Swing Partner Took the Condom Off!

[thump29]

We have just recently gotten back into this lifestyle after being out of it for 4 years. We have had prior experiences before. We met up with a single male got to know each other really well or so i thought and we laid out all the ground rules, which the male was fine with. Well we just recently hooked up and a problem with the condom issue came up right away he said he would use one but i had to literally make him put it on. Well while we were doing something i didnt realize he had took the condom off had i have known we would have stopped it right there. My problem is that if he cant respect our wishes then he isnt going to get another chance. Not only did he take the condom off but he actually came inside me, by the time i realized that he wasnt wearing the condom it was too late. He wasnt at all the person he made himself out to be which was really disappointing because we believe in total honesty. How do I let this person know how I feel and how do I explain it to him that he messed up and that he wont be getting a second chance. If anybody out there can help me I would be so grateful. I am very confused and I dont know what happened because we had met and talked so much that i didnt think this would happen.

[DragonsLair]

I'm sorry your first experience back in the lifestyle went so poorly.

I would tell him exactly what you told us. Be very straight forward and honest. Don't sugar coat it. He needs to understand that by breaking the rules with you, he lost any chance of being with you again. And he needs to realize if he does this with other couples, he won't be in this lifestyle for very long.

There is no excuse for breaking the rules after he agreed to them. Trust is important.

Good luck and please let us know how it goes.

DragonsLair

He is T. I am A.

[Alura]

The deed is done. The confidence is broken, never to be repaired. We'd simply tell him that because of what he did, y'all would never see him again.

Things like this happen far too often and single men think swingers are unreasonable in their suspicions of them. Why does this rarely happen with couples and single women? There is probably some risk of inappropriate behavior by both but it happens far less often than it does with single men. We'll stick with couples.

You didn't deserve this, Thump29, and we're sorry to hear it happened. Put it behind you. Forget it... and him, too.

Alura

[CLITFRIEND]

Not only did he take the condom off but he actually came inside me, by the time i realized that he wasnt wearing the condom it was too late. He wasnt at all the person he made himself out to be which was really disappointing because we believe in total honesty. How do I let this person know how I feel and how do I explain it to him that he messed up and that he wont be getting a second chance.


Thump--Please do not take this the wrong way for it is not intended for malice----but--Did you really ask this question???? How did this guy let you know of his intention of trying to get you pregnant--or giving you anything else he might have as a special surprise for you?? He didn't!! I pray that he did not give u any type of conditions. He totally disreguraded your rules---you--and your mate's!!!! This guy had no respect for you!!! None! How on the face on this earth--are you even considering to respect his feeling--of what you are going to and what you absolutely must tell him?????

Thump--you were able to tell him that he would be allow to make love to u. You told him straight forwardly that he was to wear a condom. His arrogance in this situation told you exactly wht he thought of you and your feelings--So what?? Who cares?? Yeah--yeah--sure--whatever! But all the while he was contending to do what ever it would take to enhance his own feelings--his own pleasures---not yours. your feeling was not his option.
I sugest you make it his option! Tell the creep to get lost!!!!!!! And make no attempt to spare his feelings!!!

A side note if I may here---single guys--did you read what thump wrote??? Do you understand that this affects you too?? This is our history in swinging, or just plain dating in general!!!! This is what represents us! And there are guys wondering why it is so difficult to be involved with this??? UUUURRRRGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Men!! I knew there was a reason why I didn't date them!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Brit_Pair]

Originally posted by thump29
How do I let this person know how I feel and how do I explain it to him that he messed up and that he wont be getting a second chance.

I'd be tempted to introduce his face to the business end of a baseball bat. At a high velocity.

[fun_pairTX]

Quote: "I am very confused and I dont know what happened because we had met and talked so much that i didnt think this would happen."


First there is nothing to be confused about, the guy is an lying, disrespectful, asshole. Second there are people that will agree all day long with your limits and then do what they want to do anyone. I would dump him/them with all the respect that they accorded you. NONE

[alabamafuntonig]

“The condom issue came up right away he said he would use one but I had to literally make him put it on. Well while we were doing something I didn’t realize he had took the condom off had I have known we would have stopped it right there. My problem is that if he can’t respect our wishes then he isn’t going to get another chance. Not only did he take the condom off but he actually came inside me, by the time I realized that he wasn’t wearing the condom it was too late.”

Well let’s see this single male is still walking. I believe if he were to do that to my wife he would have a hard time wheeling himself around town with 2 broken legs and two broken arms. You see he broke the rules of engagement. There is no second chance. An attack on the home front such as his requires a swift and equally devastating response. My advice writes him a note explaining why he is to never contact you and your husband again. Maybe he won’t try that again. And my heart goes out to you.

[OhioCouple]

This isn't really anything to be confused about Thump29. Angry that you were deceived? Absolutely! Some people are real con artists and this dude is scum, pure and simple. With some people you can never tell, no matter well you think you know them.....that is until they betray you in manner such as this.

I vote with the others, "dump the scum bag and tell him exactly why".

[thump29]

I appreciate everybodys advice right now i am torn between feelings that it was my fault that i should have seen it coming and being really pissed. Not only did he now respect my wishes but he was really forceful and i dont play that game. I am also kinda scared now about swinging again we will definitely not include any single males that is for sure. I thought I knew this person and it makes me reconsider my judgement. We love this lifestyle and i want to remain in it but no males that is single. I have never been through this situation before and i am confused about what i did wrong. I was honest with him about everything and i cant see where we did anything wrong, but i feel to blame. I wouldnt of thought things would have turned out the way they did and now that they did i am worried will all of our experiences turn out this badly. We believe in being honest and I always set ground rules before anything happens i tried to prevent something like this from happening but why do i feel like i am to blame?

[thump29]

Originally posted by happysexaddict
Not only did he take the condom off but he actually came inside me, by the time i realized that he wasnt wearing the condom it was too late. He wasnt at all the person he made himself out to be which was really disappointing because we believe in total honesty. How do I let this person know how I feel and how do I explain it to him that he messed up and that he wont be getting a second chance.


Thump--Please do not take this the wrong way for it is not intended for malice----but--Did you really ask this question???? How did this guy let you know of his intention of trying to get you pregnant--or giving you anything else he might have as a special surprise for you?? He didn't!! I pray that he did not give u any type of conditions. He totally disreguraded your rules---you--and your mate's!!!! This guy had no respect for you!!! None! How on the face on this earth--are you even considering to respect his feeling--of what you are going to and what you absolutely must tell him?????



Thump--you were able to tell him that he would be allow to make love to u. You told him straight forwardly that he was to wear a condom. His arrogance in this situation told you exactly wht he thought of you and your feelings--So what?? Who cares?? Yeah--yeah--sure--whatever! But all the while he was contending to do what ever it would take to enhance his own feelings--his own pleasures---not yours. your feeling was not his option.
I sugest you make it his option! Tell the creep to get lost!!!!!!! And make no attempt to spare his feelings!!!

A side note if I may here---single guys--did you read what thump wrote??? Do you understand that this affects you too?? This is our history in swinging, or just plain dating in general!!!! This is what represents us! And there are guys wondering why it is so difficult to be involved with this??? UUUURRRRGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Men!! I knew there was a reason why I didn't date them!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I couldnt believe that he removed the condom and that he actual come inside me. I am very worried and now i have to go to the doctor continously to make sure that he didnt give me anything and as far as getting pregnant thank god i had a tubal 4 yrs ago but he didnt know that. He was very forceful and he cared more about his pleasure than mine or my feelings. I am trying to figure out where the blame goes to me or him. I handed him a condom before we ever started and told him he would have to use it . Everything was laid out before we every done anything i cant find any blame in myself but i feel that i somehow should have seen this coming and prevented it better.

[OhioCouple]

Thump29, again, I say you did absolutely nothing wrong. Perhaps if you can learn one thing out of this, let it be that as soon as someone puts up a resistance to one of your rules (in this case a condom) it is time to just end it all right there.

We all make mistakes (goodness knows we have made our share), it's best to review them, see what you could have done differently and move on. Don't beat yourself up over this. While you say that you'll not include single men again, beware that this can happen with couples too. Single men aren't the sole breakers of rules. The next time you get any indication that your boundries are not going to be respected, then it's best to end it all then and there. Chances are if you don't, the experience will only go further down hill.

[Roxysbayou]

Thump, this is in no way your fault. You made yourself clear, he decieved you. I would tell him as others have said, exactly what you told us. Please believe that not all people in the lifestyle are this way. I can understand your wanting to pull back. I hope that you can get past it and continue to enjoy the good aspects of this lifestyle.

[Alura]

Thump, you did NOTHING wrong. We'd write him an ugly email and we wouldn't leave out any phrases like, "You miserable bastard..." We don't care how long it has been since the event, either. You have the right to enough time to consider the situation. You have the right to still be angry.

Put it behind you and look for a couple much like yourselves. We can guarantee you it will be worth it. Swinging with couples will be much better.

Alura

[CLITFRIEND]

Thump, I am hoping that you are noticing that pretty much everybody who have responded to you have been pretty much on the same page. Your part in this was a fragile part of you---the issue of wanting to trust someone. That is where your part ended. He had to substain that trust. He did not. He took full advantage of it. Unfortunately---it was taking the advantage of being on the wrong side of the track. The only true perpertrator in this case thump---is not you.

[BradAndJanet]

Thump, that sounds so much like our first encounter that I'm wondering if it's the same guy. Probably not, as we are so far apart, but he was a 'traveling salesman' of sorts...

We wished to avoid a conflict and simply told him we had 'some issues to work out'. After that little episode, we certainly did.

However, we each wrote angry emails that we subsequently deleted before sending. Catharsis is good for the soul...

Whatever you decide to do, please don't blame yourself. There is nothing you have done wrong.

-B