She crossed our limitation of soft-swinging and had intercourse

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by Larry & Michell

So all's well that ends well. I'm really not a psycho. Michelle and I went home together last night, both of us happy being with each other. No one else got hurt or used, I think we even made a bunch of other people smile, and no animals were hurt in the making of this production.

There's only one thing wrong with that statement: it doesn't really 'end'. It sounds like a page has been turned, definitely, but I'll just suggest to expect the unexpected. Expect negative feelings to crop up every now and again, sort of like an old football injury acts up in bad weather. When it does, talk it out.

It sure sounds like you're on the right path, though. When it comes right down to it, you're listening to a bunch of strangers tell you what to do with a situation they admittedly know little to nothing about. You wisely disregarded us and listened where it mattered most: to yourselves and to each other. You're the only ones who really know what it's going to take to make things right with one another. Good luck, and I hope you two still stick around and post. We like to know how things are going with you both.

[danni654]

I read this thread and must say that Larry and Michelle are the kind of couple we avoid like the plague.

(1) They are not a committed couple. Meeting people who are "just dating" is just too much drama! They're just getting to know each other, for god's sake. The best sex we have is with other committed couples who know each other inside and out.

(2) They cannot separate sex from love. Yes, some swingers develop relationships, but those are the L/Sers we see have problems. We'll stick with the bed-notchers. If we become friends, that's fine...in fact, that's great! But if the sex you have together AFTER swinging is NOT enhanced, then please do NOT swing. You're not ready.

(3) It's all about the girls, my friend. If a couple is male-dominated, that's drama waiting to happen, too. The guy tends to be controlling, whether he admits to it or not. And, Larry, you are a controller.

(4) We've never gotten the soft-swing/swap thing. If you're doing "everything but intercourse", you're placing way too high a value on that one sex act. See comment #2 and #3. The most awesome swingers we know (and that we fuck again and again) are more interested in their partners' pleasure, hence they receive the ultimate in pleasure. Whatever you GIVE, you will receive back TEN-FOLD! Hey, I think I quoted the Bible!!! ROTFLMAO

[Petethefuzzy]

It all has to do with what yo were thinking when you made the rule of "soft swinging." Did you think that both of you felt exactly equally about it? You are two different people and will always be two different people. The feelings you have concerning something is always different than your mate, no matter how close you think you are. It's not her fault and it certainly isn't yours. She's just different. It sounds like she was overwhelmed by the intensity of the moment. That means she let herself really feel it! That's a good thing. Lots of people get to a point and cut themselves off, like shutting off a spigot. Whether it was the booze or whatever, she didn't. She is a treasure! Trust her leadership to help you release your inner passion, the same passion she was feeling on that occasion. You have much to learn from her. Don't try to "manage" her. Trust her. Let her lead you, share with you HER passion, and together you can reach heights you never dreamed of!
Petethefuzzy

[cubnamy1995]

I just now read over this thread, and I decided to add my 2 cents. I respect that others do like and need soft-swap, but to me there is not a lot of difference between my wife kissing another man and doing an entire basketball team at once. It is all intimate. Personally, I would be more offended having a guy send my wife flowers than him having sex with her. I'm one of those all or nothing kind of people, and so is my wife. I love watching her do her thing, and that works for us. I know it doesn't work for everyone, but there isn't much difference to me.

Please forgive me if I sound disrespecting of the soft-swap crowd. I'm really not. Everyone has a different relationship, and no one thing will work for everybody. But I married a woman who is a balls-to-the-wall freak who fucks like a top-fuel dragster, and by God, I love her for it! 75% of the fun in swinging for me is watching her hit fifth gear and wear guys out! Makes me feel good when the other guy says "Damn! It takes a hell of a man to hang with that".

Anyway, that's just my opinion.

And fucking a red-head is like riding a bull. The best thing you can do is hang on for as long as you can and enjoy one hell of a wild ride.

[chrisunion]

If you do not like the heat you should not have gone into the kitchen!
If you can not handle the fact that you wife enjoy herself sexually, then you need to stop this right now. I'm sure she loves you, but the sexual lust got the best of her. I never expected to see my wife so turn on, & horny when she made love to another man, but she was.

[danni654]

Ah, herein lies the problem with many "failed" or overly-dramatic swingers we've met. My SO (significant other) and I MAKE LOVE, however we FUCK other people. And, I am the bi-female 1/2 of this couple.

Get a grip, if you can separate love from sex...which mosts mammals can...then you qualify to be a swinger! Otherwise, I'm with chrisunion...get out!

:rollseyes

Originally Posted by chrisunion

If you do not like the heat you should not have gone into the kitchen!
If you can not handle the fact that you wife enjoy herself sexually, then you need to stop this right now. I'm sure she loves you, but the sexual lust got the best of her. I never expected to see my wife so turn on, & horny when she made love to another man, but she was.

[graygo98]

Stepping back from the OP's situation for a minute, there is a lot of good learning in this thread. I think danni654 summed it up best for me in post #32, particularly points 1 & 4.

As to soft swing, in all its apparently infinite permutations and combinations of "do's" and "don'ts", it should probably be reserved for foursome situations where all the parties have hashed out all the rules and agreed to them. Even then it seems to have a high potential drama quotient. With its arbitrary and artificial limits on basic human sexuality it doesn't seem like a very good fit for a club environment.