feel like he's breaking a boundary

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by nav&onyx

The complete idea has been squashed, that's why I haven't beeen around to answer your replies. It actually caused so much trouble between us in one weekend alone that we realized it was a horrible idea for us.

You made the right choice.

[DBL D]

Originally Posted by nav&onyx

The complete idea has been squashed, that's why I haven't beeen around to answer your replies. It actually caused so much trouble between us in one weekend alone that we realized it was a horrible idea for us.

Hope that doesn't mean you will disappear into the ether...

Just curious to know what kind of trouble it caused? Deep discussions about how to separate the love and sex? Arguing about rules? More chatting gone bad? Nearby educational and family matters more important to focus on?

I don't blame you for putting it on hold...but you should always remember that there are a few swinging tenants that you can incorporate into your everyday life. One would be to drop the jealousy issues and learn to have open and honest communication given with a loving heart. Dress sexy. Keep yourselves up. You are young and a lot of the decisions you make now will be the way you live your life for quite a while.

Never say never. Yadda, Yadda!

Good luck on your journey.

Male D

[MoonLightKiss]

Originally Posted by nav&onyx

The complete idea has been squashed, that's why I haven't beeen around to answer your replies. It actually caused so much trouble between us in one weekend alone that we realized it was a horrible idea for us.

You did the right thing for you, and that is what counts. Better to not do it and keep your marraige alive, then do it and destroy it. Proud of you both. But feel free to hang around. Post, answer others, even those who have decided not to swing can have a point of view. Besides, who knows what your future holds.

[sereneiders]

Originally Posted by nav&onyx

The complete idea has been squashed, that's why I haven't beeen around to answer your replies. It actually caused so much trouble between us in one weekend alone that we realized it was a horrible idea for us.

It would be nice from you to let us know what happend. It would help others recognize if they're in the same situation, and, in the other hand, you leave a question open here, about what you mean with "falling in love" in your case, and by telling us you could provide us some insight about this question.

In any case, we'd appreciate you to hang around and keep posting. It's important for the forum to reflect all the outcomes swinging may produce, and when giving answers, to take into account the negative outomes as much as the positives ones. Most of the active members around experienced themselves the positive outcome in the long run, and are aware of the negative experiences mostly from others, thus your oppinion will be very valuable for us.

[DBL D]

Sereneiders...another great post.

I too would like for people to tell us why things are not going swingingly. Too many disappear and leave us guessing.

Male D

[samv]

I know how you feel..suppsed to do his..or should i say our first time with another woman..broken rule already..i cann't join in..but he still wants to do it anyways...i think i have lived this before..but i was the third...its true what comes around goes around

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by nav&onyx

Okay, so Nav and I have decided to take babysteps into the world of swinging. I don't really know if it's 100% swinging we want to do or not. All things swinging that I've read on these threads (I've been reading non stop just about all day about everything ever posted, it seems) we're interested in, but also the whole 'seeing other people' as well.

I'm the one that brought up this whole lifestyle and expressed me wanting to do it. Nav is on board, but still a little iffy. All day long he's been doing the whole, "I'm not sure if it's a good idea because I don't want you to be mad or jealous." Okay, not a problem, we talked it out and have officially established that if I was going to get mad or jealous, I wouldn't have suggested it, right? Right. We set out some basic groud rules to start off (I know more will be added). I thought they were pretty reasonable rules to start off with.

1. I want us to be included in everything. If you go find some girl and want to sleep with her, fine, just keep me included. I don't necessarily have to be in the room/house/hotel/whatever, just keep me informed. I want to know everything and vice versa.

2. No one we know personally/work with/go to school with.

3. If you're doing it with someone one on one, not in my house.

4. Never when the kids are around, no exceptions.

All of these rules go for both of us, no exceptions.

Okay, so I'm not mad/jealous, just a little miffed that he's breaking a rule. Here's the deal:

He met a female online and has been chatting with her for about three hours now. Fine, more power to him. I'm excited for him, know what I mean? The issue is, he's blatantly ignoring me. I can talk right to him (we're in the same room, he's on one computer, I'm on the other, just sitting so we can't exactly see the other's screen) and he ignores me. Is this not "keeping me in communication with what's going on"? Is this going to be a long running issue?

And honestly, it probably wouldn't even be something I'd bring up except for the fact that I'm over here, reading threads on this website, and every so often he's over here wanting to know what I'm looking at and why I'm looking at it (and not in an interesting 'whatcha doin?' kind of way) and I'm just letting him do his thing.

Does this mean we're doomed and should give up on this whole lifestyle? Or do I speak up now and nip it in the bud?

I'm so sorry if this seems like a petty thing. We're very secure in our marriage and communicative. I just want to be 'in the know' and I don't feel like I am. I want to start off with this on the right foot. I want it to be a fun thing for us that we enjoy, not something that I'm going to be opened about with my experiences and he's going to be secretive...

You aren't doomed, but it is obviously an issue with you. And if its an issue to you its important. I think communication is essential if you are going to do this. I know swingers who started out as couples and now lead 2 separate lives completely within 1 marriage. So def I would sit down and talk with him about it. You can even chat with her together maybe? That would be erotic even lol.