He's never satisified with the outcome of our swinging experiences

[RnLinohio]

Originally Posted by sweetmelissa

The fact is that many of the men in these situations seem to be perfectly happy watching the girls play and joining in with their own spouse as is appropriate. (In my opinion, those guys are lucky to be there and are truly living most men's fantasy anyway.)

As my husband was telling a friend the other day.... He asked the friend would you rather see 2 lesbians get it on or 2 bi women get it on? the friend says i dont' care i just want to see 2 women get it on..

Hubby replied that he would want to watch the 2 bi women get it on, because there is a chance that he would get to join, so it is more arrousing for him.

Watching porn does nothing for my husband, because he knows he will never get to be with those women.

I guess what i am trying to say is that, for my husband watching was great the first or second time, but after that it wasn't exciting for him anymore, because he realized that he wasn't going to get any extra play like I was getting.

Hope this helps you to maybe see where your hubsband is coming from.

R

[sweetmelissa]

Thanks to everyone for all the great advice... My husband and I had a talk today about this and interestingly enough, he compared it to a delicious-looking chocolate cake (many of you used the eating/candy metaphor, funny, no?). The cake is sitting on the counter and yes, you can look at it, but no, you can't have a piece. And I'm eating the cake in front of him.... Or, he asked me when I'm eating chocolate, how do I know when to stop?

So I appreciate every comment from all of you, maybe I can see things more from his point of view now. Sounds like we just need to take a break, do some heavy-duty communicating, and before we try any swing activity again (if we do) have a really good understanding of what the other person wants/needs going in. I guess I thought we had all this because other areas of our marriage are very solid. While we did initially, it seems his perspective has changed as he has been feeling left out and wants more, which now I can see after reading all your posts!

Incidentally, since I told him my concerns about his "short fuse" and suggested we stop at least for now, he has really been working on keeping better control on his emotions and we seem to be getting along better in general. I also have yet to have him read this post, but did tell him about it, and plan to show it to him so we can sit down and talk things over.

thanks again y'all!

[just1gurl]

SweetMelissa, I think your screen name fits you! Best of luck working through it!

[twobears]

Hi there, keep talking about the things that make you uncomfortable about a full swap,my hubby was in a rush too, frustrating to them, as we started with solf-swing and some couples never do anymore than that. When your husband has the attitude that he is satisfied with enjoying the erotic play(oral sex) and then finishing with his mate, then maybe you will feel more comfortable doing more that soft-swing. What helped us the most was reading and talking about what we want out of this, is it just for sex with others or is it to enjoy our mates getting it on with someone else, most swingers like the enrichment and the erotic fun that THEY HAVE TOGETHER!!! It takes lots of talking to each other and looking at our most inner feeling and sharing them with each other, that is to me the key that helped us. Keep talking and not fighting talking, I am terrible about raising my voice to show how much this is hurting me or that this is something improtant to me, not good then we have a fight. So talk and talk and talk somemore Good Luck