Broken Full Swap Boundaries

[SexhoundDog]

Bunny,
I guess I've got to ask this question. If you were to say to him "OK Honey, it's time to make a decision. No bullshit, let's make it cut and dry. It's either me and no more lifestyle or you can choose to stay in the lifestyle and it's no more me. What's it gonna be?"

What would he say? There's your answer, short and simple.

[biblonde]

I agree with sexhounddog....If the lifestyle is more important than you well hun, the marrage is over..plain and simple. I dont mean to sound blunt but i know if my hubby chose the lifestyle over me...well his butt would be out the door pretty darn fast. Nothing is worth having if it makes you miserable. There is no man on earth worth that! You may love him and I am not saying it is going to be easy but really dont you deserve a man who LOVES you with all his heart and treats you like a queen?? Dont be hard on yourself for this. Move on and be happy, with someone who truely loves you for who you are and not a means to get laid by others..The more I read your posts..the more it looks to me is that you are only a means of him getting other women..sorry to sound blunt but I call it as I see it! Best of luck to you and please keep us updated. This may be the hardest thing you will ever do but it will be worth it in the end. You only live once shouldnt it be a happy time? think about it!

[biblonde]

Well, I have been re-reading this whole post and remembering that there are two sides to every story..thinking this I noticed some things that just dont seem right. First you say he is the one who broke the rules yet it was you who left the room...granted it was to use the bathroom which is understandable but....you say the other hubby stopped you from going back into the room saying you dont want to see this..okay..my big problem...if a man told me i couldnt go where hubby was...well lets just say he would be wearing his balls as earrings real quick!! Then you were so upset by that you went into another room with this man and gave him oral??? Please..I am not really buying that at all...Something else is going on here and the more I go through this thread the more I pick up on. There is way more going on that what you are saying. I am starting to feel that this isnt your hubbies fault but both yours...maybe he broke the rules but you allowed it..you didnt even try to voice your opinion at all till after the fact. I am feeling as though at the time you really didnt have a problem with the whole thing but then thinking back on it you did and went after hubby full force on the issue. Maybe I am wrong and not reading it right but come on you say NO seperate rooms but you go willingly with this man to another and give him a blow job...if it wasnt willingly then it is flat out Rape which is a whole nother issue in itself!!! Maybe you could clear this up some cause I aint getting it at all.

[Vespertine]

Originally Posted by biblonde

Something else is going on here and the more I go through this thread the more I pick up on. There is way more going on that what you are saying.

I was thinking the same thing. :rollseyes

[WesternSwing]

Originally Posted by BuNNyinmi

Question my marriage is just what I am doing at this point when we talk on the phone and he gives me another reason for saturday happening the way it did because he finally felt that it was about him. I have not appreciated him being patient for 2 1/2 yrs. Stepping away from the lifestyle is not an option at this point because I pay the price with becoming only his fuck partner and nothing more. The case for that is because this lifetsyle has consumed his side of the relationship and he has made our relationship all about it for him. He says it is always been what I want and nothing else. I suppose it has been because all I ever wanted was to be comfortable with my marriage and feel like I was still wanted in my marriage. But I felt so much like I did not measure up enough for him.

Thank you for all you responces and support.

There are some much deeper issues here than just swinging. It sounds like he feels that your relationship has always been about you, and now he is taking something back for himself. You sound like you feel it is all about him, and if you don't let it be then there won't be a relationship.

You both need to stop swinging and get counseling. Swinging is being used as a replacement for eachother, which is not healthy for what there is left of your marriage. You really need to get help and resolve the underlying issues I see oozing out here.

And yes, you are beating a dead horse here. Each of your posts is the same thing, over and over, like you're not getting the answer from us you want, so you are going to keep asking until you do. The problem here is that you are not facing the real issue, and it isn't this swinging experience. That is a symptom, not the illness.

Stop swinging, get professional relationship help, and let us know how things work out.

Mr. WS

[intuition897]

OMG Bunny, I haven't even finished reading all the posts yet, but I just had to throw my opinion in here.

This guy sounds like he has some serious maturity issues. Where do I start?! He makes an excuse (drunk) AND tries to justify the behaviour (just the way he wanted to do it). That makes no sense. If it's justifiable behaviour, why the hell does he need an excuse? Another concern I have is that he not only disrespected you by selfishly barging ahead, he also put his own gratification ahead of your health and safety! Whether or not to use condoms should ALWAYS be a decision made by both halves of a couple. He put you at serious risk!
Don't let him feed you that line of bullshit that you're 'unfit for the lifestyle.' When we're meeting a couple, an attitude like his is exactly the kind that causes Mr. and I to end a date in a hurry. Just because you agreed to try the lifestyle - and he should be grateful for that! - does not mean that he's been given the green light to do whatever his little heart desires. If he's not willing to respect your wishes, don't be afraid to take drastic action; he certainly doesn't seem to be concerned about hurting YOUR feelings, does he? The girls are supposed to reign supreme: when the woman says no, that should be enough. She has spoken. I think he needs a reminder.

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by WesternSwing

You both need to stop swinging and get counseling. Swinging is being used as a replacement for eachother, which is not healthy for what there is left of your marriage. You really need to get help and resolve the underlying issues I see oozing out here.
The problem here is that you are not facing the real issue, and it isn't this swinging experience. That is a symptom, not the illness.
Mr. WS

WesternSwing is absolutely right. I should've read all the posts (oops, sorry). Hon, you guys have some work ahead of you. Don't even consider swinging until you feel you truly have these issues worked out. It's supposed to be fun and enriching, a gift you give to each other; not a way to seek revenge or 'get something for myself for a change'. Good luck.

[jcbicouple]

Originally Posted by BuNNyinmi

the other husband stopped me on the way out. Saying to me that I probably did not want to see what was going on and pulled me into the other room.

OK, At this point.......No one in that house would have been very happy after I broke down their bedroom door and ripped apart anything that "I didn't want to see" happening!!

[fun_pairTX]

Originally Posted by jcbicouple

OK, At this point.......No one in that house would have been very happy after I broke down their bedroom door and ripped apart anything that "I didn't want to see" happening!!

Mrs Fun would probably have torn the other husband's arm off and beat him with it. Before you marry a female bull rider, be sure of what ya are gettin inta.

[JKBertha]

Bunny, I am still very sorry for this.

I don't think any of us would wish the feelings that you are having on anyone, I know how painful it is. However, do you want to invest more time in him? As Dr. Phil would say, "What's your payoff here"? I mean, he's obviously not helping you to feel good about yourself...and in this short and young marriage, if you have to cut swinging off, he turns against you and gets resentful? What is the payoff for you? Why are you staying? Is it cause you don't want to feel the hurt of a seperation or divorce?

You have become his doormat, he is wiping his feet all over you and basically telling you tot ake it or else. Or else you get more rejection from him, more dispair, more lonliness, and more isolation.

You do not have to be weak...get counseling for yourself atleast, even if he won't go....because maybe that will give you a good emotional outlet, and they can help you clarify and objectively view te situation. Then, if things don't change with him or his attitude, just like ripping a band-aid off....kick the guy in the ass and kick him out. If you don't, it'll just be year after year of the low you are feeling.

Take care and big hugs!!!!

[bushwhacker_tx]

I want to look at the other side of this for a moment.

Bunny you said:
What i have asked for are things like: attention, affection, feeling important, sex earlier in the evening, being able to say things i would like to do without him getting mad at me because it is something he does not want to do, some say in the lifestyle who we meet.

Attention, affection and making each other feel important are things that can easily wane in a short time in a marriage and takes a constant effort by both to keep it happening. Our busy modern lives don’t help and we guys are usually the first to be guilty of not doing this enough however it is a two way street and sometimes the ladies may not realize that they aren’t showing enough for their guy. It is something you both need to constantly work on.

As for your next request you are basically asking him not to swing. You already said that once he cums he is through for the evening and if he has sex with you earlier in the evening as you want then he can’t play later. You can kiss others and he can’t. You can be brought to orgasm but he is not allowed to, even though it may be harder for a man to control his orgasm. It seems a bit lopsided to me and I don’t think these rules would work for us but maybe it works for you. Or maybe your rules really don’t work for you two either.

As for him getting mad at you when you try to discuss the lifestyle; are you sure your discussions are really a two-way street or are you telling him the way you want it to be?

There are always two sides to a story and I think we all should be careful about telling someone to get a divorce lawyer before we hear the other side.

Bunny, how about getting him on here to tell us his side of the story?

Chas

[curiousagain]

I too, would like to hear "the other side". There has been a lot of good advice here from couples. I would like to offer an observation simply from a male viewpoint.

You have sex with another female and he watches and then you two have sex. OK, but how would you feel if you watched while he had sex with a female then had sex with you. Would technically sort of be the same. I don't think you would tolerate that from reading your post. I think y'all approached this all wrong (for you two) and way too early in your relationship, and with too little communication and too much problems to start. I'm afraid at this point it is going to be all catch up and that is never easy.

[midnight hour]

I felt a little disappointed that he let that happen but I also did not stop it.

I am having a problem with this one too...it seems like this was a test..and you left the room first yet was disapointed he let this happen..a simple NO would have stopped the whole scene. If no was not listened to a more forceful voice would have def stopped the whole thing...if not that a full ball twister would have did it
We have not full swapped yet due to not finding a couple that pushes both our buttons...but I know that I would never assume he could not cum with another women especially since he has let me cum more times then I have fingers and toes with another man I would not feel right haveing a orgasm with someone else *if* Mr. Midnight was not gave the same option.
But I agree there is more going on here then the swinging. I don't think your marriage was in the best situation to start swinging.
If no one can talk....then the marriage is in serious trouble. And at this point only talking can help straighten out things.

[pleasureprince0]

what does this mean?
3. Never finish with the other person.

someone plz enlighten me. does it mean no cumming inside with other person? however with rule1-condom must, does it matter?

[Vespertine]

Originally Posted by pleasureprince0

what does this mean?
3. Never finish with the other person.

someone plz enlighten me. does it mean no cumming inside with other person? however with rule1-condom must, does it matter?

It means her husband isn't allowed to have an orgasm with another person. She, on the other hand, can orgasm with another person. Only her husband has this restriction.