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    • Getting Personal

      Some people are very turned off by personal terms of affection or endearment from someone that they do not feel personally close to. In some parts of the country it is completely normal to refer to a stranger as “darling”, “sweetie” or “babe”. Some folks think nothing of signing an email with things like “XOXO” or “Love Ya”, or starting an email with “Hey Sexy” or “Baby”, others are very turned off by these terms when used by people that they do not know. It is best to avoid these types of terms rather than risk turning someone off because of a word that to you meant nothing. Once you have established a line of communication with someone or met them in person and know that they are comfortable with you and vice-versa it is acceptable to use these terms. Basically, don’t use them if you don’t mean them.

      When you first meet people it is normal to want to make small talk and very often we tend to try to do so in the same way that we do in the vanilla world. It is important, however, to remember that some questions that are ok in the vanilla world may be considered too personal in the swinging world. When it comes to swinging, most information is “need to know”. If you just met someone you do not NEED to know.

      Inappropriate QuestionsAppropriate Questions
      *Where do you live?
      *Where do you work?
      *What are your kids names?

      What town do you live in?
      Where are you from?
      What do you do?
      How old are your kids?

      You don’t need to exchange addresses unless you are planning on visiting each others homes, so there’s really no need to know where they live. Many times knowing what part of town someone is from does give you an insight into what type of couple you may be dealing with, and it’s ok to ask that. Also, you may find yourself at a club that hosts many out-of-towners and it is common to ask where people are from, to get an idea of whether they are local or just visiting. As I said earlier, no one needs to know where you work. And unless you plan on showing up at their job site (which you shouldn’t be doing) you don’t need to know. Instead just ask them what they do.

      There are some questions that should be avoided altogether, such as: What’s your last name? What religion are you? Do you go to church? What is your political affiliation? Who are you going to vote for? Do you know so and so? The first and last question fall under the category of simple discretion.

      This article is an excerpt from the book The Swinger Manual by JustAskJulie