on a few points.

 

You mentioned that you felt it was a good thing that you haven't pressured your wife. This is very sage advice in general. This is a journey together, not one pressuring and the other giving in. It is wonderful that the two of you are following the path of this journey together, wherever it may lead. Kudos to you and your wife for following it together.

 

You mentioned your wife feels she's not as attractive now. That could not be further from the truth. Is she 20 anymore? No. Of course not. But, to continually compare oneself to a 20 year old means you will permanently find yourself coming up short. That is an impossible measure and a completely unfair one. In my regular job, I see young 20 somethings constantly. Some of them are absolutely stunning young women. Not one of them could hold a candle to my wife; because I know her depth, her sexiness, her love of life. Your wife has her qualities which make her exceptional too. She is selling herself short. Ok, I agree, showing up to a young 20s bar with bikini clad coppertone drinking girls all over the place isn't the right place. But, if ever you should become full swap swingers there will be PLENTY (and I mean PLENTY) of men who will be most happy to play with your wife. Soooo many times women come here with exactly the same thought; "I'm too old, too many kids, can't compare to the young 20 hardbodies anymore, etc.. etc..etc..". Such ideas fall flat on their face on first contact with real swingers.

 

In your latest post you mentioned you're not convinced you're made of the stuff to be an active participant in the lifestyle. That very well might be, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. The worst situation is getting fully involved in the lifestyle when you really aren't the right person for it. But, it is also possible that you are both very well suited to it. When my wife and I were first together, and through several years of marriage I would have bet you a million dollars 730 days a year that she'd never ever ever become a swinger. I wasn't even considering the notion. I'd been involved in a bit of a triad before my wife. She knew of it, and didn't care for it. She had a very black and white opinion about it, and it was most definitely black. She wanted no part of it. Fast forward to about five years ago, and it came up in discussion. Months later, we found ourselves at out first swing club, engaging in a soft swap...which was wonderful! Five years on, and my wife now feels she's quite well suited to being non-monogamous and prefers having things that way, though she says she'd be quite happy to be monogamous again. Moral of the story; you just never know.

 

Keep asking questions, we're happy to answer!

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She shared that she would like to watch a man masturbate for her.
I've had a very intimate experience with a woman. We both faced each other at opposite ends of a couch. We both masturbated ourselves. We fed off of each others enthusiasm until we both made ourselves cum in front of each other.

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