Have you been Misunderstood?

***JustAskJulie*** · 04-15-2008, 11:59 AM

Do you feel misunderstood? It's not just you, we all encounter it here. It's hard to get your point across sometime when all you have is flat text and a few smilies. And if you are like me and you ramble sometimes, it's even harder. It's hard to express the situation you dealt with or saw to someone who wasn't there and make sure that they really get what you meant. It's easy to use one wrong word or phrase and completely screw up the entire meaning of what you said in someone else's brain. You KNOW what you mean, you were there, you experienced it, but they are picking it up from scratch.

It's important that we all give each other the benefit of a doubt. Rather than jumping to conclusions about what someone says, instead take a moment and ask a question to clarify the situation. If there is doubt, ASK. If there is a question that would affect your advice or response, then ask the question instead of immideately responding with what is on the top of your head. Then come back and read the response and then respond - or ask my questions if you need to. And for those of us who are being asked questions, understand that others are just trying to get a better understanding of the situation, they aren't necessarily doubting you or the situation you have expressed, they just want to better understand it and make sure that they aren't jumping to conclusions too early.

I know a few people have gone screaming away from here because they have felt like everything they expressed was taken the wrong way and people jumped down their throats. Overall, I think this is a very friendly place, but even I have had situations where I didn't express myself well enough and people took what I said completely different than I meant it, so I was forced to come back and try again... sometimes making it better and sometimes making it worse. But, all I can do is try. That's all any of us can do.

**BiloxiCouple** · 04-15-2008, 12:18 PM

Not me

Bama0468 · 04-16-2008, 01:05 AM

We can be understood?!?!? What a concept!!! BRILLIANT!! :P trust me though, If I want to sound sacastic I can do it plenty well in word with out smilies

Oh damn used one.....

sweet_tna · 04-16-2008, 01:40 AM

I, being a perfect being, have never been misunderstood.

(Excellent point, Julie. We should all try to give each other the benefit of the doubt--at least to start with.)

=)

Chris&Amelia · 04-16-2008, 02:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bama0468

If I want to sound sacastic I can do it plenty well in word with out smilies

Yeah, sure, riiiiiiiight. Why didn't I think of that?!?

That being said.... yeah, it's happened to me too.

**TNT** · 04-16-2008, 09:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

Do you feel misunderstood?

More times than I care to count

Like you, at times I tend to ramble and what I was trying to get across, just doesn't make it. It's quite clear in my mind but for some reason, it just doesn't come across well with the written word. Sometimes I blame myself for not being more clear, other times I blame the reader for not being able to "think" on a different plane. There are those times I just throw my hands up and think it's just not worth it...I see things so differently than the majority of people that no matter how much I try to explain things, they will never be able to follow my thoughts. My fault, their fault, no one's fault, it's just the way it is sometimes.

Being misunderstood has never made me want to run screaming from the board...it has made me walk around and think a bit. Being misunderstood just makes me strive harder the next time to make my thoughts more clear.

Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I don't but, I do try.

Teresa

**good times** · 04-16-2008, 07:30 PM

I can't understand it, but yes, apparently I am often misunderstood.

**two4youinswva** · 04-16-2008, 08:47 PM

Sometimes I don't understand myself, so I imagine I can present a challenge for others as well.

Yes, I do believe letting a post marinate for a while is a very good idea. It's probably directly proportional to the desire to give the poster a piece of your mind. The more you want to give it, the longer you should wait.

Other than the occasional snarky comment, about all the regular posters on here are looking for enlightenment and an exchange in ideas. Some will be agreed with, some won't.

I'd hate to think I denied myself someone's great thought or philosophy tomorrow because I shut them down today.
- If I have done that before, let me apologize now and say "I suck", so you don't have to.

***JustAskJulie*** · 04-16-2008, 08:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by two4youinswva

Other than the occasional snarky comment, about all the regular posters on here are looking for enlightenment and an exchange in ideas. Some will be agreed with, some won't.

We are all guilty. I many times have typed something out only to close the window instead of hitting submit because I know that what I just typed is at best unhelpful but more likely falls into that snarky comment segment.

**two4youinswva** · 04-16-2008, 09:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

We are all guilty. I many times have typed something out only to close the window instead of hitting submit because I know that what I just typed is at best unhelpful but more likely falls into that snarky comment segment.

Yep. Quite a few times I've been happy the next day that I was smart enough not to post what I had typed out the day before.
- Then, occasionally I haven't been smart enough, and I hit Submit Post.

gatorvol64 · 04-16-2008, 09:17 PM

Yes, I'm misunderstood. But it doesn't only happen on the board. That is my life. I either don't explain myself well or my thoughts are so way out there that it isn't possible for them to be understood.

And I've been known to have a wee bit of trouble understanding myself. You can only try your best.

Vol

lovinher · 04-16-2008, 09:38 PM

Misuderstood? Oh hell yes! Not just on the board either. I'm a bit too direct sometimes. Some people appreciate it, others don't.
As far as giving the benefit of the doubt. After being here awhile I have learned to do just that. I don't know how many times I have thought "oooook, your an asshole" only to find out I was completely wrong about that person. In print it's very hard to gauge people.
We all fuck up, we all say (and type) stupid things. Once a person realizes that, they are a better person for it.

***JustAskJulie*** · 04-20-2009, 02:02 PM

lovinher · 04-20-2009, 07:23 PM

Are You Laughing At Me?
Wtf!

***JustAskJulie*** · 04-20-2009, 07:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lovinher

Are You Laughing At Me?
Wtf!

No but the little bump guys might be!

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04-15-2008, 11:59 AM	#1 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 29,288 Location: In my House Status: Female Swing Lifestyle Name:swingersboard	Have you been Misunderstood? Do you feel misunderstood? It's not just you, we all encounter it here. It's hard to get your point across sometime when all you have is flat text and a few smilies. And if you are like me and you ramble sometimes, it's even harder. It's hard to express the situation you dealt with or saw to someone who wasn't there and make sure that they really get what you meant. It's easy to use one wrong word or phrase and completely screw up the entire meaning of what you said in someone else's brain. You KNOW what you mean, you were there, you experienced it, but they are picking it up from scratch. It's important that we all give each other the benefit of a doubt. Rather than jumping to conclusions about what someone says, instead take a moment and ask a question to clarify the situation. If there is doubt, ASK. If there is a question that would affect your advice or response, then ask the question instead of immideately responding with what is on the top of your head. Then come back and read the response and then respond - or ask my questions if you need to. And for those of us who are being asked questions, understand that others are just trying to get a better understanding of the situation, they aren't necessarily doubting you or the situation you have expressed, they just want to better understand it and make sure that they aren't jumping to conclusions too early. I know a few people have gone screaming away from here because they have felt like everything they expressed was taken the wrong way and people jumped down their throats. Overall, I think this is a very friendly place, but even I have had situations where I didn't express myself well enough and people took what I said completely different than I meant it, so I was forced to come back and try again... sometimes making it better and sometimes making it worse. But, all I can do is try. That's all any of us can do.
	__________________ Julie - your hostess The Swinger Manual - all the info from the Swingers Board in one convenient book

04-15-2008, 12:18 PM	#2 (permalink)
BiloxiCouple Julie's Helper Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 4,002 Location: Biloxi, Mississippi Status: Couple with benefits and retired Swing Lifestyle Name:graceful	Re: Have you been Misunderstood? Not me
	__________________ *Live in the moment before they are gone.*

04-16-2008, 01:05 AM	#3 (permalink)
Bama0468 Rebel without a Cause :P Join Date: Jul 2001 Posts: 438 Location: Colorado Status: Ugly half of a beautiful Wife Swing Lifestyle Name:fountaincouple	Re: Have you been Misunderstood? We can be understood?!?!? What a concept!!! BRILLIANT!! :P trust me though, If I want to sound sacastic I can do it plenty well in word with out smilies Oh damn used one.....
	__________________ I don't speak or write proper english however, I do use fluent American Ease to its foremost!

04-16-2008, 01:40 AM	#4 (permalink)
sweet_tna Being good is overrated Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 4,221 Location: Poconos, PA Status: The boss of Mr. Sweet Swing Lifestyle Name:Sweet_tna	Re: Have you been Misunderstood? I, being a perfect being, have never been misunderstood. (Excellent point, Julie. We should all try to give each other the benefit of the doubt--at least to start with.) =)
	__________________ I'd rather go to hell for doing something I enjoyed than heaven wondering what it's like.

04-16-2008, 07:30 PM	#7 (permalink)
good times Mod Squad Member Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 6,919 Location: Reno, Nevada Status: Married to Mrs Good Times Swing Lifestyle Name:randp	Re: Have you been Misunderstood? I can't understand it, but yes, apparently I am often misunderstood.
	__________________ R (He is R, she is P)

04-16-2008, 08:47 PM	#8 (permalink)
two4youinswva Better than Ice Cream Join Date: Oct 2004 Posts: 6,653 Location: va Status: Couple. He posts, She reads	Re: Have you been Misunderstood? Sometimes I don't understand myself, so I imagine I can present a challenge for others as well. Yes, I do believe letting a post marinate for a while is a very good idea. It's probably directly proportional to the desire to give the poster a piece of your mind. The more you want to give it, the longer you should wait. Other than the occasional snarky comment, about all the regular posters on here are looking for enlightenment and an exchange in ideas. Some will be agreed with, some won't. I'd hate to think I denied myself someone's great thought or philosophy tomorrow because I shut them down today. - If I have done that before, let me apologize now and say "I suck", so you don't have to.
	__________________ Knew a girl named Nikki I guess you could say....

04-16-2008, 09:17 PM	#11 (permalink)
gatorvol64 Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 1,426 Location: Florida Status: Married Couple	Re: Have you been Misunderstood? Yes, I'm misunderstood. But it doesn't only happen on the board. That is my life. I either don't explain myself well or my thoughts are so way out there that it isn't possible for them to be understood. And I've been known to have a wee bit of trouble understanding myself. You can only try your best. Vol
	__________________ He is the Gator and she is the Vol.

04-16-2008, 09:38 PM	#12 (permalink)
lovinher Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 1,008 Location: cleveland area Status: married to lovinhim	Re: Have you been Misunderstood? Misuderstood? Oh hell yes! Not just on the board either. I'm a bit too direct sometimes. Some people appreciate it, others don't. As far as giving the benefit of the doubt. After being here awhile I have learned to do just that. I don't know how many times I have thought "oooook, your an asshole" only to find out I was completely wrong about that person. In print it's very hard to gauge people. We all fuck up, we all say (and type) stupid things. Once a person realizes that, they are a better person for it.
	__________________ I know I was born. I know that I'll die. The in between is mine. (PJ)

04-20-2009, 02:02 PM	#13 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 29,288 Location: In my House Status: Female Swing Lifestyle Name:swingersboard	Re: Have you been Misunderstood?
	__________________ Julie - your hostess The Swinger Manual - all the info from the Swingers Board in one convenient book

04-20-2009, 07:23 PM	#14 (permalink)
lovinher Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 1,008 Location: cleveland area Status: married to lovinhim	Re: Have you been Misunderstood? Are You Laughing At Me? Wtf!
	__________________ I know I was born. I know that I'll die. The in between is mine. (PJ)

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