Uninvited Touching at a Swinger Party

[cadillacpussyhd]

Hi! We are here because last night we went to a swinger party... We are not new at this but this happens a lot and we need advice. We had a couple with us that are HOT and she and I (I am Maggie...) made out a lot and stuff, but no matter where we went, we had a pack of horny single men following us. ( we were not the only women there but we were the only ones that were bi-sexual) At one point there was one man that kept rubbing himself on us and touching us uninvited. (and we were like... ICK!!! He was soooo NOT attractive to us! Plus we were doing our own thing.) one of the hostesses rules was to not close or lock doors so that others could watch if they wanted. We did not mind the watchers so much, but this man was a LETCH. OUR men were outside having a smoke and as soon as they came and joined us this behavior stopped. I want to know if there is some "nicely worded" pre-written thing we could give our hostess for fututre parties that outling the whole "don't touch uninvited" issue????

[BiloxiCouple]

On-premise party or a house party?

If a person is rubbing themselves on you uninvited that is a good reason to tell them to stop. If they don't stop, go straight to your hosts and inform them. A nicely pre-worded thing is the truth about what happened. I wouldn't let it continue for a second longer than I told them NO.

When your men returned and they quit doing what they were doing, it figures they knew they were doing wrong and didn't want a severe confrontation.

Hope this helps a bit.

[intuition897]

Ewww?!! OMG, that would really piss me off. I guess I'd have a word with the hostess and let her know that you would really (REALLY) prefer if there was a room or somewhere you could go for more privacy, because the open door policy seems to be causing you some problems with some of the guests, who feel that it's okay to just rub their dick all over you uninvited. Yeah, you're right, the guy was a disgusting lech. He should be told to get his dick off you (NOW) or lose it, and if the words you're using are too big for him to understand, you're sure the hostess (and bouncers) would be more than willing to make it clear to him.

[JnCC]

Originally Posted by intuition897

I'd have a word with the hostess and let her know that you would really (REALLY) prefer if there was a room or somewhere you could go for more privacy, because the open door policy seems to be causing you some problems with some of the guests.

I basically agree with Intuition on this, but I think you need to own a little responsibility for how your own actions contributed to what took place. I don't care what the policy of the hosts was, there are always ways of finding a quiet, secluded place to make out at any party. My guess is that you chose not to do that precisely because there was a "pack of horny single men" following you.

I'm not making excuses for their inappropriate behavior, but you obviously knew you had an audience comprised mostly of single guys. Knowing that your husbands weren't around to keep an eye on things, how did you think those guys were going to respond? Obviously, you were sending out signals that could easily be mistaken, especially by single males with little or no experience in the lifestyle.

Bottom line? "If you don't want the peaches, don't shake the tree"

[Chris&Suzanne]

JnCC you are so wrong.

Lets picture you and your date at a swing club, and getting a little touchy-feely, then it would be o.k. for one or more othe guys to begin touching her (or you)

[VegasLee]

Any good host/hostess will remove anyone that is not asking before touching or that is not giving the players space to play while others are watching.

Sounds like your host is either new to giving parties or their parties are not for you. Next time they invite you explain to them that you will not be able to make it to the party since you are not comfortable with the things they allow to go on at thier parties. If you do it nicely then maybe they will wake up and take care of their parties.

Weather your husband was around to control things or not does not make up for some people having no class and not understanding the rules and common sense of a swing party. Anyone that tries to lay the blame on you for playing in front of others really has no idea about what this is all about. Surrender They only real signal is YES or NO by inviting them. Nothing is ever assumed.

Always best to talk to your hosts no matter where the party is and do it when it happens. Waiting like you have here makes it much harder to do anything about it.

[JnCC]

Originally Posted by Chris&Suzanne

JnCC you are so wrong.

Lets picture you and your date at a swing club, and getting a little touchy-feely, then it would be o.k. for one or more othe guys to begin touching her (or you)

No...it was wrong for the guys to touch the girls, unless they either had permission, or some pretty good indications it was OK to do so. She should have asked them not to do it again, and if they persisted, informed the hosts.

All I was saying is that before anybody complains about how other people act around them, they first ought to ask ourselves what, if anything, they're doing to encourage those actions. For example, it's clearly wrong to break into a persons car and steal from it. But if you leave your purse in full view on the front seat and somebody does break in and steal it, you're not going to get as much sympathy from the police as you would if it had been locked in the trunk at the time of the break-in.

These girls know how it starts, and they know where it leads. As she herself said, "this happens a lot" (her words, not mine). It's hard to sympathize with her, when she seems so unwilling to learn from her past experiences. As they say..."If you keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting what you've always got"

It sounds like the host of this party encourages, or at least tolerates, this sort of behavior from his single male guests. If they're not willing to change their behavior, they probably ought to find another party where the guys are kept in line.

Of course, there are other ways to cure the problem of guys humping the ladies. Like for example, smacking them on the ass with a rolled-up newspaper and saying in a loud, commanding voice..."NO! I said NO!! Now go over there and LAY DOWN!" as if they were ill-behaved, love-smitten Cocker-Spaniels.

Now THAT would probably bring them right down...

[WesternSwing]

I told the story of an incident a couple of years ago where I had to kick some single guys out of a bedroom Mrs. WS and another woman were playing in... It wasn't cool. The hostess backed me up completely even though one of them was her own brother.

At a house party about a year ago it was really early in the morning (or late in the evening depending on how you look at it ) Mrs. WS laid down on the couch in a part of the house the party wasn't happening in, when she opened her eyes there was a single guy standing above her with his dick hanging an inch from her lips. She was pissed! The host kicked him out.

The moral of the story, tell the host. Or if they have an open door policy that you don't like, don't frequent that club or those parties anymore.

Also makes a good case why single guys get such a bad rap, many not deserved.

Mr. WS

[JnCC]

Originally Posted by WesternSwing

Mrs. WS laid down on the couch in a part of the house the party wasn't happening in, when she opened her eyes there was a single guy standing above her with his dick hanging an inch from her lips. She was pissed! The host kicked him out.

We had an almost identical experience at a club one night. My wife was in one of those "love chair/stirrup" things and my head was between her legs, when I felt her jolt. I looked up to see some guy jacking himself, literally inches from her face. (This was in an area of the club that was clearly posted off-limits to single males)

I said, "Excuse me, but what, THE FUCK, do you think you're doing?"

He replied, "Oh sorry. Is this a problem?"

The basic problem was that the couple who owned and managed the club had stopped policing the place on weekends, and the singles and lookie-loos were taking the place over. We stopped attending that club shortly thereafter.

Also makes a good case why single guys get such a bad rap, many not deserved.

OK, going off-topic for a bit...

"We" single guys love to hear that, because it absolves us of responsibility for our general lack of success in the swinging community. "We", as a group, like to think that it's always those "other guys" who are bringing "us" down.

I don't buy that.

I have a friend of another race who, during a civil disturbance (that's a riot, for you country folks), made a similar comment...

"What those people are doing makes us all look bad."

I said, "No, they make themselves look bad. If you treat people the way you expect to be treated, asking nothing more and accepting nothing less in return, you'll always have the respect of those who really matter"

I feel the same way about single guys in the lifestyle...especially ME, now that I am one. The guys described above and I are all single. But they go to couples-only areas of swing clubs and wave their dicks in strange women's faces...I don't!

How could any reasonable person possibly confuse THEM with ME?

Single guys...in fact, people in general...need to learn to accept responsibility for those faults, and ONLY those faults, which are their own. If "we" aren't accepted by the swinging community at large, it's not because some guy, 5-odd years ago, stuck his dick in some womans face. It's most likely because our presence isn't vital to the swinging community...never has been, never will be. "We" bring little if anything to the table. When "we" treat couples the way "we" would like to be treated by single males if the women present were our wives and girlfriends, "we" usually share the friendship and cameraderie of those in the lifestyle, even if "we" aren't invited into their bedrooms. And that's good enough for me...

Allright, off my soapbox ...for now

[WesternSwing]

Originally Posted by JnCC

If "we" aren't accepted by the swinging community at large, it's not because some guy, 5-odd years ago, stuck his dick in some womans face. It's most likely because our presence isn't vital to the swinging community...never has been, never will be.

I beg to differ here. Single guys bring allot to the swinging community because for many of us a MFM is one of the great aspects of swinging.

When "we" treat couples the way "we" would like to be treated by single males if the women present were our wives and girlfriends, "we" usually share the friendship and cameraderie of those in the lifestyle, even if "we" aren't invited into their bedrooms. And that's good enough for me...

This is the point. Too many treat our wives like playthings that are just there for the taking; something to use, abuse, and forget. The good ones really stand out in the Lifestyle and the bad ones pass through almost unnoticed except for a couple of raunchy emails in the inboxs of couples.

I can say that without a doubt the best experiences we've had with single males have been those that were married before or were in the lifestyle when they were married because they have been on both sides of the fence. And we'll invite them into our bedroom anyday. They are great. But, single guys get the bad rap because the majority of them are lecherous. We wish more were better mannered. But in all fairness we give all of them a chance, read all of their profiles and respond to all of their emails.

Mr. WS

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by WesternSwing

I beg to differ here. Single guys bring allot to the swinging community because for many of us a MFM is one of the great aspects of swinging.
This is the point. Too many treat our wives like playthings that are just there for the taking; something to use, abuse, and forget. The good ones really stand out in the Lifestyle and the bad ones pass through almost unnoticed except for a couple of raunchy emails in the inboxs of couples.

I can say that without a doubt the best experiences we've had with single males have been those that were married before or were in the lifestyle when they were married because they have been on both sides of the fence. And we'll invite them into our bedroom anyday. They are great. But, single guys get the bad rap because the majority of them are lecherous. We wish more were better mannered. But in all fairness we give all of them a chance, read all of their profiles and respond to all of their emails.

Mr. WS

I agree with Mr. WS here. It's true that many single people - men AND women - just don't get it. Typically, the ones that don't get it do not have any significant experience with long term committed relationships either. However, the ones that do get it have an important place in swinging. I don't feel that "real" swinging is only for couples; it's just easier when you're a couple.

JnCC, I think perhaps I had you pegged wrong! You do have a bit of an idealist streak in you. While it's true that ultimately it is the responsibility of individuals to control their own actions, the reality is that their classless actions leave a negative impression. One can't help but start to see a pattern develop where the high quality single guy with class is the exception...not the rule. This is why you end up with "No Single Males" policies at clubs. It just comes down to numbers. While there are some single guys we'd all LOVE to have in the clubs, you have to have the policy in place to irradicate the pest problem. So, it makes more sense to me for "good" single guys to act as advocates, giving these other guys a much-needed clue, thereby increasing your numbers. Because the fact remains that, while it's not fair, there are more rotten apples in the barrel than good ones, and it becomes too easy to just say "Oh forget it!" than dig around looking for one.

Is it possible to actually accomplish this? Is that realistic? I guess not. But then that's where you see my idealism come shining through. I guess what I mean is that you can't really say, "Not my problem," because like it or not, these boneheads make life more difficult for you as a single male. It's not that hard to become jaded by bad experiences with the wrong kind of single person, and that goes for everyone including the couples you want to attract.

[Alura]

My goodness!

Is it possible that I disagree with Western Swing and Intuition while agreeing with JnCC? I'd never have guessed it!

I'll be damned if I'm going to dig through a barrel of "rotten apples" looking for a good one which may or may not be there, when all I have to do is meet a couple who are willing to take turns doing sex acts other than swapping.

Besides MFMF, two couples can accomplish MFM, FMF, MFFM, and probably some combinations I haven't thought of.

No, without couples swinging can't exist. Without singles (male or female) couples can get along just fine. Singles would be well-advised to understand and accept their "guest status" instead of believing they have some rights bought with their exhorbinate admission rates to clubs or, in the case of single women, are a rare commodity.

People (single or married) who touch or feel without permission should be set right immediately. Otherwise, those being touched tacitly agree to be touched, especially if they're in a club with a high percentage of singles, some of whom probably haven't been laid in weeks and are desperate to "get their money's worth."

Once again, singles in a swingers' club, are very much like a person who shows up at the Ferrari Club meeting in a taxicab.

"I don't have a Ferrari, but I'm sincerely interested in Italian sports cars. I want to drive yours while you watch." ...and the guy who slides into the driver's seat and tries to start the engine without permission would probably find a 24mm wrench crashing into the side of his empty skull.

Mr. Alura

[JnCC]

Originally Posted by WesternSwing

I beg to differ here. Single guys bring allot to the swinging community because for many of us a MFM is one of the great aspects of swinging.

Welll, OK...but you guys have to admit that not many couples...maybe 5%...are seeking the same. I still contend that very few...again, maybe 5%...of single males who post ads on SB or SN ever actually meet someone through those ads. That leaves a lot of unhappy campers who are convinced that their lack of success is because of prior transgressions committed by other single males.

I never made it as a jazz musician either. That wasn't because so many of them died young of drug addictions, it's because I couldn't play trumpet worth a damn.

[WesternSwing]

Originally Posted by JnCC

Welll, OK...but you guys have to admit that not many couples...maybe 5%...are seeking the same. I still contend that very few...again, maybe 5%...of single males who post ads on SB or SN ever actually meet someone through those ads. That leaves a lot of unhappy campers who are convinced that their lack of success is because of prior transgressions committed by other single males.

I think their lack of success has to do with their own actions. Like I said, the good ones really stand out from the crowd.

Now maybe some couples are very closed-minded when it comes to single men, many for reasons other then them being lecherous. Some because hubby is uncomfortable with his wife and other men so they are looking only for women, or they both like to get some so it keeps it all equal and nobody feels left out. Some would rather search out a single guy rather then have their email inboxes innundated with emails about "I love to give oral".

By and large, I think it is the individual that screws it up for himself and just makes couples more weary. We've covered some of the handles these guys use on their profiles here . I mean, what were they thinking when they wrote their profile! They lost before they even started the race.

Doesn't mean we're against them though, and in my experience many more couples would love a MFM if they could find the right guy.

Mr. WS

[Deptydog]

Originally Posted by JnCC

All I was saying is that before anybody complains about how other people act around them, they first ought to ask ourselves what, if anything, they're doing to encourage those actions.

I can't see where getting frisky with someone is encouraging someone else to start touching uninvited. I understand what you are saying, but it smacks too much of "she deserved to be raped. Look what she was wearing" syndorome.