Regardless of how much discussion has gone into the idea of swinging beforehand, one of the most common worries that a couple faces is the green-eyed monster. They worry “what if….?” What if I can’t handle seeing my husband kissing another woman? What if I get jealous at my wife paying attention to another man? What if everything else seems fine, but I lose it when I see her having sex with someone else? Won’t it be too late to go back at that point? Can we possibly undo that kind of damage?
The key to dealing with jealousy is being secure in who you are and in your relationship. In trusting yourself and your partner and in knowing that at any time you can walk away from this lifestyle and all that it entails. No one is 100% secure in whom they are, so there is always a small risk of jealousy occurring. Jealousy is a perfectly normal emotion that can come in many forms. It is an emotional response to the fear of losing something or to someone else having something that we want. The key to dealing with jealousy is to understand what you are risking and just how much of a risk you are taking. Having a strong relationship based on communication and trust will go a long way to helping you deal with any jealous feelings that you may encounter.
Jealousy is based in insecurity. It is the feeling that you could easily be replaced and it can take many forms; anger at seeing the one you love do things to someone else; anger that they are taking away from the specialness of your relationship; and worry that your partner might be enjoying something with someone else more than they enjoy it with you. Jealousy can also take the form of feeling left out, feeling that your partner is having more fun or enjoying swinging more than you.
The key to dealing with any feelings of jealousy is communication. Make sure that your partner knows and feels that they are the most important person in your life and that no one will replace them. If you feel there is some special touch or action that should only be yours as a couple then make it only yours as a couple. Some couples find kissing to be too intimate to share with others, so they develop a “no kissing” rule. Other couples are ok with everything except having sex with other couples, so they stick with “soft swinging”. Many issues related to jealousy can be dealt with before they even appear by dealing with the worries before they become issues. Other times you may not even think about a jealousy issue until it has popped up in your face. Just remember, there is nothing you can’t work out together through communication. Of course, if you don’t communicate the problems will only grow worse. The best thing you can do is bring up the issue as soon as you feel it. If you feel yourself getting jealous about something stop and talk about it, even if it means you stop in the middle of what would have been your first swinging encounter. Your relationship is more important than any swinging encounter will ever be.
This article is an excerpt from The Swinger Manual by JustAskJulie