Why so much snark?

[two4youinswva]

So, I've noticed a few trends around here lately that are a little disturbing. I don't know if it's cabin fever, lack of sex, or some other unknown factor, but there have been some activities on the board that we try to stay away from.

During my time playing around on the board, this has always been a place where there were no stupid questions, and folks try to give thoughtful answers to the questions or situations described. I think the idea has been "we're all in this together", since we are such an isolated part of society, and really want to help each other out.
- Sometimes that means we get repeat questions. While it is easy for us to think "Not again", and just respond with 2 or 3 links to old threads on the subject, that isn't as helpful as one might think. That question, however mundane or often you've seen it, is very important to the person that posted it. They would appreciate a personal response so much more than just a list of links. The links are fine, but the personal answer and touch are what sets us apart from the rest.

This board has never had a serious problem with trolls. We're specialized enough in the subject matter that I don't think we ever will. However, some have gotten trigger happy with their Troll Guns.
-Bad grammar and an unusual question does not equal trolling. This is an international board, so English is not a primary language for many of our members. There is going to be some occasional posts that might not make it into Strunk & White. That is OK.
-Some members have different fantasies and experiences than others. Just because I don't like what another person posts about, or think it's "weird", doesn't make them a troll.

Negative feedback is for disruptive posts. If I post the thought "Swinging is great!", and Julie follows my post and says "Well, I think it's good, but not great", I don't give her a negative rep for it. That's just discussion and debate, which is encouraged. If there is a post that you think is "out of bounds" (and I think we all know what those are), then give the negative rep, and report it if it needs to be.

Speaking of debate and discussion: It's OK if we don't agree. Just be civil and respect the other person's right to have their own point of view. No need to get upset because of multiple viewpoints.

So, to some it all up, let's all be less snarky and more swinger like. You'll enjoy visiting here a whole lot more.



Oh, and don't be one of these!

[Chicup]

A donkey well?

[LFM2]

Originally Posted by Chicup

A donkey well?

Close, but I'm thinking more along the line of asshole. Although, I could be wrong.

[truckerbuddy]

I will admit that I'm new to the board and i have not posted much. but I have learned a lot about the people and the life-stile just reading the posts. I have seen that some post have and can be taken in the wrong way. but for the most part a question will get answered.

For the new people.
Take the time to read ( A LOT ).. look around the board and see if you find some answers your looking for.

For myself an my gal..
We both look around and when one of us find a post that has questions that we have not yet thought about,,, We take the time and talk about it together and look at it from two different ways.. ( my open yen and her's ) then we come to one answer we both like or can live with..( If we can't ) then we will make a post with the question.

[JustAskJulie]

Excellent post Two4you. Thank you for the reminder. I'm as guilty as anyone lately. I have let some people get to me and instead of just walking away and not responding (as I should have) I replied and worse still - hit send. I should be setting an example and for that I apologize.

I know for many of us who have been here a long time it can be very hard to see the same questions over and over again. We have to remember it's ok if we don't respond, there are plenty of others who will give a good response. Just linking a bunch of old threads doesn't really do any good either as it makes the OP feel bad and doesn't really encourage dialogue or continual posting from them, which should be our goal. Sometimes it just requires taking a step back, letting others do the responding and maybe coming back to a thread later when more info is added or when we feel we can add something of value to it.

We don't all have to agree, it would be a boring place if we did, but we should all respect each other and understand that people are going to disagree with us, and when they do, they will post it. At that point it's up to us to either defend our position or just accept that they don't agree and let it go.

[MrkLin]

I went off the deep end in a few threads, and have deeply regretted it. Since then, I've tried to temper my replies by re-reading the entire thread and thinking about my reply before just pulling the trigger and going off half-cocked (too many euphemisms in one line?)

I know you can't un-ring a bell, but hopefully I didn't damage my reputation around here to the point that I'm not taken seriously, or just ignored completely. Your point is well taken, two4youinswva, and you're absolutely right. I guess we all just have to learn to relax - especially me...

[ANGEDKY(mr)]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

I know for many of us who have been here a long time it can be very hard to see the same questions over and over again. We have to remember it's ok if we don't respond, there are plenty of others who will give a good response. Just linking a bunch of old threads doesn't really do any good either as it makes the OP feel bad and doesn't really encourage dialogue or continual posting from them, which should be our goal. Sometimes it just requires taking a step back, letting others do the responding and maybe coming back to a thread later when more info is added or when we feel we can add something of value to it.

.

To the point where I start to view posts thru JNCC's eyes. Yet seeing your vision and goals for the board does have a changing effect (for me) in a way...

Originally Posted by MRKLIN

went off the deep end in a few threads, and have deeply regretted it. Since then, I've tried to temper my replies by re-reading the entire thread and thinking about my reply before just pulling the trigger and going off half-cocked (too many euphemisms in one line?)

I know you can't un-ring a bell, but hopefully I didn't damage my reputation around here to the point that I'm not taken seriously, or just ignored completely. Your point is well taken, two4youinswva, and you're absolutely right. I guess we all just have to learn to relax - especially me...

Yes, but don't be apologetic for calling it like it is either. Some of the situations that unfolded around here were...well, uhhhh, stranger than fiction. Add in three or four outright rude departures and yeah, one can get a little snarky at times--

[warrencouple]

Being one of the newbs asking the same old same old, I will say this much:

Thus far, I haven't run into any responses that left me feeling like I was "blown off." Thus far, everyone has at least been understanding of both my and the Mrs un-sureness of it all, our nerves as to whether we should keep following this path. Yes, there have been a few replies that kind of felt "here's an answer, go away kid you're bothering me," but they've been very much in the minority.

But, I can also see where the attitude of giving a quick answer to a question that's come up dozens of times before and quick use of the search function would've given you the answer comes from. After all, I have this problem at work. There's only so many times you can see / answer the same question, before it gets frustrating.

Jason

[VegasLee]

Hell, I have been called a Snark... few other things around here over the years also. Most of you know me that have been around here long. Pretty simple and out spoken.

On our own forums I pretty much have got tired of people not reading and asking the same questions over and over or asking them in Email. I pretty stock reply how is posting the link to Swingers Board and advising them there is many years of knowledge there. I suggest they come here and read for weeks/months/years and once they have done that and if they have not found the answer to their question then come on back and I will be happy to answer it for them. I am a bit surprised but should not be about the number of emails I get back later from people thanking me for sending them here to READ!

Reading is important but people in todays world have really got out of that habit. They would rather ask a question then take a moment and do a bit of research. Yes, in my world that gets old and I handle it the way I do but it seems to work for me. I am glad Julie and the rest of you have posted 1000's of answers, gives me someplace to send people.

[lovinher]

Guilty and point taken. But life isn't so warm and fuzy and sometimes people (including me) need a slap in the head...so to speak.

[JustAskJulie]

On posting links as a reply to a thread. Here are a couple of my own recent examples of better ways to do so.

If your reply is going to be nothing but a list of links, it's really not worth replying, and it really only serves to make the person you are replying to feel bad.

As an addendum: Scared to be outed?

Within the response: http://www.swingersboard.com/forums/...-exciting.html

I know a few folks do the latter in reply to Intros and I actually think that's a really good idea, the reminder to read those important threads that should be read by someone new to the board.

[NCfuncouple98]

We've been on here only about 6 months, and yes I've seen the same things posted about over and over again.

I guarantee you we are guilty of it as well. I think if everyone, before responding to any post, put yourselves in the shoes of the poster, and remember what it was like for you. When we first joined the board we were curious about swinging. We went from curious to "Ok, we want to. Umm, how?" And then when we figured out how, then "who?" . . . .

I train a particular computer system for a living, have so for the past 6 years, same system. It's very easy for me to get frustrated of "I have to answer THAT question again??". But I don't. I go back in my mind to what it was like for me to learn from day one, and it helps me relate to who I'm training.

This board is no different. There are folks of all ages, race, relationship type, etc, but we're all here for the same reason: Discussion, support, venting, and advice. Let's not lose site of this!

Mr NC and I have agreed whole-heartedly that without this board, we may never have taken the leap to swing, and even if we had, maybe we would've walked away from it, because we had no one to talk to or ask questions of. But we do, and it's the fine folks on this board that helped us overcome our fears, insecurities and doubts, to give us the confidence that we're ok, maybe not normal, but no so far out of the norm either!

We love the boards, and want to do our part to make sure that others, like us, find what they need.

Mrs.NC

[ktimephoenix]

i'm a member of several 4wd - car audio forums on the net, and understand how frustrating it is to get the same questions over and over again... there are only so many times you can hear "what speaker is best" or "what tires should i put on a 1998 landcruiser". those posts should be answered with a bit of "search first newb " because your looking for FACTS about INANIMATE OBJECTS.

the thing to remember HERE as apposed to the car forums, is we're no longer talking about objects and products that are the same no matter whether your in nevada or norway.

every "noob" here is either keen, nervous, or both. they all want to make sure their not making a huge mistake, and they are all INDIVIDUALS. while the subject of being "outed" has been discussed, for example, there are so many different slants on the discussion, depending on the age, religion, race, country of origin, etc, that you can't blame "noobs" for thinking "well yes, this guy has talked about being outed, but he's a 20 year old liberal living in an open minded community, but we're in our mid 50's, have kids, live under a repressive government, and make our income as the local church pastor".

just remember, if there are new posts, you don't necissarily have to answer them all yourself.

[Babysteps]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

I know for many of us who have been here a long time it can be very hard to see the same questions over and over again. We have to remember it's ok if we don't respond, there are plenty of others who will give a good response. Just linking a bunch of old threads doesn't really do any good either as it makes the OP feel bad and doesn't really encourage dialogue or continual posting from them, which should be our goal. Sometimes it just requires taking a step back, letting others do the responding and maybe coming back to a thread later when more info is added or when we feel we can add something of value to it.

I'd like to add my opinion on this one. Regarding the cronic repetetive questions.....I think this occurs often because when new people first discover this site, they MIGHT be experiencing a rather wide and extreme array of emotions. Possibly fear, confusion, anger, hurt, excitement.

When I first registered I was experiencing some of the above mentioned emotions......it wasn't pretty. I needed some information and answers......there was a definite sense of urgency, theres no way I would have taken the time to do a "search" on my specific issues and concerns, I NEEDED ANSWERS AND I NEEDED THEM NOW!! Get it?? So I think when we see this occurring, we just need to be a little patient.

Even though I STILL have no experience in the L/S..... ......I REALLY enjoy my time here......have learned SOOOO MUCH, and really admire the members. Going off topic here, I'll get back to it.

As far as the "link" issue......I don't mind that in the least......the info that I get linked to is often absolutely RIGHT ON......and saves me the search.

[LFM2]

I'm guilty as well. I can always use a nudge in the right direction because sometimes I can let my snarkyness get in the way.

Originally Posted by NCfuncouple98

...we may never have taken the leap to swing, and even if we had, maybe we would've walked away from it, because we had no one to talk to or ask questions of. But we do, and it's the fine folks on this board that helped us overcome our fears, insecurities and doubts, to give us the confidence that we're ok, maybe not normal, but no so far out of the norm either!

Mrs.NC

I have to ditto this statement. When I came here a few years ago, it was for research. I can't remember if I posted right away or lurked for a while, but I really needed answers to all those questions that were burning a whole in my brain. I might not have found the information I was looking for had it not been for great replies I received in those first few months. I need to keep in mind that these newbies are in the very same place I was three years ago.