How to discuss boundary concerns?

[shrugged0106]

A little off topic, but didnt want to start a new thread for a small question...

We are still in the semi-experienced/newbie intermediate area. How can I communicate to wife that I feel she is going beyond the boundaries we have already discussed once in awhile?

I truly want her to have fun and feel great in the LS, but I recently have gotten a bit shaky when she is being "Dominated" by others. This is new ground for us, as we havnt explored BDSM at all until now.

I dont want it to come off as jealousy, but unfortunately it does get perceived that way.

Thanks for any advice

[JustAskJulie]

It's not jealousy (or maybe it is), but really you just need to be honest with her and say "look honey, I don't know how comfortable I am with this domination thing, would you mind if we talked about it some more before you played that way again with others..." Then talk openly about how you feel when you see that type of play happening, what is it about the action that makes you feel uncomfortable.

It's not that she's stepping over boundaries because from the sounds of it that's not an area where you had really set boundaries to start with (you probably didn't think about it), but now that it's come up it is something you need to deal with before holding it and allowing it affect you ultimately affects your relationship.

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by shrugged0106

A little off topic, but didnt want to start a new thread for a small question...

We are still in the semi-experienced/newbie intermediate area. How can I communicate to wife that I feel she is going beyond the boundaries we have already discussed once in awhile?

I truly want her to have fun and feel great in the LS, but I recently have gotten a bit shaky when she is being "Dominated" by others. This is new ground for us, as we havnt explored BDSM at all until now.

I dont want it to come off as jealousy, but unfortunately it does get perceived that way.

Thanks for any advice

In my personal opinion, if you have a concern than it is a valid concern and needs to be expressed with your wife. Communication in this lifestyle is absolutely essential.

[LFM2]

Hi Shrugged, Welcome to the board!

It sounds like you two need to have a cup of coffee at the kitchen table and discuss what you've just told us here. Please be sure to discuss and get out on the table all your worries, concerns or whatever.

What we want for our partners is to have fun. Discuss why you're shaky when she is being dominated. If you're uncomfortable with her being in a BDSM situation, now is the time to bring it up, not when things have gone too far. Research BDSM and get to know her partner. Talk with her about being a submissive. Maybe this is one of her fantasies?

Good Luck!

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by shrugged0106

...but I recently have gotten a bit shaky when she is being "Dominated" by others. This is new ground for us, as we havnt explored BDSM at all until now.

You got great advice already, any time something new comes up, you just talk openly. With swinging, the dialog never stops, because something else will always come up - each couple you meet will be different. Just be yourself and be open with her about your feelings.

I wanted to ask about the new BDSM activity that's just entered your lives. Did you meet an experienced couple who have this preference, and they're kind of "guiding" you two into it? I see this all the time, where newbie couples are led into the preferences of a more experienced, more dominant couple. The new couple don't know quite how they feel about that, and find themselves just going along with it.

If that's the case for you and your wife, take a step back, and just you and her together, discuss all aspects of it and decide for yourselves what your limits and interests are. Set your own limit wherever both of you can be 100% comfortable. If you don't like the BDSM activity, just back out of that. Tell your couple where you stand. They can choose to continue on with you based on your preferences, or they can move on to find their particular interest with others who share that interest. You always have the right to stand your ground. Good luck!

[DBL D]

This is a very important and touchy subject. I would have to say that I am ready for just about anything my wife would do or request of me. For example, the other day while Fem D and I were together, I pinched her nipples kinda hard. It was just a couple days before when she had asked what I knew or how I felt about BDSM. I told her later that if she was interested in BSDM that a nipple clamp would probably be in the picture and how did she like it (the pinching)? She said she was a bit sore. I said sex isn't worth it unless you are sore the next day.

Anyway...If your wife is truly enjoying herself, I'd be tempted to allow her to go where she wants to go. You should be allowed that same freedom, within your guidelines. Hence the need to talk with each other about this. If you are honest with each other you'll get things worked out.

Male D

[shrugged0106]

Thanks for all the great advice from everyone! We're new on this site and the warm and friendly welcome is awesome! I should clarify, we have had many, many recent open and honest conversations on the topic. We are still enjoying the LS a great deal too.

I felt that I needed to ask all of ya'll experts due to some activity that still went beyond my comfort level even after we have talked. She is having a wee bit of trouble uderstanding why I am uncomfortable (and to be totally honest, I'm not even 100% as to why). The good part is that we can talk about this and will both try to appease the other without sacrificing our desires to to high of a degree.

To Tybee,
Yes, we have met and been befriended by a fantastic, and experienced couple. They have helped us gain confidence and deiscover new things about ourselves overall. This one small issue is the only negative aspect for us so far. The F of the couple has been very understanding and we really are close in our views of things. He, although I really think the world of him and love that he can pleasure my wife in new ways, doesnt seem to recognize where those boundaries are. My wife, sweety that she is, will allow virtually anything to happen, even if it hurts her. I worry because she had an abusive childhood and I dont know what could trigger something bad to happen to her emotionally

[Amanda69]

How can I communicate to wife that I feel she is going beyond the boundaries we have already discussed once in awhile?

How about say " I feel you are going beyond the boundaries we have discussed"?

Is it really that hard to simply tell your spouse that what is going on you aren't comfortable with? If the answer is yes, then there are bigger issues here than her simply exploring other avenues which have been opened to her.