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  1. #1
    Registered User badbehavior's Avatar
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    Default Wife broke rule...playing without me

    Hello. Got a question. The wife and I were at a friends house hooking up MFM. One of our rules is play together now matter what. Well I decided to test her on this rule. We were all playing in the same room have full intercoarse and I said I needed to go to the bathroom. I left and shut the door leaving the two of them alone. When I came back I listened at the door and could hear them going at it good. It was 2 am. I decided to leave them be and lay down in the next room to see if she would come look for me in a little bit. Remember our rule is to not play a lone. Well I fell asleep after about an hour. 6am came and she was still not there. I could still hear them going at it. 30 mins later she came in to me. When I asked her what happened she said she couldn't get away from him. I said I heard the two of you doing it all night. She said everytime he would go to sleep he would hold her close and when she tried to get away she would wake him up by accident and then he would have sex with her again. She said she didn't say "no" but felt like she couldn't get away from him to come back to me because everytime he woke up he begged her to stay. What do all of you think. She did say the sex was better because when I left the room his dick got harder and was more fun to be with. Just curious. Thanks

  2. #2
    Laura's Male VegasLee's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wife broke rule...playing without me

    I don't think either one of you are ready to be playing in this Lifestyle.

    You feel the need to "test" her, you don't trust her and she is making up nonsense stories to try to keep you from getting pissed off at her actions.

    This lifestyle is about total trust and honesty between partners before anything else and you two don't have that at this point.

    Back off, take a break and talk about what happened without pointing fingers and making a major deal out of it. You both messed up.

    Once you really have the trust and communication that you need then venture back in slowly.

    Good luck to you.
    You all laugh at me because I am different. I laugh at all of you because you are all the same.

  3. #3
    Being good is overrated sweet_tna's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wife broke rule...playing without me

    Quote Originally Posted by badbehavior View Post
    Well I decided to test her on this rule.
    Why did you feel the need to test her? If you had any question that your rule might not be followed, then why set her up for failure, rather than sitting down and TALKING to her about your feelings/concerns?

    We were all playing in the same room have full intercourse and I said I needed to go to the bathroom. I left and shut the door leaving the two of them alone. When I came back I listened at the door and could hear them going at it good.
    Again, it seems like this was a situation doomed to failure. Because if you were already having intercourse before you left to go to the bathroom, then I can see how your wife and the other guy didn't think it a big deal to keep going. Did you actually expect all play to stop if either of you left the room for ANY reason? And was this expressly discussed when this rule was set?

    If not, at this point, I would question the rule itself, or how well ya'll communicated with each other. This could easily be chalked up to a misunderstanding.

    It was 2 am. I decided to leave them be and lay down in the next room to see if she would come look for me in a little bit. Remember our rule is to not play a lone. Well I fell asleep after about an hour. 6am came and she was still not there. I could still hear them going at it. 30 mins later she came in to me.
    WHY, if she'd already broken your rule would you not go right back to that room and ask that playtime stop, or leave as soon as they were done?

    I grant you, she should've come to you sooner, or at least called out to you to see if you were okay.

    When I asked her what happened she said she couldn't get away from him. I said I heard the two of you doing it all night. She said everytime he would go to sleep he would hold her close and when she tried to get away she would wake him up by accident and then he would have sex with her again. She said she didn't say "no" but felt like she couldn't get away from him to come back to me because everytime he woke up he begged her to stay. What do all of you think. She did say the sex was better because when I left the room his dick got harder and was more fun to be with. Just curious. Thanks
    Okay, this sounds like a flimsy excuse, which leads me to believe one of two things: She either has cheated on you before or given you reason to believe she would cheat (in which case, swinging is a bad idea), OR this whole situation is bogus. Sorry, but the whole thing does sound a bit fishy to me.

    Why, after setting her up for a fall, and allowing her to break the rule would you let her stay with a guy all night?!? NO WAY would Mr. Sweet allow that to happen . . .

    IF this situation is on the level, ya'll really need to TALK--ya'll need to discuss how/why this situation happened. You need to discuss your rules more thoroughly, and/or reevaluate their validity. You both need to learn how to say NO if something bothers you/makes you uncomfortable.

    Maybe some of the other members here can give you a better perspective . . .
    Last edited by sweet_tna; 07-29-2009 at 08:10 PM.
    I'd rather go to hell for doing something I enjoyed than heaven wondering what it's like.

  4. #4
    Swingers Board Addict BiloxiCouple's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wife broke rule...playing without me

    It may be bad behavior on both their parts.

    Both are responsible.
    There are fish in the water that haven't been caught yet.

  5. #5
    Better than Ice Cream two4youinswva's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wife broke rule...playing without me

    Quote Originally Posted by badbehavior View Post
    One of our rules is play together now matter what. Well I decided to test her on this rule. We were all playing in the same room have full intercoarse and I said I needed to go to the bathroom.
    "Not playing alone" includes during piss breaks? Really?

    Quote Originally Posted by VegasLee View Post
    I don't think either one of you are ready to be playing in this Lifestyle.
    Quoted for truth.
    You can tell how much a woman likes you by her feet. If they're behind her ears, she REALLY likes you.

  6. #6
    Swingers Board Addict JTcamp05's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wife broke rule...playing without me

    Serously..... you have to "test" her during a piss break?

    You could have went back in the room, or did they lock you out?

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    Default Re: Wife broke rule...playing without me

    My first thought is was she supposed to press the "pause" button waiting for you to return from the bathroom? In the heat of things that might be a difficult thing. So think to expect her to stop for a moment is not in the spirit of your rule. But..not looking for you later, that would bother me.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Wife broke rule...playing without me

    Wow talk about some issues here. If Bunny ever tried to play the test me game you did, there would be alot of talking and no swinging going on till it got resolved. Trust has to be number one in this lifestyle.

    What bothers me the most is when you say you never went back in and she never came out to find you till hours later. This shows a total lack of maturity on both of your parts. You stayed away in a huff and I think she realised this and decided to just stay and have fun rather than deal with what was going to be drama. In a way I cant blame her. Stop playing for a bathroom break!!!! Give me a break. She decided if she was going to catch hell she might as well have the fun first. I may be guessing at some things here, but from what you have said I am willing to bet that I am not far off.

    So like most of the others said you need to take a break because you are not ready to deal with the lifestyle. You are just both playing games with each other.

  9. #9
    Swingers Board Addict Dave_kat's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wife broke rule...playing without me

    A lot have already thrown in some really good advice, but a few weeks ago we had two similiar threads that went different directions, both originally posted about the same time.

    http://www.swingersboard.com/forums/...full-swap.html

    http://www.swingersboard.com/forums/...m-i-wrong.html

    There are several ways to handle your situation. The most important thing is that you both talk truthfully about what happened, and work together to find out how to deal with the situation and maintain your relationship. During times like these, we usually tell the couple to take at least a break for a while.

    You wanted to test your wife. Did your rules state that you had to be present for anything that happens, so noone can go to the bathroom or get a glass of water? What happens if you finish first and need to go to the bathroom (which you did). Had you discussed these things with her beforehand, so you both knew the appropriate response?

    Now while it would be understandable to continue on until he finishes that round with you missing, the problem is neither of them went looking for you to see what you were up to. They continued to play for several more hours. This seems very inconsiderate to begin with, and leads to a whole different line of thought.

    But let's pay attention to her response, which had her trying to get away and him not letting her. Let's assume that was true. You've opened her up into a situation out of her control and that's the main reason for playing together. But you also left her in that situation by not going back in for her. At the least you should have done was gone back in after a short period and sat down to watch, especially if you were done. Regardless of that, you let her down by not backing her up if she needed help.

    You both need to sit down and ask each other - not why would you do this - but gameplay the whole scenario and come up with a way you would both prefer to handle things like this in the future, if you continue to play with others. That way you are on the same sheet of music to begin with. You will find that going back over the whole series of events will give you guidance on different but similiar situations, so you will know how to handle them together.

    And one last note. Don't test your signifigant other. You are ALWAYS going to set yourself up for heartbreak if you do so. Work together to determine a course of action if something happens ahead of time, and stick by it.
    Reality is based on perception, therefore everyone has their own reality.

  10. #10
    Swingers Board Addict Additude's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wife broke rule...playing without me

    Your test failed, not your wife.

    Now come on....be honest...you have a bit of voyeur in you, eh? It was fun to leave them and let them have at it and lay there and listen to them just fucking each other, wasn't it?

    Is that why you just laid there and didn't go back into the room? I'm sure initially your wife and the other guy thought you would return. But apparently you didn't just to play a head game, or then again, maybe it was that voyeur in you that wanted to expose itself and you thought you'd get some fun listening to them and your wife would come looking for you. Only that didn't happen, did it?

    So then you got your feelings hurt and you decided you didn't want to go back to where you should have been, in the room with your wife.

    Your wife shouldn't have been expected to come find you and be where you were at, it was your job to be where she was at. This was an M-F-M and you left the room...not her.

    It's your situation and you created it. Now take the blame for it not turning out the way you expected it to. Your lucky your wife didn't lambast you for leaving her alone in that room with that guy without prior knowledge.
    If you want something you have never had before, you must do something you have never done before.

  11. #11
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    Default Re: Wife broke rule...playing without me

    and two more cents.. find another male for MFM. Regardless of all else he was party to this and was inconsiderate of your feelings. Especially if you shared your rules with him.

  12. #12
    Registered User badbehavior's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wife broke rule...playing without me

    Thank you all for writing in. I appreciate the differant views. I did talk to her the next day about it and worked it out. We do have great communication. I told her it was part my fault for playing head games with myself. She said she was having fun and lost track of time and thought I was coming back.

    When I said that our rule is to play together always doesn't mean to stop durning piss breaks. Just no full swapping in another room without each other. I don't mind if I got to go get something to drink or piss and she continues to play but I figured after an hour of me being gone she would come look for me. 1: To make sure I was alright (physical or emotion). 2: Because it is suppost to be a MFM party not a MF. I just felt a little hurt she didn't come find me.

    Thanks again everyone. I just wanted your opinion on the matter. I do understand it was my fault for testing her like I did and told her it wouldn't happen again and she said she would be more aware of me being gone.

  13. #13
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    Default Re: Wife broke rule...playing without me

    Quote Originally Posted by badbehavior View Post
    Thank you all for writing in. I appreciate the differant views. I did talk to her the next day about it and worked it out. We do have great communication. I told her it was part my fault for playing head games with myself. She said she was having fun and lost track of time and thought I was coming back.

    When I said that our rule is to play together always doesn't mean to stop durning piss breaks. Just no full swapping in another room without each other. I don't mind if I got to go get something to drink or piss and she continues to play but I figured after an hour of me being gone she would come look for me. 1: To make sure I was alright (physical or emotion). 2: Because it is suppost to be a MFM party not a MF. I just felt a little hurt she didn't come find me.

    Thanks again everyone. I just wanted your opinion on the matter. I do understand it was my fault for testing her like I did and told her it wouldn't happen again and she said she would be more aware of me being gone.
    I stil think her not coming to find you is a reaction to you not coming back. So your communication skills may not be as good as you think. But then agains whos really is? Just remember that in this lifestyle you will run into situations that you have not talked about beforehand, so you need to have a general rule of respect to fall back on. An example from our experience is a time at a club. We had been playing all night and Bunny woke up wanting more but I wasnt being easy to wake up. She knew of a guy she was attracted to that was available downstairs and thought about going and getting him. But she was unsure of the situation because we had never discussed this possibility and didnt go get him. When she told me about it later I said that she should have gone and gotten him and brought him up to the bed. That would not be breaking the rules as we would still be together, and I will either wake up and join in or watch, or I might say go for it and roll over and go back to sleep. All in all it doesnt matter as long as we respect each other and stay on the same page.

  14. #14
    Just a hick Okie Alura's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wife broke rule...playing without me

    I don't think "testing" is a good idea. It's not really honest, nor is it needed. Really, if it's necessary that she stop having sex (yeah! right!) while you go piss, y'all have more problems with trust than you think.

    Mr. Alura
    "They may call me a rube and a hick, but I'd a lot rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it."
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  15. #15
    Swingers Board Addict bbarnsworth's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wife broke rule...playing without me

    Quote Originally Posted by badbehavior View Post
    When I said that our rule is to play together always doesn't mean to stop durning piss breaks. Just no full swapping in another room without each other. I don't mind if I got to go get something to drink or piss and she continues to play but I figured after an hour of me being gone she would come look for me. 1: To make sure I was alright (physical or emotion). 2: Because it is suppost to be a MFM party not a MF. I just felt a little hurt she didn't come find me.
    Your rule is unclear, and your wife was probably unclear. What exactly is the rule? "If one of us leaves while the other is having sex, keep going. But, set a timer in your head to check on the other person if they don't come back soon"?

    This is confusing at best. A confusing rule isn't a rule.

    My wife and I discussed this at length before getting into the lifestyle as something that could come up. What if we're swapping and one of us has leave the room to go to the bathroom? Our rule; we're gone for as long as it takes to go to the bathroom and maybe get a drink. While gone, the action continues assuming the spouse left behind feels safe and comfortable with that.

    That's easy to follow. If I was gone for more than 15 or 20 minutes, my wife would stop everything and come looking for me.

    Your rule isn't easy to follow.

    Work it out and come up with a rule that makes sense. In the meantime, don't hold your wife accountable for violating a confusing rule. She was having fun having sex with the guy.

    And stop the stupid tests. I agree one million percent with everyone else above on that; if you feel the need to 'test' your spouse, you shouldn't be playing.

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