He came in her mouth without warning - faux pas?

[Freebyrds]

Originally posted by NightGoddess
I think if any of us made a mistake we would appreciate being given the benefit of the doubt. Poor guy, he was perhaps just as surprised as you were.
The male newbie was probably so excited at his first time he was caught without warning.
I hope you can all make peace, be friends and laugh together over this one soon.
--If it is a possibility, try being the 'experienced' ones and say, sorry, didn't mean to over-react...and get to talking about it in a non-judgmental way, like "Hey, there were some things I really liked...how about you?" ---and go from there to preferences, but be gentle. We all like to think of ourselves as good lovers, and something like this can be tough on the ego...

I totally agree with this advice. Obviously it is always everyone involved's responsibility to TALK beforehand.. but being newbies they probably only now realize the importance of that. He also may not have had any idea that he would respond so.. strongly.. to what he was experiencing.

Anyone can over-react at times.. but I think when you are experienced, and know you are dealing with newbies, you must be willing to take on a certain amount of responsibility as an example (hopefully a good one), a guide, and a teacher.

Hopefully you can all discuss the situation and how to avoid it in the future. Open communication is one of the most important, and can also be one of the hardest lessons learned in this lifestyle.

Raella

[alabamafuntonig]

well a fuax pas or not i give ample warning of my impeanding seeds of furry! pleanty of time to let my partner get away or swallow if she may! to ear is human to do it again is assinine. as far as the yelling goes! thats just wrong!wrong! wrong! it takes two too make a mistake in this instance!

[Vjklander]

There is also the possibility that your wife was mad because she was giving a bj instead of getting fucked herself.
J

[bear_n_bunny]

I have to go along with Julie, EBF and some of the others. From where I sit, your wife fucked up bigtime. First, by not letting him know up front that she didn't want him cumming in her mouth, and second, by throwing a fit when it in fact happened.

I have yet to see any woman who felt that strongly about this issue who did not tell me from the start that she didn't want me to cum in her mouth. If she has that big of a hangup about taking a guy's load, she should always say so beforehand.

And if your wife's concern was disease (the mention of the condom), then she also fucked up by not having him wrap that rascal before ever starting the Hoover Maneuver on him, because she was swallowing his precum long before he ever got to the main event, as it were, and that can carry all the same bugs as semen can.

Bottom line, you guys screwed up in a big way, especially your wife.

Bear

[Alura]

Originally posted by bear_n_bunny
I think general rule is, if you don't want to do something, you say so up front so I agree if that your wife over reacted. I may be wrong, but I've always assumed that typical and complete blowjob included cumming and swallow. If one prefers to deviate from the norm, one should speak up.

I'm feeling sorry for the newbie couple. What a traumatic first time.

-- Bunny

I sure think you're right on this one, Bunny. We used to play with a couple whose lady didn't want cum in her mouth. I solved the problem by seldom letting her give me head. Her husband loved getting head from Mrs. Alura. Swallowing was something he wasn't used to.

Getting head doesn't make me harder or more excited anyway, eating pussy does. I'd rather be licking the lady because both of us would be doing something we enjoy instead of just one of us.

I'm not saying head shouldn't be used as foreplay only but I'd like to know if that's the sole acceptable option.

I think it's a real turn-on when a lady tells me she wants me to come in her mouth. I won't ask and won't come unless she says she wants me to.

Mr. Alura

[Michcouple]

Sorry....but your wife was totally wrong.

Isn't it safe to assume that preforming oral sex might lead to orgasm. She should had made it clear that she didn't enjoy from the very beginning.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally posted by Unregistered
My wife did the really nice thing of blowing the other hubby while he watched his wife get ravished by another male.

This part of this post has really been bugging me ever since it was initially posted. Why I didn't comment on it earlier I don't know, other than I was too side tracked by the main point of the post.

It bothers me that you say your wife did the "really nice thing" of blowing her hubby while he watched your ravish his wife. To me it sounds as tho your wife wasn't interested in this guy at all, in which case I think you both should have abstained. Evidently she didn't want to play, and if you guys have a policy where one partner is willing to "take one for the team" so to speak then she needs to get over it and deal with it rather than making it sound like the two of you were doing this couple a favor (her by blowing him and you by ravishing his wife). Obviously in the end the only favor you may have given them was to show them why NOT to join the lifestyle.

[BradAndJanet]

Originally posted by bear_n_bunny
...I have yet to see any woman who felt that strongly about this issue who did not tell me from the start that she didn't want me to cum in her mouth. If she has that big of a hangup about taking a guy's load, she should always say so beforehand.
...

We've only made that mistake once Now J makes it clear upfront that cumming in her mouth isn't going to happen. She's tried, believe me, but it's just NOT something she likes at all.

-B

[BradAndJanet]

Originally posted by Alura
...I think it's a real turn-on when a lady tells me she wants me to come in her mouth. I won't ask and won't come unless she says she wants me to.

Mr. Alura

Amen, my friend. It's always welcome, but I never ask and wait for the lady in question to tell me...which is a huge turn on for me.

-B

[alabamafuntonig]

...I think it's a real turn-on when a lady tells me she wants me to come in her mouth. I won't ask and won't come unless she says she wants me to.

ditto
especialy when they look up and into your eyes and say it!

(mr bama has left his office to take care of a few things)

[RMRx2]

two threads come to mind

one thread was on how it is often hard to get a man to cum with a bj,,,,lots of advice given there,,,,,,,she must have been doing it right,,,,,,

one is on "performance anxiety" obviously there was no erection problems

those would be my two fears to start with

being a newbie myself, guess I feel for the guy,,,,

however, I've had enough negative reaction in my life to cummin "at the wrong time or place" that I think I would have been pulling away unless indicated otherwise

had one expierence years back with an expierenced couple and what pissed them off seemed to be cumming altogether,,,,,,,I give his wife an orgasim and it's geezz,,,,,"you made her cum already",,,,,,,then I cum with my partner and it's like the party's over,,,,,,,like I couldn't have gotten worked back up,,,,,,,was not a pleasant expierence

obviously communication is the key

[NightGoddess]

It sure sounds like we've all had experiences that could have been handled better ---if we'd known in advance!
That being said, I will admit to fumbling when giving a blowjob; My gentleman friend told me he was coming, and I presumed he meant for me to let go (I thought he was indicating his wish, as I have heard some men don't like any stimulation when they are coming..) --and it was my first sexual experience with this man. So I didn't know his preferences at all.
I picked up a towel I had at the bedside, and there was a silence...at that moment I realized maybe I'd done something wrong. I felt horrible and because of my inexperience and subsequent shame (jeez...I gave a bad blowjob.....?!?!) I couldn't even say anything. Neither did my partner.
I was upset, but was quiet about it. After all,
I hoped he would bring up any problems if he wanted to discuss it further. He didn't.
I felt for months like I'd 'failed'.

Oh, and this same man had given me no clues (no groans, no sighs).....nothing that indicated he was 'on the verge' of coming...and I thought we were just getting underway! So I was completely taken by surprise by his simple 'I'm coming'...I had really very little time to respond.
I enjoy swallowing...and if I'd known his preference, it would have saved us the uncomfortable silence afterwards.
I wish he had given me a second chance.
I really wanted to please him and put a big grin on his face.

Later, after confiding w/a friend, she made a nice suggestion: the next morning I should have asked for a chance to make it up to him ---- perhaps with a smile --- to keep things sweet and pleasant.
If only I had her wisdom and humor!
I guess we learn from our mistakes.

---So, Unregistered Guest, did you all kiss and make up?
I sure hope so!

[[These things all get cleared up ahead of time w/ you experienced swingers....but I tell ya, when it's the first time with a lover, it is much trickier (at least for me!)]]