We really like this couple but they are sending mixed signals

[CuriousInOregon]

OK I will start off by saying im Emotional today and if this is Long Im sorry
So I am a little on the confused side about a couple the Mr and I have met. Heres the situation

I was talking to this guy online found out we live in the same town so we get to talking and come to find out we have alot in common and of course My mind goes " hhhmmm I wonder" so the Mr and I go online to feed a curiosity and come to discover this couple is also into the lifestyle we had actully talked to them on SLS a long time back. SO anyhow we are all getting together to do Stuff like BBQ, take the kids to the park,you know normal friends stuff right.

So Mr. Smith I will call him and I talk online regularly we talk on the phone from time to time, and hang out in person from time to time as they dont live far from us. WE flirt alot, make little enuendos and what not BUT as soon as we are face to face to face NOTHING Not even so much as a Flirtaious glace WTF Im so lost.
He regularly tells me the naughty things we should do, how much fun WE could all have if we got a nice cabin at the coast for the weekend find a sitter for all our kids and just LET GO but again in person NOTIHNG. Now his wife I know is BI has had several girlfriends live-in and out through out their marriage which was never a problem I guess. But I almost feel more flirting and naughty glances comeing from her than from him and she doesnt seem to want much to do with MR curious either and he is Interested in her.
So after a few weeks of this I finally asked him FLAT OUT what are you lookin for I was being blunt and just wanted to know. So Mr. Smith told me that right now he wasnt looking for anything he just wanted to focus on his Son I was like OK thats cool Im glad I know wher we stand.
The next time we talk its the SAME THING he flirts like no ones business and says he has no interested and in Person he doesnt.

SO WHAT DO I DO? I really do like this guy, and the way he talks and acts when not in person appears to like me too how do I find out what the real deal is with out saying " hey am I just nice to talk to but not good enough to fuck" ANY advice would be helpful

[Lovemates28]

He sounds like he's just a real tease. He wants to feel he's desirable to you and it sounds like a complete ego trip for him. Next time he tries to flirt with you, just give nothing back and if he asks what is wrong, just let him know you don't appreciate being led on. If he wants something with you, that's up for discussion, but if he doesn't want anything with you, than boundries need to be set. Don't let this guy jerk you around. Good luck!
Mrs. Lovemates

[sereneiders]

It seems to me you got you answer from this guy, he told you they don't want anything else (but the vanilla frriendship as it is by now). Besides this, it seems he enjoys the tease, and perhaps to be able to share sexualy related toughts and ideas with likeminded people, as a "plus" over the vanilla friendship.

The only problem here seems to be your expectations: you'd like something else to happen, and his teasing games would be feeding those expectations, disregarding the fact that you KNOW they wont be fulfilled.

IMO, in any situation, we'd stick to the words being told during the cold heart times, and whatever you hear in the middle of the action (even if so pale as this sort of teasing) that contradicts what was explicited shouldn't be taken into account.

[LikeMinds321]

I'd try this.

Write to him and tell him that since he is not interested in pursuing a sexual relationship with you that you would be more comfortable NOT doing the IM and e-mail flirting from this point on. See if he continues to write (without flirting) and shows an interest in being friends. If he does, you've got a friend, if he doesn't, you'll know that you don't.

LM

[ShellyM]

If it were me I would ask him straight out about it. Maybe he is shy in person, that can be intimidating. Jay says to ask him on the internet and ask why they act that way in person. I agree with him on that. He talks so much talk on the computer, maybe he is embarassed when he is with you even. Either way, I would come straight out and would ask him whats up. That way if they are not interested in a sexual relationship you know from jump and can decide what you want to do from there.

[JustAskJulie]

Do they know you swing?
You said you met onlne and looked them up and found them on SLS, did you tell them that you were the same people they had talked to on SLS previously? Have you discussed the lifestyle with them and your involvement in it?

[Amanda69]

People love to flirt and tease whether or not it will lead to anything. It is a fun way to interact with friends and potential playmates.

We have many friends who we flirt with but they are aware as are we that it won't go any further....it is just being a friendly group.

[2jersey]

Originally Posted by CuriousInOregon

OK I will start off by saying im Emotional today and if this is Long Im sorry
So I am a little on the confused side about a couple the Mr and I have met. Heres the situation

I was talking to this guy online found out we live in the same town so we get to talking and come to find out we have alot in common and of course My mind goes " hhhmmm I wonder" so the Mr and I go online to feed a curiosity and come to discover this couple is also into the lifestyle we had actully talked to them on SLS a long time back. SO anyhow we are all getting together to do Stuff like BBQ, take the kids to the park,you know normal friends stuff right.

So Mr. Smith I will call him and I talk online regularly we talk on the phone from time to time, and hang out in person from time to time as they dont live far from us. WE flirt alot, make little enuendos and what not BUT as soon as we are face to face to face NOTHING Not even so much as a Flirtaious glace WTF Im so lost.
He regularly tells me the naughty things we should do, how much fun WE could all have if we got a nice cabin at the coast for the weekend find a sitter for all our kids and just LET GO but again in person NOTIHNG. Now his wife I know is BI has had several girlfriends live-in and out through out their marriage which was never a problem I guess. But I almost feel more flirting and naughty glances comeing from her than from him and she doesnt seem to want much to do with MR curious either and he is Interested in her.
So after a few weeks of this I finally asked him FLAT OUT what are you lookin for I was being blunt and just wanted to know. So Mr. Smith told me that right now he wasnt looking for anything he just wanted to focus on his Son I was like OK thats cool Im glad I know wher we stand.
The next time we talk its the SAME THING he flirts like no ones business and says he has no interested and in Person he doesnt.

SO WHAT DO I DO? I really do like this guy, and the way he talks and acts when not in person appears to like me too how do I find out what the real deal is with out saying " hey am I just nice to talk to but not good enough to fuck" ANY advice would be helpful

You are talking to Mr. Smith online, without Mrs. Smith or Mr. Curious?

When you speak to Mr. Smith in person, Mrs. Smith and Mr. Curious are also present (i.e. the four of you are together)?

In your reference to Mrs. Smith, you mentioned that "she doesnt seem to want much to do with MR curious either..."

Could it be that Mrs. Smith is putting the breaks on? Mr. Smith can't follow through on the relationship because Mrs. Smith has no interest in Mr. Curious?

[CuriousInOregon]

ALL very well noted and yes it is possible Mrs Smith is saying no way but I think Im gonna take the advice of asking him online if hes just a big ol flirt or what thanks a ton I will update as I know

[arbbwcouple]

I had more than my fair share of these and my wife has also they talk a big game till we meet them in person then the attiude changes . I believe Mr smith just wants to get ego food and nothing more.

[CuriousInOregon]

UPDATE I talked to Mr Smith at length about this and NO hes not lookin for an ego boost he IS interested but it is as I suspected he is shy in person and has found it easier to flirt on the comp rather than face to face we have decided that we are no more than friends and if something develops later GREAT if not thats great ALSO

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by CuriousInOregon

So after a few weeks of this I finally asked him FLAT OUT what are you lookin for I was being blunt and just wanted to know. So Mr. Smith told me that right now he wasnt looking for anything he just wanted to focus on his Son I was like OK thats cool Im glad I know wher we stand.
The next time we talk its the SAME THING he flirts like no ones business and says he has no interested and in Person he doesnt.

UPDATE I talked to Mr Smith at length about this and...IS interested but it is as I suspected he is shy in person and has found it easier to flirt on the comp rather than face to face...

He's given you differing reason's here and that concerns me.

I don't believe you've answered the question about whether you've told this couple that you are swingers and saw their profile on SLS. I would think that this step would be helpful in opening communication among all 4 of you, and definately necessary if you would like to see a swing relationship evolve.

Also, how do you know Mr. Smith's wife even knows you've been chatting with him online and flirting so heavily? I think this would be important to know. Have you discussed this with her face to face? Probably not. How would you feel if you learned that Mr Smith was doing the flirting online without his wife knowing? This is a possibility.

I've met a number of men who are shy, but they don't ever use that as an excuse for not opening up and being demonstrative with me once we've warmed up to each other and I've initiated flirting.

I think you have to ask yourself, how long can you be satisfied carrying on a sexual relationship ONLY through chat and shutting that down when in person?

LM

[Jeok]

Did any of you all ever think that maybe she is chatting with The Mrs. online, instead of The Mr.? Think about it ... The Mrs. ... gives her all the hairy-eyed cumons and flirts with her ... The Mrs. is Bi ... It sounds to me as though no webcam is being used ... So ... Just a Jeok-ing opinion.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by Jeok

Did any of you all ever think that maybe she is chatting with The Mrs. online, instead of The Mr.? Think about it ... The Mrs. ... gives her all the hairy-eyed cumons and flirts with her ... The Mrs. is Bi ... It sounds to me as though no webcam is being used ... So ... Just a Jeok-ing opinion.

All the more reason for only talking about/doing things online that you can do in person. There's no confusion that way.

LM

[CuriousInOregon]

ok I have Told them BOTH in person that we saw their profile on SLS we all got a good chuckle about that when they contacted us we were like I dont know then months later we contacted them and NOTHING come to find out they were in the middle of a move and had not checked the mail in MONTHS and No its not the Ms on the puter instead of the Mr we also talk on the Phone and I am pretty sure I can tell the difference between their voices, I also think that there is a few details that him and I need to talk about I recently found out their relationship is more Poly than Swing and thats good for them but NOT for us I do this for pleasure for US (mr curious and I) not to just get my rocks off with a stranger we have that option if the opportunity presents itself also with Rules of course. We OPENLY flirt, kiss, engage in Racy comments plans and conversations with out the other one being around but as far as Down and Dirty getting it on we chose to play together