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  1. #16
    I'll think about it LikeMinds321's Avatar
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    Default Re: Newbie Mistakes

    Quote Originally Posted by Botcpl
    I have to say that hit me like a brick. My first thought was: what else will you lie to me about? I always hear about communication and trust, but now I'm not so sure. I can understand not giving out too much, like last names and where we work or even the type of job sometimes (if I told you what I did, well there are only a half dozen or so of us even though my "company" has over five thousand employees....), but is this much caution really needed?

    I can understand if you are from a small town, but since most of us live in metropolitan areas, is it really needed? Maybe this isn't the right place for this comment, but I don't know where else it should be. Usually I agree with what Likeminds321 says so you can see why I'm walking around with a big question mark on my forehead.

    One reason I am (and we are) looking into swinging is so we don't have to lie. I don't want to lie to my wife and I (we) don't want to lie to the people I'm (we're) with.

    Signed,

    Confused and Dejected
    Quote Originally Posted by misterbates
    You Lie about your names?!?!?...and i suppose you expect people to have sex with you and be honest about themselves??...hmm.."yea i dont have to tell em about my herpes..after all they lie about their name"....that is a great way to think.....another example of why we are so disgusted with swingers and swinging.......
    I'm not surprised that I confused and upset some people. Even after I posted I wondered if I would truly be able to use another name at a club. But I decided to leave my post as it was.

    Let me give some background, and by the time I'm finished I may change my own mind . . . or at least explain my reasoning in a way that may garner a little more understanding from others.

    My husband has been a prominent business man in our town for over twenty-five years. In the first ten years of his business he was in the newspaper and on television often. People he didn't know would approach him in public to shake his hand and tell him they saw him on TV or read about his work. He even had a weekly radio show for many years.

    He doesn't appear in the paper or on TV any longer, but I am worried that when people see him they may think this guy looks so familiar, and all it will take is for Mr LM to say his first name and *click* the people will know who we are.

    We have attended only one club. It was an off-premise club that meets once a month at various hotels. Those who attend often reserve a room for the night, so in a way, it becomes an on-premise club but with more privacy. It was apparent to us that people were having sex that night with people they met at the club. They'd disappear for awhile, then come back all showered with wet hair. Ten minutes later they'd be heading up to their suite again. The dance floor was hopin' with people feeling each other up and kissing. This is what the scene is like for clubs that meet only once a month. People meet and have sex. They may never have sex with that person again. They may never see that person again. I have read that some people never even exchange names.

    We introduced ourselves to maybe thirty people that night. That's thirty people we determined--after chatting 5-10 minutes--we weren't interested in swinging with. Would it really have been so terrible if we used another first name? I don't think so. If we met a couple who we would want to continue to see, outside the club, we would let them know then and there that we use a "club name" when we're clubbing.

    Most people on the Swingers Board don't use their real name. They create a User Name and sign with that name. Why? Privacy.

    On our swinger ad sites we always use our real first names. We have control over who can see our faces with an ad. There is more privacy with ads.

    It was probably a mistake to go to a local club. If we every go to a club again it will be far away from our home town. In another state we wouldn't feel uncomfortable giving people our first names.

    LM

  2. #17
    Mr&Mrs-naughty
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    Default Mr here

    We have made several mistakes. The first was like Julie. Rushing to meet the first couple that wanted to meet even though we did not have all that much, if anything, in common.

    The others... we are still learning from but we know we will NEVER make them again.
    And I am sure there are more mistakes in our future as this is a continual learning expereience.

  3. #18
    Oh...Why not?... DBL D's Avatar
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    Default Re: Newbie Mistakes

    Hey Mr.!!! (Naughty)

    Isn't that what the clubs are all about? Just find someone HOT.

    I haven't really followed your threads so I don't know what you guys are looking for but I know that while we love to have folks that are "regulars" we also will go for the HOT "One Night Stand" whether we think it's one at the time or not.

    Newbie "Misteaks":

    I think our "misteak" has been where, at times, where we were too eager; we wanted to do something with someone!

    Just try to decide what you are looking for. In the beginning of your adventure, it is understandable to try to find out what you're looking for however you can. As long as you know: You are going to hurt someones feelings along the way unless you are clear about what you want.

    We had met a couple when starting out that said if we wanted to see them again, they'd be at the club. No last names or anything. We were shocked at first but it kept them from having those awkward moments.

    Now we know other people are interested in us and it seems to take some of the "pressure" off of us just get something under our belt.

    Is that where the phrase "BELT ONE OUT" comes from?

    My thoughts anyway.

    Male D
    Last edited by DBL D; 09-10-2004 at 11:42 PM.
    "Just nod if you can hear me..."

    David Gilmour

  4. #19
    Mr&Mrs-naughty
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    Default Re: Newbie Mistakes

    Hey Mr.!!! (Naughty)

    Isn't that what the clubs are all about? Just find someone HOT.

    I haven't really followed your threads so I don't know what you guys are looking for but I know that while we love to have folks that are "regulars" we also will go for the HOT "One Night Stand" whether we think it's one at the time or not.
    The clubs have been GREAT fun . I geuss what I was referring to was meeting couples online. Its much harder to judge people through chat than it is in person.

  5. #20
    Swingers Board Addict
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    Default Re: Newbie Mistakes

    Dear LikeMinds,

    After hearing more details about your situation, it makes sense for you to use another name, but most of us have never been on TV or the newspapers and I don't think it applies to most of us. "A rose by another name..." aren't you worried that someone would see you and figure what your game is? Do you wear disguises when you go to your club? "Oh that's Tom Cruise, but he says his name is Billy". Catch my drift?

    Misterbates, I don't think less of swingers and swinging because of a few people, any more than I would be disgusted with the human race because of a few bad people. Any time you get a group of people together (in general), 20% are going to be trouble. Personally I find it liberating to be around people who are so open and free that we can talk about anything, including sex. Really, why would you hang around people you don't like or agree with and why would you lurk on their board?

    I look at this board as an educational and entertainment medium. If I wanted to be converted to another way of thinking, I am sure I would be looking for a group of people I agree with more.

    I had a conflict with what LikeMinds said an I spoke up; they in turn, explained their situation more and I understand THEIR position more and I realize it doesn't fit me or Mz. Botcpl. Now, if I was running for mayor of Los Angeles or was an ex-mayor (so to speak) I would probibly be even more careful...until I retired and moved to Mexico...then party time.

    Paul AKA Mr. Botcpl

    (sorry, no last names, I have to draw the line someplace)
    Last edited by Botcpl; 09-10-2004 at 11:56 PM.
    Bot = Boat It's always better on the water.

  6. #21
    Oh...Why not?... DBL D's Avatar
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    Default Re: Newbie Mistakes

    I meant..."Hey...Mr?"

    Yeah!

    WE'RE GUILTY (and so were they!) of "going for it" like that too soon. head bang

    Da Male
    "Just nod if you can hear me..."

    David Gilmour

  7. #22
    Oh...Why not?... DBL D's Avatar
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    Default Re: Newbie Mistakes

    And YOU!!! LikeMinds:

    I agree: Don't sit at the table. There are too many that will. Get up and ask people to dance with you!!!

    I had one poor girl ask me why I picked her; It's not that I didn't find her attractive. What do you say? I just wanted to dance!!! You can find out alot about someone when you dance with them...and dancing is right nextdoor to....well, you know!

    Male D
    Last edited by DBL D; 09-11-2004 at 12:07 AM.
    "Just nod if you can hear me..."

    David Gilmour

  8. #23
    I'll think about it LikeMinds321's Avatar
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    Default Re: Newbie Mistakes

    Quote Originally Posted by Botcpl
    . . . aren't you worried that someone would see you and figure what your game is? Do you wear disguises when you go to your club? "Oh that's Tom Cruise, but he says his name is Billy". Catch my drift?
    Paul,

    Thanks for writing back.

    I think Mr LM and I could get by with disguises during theme night at a club. Some people wear fantastic costumes . . . and masks.

    We've only been to a club that one time. We are not club goers.

    I'd like to venture to a club in the future when we travel to another state. I think it could be fun to go with friends.

    LM

    P.S. And sorry Paul, I'm not revealing my first name.

  9. #24
    Swingers Board Addict
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    Default Re: Newbie Mistakes

    If you come out to visit in So. Cal., we'll go to a club with you.

    Paul
    Bot = Boat It's always better on the water.

  10. #25
    Oh...Why not?... DBL D's Avatar
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    Default Re: Newbie Mistakes

    Dear LikeMinds321,

    I feel for you Dear! I would be mortified (have I ever used THAT word before?) if we were found out...but someone who knows you would know you by face before anything. I think you can trust the people you are with more than that!

    If you feel that strongly then you guys should stay away from the local clubs. But you WILL have a blast at an Out-Of-State function!!!

    Male D
    "Just nod if you can hear me..."

    David Gilmour

  11. #26
    Here to Stay misterbates's Avatar
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    Default Re: Newbie Mistakes

    Quote Originally Posted by LikeMinds321
    QUI'm not surprised that I confused and upset some people. Even after I posted I wondered if I would truly be able to use another name at a club. But I decided to leave my post as it was.

    Let me give some background, and by the time I'm finished I may change my own mind . . . or at least explain my reasoning in a way that may garner a little more understanding from others.

    My husband has been a prominent business man in our town for over twenty-five years. In the first ten years of his business he was in the newspaper and on television often. People he didn't know would approach him in public to shake his hand and tell him they saw him on TV or read about his work. He even had a weekly radio show for many years.
    LM..Not to offend... but if you are that high profile..why swing??You have to know that the chance of being "outed" is high if you are well known?


    Quote Originally Posted by LikeMinds321
    He doesn't appear in the paper or on TV any longer, but I am worried that when people see him they may think this guy looks so familiar, and all it will take is for Mr LM to say his first name and *click* the people will know who we are.

    We have attended only one club. It was an off-premise club that meets once a month at various hotels. Those who attend often reserve a room for the night, so in a way, it becomes an on-premise club but with more privacy. It was apparent to us that people were having sex that night with people they met at the club. They'd disappear for awhile, then come back all showered with wet hair. Ten minutes later they'd be heading up to their suite again. The dance floor was hopin' with people feeling each other up and kissing. This is what the scene is like for clubs that meet only once a month. People meet and have sex. They may never have sex with that person again. They may never see that person again. I have read that some people never even exchange names.
    Yes that is something that happens alot at clubs...one reason why we generally dont hook up with people at clubs..sorry but i still want to know a little about you before we get naked....

    Quote Originally Posted by LikeMinds321
    We introduced ourselves to maybe thirty people that night. That's thirty people we determined--after chatting 5-10 minutes--we weren't interested in swinging with. Would it really have been so terrible if we used another first name? I don't think so. If we met a couple who we would want to continue to see, outside the club, we would let them know then and there that we use a "club name" when we're clubbing.
    That would be the point we would say.."See ya"!....Sorry but Lies are the biggest deal breakers with us.....

    Quote Originally Posted by LikeMinds321
    Most people on the Swingers Board don't use their real name. They create a User Name and sign with that name. Why? Privacy.
    Yes..and the fact that there are too many weirdos out there and this is not a private board..so any one can read the posts...it would be foolish to use your real name here....

    Quote Originally Posted by LikeMinds321
    On our swinger ad sites we always use our real first names. We have control over who can see our faces with an ad. There is more privacy with ads.
    We do too but still block our faces...again..too many pscycos out there....we were once approached at a supermarket.by a dude that we said no thank to on a site..because he recognized us from our pics...

    Quote Originally Posted by LikeMinds321
    It was probably a mistake to go to a local club. If we every go to a club again it will be far away from our home town. In another state we wouldn't feel uncomfortable giving people our first names.

    LM
    Yea...probably..but we have met many local couples at far away clubs and many far away couples at local clubs..so go figure....

    Mr B facelick

  12. #27
    I'll think about it LikeMinds321's Avatar
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    Default Re: Newbie Mistakes

    Quote Originally Posted by misterbates

    LM..Not to offend... but if you are that high profile..why swing??You have to know that the chance of being "outed" is high if you are well known?
    This is a very good question, and one we discussed in detail when we comtemplated becoming involved in the lifestyle.

    We agreed that we couldn't get into swinging unless we believed in it and felt no guilt about it; this is the case. We know that if someone tells us they know we are swingers, we won't hide that fact.

    Great moments in life often arrive through taking risks. Being swingers is a risk. Even before we swung the discussions Mr LM and I have had, because of our decision to swing, has made us closer. There is more to swinging than sex. This is why we swing. Because my husband is more high profile than most isn't going to stop us from swinging. This isn't an impulsive decision for us. We have given it great thought and know we want to add this new dimension to our relationship.

    We are using caution now that we didn't use at the start.

    Afterall, this thread is titled Newbie Mistakes, and I am trying to share what I felt was our biggest first mistake and how I might have done things differently then--and maybe now--by using a "club name." I don't believe we will ever go to a local club again misterbates, but when we did then, I wish we would have used a "club name."

    Should we visit a club when we travel out of state no one will know us and I'm sure we will feel very comfortable using our real first names.

    LM

  13. #28
    Mod Squad Member good times's Avatar
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    Default Re: Newbie Mistakes

    This is kind of interesting as we have a fairly high profile couple that attends our local club, and although they use ficticious names at the club, most everyone knows their real names simply because he is pretty well known.
    R (He is R, she is P)

  14. #29
    Swingers Board Addict EternallySingle's Avatar
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    Default Re: Newbie Mistakes

    When I first tried swing as a single man after my girlfriend moved out of state, I thought the same things I did to meet people at the club as part of a couple would work. Big mistake.

    I went to a club two weeks after my girlfriend moved and three women who were all over me three weeks before actually laughed in my face when I tried to ask about their trip to Brazil. They said I was trying too hard and I was just trying to make conversation. Then I turned down a couple that were just too drunk for me to feel comfortable around them. They got me kicked out by making a scene. hmm...single man, couple, swing club, arguing...single man loses.

    After a year of similar experiences at two more clubs (and over a thousand dollars wasted) I gave up the idea of swinging until lightning strikes again and I happen to meet a single woman already involved in the lifestyle and willing to let me into her world as well. Being myself didn't work, since they knew me as "BW's ex-boyfriend", not as Aaron.

    I've given up on the idea of actually swinging since there are few, if any, people online interested in meeting a single man in my area and no clubs where I can go and introduce myself.

    Doesn't mean I won't share what I've learned over the years.
    "Style is not lusting after somone because they are cool. Style is loving yourself till everyone else does too."

    Prince

  15. #30
    Swingers Board Addict adventureUS2's Avatar
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    Default Re: Newbie Mistakes

    Quote Originally Posted by biblonde
    Our worst mistake was a couple months ago..and nope not a newbie then..lol I have been played by so many men pretending to be single females that when I got an email from a female I went to yahoo to chatt and IT sounded so much like a man I told them...Look prove to me

    Ask them there pantyhose size most men have no clue how those things are sized not even married guys. It has fended of several men possing as women during our internet play time.
    Last edited by adventureUS2; 09-13-2004 at 07:39 PM.

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