We really like this couple but they are sending mixed signals

[fun4Ds]

curious iv been folowing this thread and i started to post and then waited because my situation may be way off base from yours. and in no way am i insinuating that the story reflects on you personally. but there are some simularitys with this.

we have some friends that live close by(same neighborhood) only we have swaped so there is no doubt that everyone is on the up and up. here is the thing though, yes we flirt on the net and flirt with each other in the privacy of our homes but in public? no way.too many people know us on this end of town.the female of the other couple is ... lets say very voluptious she dresses very skimpy yet sexy in public and is the type that is going to turn a few heads in the store. we are very discreet and they(she) are way more open to flirting in public.

here is one example, my son and i are stoping in the village pantry to get a coke and guess who walks in. i didn't see her at first but she definatly had my sons attentention, and another guys whom i knew and low and behold even the casheirs. she is wearing a tight halter, tight shorts, and quite good looking.corners me no way out. she is definetaly not hiding the flirting with questions like where have you been, when are we getting together again and then winks can you imagin how i felt.

then when my son asks me WHO was that? all i could say was, that was so and so's wife we are just friends. we have diffrent levels of discretion than them no doubt, but to flirt in public in a place where we are known

its very uncomfortable for me to flirt in that situation. yea we flift on the net and it even increases the sexual tension for our private time but im gonna run if it becomes public in any way.especially if a child is present. and you did say his son was there.

i hope you all get together in private (nokids) and see how the flirting goes from there. for me its a whole diffrent world behind closed doors. in public?? the diffrence between day and night.

[sereneiders]

This is an aside that I believe may provide some other perspectives to the issue.

We're talking about Mr. Smith in person and Mr. Smith in a chatroom, i.e., mediatized by a computer, giving for granted we're talking about the same person. Even when we're talking about the same guy, it doesn't necesarily imply that he is the "same" person, and I am talking here about personality issues.

The fact is, computer chatrooms provide an anonimity that allows us to explore ourselves without needing to take care of our "public image", a care we're used to take in any other scenario. We may play "as if" we were someone else than ourselves, show facets that we wouldn't in person. Some people enjoy this, and get used to keep using the chatroom as this self exploration playground even if chatting when someone they know in person, thus giving the impression they're two "different guys". And, at some extent, it is true, they're different guys.

However, IMO this shouldn't be ill seen, as if one facet were more "honest" than the other, nor as some devious mind game, even when this IS a game: if you give this a second tought, after all, what's a game purpose, any game purpose? A game is just a model of certain aspects of the reality allowing the players to safely explore and learn by mistakes, without the consequences those mistakes would have if we were learning from the "real life", it's the "as if" allowing us to foresight the consequences of our behavior shoud we behave in some other ways than the ones we know as "safe" or "productive".

For many people, chatrooms became a playroom without any other parallel in the "real world", wheter they're concious or not about this, they find this as something usefull (for example, Mr. Smith allow himself to explore himself "as if" he weren't as shy as he is in person).

I believe we should bear this in mind when relating with people trough this media, as to avoid giving for granted the same communicational paradigms we use when face to face should apply.

I like to take into account the expectations we have about other people behavior when we feel confused or hurt because of them, because we use our expectations as the measuring ruler, so that gives us a clue of the "units" we use before even talking about the "measured length". If we expect people to behave the same way when in person or when mediatized by a chat room (or for the sake, a phone, a letter... a forum), it's likely that we'd feel confused, and this confusion subsides once we relax our expectations.