Swing Partner Took the Condom Off!

[Roxysbayou]

Well, I have learned a lesson here, and I will be more careful about where my husband is when I am to be left alone with a strange guy.

If I were you I would leave an advisory to future couples on his profile on SLS. You can do that on the "certifiy this member" portion of his profile. I sure wouldn't want to run into him.

[fun_pairTX]

"Its a good thing that my husband was out of the room or he would have ended up in jail and that would make matters worse."

I seriously doubt the guy would press an assault charge when you could have easily charged him with rape. I'm with hubby the guy needs a good ass whoopin.

[M&B]

Thump, I am so very sorry that his happened to you. I can only imagine what you are going through.

This thing happened TO YOU. You are not the thing that happened. This louse does not deserve even an ounce of either your guilty feelings or a second thought.

Please, Jump, you need to get off of trying to share guilt in this. It serves not purpose, but, it does lessen the foul crime that he committed.

I would also like to suggest that you let your husband in on things earlier. If the guy needed a stronger hand, he certainly earned it.

If you fear that your husband is potentially too violent in such situations, then, this is a subject for discussion before considering swinging again. You must never again be without your backup- your husband. He must not ever leave your side again, if you ever swing again.

I would so love to be able to convince you that not all men are like this. I will be totally honest, though. Having found one that is this way is proof that they do exist. Why take another chance.

Your husband must help you avoid the risk in the future.

A note to your husband, if he reads these: You are not guilty either. How could you know? But, now that you know that this can happen, then please, stay with her. Give her your love, encouragement, and smile with her at her pleasures. Most of all, protect her!

[coolwetbreeze]

SLS also has a forum page..They also have the chat room...I would let as many people know as possible that this guy is a loser. ...Also let the web master know. He may not want this guy on his site. I think you should let him come over one more time just so you can kick his ass....Just kidding

[CLITFRIEND]

Thump---firest--let me also extend to you my dismay of this situation you have presented to us here. In the perfect swinging world, this would never have happen---but we do not live in a perfect world.
I hope this experience is one you will be able to close the books on--and with the lessons that you have learned--be better situated with your next experience.

One thing that does concern me though---is how you will perceive single males in the lifestyle. I will grant you the fact taht single males have not exactly portry themselves to be the most angelic individuals with this lifestyle. I do agree the majority of them are rude, conceited, pushy, arrogant. This is a single man writing this--and I think it is pretty bad that a guy who is in the same class have to be taht critical of his classmates.

But I also feel a purpose to be a defender here. There are some genuine guys out there thump. I believe myself to be one of them. I know I would never in any way, shape or form do anything even near this repulsive, or anything that is out of line with the desires of my mate(s). From what I read in there postings--eternal, Flori_daman, perseus, ATAK and a few other single men on this board sound pretty genuine also. From what I read of thier posting--they also would be privalidge to have the opportunity to swing.

What I am saying ---Please don't let this one inhumane fellow--sacrifice--guys like us in the lifestyle.

[imsnowman]

Originally posted by thump29
SNIP How do I let this person know how I feel and how do I explain it to him that he messed up and that he wont be getting a second chance. If anybody out there can help me I would be so grateful. I am very confused and I dont know what happened because we had met and talked so much that i didnt think this would happen.

I wouldn't give him the time of day. Your trust was abused. Cross him off, give him the heave-ho, make him walk the plank, etc. He deserves no explanation.
Then take your time. Establish contact with someone else. Play softly and work back into the hard stuff.

[BodyScape02]

I posted a thread a couple days ago about a bad experience we had our first time back into this lifestyle. My question is it is ok to expect some answers for the things that he done or should i just let it go. I am confused and I dont know why he did what he did but I would like some answers from him. I am trying really hard to get over this but I just cant figure out what changed him or why did he put up an act after we were so honest.

What he did was play you- simple and sweet and cruel. It is not the deer’s fault that the wolf hunts it. He is a predator and I do not feel he is a true swinger; otherwise he would have respected the rules. He is a greedy selfish predator who is using this safe haven to hunt his prey. In that process he is making it impossible for the sincere single men in this lifestyle to have a chance at playing. Trust me I know...been there dealt with that ( not the condom issue, but the you are a free prostitute attitude) ( and I am aware ther ARE some great single men out there)

How does this all reflect on you...well darling. You live. You learn...CHOOSE not to be a victim. Be a victor. Adopt the attitude...don't fuck with me, unless I ask you to (wink ). You can simply send him an e-mail. "You did not respect our boundaries we are no longer interested. Please do not contact us by any means electronic or by phone or mail from now on.", then put him on iggy. And never give out your home number again, until after you have a relationship with another couple...or single or whatever...go to the clubs to meet.

If he should contact you repeatedly( Ie after he has been warned… guess what...Criminal trespass, and if by phone it becomes harassment by phone...a federal offence, not a misdemeanor .)

You do have recourse. Report him to the SLS people. Deprive him of his happy hunting ground. Believe me they do not want him on their site.

Please be proactive for yourself. You are assuming a victim attitude and you will remain in that pain forever if you choose to live in the one bad moment and ask “Why?” all the time.

Why?

Because he is who he is...wolf, sheep’s clothing.

Not because of who you are. I f you expect validation from him that what he did is wrong... keep dreaming. He will never see it that way and expecting him to say he is sorry is not reality. It also gives him power over you. You are making him your god (little g) and looking for absolution. Ask yourself for what?!?- Absolution for being a beautiful, desirable, and honest person who is up front about their boundaries? Gee ...sound like something you need forgiven for? !? I think not.

What I do not understand is why single guys don't police their own. If you ostracized men like this from the community. Actively formed a panel for review ... perhaps your image would not be tarnished and more of you would get invited to play more often.

I know I would have loved to have found a single male for us to play with that was honest and fun. He could have had a great time...many times over. But alas lying wolves like this one have turned me on the idea also. I just cannot trust the community of single men in the lifestyle, because of what they have done.

If I ever do find a single male that is fun and honest you bet I will start a thread called " Lets hear it for the boy” or " single sweeties" or something to the like to advertise the nice ones(and hopefully get them more playing time!) But if he is really good maybe I will just keep it quiet and try to find him a girlfriend...lol. Till then I think the suggestion about using the verification process on SLS is an excellent idea. If only a “ we wouldn’t invite him back” line.

Finally, I personally would love to know who the creep is that broke the negotiated and agreed upon covenant with you ... It would be my pleasure to introduce him to the legal implications of his conduct.

~Cat of Bodyscape02

[JustAskJulie]

I see no need to tell him anything, or for him to ever hear from you again.

I see every reason why your husband's fist should have had a few words with this guys face before he left tho.