Wanted to go further, husband intervened

[bbcpl4cpl]

The rest of the issue aside with the husband, the experience with this "brian kinney" stud, (for those who don't watch Queer As Folk, he's the hottie that EVERYONE wants) the night would have ended the minute he whipped off the condom and wanted to penetrate. No condom? No way! I can understand completely the situation to her became very hot as he was in a "master" role. The rape role playing thing I've heard can be a big turn on for some.

Now, if I'd been her husband in that situation watching my wife degrade herself by going after some man and BEGGING (how pathetic btw) for him to come back, I would have serious issues with our marriage and we would be so outta there in about five seconds.

Swinging is so much about mutual feelings about whom we play with for me as well as for my husband. There are ground rules that should of course be discussed way before any sex with others and if something new arises during play then there should be a signal of some sort or a brief time out huddle.

And your husband it seems was only trying to step in because he cares about you. I personally don't think he should have been told of for that. This makes me wonder how airtight your marriage is.

Just my opinions and thoughts.

Tigress xx

[JustAskJulie]

I have to agree with Lori's last post. I don't think things went terribly wrong until towards the end when the husband stepped in and stopped things. Rather than allowing things to stop and discussing things with her husband she ran after the fling. Wrong choice there.

Most likely, yes, this woman discovered something she had never experienced before and she was enjoying it. She got way too carried away in the moment tho and allowed her sexual urges to outplay her own relationship and boundaries that had been established with her husband.

The better way to have handled this situation would have been to allow things to stop and let the boy and his ego leave the room. Discuss what happened with her husband and why he stopped things/ why didn't want things to stop. From there thay can go on and perhaps in the future they will find someone else who will give her that side that her husband can't.

Should they toss in their one rule and swing separately? That is really for them to discuss. Even the early responses to this post agreed that swinging is about fulfilling fantasies and doing what feels good. If this is a fantasy that she has that the husband can't act on himself then why not allow someone else to fulfill it. However, it would be better if they find someone that they can trust and who's ego won't get in the way of the enjoyment of everyone. Establish boundaries (especially in a scenario like this) of what is and is not allowed and find someone who is willing to follow those boundaries. I think the husband should be in the room for the very reason of what happened in this instance. IF she so easily gets carried away in the moment then she needs him there to stop things when they go too far.

[naughty A]

I am not an expert but I do know that there are a few people on this board that do practice it.

I am a novice in this regard, public play, but I don't think that this was even an impromptu scene... allowing someone else to be in control is very liberating but only if you can give them your complete trust. Apparently I am what they refer to as a "player" because we play for a preset limited time period and when it is over we go back to regular behaviour and because I can take it or leave it ... it is not essential to my sexual excitement.

In my experience... BDSM people more or less only play with their own partners... in the event that you are playing with a person other than your partner you have to ask permission of the Dom/me to play with someone elses toys, be it a person or object. You cannot just jump into it.

Scenes are generally carefully negotiated in advance what is and is not acceptable behaviour, whether it is rough talk or whatever. A good Dom wants to push the limits of excitement not break the rules or trample the comfort zone.

If it was something that was "awakened" in her ... she should be exploring it with her partner not an unknown ... especially one with such a bad attitude.

and several of you are right NO ONE IS THAT HOT! that you would risk your marriage and your health as well as your self respect ? No. Whether this posting was real or not it is distressing either way.

[teknurse]

I'm REALLY glad you guys felt the way I did about this post. It was late when I read it, and I was tired, but it woke me right up, and had me in a boil before I finished reading it the second time. If I had thought that this was 'the norm' when the wife and I started swinging, we'd be taking basket weaving classes now instead of looking for people to enjoy life with. Nuff said.

Allen&Tami

[FlyBiNiter]

I have only this to say in response to that post:

I have yet to see a man who is hot enough, studly enough, etc to make me BEG, or to make me DISRESPECT my own man. Period, end of story. No such man has been born, nor ever will be.

[TymKeepr]

Originally posted by naughty A
In my experience... BDSM people more or less only play with their own partners... in the event that you are playing with a person other than your partner you have to ask permission of the Dom/me to play with someone elses toys, be it a person or object. You cannot just jump into it.

Scenes are generally carefully negotiated in advance what is and is not acceptable behaviour, whether it is rough talk or whatever. A good Dom wants to push the limits of excitement not break the rules or trample the comfort zone.

If it was something that was "awakened" in her ... she should be exploring it with her partner not an unknown ... especially one with such a bad attitude.

Being one of those BDSM people, you are correct in what you said about negotiation, in fact my husband and I have even done a presentation for our local group on exactly that. A Top, at times, will want to push those boundaries, though, generally with their SO.

Also realize that for many people BDSM play is not necessarily sexual. My husband plays regularly with a lady that just enjoys the endorphin rush she gets from a good beating. He's even beaten her a day or two before a college exam to keep her mellow. Believe me, there is NOTHING sexual about this relationship even though she is stark naked, no sexual type touching happens.

As for trying it out with her partner, it may be too difficult for him to be able to treat her that way or for her to "buy into it" if he should try.

This post sounds more like rough sex and dirty talk, that wonderful feeling of "not being in control so what ever wonderfully nasty thing happens to me it's not my fault". Though like many who have read it, I'm questioning how "real" is it. Sounds just a little to far-fetched for me to believe.

TymKeepr

:evil:

[Handyman69]

Oh my goodness is all I could say when I read this. I'm in agreement with all.....My husband would have probably lost some control in the heat of the moment. But what gets me, it the running after the guy. Just how solid is this relationship? My husband certainly means more than a sexual encounter. I am just in awe... There has to be boundaries and in my opinion...my hubby and I need to be in agreement with them. He is my safety net... If I am too involved and loose it, then he needs to settle things back down.

We are in for the fun...TOGETHER....and when that respect is broken....we are OUT..no ands, ifs or buts. Our relationship is the most important of all.

My 2 cents,

Rhonda (just home from work)

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by TymKeepr
This post sounds more like rough sex and dirty talk, that wonderful feeling of "not being in control so what ever wonderfully nasty thing happens to me it's not my fault".

This is exactly what it sounds like to me. In my opinon I think "studly" probably strolls around as the cock of the walk and is very used to getting what he wants, when he wants it and the way he wants it. That sort of arrogance is very unattractive to me, but I can see how someone could get caught up in the attention and even revel in it. I've seen it happen in the 'vanilla' world.

Though like many who have read it, I'm questioning how "real" is it. Sounds just a little to far-fetched for me to believe.

Speaking from experience, the second couple that we met with would probably be really too far fetched to believe also. In our case we thought we would be totally compatible and the evening turned into a nightmare. (This is a couple that we met at a club and then spent an evening with them at their home about a month later. We did not swing with them first meet.) So it isn't unthinkable to believe that this could have really happened. We would have never believed what we encountered out of the couple we were with. They just didn't seem the type (for lack of better words).

BTW, love your Buffet quote!

Lori

[TymKeepr]

Originally posted by OhioCouple
Speaking from experience, the second couple that we met with would probably be really too far fetched to believe also. In our case we thought we would be totally compatible and the evening turned into a nightmare. (This is a couple that we met at a club and then spent an evening with them at their home about a month later. We did not swing with them first meet.) So it isn't unthinkable to believe that this could have really happened. We would have never believed what we encountered out of the couple we were with. They just didn't seem the type (for lack of better words).

Alright, now I want to know the story behind this one! What went wrong? I'm trying to learn from everyone before we head to our first swing club over Memorial Day weekend!

As I stated before, BDSM does not equate with sex since most public dungeons allow no penetration or oral sex of any kind. Parties with our local group stay very much that way as well. So I can't wait to finally get to a swing club!

TymKeepr
:evil:

[uneed_love2]

When I read this post, I was really disturbed! I didn't know why and only realized it after reading a lot of the answers.
The reason it disturbs me so much is that this is the kind of szenario that I am afraid of. I am afraid of being treated like this stud was treating her. And it is definitely not what I would want. What if JC walks out for a moment and the guy starts to act this way? And there is nobody to stop him? what then? It wouldn't help me much if he got thrown out because he didn't take no for an answer...

Please assure me that this is not normal behaviour in a club! Because this post brought a lot of fears to the surface.

I don't remember how I found this board, but what impressed me was the way the people were acting towards each other. I found a lot of respect (most of the time), helpfulness, caring. So I assumed that swingers would fall into this category. And I felt comfortable.
Being new to this lifestyle, not having tried it out, this kind of behaviour from this stud is really scaring me.

Could some of you experienced people please tell me what we should do in order to avoid getting into such a situation.

He needs love and she needs love2

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by TymKeepr
Alright, now I want to know the story behind this one! What went wrong? I'm trying to learn from everyone before we head to our first swing club over Memorial Day weekend!

Our first swing experience with this particular couple DID NOT happen at a club. We conversed via e-mail for a month and decided to get together with them, after having met them. (They choose to attend clubs out of their home area due to a fear of being 'found out' and it could jeapordize their employments.)

The night we met in person, all we did was talk and do some dancing with opposite partners. Nothing more. (This was a chance meeting at a club.)

You can read the meat of the matter Here

Lori

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by uneed_love2

Please assure me that this is not normal behaviour in a club! Because this post brought a lot of fears to the surface.

In our experience Uneed2, you have no need to worry. We have attended four different clubs several times and other than the one night we attended when single males were in attendance we had no problems what so ever. Speaking only for the clubs we have been to, you can do as much or as little as you desire. No one forces you into anything. In all actuality, if you don't make the effort to meet up with couples, you will probably will not get involved with many. As it will be your first visit and given your limited time together, I'd suggest just going and enjoying the atmosphere and not attempting to meet up with some one to swing with. This doesn't mean that you can't watch those that loved to be watched, or socialize with others.

In my opinion, I wouldn't suggest ANYONE swinging on a first meet, but then that is just me. Others are comfortable with it, I am not. Take it slow and don't push yourselves.

Lori

[naughty A]

Originally posted by uneed_love2
Please assure me that this is not normal behaviour in a club!

This is not normal behaviour.

I still question whether it is a "real" posting or not.

BUT notice that the woman in question never actually objected to his behaviour, her husband did... but she... didn't.

I have to think that if she did... he wouldn't have stood a chance, everyone would have lept to her defence.

Most of us are truly generous and caring people and you are much more likely to hear someone ask "is this ok?" rather than proceeding without input.

Good luck and don't let this story scare you off.

Naughty A.

[DragonsLair]

Uneed love 2,

I've never seen this kind of behavior at a club either. Naughty A is right, most people will ask before they do anything. And if you say no, they'll respect that.

You and JC go and have a great time at the club. And let us know how it goes, okay?

DragonsLair

He is T. I am A.

[funvacpl]

very intriguing rape fantasy......but not written by a female, more fitting material for Penthouse Storytime.

T&D