My wife won't perform this sex act with me...but does it with playmates

[EvilMJ]

I have to agree with many of the others. If your partner gets defensive when you wish to talk openly about a subject, then I see a major problem. Sure the reason could be anything - but why can she not feel open enough to talk about it with you. Without open communciation it leaves room for suspicion, confusion, hurt feelings..etc, the list goes on. Especially after she won't do the same thing for you.

If you are going to continue playing with others, then you need to be able to talk about things when you have a questions or concerns. Leaving it alone and continuing on is only going to make the problems worse.

[bonesray]

She must talk about this.

[Knockedonmyass]

I thank you all for your comments.

Let me clarrify things. The "act" was not forbidden. Oh for gods sake, she will not let me cum in her mouth. Says it's disgusting, the smell, flavour, feel.

But, she has on 2 occassions with a playmate, 2 different ones, that she has never had before, therefore would not know how they would have been. She had only done this with me once since we have been together for over 15 years.

I am not angry, not then not now, just frustrated that she does not want to do it with me, not even contemplate it.

Since these 2 occassions and my (short of begging) requests for her to try it with me, I now find myself hesitant to even ask for her to perform without the finish as she is now afraid that I will not stop, intentionally. Even when I have asked for a blowjob, they are not so "readily available" anymore, something we used to do frequently. More excuses.

I did not ask the partner NOT to do it because I forbid it, or because she will not do it with me. I let him know because she said she would not do it and it was included in our rules. Now I know rules change as we learn and grow, experience new things and perfect others.

Like I said I am not angry. On the way home, I was sincerely asking if she was okay because something happened that supposedly was not supposed to and if she enjoyed it, then it got cold.

Normally we have great communication, but for some reason she wishes not to discuss this.

As for my feelings being hurt, well... maybe, but more the fact that we have always shared everything in our lives together and have always been able to discuss everything without issue. We don't fight or argue, may have small disagreements, but are always respectful of each other.

I just find it uncomfortable that I cannot get into THIS discussion with her or why she is so unwilling to try with me again.

I know that there are things that we do to / for our lovers that we improve on. I'm hoping this is one of them.

[Additude]

After reading your last reply I'd suggest you do a 180 on your stance and encourage her to let other men cum in her mouth. I don't mean encourage as in vocally promoting it, cheering her on or anything like that, but by not showing her that it bothers you.

I've heard from many women that each mans cum tastes different and some are good, some tollerable and some not good. Maybe your cum isn't palatable to her taste buds.... maybe it's another reason...? Who knows except her...

But, that said, I say let her do it to others without you questioning it as the more comfortable she gets with doing it the closer you get to her doing it for you.

[sexcupid]

Originally Posted by Additude

After reading your last reply I'd suggest you do a 180 on your stance and encourage her to let other men cum in her mouth. I don't mean encourage as in vocally promoting it, cheering her on or anything like that, but by not showing her that it bothers you.

I've heard from many women that each mans cum tastes different and some are good, some tollerable and some not good. Maybe your cum isn't palatable to her taste buds.... maybe it's another reason...? Who knows except her...

But, that said, I say let her do it to others without you questioning it as the more comfortable she gets with doing it the closer you get to her doing it for you.

I don't know that I agree with this. There are certain things that I will do with only certain partners. Either I can't get the same feeling in a situation (I can't think of a better way to describe it) or it comes down to a partner saying, 'you'll do that with Steve, but you won't do that with me.' And here comes the guilt trip (or at the very least whining about it).

I don't think the OP's wife continuing to do this with other men will bring her any closer to doing it for him than she already is. If it keeps on, then I think it is just going to bother the OP more and more and a blow up could occur.

There are just some things that only she can answer and until she does, it's anyone's guess. Maybe she just doesn't want to say 'Baby, you taste gross...it's too thick, there's too much of it, it's bitter'...so on and so forth. I agree she needs to talk, but maybe she's afraid what she has to say will not be kind and it will hurt your feelings?

But that's just my 2 cents.

Maria

[Tybee Swing]

Hi Knocked, I'm the one that used the word "forbidden", but I think you may have misunderstood my meaning. I wasn't saying that you forbade her to do this with other guys. I meant that she has placed this on the forbidden list (something she won't do). She forbids you to come in her mouth.

Originally Posted by Knockedonmyass

Says it's disgusting, the smell, flavour, feel.
....
She had only done this with me once since we have been together for over 15 years.
....
just frustrated that she does not want to do it with me, not even contemplate it.

I hope that is more clear.

I think it is wrong, and destructive for a couple in swinging, to deny your spouse an act they have longed for over years -- and yet allow random strangers to have it. Just my humble opinion.

[Knockedonmyass]

Thanks all.

I think the words of the wise have answered another problem.

After reading my original post and all the responses I have to admint...

I think I should have let this go from the beginning like I was going to do.

We got into this lifestyle, not for our own personal pleasure, but for us as a couple. Having said that... we are all in this for the pleasure! I should not feel bad if she also wants the pleasure and if she can't do something, for any reason, it's still her perogative, no matter who the partner.

It would be selfish for anyone to force someone to do something they can't, and as stated above, I don't want her to feel guilty.

We have had loads of fun and met alot of real fantastic people.



Thanks again.

[SW_PA_Couple]

I have read this thread with great interest. We denied ourselves at first but separate-room sex has now become the norm. We are both more free to explore.

[Alura]

Additude wrote:

I've heard from many women that each mans cum tastes different and some are good, some tollerable and some not good. Maybe your cum isn't palatable to her taste buds.... maybe it's another reason...? Who knows except her.

While I would suggest that y'all continue to try to improve your communication, I wouldn't dwell on the reason. If y'all continue to talk things out, the answer will eventually reveal itself.

Mrs. Alura tells me that men who smoke have unpleasant-tasting cum. There may be other factors that change the taste.

Mr. Alura

[lovinher]

I would have a serious problem if my wife would do things with a play partner that she would not do with me. Especially if she would not talk about it. I'd be more concerned about that than anything else. It does make me wonder what other communication problems there may be. You don't want to deny her the pleasure but isn't that exactly what she is doing to you? I feel like I'm stirring the pot here but you did ask for opinions. Take it as that...just my opinion.

You are OK with it now and that is all that matters.

[Alura]

It's also my opinion, Lovinher, that the major problem here is her refusal to talk about the issue.

Mr. Alura

[Cpl2share]

Have to agree with Alura. It would not so much be the act itself, but the non communication. As we posted earlier in this thread: If there is a breakdown of communication the whole show stops until things are straight. We went through the not talking phase and almost lost our marriage. Now, it does not matter how much someting might hurt, we talk about it.

[DBL D]

Seems like this is about rules as much as anything. She broke a rule and now won't discuss it and then she breaks it again. I would be upset. I think a couple should be able to do what ever they want with someone else but to not discuss it when the whole idea is for couples to share...just leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Male D

[sereneiders]

Originally Posted by SW_PA_Couple

I have read this thread with great interest. We denied ourselves at first but separate-room sex has now become the norm. We are both more free to explore.

I guess this have to do with what could be happening. We build up our "identity" in front of others, and the more closer those others are, the more we grant credit to their oppinions about us, the more we care about our "identity".

Your wife once told you she disliked you cumming in her mouth (and consider the fact about cum taste already said), that happend long ago, you both get used to the idea and this became part of her "identity". Now she gave this a try (a different guy, a different taste as well) and she's exploring the whole thing from the scratch.

She could feel more free to explore with those strangers preciselly because she doesn't care about their oppinons as she does about yours, and she is able either to move further in her explorations, or to withdraw and get back to where she was about the subject, without any consecuence.

In the other hand, if she were exploring the same with you, there exist the risk that you change your mind about her and her tastes for good, affecting her "identity", and even to the boint of feeling she could betray you if she wants to withdraw in the future.

As other said, her refusal to talk about this COULD be a warning, or it simply could be that she is unable to find out the words or to understand this sort of conflicts about her own identity: her guts could be telling her it's safe to explore with other guys and to keep this exploration inside her private sphere, at least until reaching enough confortable level as to reach a "veredict" affecting your wishes and the relationship.

It is important to be able to tell appart why someone doesn't talk, if because she doesn't wants to, if because she just cannot talk, if because the unproper moments were chosen to talk, et certera.

For example, I know because my wife told me, there are certain things she doesn't want to talk, certain things she cannot talk, and that she (as happens to me) not allways is in the mood for talking.

For the later we developed a recipe that works for us: when someone needs to talk about something we know or suspect it could be unconfortable for the other, we make an appointment. Even more, some times we look for a "neutral territory" where to talk, let say a bar isnthead of the bedroom or the livingroom. This give each one of us time enough to make up our mind about something deserving all our attention and our best mood to talk. We can even reschedule the appointment just because some of us knows that ins't in the "best shape" for such a conversation. The goal is to ensure the best chances to produce a satisfactory outcome for both of us.

Some times we even roleplayed a game: since my wife is my best friend and I am my wife's best friend, we made the appointment to talk with "the friend" about "my couple". Let's suppose I am the one requestin the appointment, once in the bar I start talking with her as if she weren't my wife, but my friend, about my wife. I don't address my wife as "you", but as "she"... like "well, latelly it often happens that SHE's having this attitude...", pursuing to get an advice from "my friend" on how to deal with the problem. This also allows her to reffer to herself as "that other woman", and disclose some of her toughts as suppositions to work with, and even mix them up with suppositions having nothing to do with her feelings or toughts, just to help me boraden the horizonts while preserving her privacy. In the process, she's able to reach a better understanding of what I feel and where I am comming from (she may ask questions like "what happend between you two leading you to suppose...", as if she were unaware of the shared story, just to understand how I am perceiving it, insthead of taking a deffensive attitude based on the way she perceived the same facts). Of course, this works both ways, she may be the one asking to talk with her friend about her husband.

It sounds somehow weird (moreover at first), but pays the effort, because it allows each other to depersonalize the subject and no one is justified to make personal attacts, nor to understand what's being said as a personal attack, nor to react with personal attacs, allowing both of us to communicate openly and in deepth.

[ajones1969]

Originally Posted by DBL D

Seems like this is about rules as much as anything. She broke a rule and now won't discuss it and then she breaks it again. I would be upset. I think a couple should be able to do what ever they want with someone else but to not discuss it when the whole idea is for couples to share...just leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Male D

I completely agree with Male D on this. The rules are the foundation of trust. When a rule us broken, the trust is broken...or questioned at the very least.
Obviously when dealing with different people, circumstances and emotions, not everything is black&white...some rules at one time or another are going to be bent, stretched or broken. Depending on all of the above variables, this may range from minor to major. Communication is key - maybe new rules will be made...or some removed or changed. In this case the rule was she didnt allow men to come in her mouth and the assumption was that she didnt like it. As it turned out, his assumption was incorrect. Maybe its time to get rid of that rule? Or maybe its time to re-establish the rule on the grounds that it bothers the husband?
In any case...something has to be agreed upon here...why have any rules if its ok to keep breaking them?
The issue of why she wont let him come in her mouth or blow him very often any more is a separate deal.