Reasons for NOT Sharing Fantasies

[sammy65Missouri]

I am curious as to why from both men and women's points of view what the reasons are for NOT sharing your fantasies with your mate? As a male I am most interested in the female feedback but all feedback is welcome.

Thanks in advance!

[jcbicouple]

Sorry, We aren't any help on this since we share all of ours. We find it a huge turn on to know each others fantasies. Should make for an interesting thread though.

[My77038]

For us I thinks it's a fear of letting the other know how nastily freaky we really are. I have fantasies that i still have not let out of the bag. I don't want to make him uncomfortable with some of things I really think about doing and him vice versa. Hence why we are taking things so slow here. I think he sometimes waits for me to be comfortable and free with myself and then he let's go. Coming here to this site has helped a lot with us being more open with each other and talking about what turns us on really or just being open to finding out what turns us on. I love all of you guys and your great info and experiences.


MM

[sammy65Missouri]

I suspect the majority of folks responding will say that they do share all of their fantasies but I can't help but think there are things with-held that one we just do not share because they either violate our personal traditional boundries we think they violate our partner's. An example is a me never telling my wife that I lust after her sister (she doesn't have one but just an example) for fear it would hurt her feelings.

thanks for the response!

[Vespertine]

I'll bite.

Before my husband were married, in our early months of dating, I was embarrassed to share my fantasies with him. I was afraid that I would shock him, or that he would think differently of me. I'd wait for him to initiate anything more colorful than mainstream sex acts because I was not confident enough with our relationship to share my true sexual desires. I was afraid I'd turn him off or that he would only entertain my fantasies just to appease me and secretly he would be turned off by them.

I have since grown up and have become comfortable with my sexuality. Through our sexual discovery with eachother, we have found that there are things I love that he hates and vice versa. I know now that that's OK. We can have different tastes and fantasies and still manage to have a wonderful sexual relationship with eachother... and neither one of us would find the other to be 'weird' for having a specific fantasy.

[sammy65Missouri]

My77038--thanks for the reply. I am glad to hear that I and I know my wife are not the only ones that keep some fantasies to themselves. We share some things but I know we both have those held back. The thought came to me last night as we were steaming up the bedroom windows and I thought--I wonder what it would be like if after I finish "in her" to have her immediately grab my ears and push me down to dine at the "Y" and then I wondered why I just didn't ask her to do it. Later--it came to me that it seemed to "homosexual" and I didn't want her to think I was bi in any way and thought the request may make her think that so wah lah--fantasy with-held.

Thanks again.

[TNT]

It's really quite simple....fear.

There's always a fear that you'll be looked at as a freak. A fear that your partner won't understand your fantasies, that they'll be turned off by them and at some point reject you.

When you share your fantasies you're sharing the deepest part of yourself and it takes a strong emotional bond to be able to do so without fear. You give the person your sharing with an enormous amout of trust that they won't throw your fantasies back in your face and hurt you with them.

Not easy for a lot of people.

Teresa

[My77038]

In reply to Sammy65:

We thank you for starting up this convo.. Its the best topic for us so far as far as us sitting down afterward reading the thread and just laying some more of our fantasies out on the table. We learned somethings about each other too. It was cool but I was nervous but even more excited and turned on. I find that you really don't know unless you ask. It's quit a freeing feeling to open up. It's still scary to put yourself out there like that. It's a work in progress I say. Thanks again!

[Sweet_Candy]

Originally Posted by Vespertine

I was afraid I'd turn him off or that he would only entertain my fantasies just to appease me and secretly he would be turned off by them.

I have since grown up and have become comfortable with my sexuality. Through our sexual discovery with eachother, we have found that there are things I love that he hates and vice versa. I know now that that's OK. We can have different tastes and fantasies and still manage to have a wonderful sexual relationship with eachother... and neither one of us would find the other to be 'weird' for having a specific fantasy.

Dito Vesp! We are with you. This describes our journey quite nicely. We've discovered we're both freaks!

[Jamie&Kieth]

Every now & then my husband & I will go out for a couple of drinks, if I am feeling horny I tell him about some of my fantasies and he eventually tells me his ... sometimes the fantasies become true.

I guess it is all about trust with your partner, I can tell my husband anything, from sex to money to cars to jobs.

[flkeyscouple]

We got to the sharing of fantasies slowly... we started by sharing our tamest fantasies. Then one day about 4 years ago, while on a cross-country road trip, we broke the boredom of being on the interstate by telling each other stories. We went into great detail and kept telling more and more. it was a blast, and we were SO horny driving along! Boy, was that an exciting night at the Holiday Inn!!

Later we talked about it. We had both 'come clean' with actual past events - not just fantasies. We wondered why we hadn't earlier - we'd been together and 'lightly involved' in the lifestyle for many years. Why hadn't we 'fessed up' to past experiences? FEAR - as TNT said. We decided we had been worried that the other would think less of us, or be disgusted with our past behavior.

Maybe it's simply that as time passed we became more trusting and comfortable in our relationship. Once we reached the comfort level all we needed was an excuse to start talking. We're pretty sure that we could have 'handled' it years ago - just never had the opportunity (or MADE the opportunity) to discuss it until that wonderfully memory-filled drive!!

Sarah

[carlos_pchot]

hello there, I think most people will share their fantasies if they feel there won't be any wrong response from the other person, so basically we fear their reaction to it, like other people have said. If there's enough trust, you can tell most of them, even the most naughty, because they're still fantasies, that mean that you don't have to make them real ALL of them to be happy, sometimes they're just good as they are and that's it, a good dream and nothing else.
For the ladies is always a bit more difficult than for us men, but still at the end, it's pretty much the same reasons for open up or stay quiet...