Building on my threadjack

[prettylady]

Hey all.
I am guilty of a threadjack in a thread about male sexuality, and to be honest I lost intrest in the thread simply because I was unsure of what the original post was about.

Anyway, here is my issue that I wanted to put out there.
I know we all have opinions, and for the most part people don't like it when someone else has a very different opinion.

I am finding in the threads that there is contraversy(I know get a dictionary) You see comments like, " if you arn't intested in Male bi-sexuality then why did you even stop here".

So those of you who do stop in on these topics, why do you?

Is it to make fun of these gentlemen who chose to explore areas you chose not to?

Is it in an effort to broaden your horizons?

Do you secretly have a disire for men and chose to tease bi-men as a way to make you feel less gay? I doubt that anyone here would do that, but it seems to be an assumption so I put it out there.

Or is it because if you don't open that thread it will remain in your "unopened thread" list forever and ever driving you crazy until you finally break down and open the darn thing?

So chime in. Everyone is welcome to express their feeling, strait, bi, male, female. It really doesn't bother me. I like the spice that variety gives to life.

Your friend,
Prettylady

PS. be nice

[good times]

Good question. Their are a lot of reasons that I respond to threads, but primarily I tend to respond when I think my view on the subject hasn't been adequately represented yet. To often on forums such as these, someone who is inexperienced in the lifestyle will read a thread that only presents one point of view and think that is the way it is. A good recent example of that was a thread dealing with MFM. Since only people that were into MFM had responded to the thread, it wasn't long before someone posted that they were confused because it seemed all swingers were into MFM, based on that thread. They said something like (paraphrased here as I didn't go look up that thread) "So, if all of you people are into MFM, why do single guys have such a hard time hooking up with couples in the lifestyle?" Obviously, this poster got the wrong impression from that thread because it only presented the views of people who were into MFM, because nobody that wasn't into MFM had responded to the thread. Compared to Male bisexuals in the lifestyle, MFM is pretty common, but the reality is, people into MFM still make up a minority of the swinging population.

So, whenever I see a thread that might be giving a biased, or non-realistic, point of view about something I try to respond, whether I am personally into it or not. The fact is, in five years of actively attending clubs, two or three weekends a month, and spending a lot of our time with swingers when not at the clubs, we have a pretty good idea of what is the norm and what is not common in the lifestyle. As this board helped us a lot when we were just getting started, I feel the best way we can give back is to share our experiences for the benefit of the newbies coming up.

To the question of why I open the threads and read them if I am not interested in the subject. Well, their are a couple reasons for that. First, you never know when you might learn something new, so why not? But the main reason in my case is, it is my job, I am moderator here, in order to do that job you pretty much have to read every thread.

[socolais]

I have an idea, but I don't have enough observations to have much confidence in it.

I think bi-male activity is more prevalent in the lifestyle than what is represented openly on this forum and indicators in SLS profiles. It's politically correct for men to say their straight. There's a primitive logic in bashing folks that out themselves from the PC paradigm even though at least simple curiosity is predominant in the population.

"The [gentleman] doth protest too much"

It's very similar to the issue with condoms. There's plenty of circumstantial evidence to indicate condom use is less frequent than common discussions would indicate. It's PC to require condoms for penetration, but in the heat of the moment the requirement is relaxed more often than gets told. Start a thread with barebacking in a favorable light and watch the flamethrowers spring up out of nowhere.

Strong reactions are generally an indication that something is hitting too close for comfort.

[BiloxiCouple]

There are some that have to comment on everything.

Feels like being at home

[ShellyM]

I comment on things I have experience or interest in, and when I do comment on something I do not know anything about I will say that. Bisexual men.....well, its the kiss of death pretty much in the ls to say you are a bi male. In sls forums I got into a heated argument with the whole good ole boy attitude. If you are a straight man thats fine, we are who we are; but why bash others because they aren't who YOU are? Why act ignorant? Aaaah it frustrates me. I am not what you would call a bi woman....do I think that bi women are bad? NO! I'm happy that they explore who they are. Anyways, one thing about me is if I don't think I know something about a subject I'll say so.

[Spoomonkey]

I couldn't agree more with GT.

I am a mod - and happen to be the mod of the "Sex Questions" forum ("STDs/Safe Sex" and "Fetishes" also). A number of those threads get posted there and I have to read everyone.

But I also feel that this board is much better represented by honest, balanced feedback to questions that are posted. And the way some threads are started, direct "balancing" is in order. For example - "you don't know what you're missing" is a bit condescending. Some of us are very well in touch with our sexuality and are quite comfortable and satisfied with our heterosexuality.

Of course, say that and you get a mouth-breathing lot who comes along and questions your sexuality based on the fact that you said anything at all...



My question has always been - why do bisexual men need the approval of heterosexual men to be happy with who they are? Why can we not be turned off by it? Why can we not express our opinion on that subject without getting - in your words, PrettyLady - "finger wagged"?

Why do I open threads? Aside from being a mod, I am fairly prolific around here; it is like a second home. I've read threads that made me want to bleach my eyes afterwards (anal stains, for the long-timers, is one example). I have always felt that being here was an invitation to be honest - if you could avoid being needlessly nasty. I think I've done a good job of balancing those things

Of course, some folks inevitably take honesty personally...

Not much you can do about that...

Spoomonkey

[lovinher]

Originally Posted by BiloxiCouple

There are some that have to comment on everything.

Feels like being at home

Jeeeze, I'm not sure it's safe to say anything now.

We all know what threads are being referred to here. I'd like to know where the OP was bashed. As to why I chime in. Well, because the OP was posting to "guys".

[ShellyM]

Spoo, I don't think that bi men ask for approval from hetero men. And I absolutely agree with you; you have every right to be turned off by what turns you off. I personally don't find the idea of tossed salads very appealing to do lol...but I don't have any issues with those who do it lol. The only time I jump in there in this area is when I feel that people get nasty or personal. Thats all I'm saying, because you don't like something that doesn't give license for you to get nasty. I am NOT saying anyone here has, I am just making a statement.

[good times]

Originally Posted by socolais

I have an idea, but I don't have enough observations to have much confidence in it.

I think bi-male activity is more prevalent in the lifestyle than what is represented openly on this forum and indicators in SLS profiles. It's politically correct for men to say their straight. There's a primitive logic in bashing folks that out themselves from the PC paradigm even though at least simple curiosity is predominant in the population.

"The [gentleman] doth protest too much"

It's very similar to the issue with condoms. There's plenty of circumstantial evidence to indicate condom use is less frequent than common discussions would indicate. It's PC to require condoms for penetration, but in the heat of the moment the requirement is relaxed more often than gets told. Start a thread with barebacking in a favorable light and watch the flamethrowers spring up out of nowhere.

Strong reactions are generally an indication that something is hitting too close for comfort.

While I agree with your later point about condoms, I have to say that I personally know hundreds of people in the lifestyle, but I only know two guys who admit to being bi and a couple of others that I am pretty sure are open to it, but won't admit it for the reasons stated often around here. Even though we have something very unusual in our town, as one of our favorite clubs here is an, "all alternative lifestyle club" which usually has as many gays and cross-dressers attending on a party night as swingers. It would seem to me that this club would be an environment that would attract bi lifestyle guys, and it does, but their are very few from what I have seen.

So, I would say that the bi lifestyle guys we see on the board here are actually a little more prevalent than we see out in the real swinging world. My suspicion is that is because of the anonymity of the web site which allows guys to be more open about it here than they would be in person or in an ad.

Originally Posted by prettylady

contraversy(I know get a dictionary)

Uh, I think it is spelled controversy. Sorry prettyylady, I couldn't resist.

[crazycatz]

This is a message board and therefore I think it's ridiculous to question why people open threads!
The issue I have is that straight men seem to get their backs up at the mention of male bisexuality and chime in with off-the-cuff remarks about how it does nothing for them etc.
I think it's difficult enough for a man to admit he enjoys bi-activity given the stigma attached to it, that posts should not discourage further discussion on the topic.
And in both recent threads on the subject that's exactly what happened.
Big deal, you're straight...you don't need to scream it from the rooftops....IMO.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by crazycatz

Big deal, you're straight...you don't need to scream it from the rooftops....IMO.

Fair enough...

Big deal, you're bi...you don't need to scream it from the rooftops....IMO.

That works just as well, eh?

Spoomonkey

[prettylady]

I just want to clairify.
I used the sexuality of men as an example for my question. I happens anytime something controversal comes up. That could include weight issues, sexuallity, or anything WAY WAY out of the norm.
I know I have set myself up with this thread, but this wasn't a forum to start yet another battle of individuals, but rather a chance to freely express your reasons for opening and responding to threads. If we start with the battle of straights vs bis then we are going to get no were. Although I understand why you want to comment, please lets TRY to keep to the subject of why do you open and post in the first place.
I just realized how ironic that comment is concidering this thread is built directly from my own major thread jack.

Your friend,
Prettylady

[lovinher]

Originally Posted by crazycatz

This is a message board and therefore I think it's ridiculous to question why people open threads!

Not as ridiculous as this comment. I like the question but what do you expect from from a homophobe, or was that a closet homosexual? Maybe it's because of my fears of being gay or a chance to show how superior I am. I don't know I'm confused now and starting to question my sexuality.
I have been thinking of starting another thread to find out why I'm so fucked up. I'm pretty sure it has something to do with my inner desire for cock and cream pies. I have repressed it for so long I don't even know who I am anymore.

Originally Posted by crazycatz

The issue I have is that straight men seem to get their backs up at the mention of male bisexuality and chime in with off-the-cuff remarks about how it does nothing for them etc.

In the thread you are referring to the post was directed at straight guys. Read it again, then again and then one more time. It might just sink in. I'll make it easy for you.....

My gf and I have always wanted to play with another man, finally it happened! We met a guy on SLS and I finally got to give him head while my gf watched. What an incredible sexual feeling and what a great fuck that followed. Guys you don't know what your missing if you haven't emptied a cock in your mouth!
I don't think he was talking to bi-women.

Sorry to hijack your high jacked thread Prettylady.
My top 16 reasons for posting. (not in any particular order)

1] I like to bash gays and bisexuals. (unless they are a woman)
2] I know everything about swinging.
3] I'm bored.
4] I know nothing about the subject.
5] I'm pissed off at the world.
6] I'm better than everyone else.
7] I really am BI and hate myself for it.
8] I don't like the poster.
9] The poster has a shitty Avatar.
10] The poster has a hot avatar.
11] I have to comment on everything.
12] I need to make sure the poster is labeled correctly so nobody gets confused.
13] I'm an idiot.
14] The poster is an idiot.
15] Defend the ranks of all us straight guys at all costs.
16] I don't like people who can't spel. (there are exceptions)

I'm sure there other reasons but I have to go. My boyfriend is coming over.

Every once in a while something comes up and I have some input to add or answer a question. Shit, I might even have an opinion. It really is as simple as that.

[crazycatz]

@lovinher and Spoomonkey: I won't respond to your posts on bisexuality as I will adhere to Prettylady's wishes. We could always start a thread on positive acceptance and male bisexuality and discuss it further there.

@lovinher- i think you have taken me up wrong there. i was actually defending the rights of people to open and read and participate in whatever thread they choose. in those other two threads when people were slagging off those who 'opened a thread they have no interest in', i thought that was off base. with my above post i was merely saying its a message board - and to question why we read threads that aren't of direct relevance to us is a pointless exercise.

[lovinher]

Originally Posted by crazycatz

We could always start a thread on positive acceptance and male bisexuality and discuss it further there.

I actually think that is good idea. So get one going.
The thing is no matter what a straight guy says on the subject puts him in the cross hairs of people who will only comprehend what they want instead of trying to grasp the whole meaning of their statement. On a message board it is imperative that the whole thread be read if you are really interested in the opinion of everybody who posts, especially the ones you don't agree with.
I can say I'm straight and at the same time say that seeing one guy sucking another guy repulses me. In the same paragraph I might say I have no problem with a guy who does it. What are the righteous and politically correct going to respond to? What will I be labeled? I will be called a closet bi male because of my repulsion or some bullshit questioning my sexuality. I'm sorry, it does repulse me. There is something about it that makes me wince. So does eating raw fish but I don't hate people who eat sushi.
Some people are into rim jobs. For me it's disgusting. No offence to those of you who do it. REALLY! I could care less if my best friend does it though and I wouldn't think anything less of him. He'd still be my best friend, but I do admit I would make jokes about it to him just as he would for my desire for one legged 90 year old women. So if he rags on me for it does that mean he secretly likes the idea?

It's funny how those who throw out the narrow minded label are probably the worst offenders.

Again, everybody has an opinion. That is what makes boards like this so interesting....and thrive.

Prettylady...I like highjacking you.