Swing Partner Took the Condom Off!

[EternallySingle]

Originally posted by thump29
I appreciate everybodys advice right now i am torn between feelings that it was my fault that i should have seen it coming and being really pissed. Not only did he now respect my wishes but he was really forceful and i dont play that game. I am also kinda scared now about swinging again we will definitely not include any single males that is for sure. I thought I knew this person and it makes me reconsider my judgement. We love this lifestyle and i want to remain in it but no males that is single. I have never been through this situation before and i am confused about what i did wrong. I was honest with him about everything and i cant see where we did anything wrong, but i feel to blame. I wouldnt of thought things would have turned out the way they did and now that they did i am worried will all of our experiences turn out this badly. We believe in being honest and I always set ground rules before anything happens i tried to prevent something like this from happening but why do i feel like i am to blame?

You know what you did wrong? You let yourself trust someone. You let yourself believe this asshole was genuinely concerned with your feelings. The only thing you have to feel guilty about is being human, and we are all guilty of that.

Stop looking to punish yourself. The don't worry about his feelings, and don't pull any punches if he tries to contact you again.

uh, did I say the guy was an asshole?

[Alura]

Originally posted by EternallySingle


uh, did I say the guy was an asshole?

If you didn't, Eternally, a lot of other people covered that base for you!

Alura

[Brit_Pair]

Just one more email to reiterate that the problem was his, that the fault was his, and that the guilt should be his. Don't punish yourself anymore.

[naughty A]

came late to the thread

repeat...

YOU did nothing wrong

THIS GUY was a really big *jerk* (insert word of your choice here)

You have amazing self control since you didn't beat the crap out of him immediately for it. I commend you for it. It would have just created legal problems for you anyway.

sorry you had a bad experience.

Naughty A.

[alabamafuntonig]

Subject: Michael
michael is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is
always in a good mood and always has something positive to say.
When someone would ask him how he was doing, would
reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!"
He was a natural motivator.
If an employee was having a bad day, Michael was there
telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the
situation.
Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I
went up to Michael and asked him, "I don't get it! You can't be a
positive person all of the time. How do you do it?"
Michael replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to
myself, you have two choices today.
You can choose to be in a good mood or ... you can
choose to be in a bad mood.
I choose to be in a good mood.
Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a
victim or...I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from
it.
Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can
choose to accept their complaining or... I can point out the positive
side of life. choose the positive side of life.

"Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested. "Yes,
it is," Michael said.
"Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the
junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to
situations. You choose how people affect your mood. You choose to be in a
good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It's your choice how you live your
life."
I reflected on what Michael said. Soon thereafter, I
left the Tower Industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but
I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of
reacting to it.
Several years later, I heard that Michael was involved
in a serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications
tower.
After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care,
Michael was released from the hospital with rods placed in his
back.
I saw Michael about six months after the accident.
When I asked him how he was, he replied. "If I were any better, I'd be
twins. Wanna see my scars?"

I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what
had gone through his mind as the accident took place.
"The first thing that went through my mind was the
well-being of my soon to be born daughter," Michael replied. "Then, as
I lay on the ground, I remembered that I had two choices: I could
choose to live or... I could choose to die. I chose to live."

"Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I
asked.
Michael continued, "...the paramedics were great. They
kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me
into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and
nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read "he's a dead man. I knew
I needed to take action."
"What did you do?" I asked.
"Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions
at me," said Michael. "She asked if I was allergic to anything.

"Yes, I replied." The doctors and nurses stopped
working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled,
"Gravity."
Over their laughter, I told them, "I am choosing to
live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead."Michael lived, thanks
to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude.
I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully.

Attitude, after all, is everything.
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow
will worry about itself.. Each day has enough trouble of its own." After
all today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

[thump29]

I posted a thread a couple days ago about a bad experience we had our first time back into this lifestyle. My question is it is ok to expect some answers for the things that he done or should i just let it go. I am confused and I dont know why he did what he did but I would like some answers from him. I am trying really hard to get over this but I just cant figure out what changed him or why did he put up an act after we were so honest.

[OhioCouple]

Thump29, I went ahead and merged your new thread with this one as it all applies to the same situation.

If I were you I wouldn't worry about what he thinks. He OBVIOUSLY doesn't think sanely or respectfully. As much as you may want to know the answers, do you think that you could believe anything he says at this point? He has already proven himself to be untrustworthy.

If I were in your shoes, I'd send the guy a good piece of my mind, via e-mail and then block him from ever sending you anything else again.

I don't think I noticed before, but did this guy meet you in your home or does he have your phone number? If that is the case, then disregard my above, and just politely tell him that you have no further interest in seeing him again and THEN block or ignore all future e-mails from him.

To be honest though, just based on his behavior, he got what he wanted in the way he wanted it and probably has no desire to be back with ya'll in the future anyway. I despise people like that, and there are plenty of them out there.

[CLITFRIEND]

Originally posted by thump29
I posted a thread a couple days ago about a bad experience we had our first time back into this lifestyle. My question is it is ok to expect some answers for the things that he done or should i just let it go. I am confused and I dont know why he did what he did but I would like some answers from him. I am trying really hard to get over this but I just cant figure out what changed him or why did he put up an act after we were so honest.

Thump--may I also suggest that you go to the singles forum--and read the threads---
'Single Men--Are you lucky?'--and 'bother'---both of them are rather lengthy threads--but I believe you will find the answer to why he did what he did. If you are still a little confuse after reading those two--then repost this question again here---I am sure a dozen or more people who have been there--done that--can give you a solid answer!

[thump29]

Originally posted by OhioCouple
Thump29, I went ahead and merged your new thread with this one as it all applies to the same situation.
Unforyunetley the guy did meet us at home and he has our phone number and i confronted him and he still didnt care about removing the condom and cumming inside of me and he didnt act like he cared about the injury he acted like it was my fault instead of his. He does want to get together again and he wants to still view our webcam. I told him that I was upset and he didnt act like he cares and he used such force that I worry about him coming to my home or harassing me by phone. I never had this happen before so I am unsure about how to handle this situation.
If I were you I wouldn't worry about what he thinks. He OBVIOUSLY doesn't think sanely or respectfully. As much as you may want to know the answers, do you think that you could believe anything he says at this point? He has already proven himself to be untrustworthy.

If I were in your shoes, I'd send the guy a good piece of my mind, via e-mail and then block him from ever sending you anything else again.

I don't think I noticed before, but did this guy meet you in your home or does he have your phone number? If that is the case, then disregard my above, and just politely tell him that you have no further interest in seeing him again and THEN block or ignore all future e-mails from him.

To be honest though, just based on his behavior, he got what he wanted in the way he wanted it and probably has no desire to be back with ya'll in the future anyway. I despise people like that, and there are plenty of them out there.

[thump29]

He doesnt care what he did wrong or that he injured me and I am appalled. He does know where we live and telephone numbers so somehow I have to deal with this. He wont get a second chance. He does want to hookup again and i am going to let him no why it is possible but something tells me he doesnt care. I have never had this happen before and not only does it scare me but it makes me mad also. I was completely honest with him about everything so I dont know what his problem is. No matter what you dont do what he did. I told him about the condoms ahead of time and he didnt listen to me. I am kinda scared about swinging again but i am not going to let him stop me becasue we love this lifestyle. The forcefuless he used was uncalled for. My husband didnt see it or all hell would have broke loose and then there would be all kind of problems. He lied to me about himself and everything. I thought we knew him or we wouldnt have choosen him to swing with. Needless to say our first time back was a nightmare. I keep trying to find fault in something i done but i cant find anything wrong in my department. He has been im me so i have not been online when i know he will be on but i cant avoid him forever. I did tell him about the injury and he acted like he didnt care. Well u are not supposed to use such force that the other party gets injured but he did. I worry about the next experience with a couple if i have anything to worry about. I have ruled out a single male from now on. I am just glad we had prior experience before this or I would have quit but I know that not everybody is this way. I guess some of the blame should go on me because i am the one who chose to add a single male.

[Roxysbayou]

Thump, I am getting a little confused. You didn't mention in your previous posts that you were physically hurt in any way. That only thing that you mentioned was that he removed the condom. Do you mean injured emotionally?

I am also a little confused about where your husband was during all of this. I know mine would have been right by my side through the course of any encounter.

[CLITFRIEND]

Originally posted by Roxysbayou
Thump, I am getting a little confused. You didn't mention in your previous posts that you were physically hurt in any way. That only thing that you mentioned was that he removed the condom. Do you mean injured emotionally?

I am also a little confused about where your husband was during all of this. I know mine would have been right by my side through the course of any encounter.

Roxy--I am in total agreement with you here. To telll you the truth thump--I am kind of stump. I am having the same questions Roxy is having---could u please explain????

[thump29]

He was really agressive when we were together, there was an injury involved. He was fine while my husband was with us but there were a few times that my husband actually left the room while we were together. Hubby did see him getting rough and told him that he needed to back off or we were through. I didnt realize that there was a physical injury until it was all over with. I think I responded to one post and told the person about the injury, I am kinda embarrassed about it. Physically and emotionally it will heal but it is still hard to believe. I did confront the guy and he told me that it was my fault for the injury not his. I explained to him that he was in the wrong and I also told him about him removing the condom and of course he didnt care about it one bit. The reason I didnt tell about everybody about the injury in the beginning is because he is from the sls and I know he could view this at any time not that he has mind you. Its a good thing hubby didnt see everything or there would have been trouble and who needs that. I have learned from this experience and hopefully it will never happen again. I hope this clears things up a little if u have any more questions i will be happy to answer them for you.

[BradAndJanet]

Thump, how is your husband taking this? I know that I felt incredibly guilty for a long time after our little encounter. I kept running it over and over in my mind and almost drove myself crazy (short trip!) trying to figure out what I should have done differently. Don't forget his feelings in this too.

-B

[thump29]

My husband is really upset over this. We both feel like that somehow this could have been prevented but we were really careful, it just goes to show u that u can never be to careful. I realize this is a risk u take in this lifestyle but people like this guy has no place in swinging. I think this guy was just looking to get off and he said what he thought we wanted to hear. I am going to try to be extra careful next time when selecting somebody to join us but there is no guarantee that the person will be as honest as you are. I was hoping this would have been a great experience but it didnt turn out that way so we are dealing with this emotionally and me physically. Its a good thing that my husband was out of the room or he would have ended up in jail and that would make matters worse.