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Thread: Advice on how to bring up and talk about swinging

  1. #1

    Default Advice on how to bring up and talk about swinging

    Hi all,
    28 married couple that has been together for 6 years. We have a great relationship. Not jealous and very much in love. What I am curious about is how to bring up the idea of swinging.

    So far, I have got interested in porn and bought her some toys. As far as talk goes, I have let her bring up the subject but im looking for a direct approach with out freaking her out or making her run for the hills. When she drinks she usually brings up her bicurosity. She has told me on more than one occasion that she wants to sleep with another woman. I have been fully supportive of this and encouraged it. However, by the next day the subject has already been dropped.

    We are open with our sex life and she likes to bring it up in front of our friends, details and all. Also swinging has been brought when we are around friends. Usually by another couple trying to bash swingers, and both times my wife has defended swinging.

    As far as experience, She loves girl on girl porn, When we are on vacation with other couples, She always hops in the shower with her friends and encourages group showers with her friends. A few months ago we stayed at her best friend's house. We went out downtown and when got back. Some fun flirting turned into her trying to get her friend in bed with us, but she got a little aggressive and her friend became uncomfortable.

    Thank you for any help!

  2. #2

    Default Re: Advice on how to bring up and talk about swinging

    "Sweetheart, how would you feel about trying swinging once just to see if we like it?"

    Alura
    "They may call me a rube and a hick, but I'd a lot rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it."
    óWill Rogers

  3. #3

    Default Re: Advice on how to bring up and talk about swinging

    One idea would be to make a date night out of going to visit a club. Don't go with any expectations of anything other than having a fun night out together, and then see where that goes. Being in an environment where even though you didn't walk in the door planning on it happening (never a good idea anyways), the fact that you are in an environment where it COULD happen should be enough to give you lots to talk about together, and from there you can decide together on what the next step should be, if any.

    What you don't mention is where she is starting from. You mention that you have gotten interested in porn and have brought home some toys. What about her interests? If she has shown a steady interest and progression in expanding her sexual horizons since you have known her, then swinging might just be the next logical step to consider, keeping in mind that considering doesn't necessarily equate doing.

    I wouldn't put a lot of stock in that she is open in talking about sex. Obviously better than someone who can't even say the word in mixed company, but a BIG leap between that and actually swinging. It does sound like she has a little bit of a compulsive side, but be cautious there too. Slow and steady wins the race in my opinion. A compulsive first experience is often the last experience.

    Finally, just bring her here, you both spend some time reading, then talk about what you've read. Like Alura said, hard to beat just asking the question when it comes to getting an answer

  4. #4

    Default Re: Advice on how to bring up and talk about swinging

    Thanks for the help. Like I said any advice helps. So I just ask the question simple as that. I guess it's either yes or no haha. Hopefully there will not be any bad consequences if she gets weirded out, like her withdrawing completely. She has be very open to stranger things, like me having a foot fetish. Wish me luck and thanks again.

  5. #5

    Default Re: Advice on how to bring up and talk about swinging

    It sounds like you have the kind of relationship that is open enough to ask the question. A bit of advice, don't bring it up while in the throes of passion or while she is tipsy from a glass or two of wine. Maybe preface the conversation with, "I don't want you to awnser me right now, I just want you to consider what I am about to say for a few days..." Like others have said, bring her to the site and let her surf around to get some idea of it all, then follow up in a few days to see where she is with her thoughts.
    There's time for sleep when you're dead.

  6. #6

    Default Re: Advice on how to bring up and talk about swinging

    I love what Alura said. Excellent.
    loves2lovepr
    we've only just begun

  7. #7

    Default Re: Advice on how to bring up and talk about swinging

    Quote Originally Posted by atxcouple View Post
    So I just ask the question simple as that. I guess it's either yes or no haha.
    Ask an "essay question," not a question that can be answered with "yes" or "no." The goal is to start a discussion, not to gain an immediate answer.

    Alura
    "They may call me a rube and a hick, but I'd a lot rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it."
    óWill Rogers

  8. #8

    Default

    Asking someone how they feel about something can never bring just a yes or no response, at minimum it will bring a sentance. Most likely it will bring one answer (the automatic answer) then bring more communication and discussion as they think about and you share your own feelings.
    The Swinger Manual - all the info from the Swingers Board in one convenient book

  9. #9

    Default Re: Advice on how to bring up and talk about swinging

    Since she's quite open about it when she's feeling less inhibited it's up to you to make her feel more comfortable when she's not drinking to talk about the subject. Sometime when there's no alcohol involved (or perhaps over a single drink) just be open with her and tell her "I love you. I want to make you happy. You have this fantasy and I want to see it come true for you. Let's do it"

    She'll probably balk at first thinking that you are testing her (cuz women are just like that) but the more you encourage her and reinforce that you are serious and honest with her, she'll open up and talk about it and you'll see things happen.
    The Swinger Manual - all the info from the Swingers Board in one convenient book

  10. #10

    Default Re: Advice on how to bring up and talk about swinging

    Quote Originally Posted by JustAskJulie View Post
    She'll probably balk at first thinking that you are testing her (cuz women are just like that) .
    That's because women are always testing *us* like that!

  11. #11

    Default Re: Advice on how to bring up and talk about swinging

    Why don't you rent or buy a documentary about swinging. When my wife and I were first in the LS these shows generated A LOT of discussion about our potential escapades, likes/dislikes and out of them came many of an experiment.

    Good luck!
    Steve

    "Relaxation over Arousal"

  12. #12

    Default Re: Advice on how to bring up and talk about swinging

    Quote Originally Posted by drinnt View Post
    Why don't you rent or buy a documentary about swinging. When my wife and I were first in the LS these shows generated A LOT of discussion about our potential escapades, likes/dislikes and out of them came many of an experiment.

    Good luck!
    Swingtown or the new Swing series on PlayboyTV might be good choices

  13. #13

    Default Re: Advice on how to bring up and talk about swinging

    I quick read this thread and one thing I'm not seeing is hitting on your friends. I just wouldn't do that. Stay away from the friends to have a threesome with. It makes things all weird between the three of you. I'd take cplnuswing's advice and go to a club for that. Explore the fantasy there. It's so much easier to make friends out of swingers than swingers out of friends.

    I think you're on the right track. It sounds like, with a little tweaking, you both have communication skills that are beneficial. I also promote the idea of bringing her to this forum and let her read. We'd suggest that to anyone. I came here for research when my husband first brought this up to me. I couldn't figure out if he was trying to get rid of me or what. We've been happily swinging for many years ever since. He also knew I was bi-curious and I'm happy to say I'm no longer curious. Good luck to you both.

    Also, I want to plug Julie's Book, The Swingers Manual. It's loaded with a plethora of information for those wanting to learn and what to do in a particular situation.
    Dave & Holly

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