My wife broke our rule at a club

[candj5]

While at a swing club with play rooms you find out your wife slipped into a room with another guy without any suggetion she was interested in him. Plus earlier we agreed not to play with that couple and we never play in seperate rooms! Should I have just let them finish what they started or break it up! What would u do?

[JandT_Elkhart]

Oh, I'd break it up so fast her head would spin. And I would HOPE she'd do the same if I did something so downright stupid.

This is a no-brainer.

[Alura]

Welcome from Oklahoma, CandJ5! Please stop by our Introductions Forum and tell us more about y'all.

I wouldn't interrupt. We're not clubbers, but I think making a scene at a club would be a bad choice.

I'd probably just find the cutest lady who would have me, spend more time with her than Mrs. Alura spent with the other guy, and save the discussion for our own bedroom later, during which I'd sure as hell find out what was going through her mind at the time!

Y'all definitely need to have a long talk about rules if you want to continue to go to clubs.

Mr. Alura

[lovinher]

That would be the end of our swinging days!

[mrs good times]

I can't image this happening to us but to answer your question, I would walk in to the room and with a smile on my face tell my husband that it was time to go home and then walk out, wait at the bar until he joined me. Once in the privacy of our home the discussions would begin.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by mrs good times

I can't image this happening to us but to answer your question, I would walk in to the room and with a smile on my face tell my husband that it was time to go home and then walk out, wait at the bar until he joined me. Once in the privacy of our home the discussions would begin.

I agree with Mrs good times.

There is no point in making a scene in front of others. It will only make you look foolish and less desirble to people in that playroom that you may wish to get to know better in the future.

As Alura said, you do need to have a long talk - at home - about your rules. Don't focus on blaming each other for why things turned out the way they did, rather, focus on how it happened, and how it can be avoided in the future.

Good luck!

LM

[EvilMJ]

I can only echo the other women. It is best to save the conversations or arguments for outside the club, no need to make any scenes.

It is best to go in with your rules in mind, if someone breaks them then you need to revevaluate what is going on and if you wish to continue with it. I have seen the best of people get caught up in a moment and do something they normally would not have done. Sometimes they just need that reality check to remind them that they are not single and what ever they do they have to do in a couples mentality.

[LeggzDiamond]

Extramarital play is an emotional thing. I'd let it happen with her and find out how/what's changed later. She'd probably bring it up, anyway. Remember, this is for fun.

[JTcamp05]

Give me a break!!!!.....So you as an adult married couple went to a swing club....and your wife as an adult wanted to have some fun....I would of course think thats the point of attending. Guess thats what she had in mind anyway.

Ohhh thats right she didn't follow "your" rules .... I would think that is a problem just for you and your wife to resolve....in private. Doesn't sound as if anyone else there did anything the least bit wrong, now why on earth would you consider causing a problem and screwing up everyone elses good time, becaume YOU have a problem with YOUR wife.

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by candj5

While at a swing club with play rooms you find out your wife slipped into a room with another guy without any suggetion she was interested in him. Plus earlier we agreed not to play with that couple and we never play in seperate rooms! Should I have just let them finish what they started or break it up! What would u do?

In all honesty, and this is jmo, i'd be so pissed off I would break up alot of stuff lol...most definately the sex would cease.

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by JTcamp05

Give me a break!!!!.....So you as an adult married couple went to a swing club....and your wife as an adult wanted to have some fun....I would of course think thats the point of attending. Guess thats what she had in mind anyway.

Ohhh thats right she didn't follow "your" rules .... I would think that is a problem just for you and your wife to resolve....in private. Doesn't sound as if anyone else there did anything the least bit wrong, now why on earth would you consider causing a problem and screwing up everyone elses good time, becaume YOU have a problem with YOUR wife.

See, I don't agree. If they had pre-set rules that they had agreed on, and she just takes off with another guy, I would be PISSED OFF. Not jealous, because its not about having sex with another person, thats what swingers do. But about total disregard for respect and boundaries.

[MoonLightKiss]

Originally Posted by JTcamp05

Give me a break!!!!.....So you as an adult married couple went to a swing club....and your wife as an adult wanted to have some fun....I would of course think thats the point of attending. Guess thats what she had in mind anyway.

Ohhh thats right she didn't follow "your" rules .... I would think that is a problem just for you and your wife to resolve....in private. Doesn't sound as if anyone else there did anything the least bit wrong, now why on earth would you consider causing a problem and screwing up everyone elses good time, becaume YOU have a problem with YOUR wife.

I believe the OP was asking what should they do when a rule set down before going was broken. The rule broken I believe was that she played in a separate room when they had agreed to playing in the same room, and that she played with a couple they had decided not to play with. If I am wrong in the understanding of the OP or your post JT I apologize.

I don't think its about HIM having a problem with HER because she did not follow HIS rules. I think its about together THEY set the rules and then THEY were broken. Each couple has their own rules concerning same/different room, who to play with, but alot of it comes down to respect. And again, if I misunderstood someone here I apologize.

With the understanding I have of the OP, I would agree with Mrs. GT as well. Causing a scene in a club will simply make you and your wife look foolish. Best to simply say time to go, go home and sit down and discuss it reasonably. Many couples over the years of swinging alter their rules to accomodate their evolving and experience in this lifestyle. So discussing the why it was done is just as important as discussing what was done. Good luck to you two.

[JTcamp05]

Shelly,


You can be "pissed off" sure! But your an adult...you just need to be "pissed off" at the right person. Out at a party is no time to define rules that should be done in advance....and this problem is not gonna be fixed in the heat of things it is for sure a "morning after" talk when everyone has a clear picture!

[lovinher]

Making a scene would be a mistake. But as mentioned I would have to say it was time to go. Until this issue was resolved completley there would be no swinging in our house. THEY had rules. This was not a slip during passion, but a deliberate act. "slipping away" is deceit. Even those that have no rules should be able to see that. For those of us that have this rule and follow it no matter what, playing together is huge. How is that any different than fucking the UPS guy when he is at work? Because he was there? It would be hard to trust again after such a deliberate act. Maybe we don't have all the facts here but it was cheating plain and simple.
I wonder what the some of the responses would be if a guy did the same thing. He would be ripped, tied and spanked in this thread. Something to think about.... or maybe another thread.

[She_n_Jaybee]

Originally Posted by JTcamp05

Shelly,


You can be "pissed off" sure! But your an adult...you just need to be "pissed off" at the right person. Out at a party is no time to define rules that should be done in advance....and this problem is not gonna be fixed in the heat of things it is for sure a "morning after" talk when everyone has a clear picture!

There are many decaffienated brands that are just as full-flavored as the regular stuff.

I've been through this twice, both times with "dates", and not while committed to anyone. The first one had gotten the wrong idea. We didn't do much together while at the club. Walked around, met a few people. She would give me head and I'd play a bit with her, she was a friend of a friend. One week she went off for a bit with a sadist she'd met (right up her alley), didn't bother me. Next week, I went off with the date of the sadist, plus him, plus another couple. I was invited, she wasn't. When I came out, she had left me there. But had arranged for a friend to bring me back to where I was staying.

Second time, different date and club. We had sat in a room, playing a bit, when another woman came up and asked if they could join. We agreed, I went to get our drinks. When I came back, the club security guard had gone in with the other three, closed and locked the door (my date was the best looking woman in the place, by far). I was annoyed, but found a group to hang with and had some fun.

Now is different. To me, a committment requires mutual respect. At the very least, I would want She to tell me where she was going. Since we never play alone at a club, or seperate it would be a deliberate insult to just go off with someone else without telling me.

Do you have anything that you treasure JTCamp? What if you came home and found your wife had sold it, or painted it pink, or thrown it in the dumpster? You would be okay with that, because it was just a case of you trying to enforce on someone else your rules.

One of the things many of us treasure in our relationships is the communication. I know if She threw our communication away (or if I did the same) or relationship would at the very least be seriously strained.