What has happened to this happy site?

C@YWMI · 08-26-2002, 05:46 PM

I have noticed that there has been a lot of tensions on this forums the last 2weeks, People trying to out talk other members and guest. People being ridiculed and berated.

It used to be a lot of fun coming here checking out peoples question's and advise and favorite things to do. But lately instead of advise there is just opinions, and extremly long opinions. I realize some people need to express there feelings (much like I am now) but it seems like there trying to shove thier opinions down everyones throat.

Does anyone else feel this way and what can we do to ease the tensions before this site loses many of the members we have. We are talking about sex here but it seems more like poltical postering to me.

Let's try to be courteous and stick to subject at hand on these topics not change topic to suit your own personal needs just to be heard. If I anger anybody I'm sorry but these are things that need to addressed before everyone pays a price this is a great site let's not ruin it with bickering.

***JustAskJulie*** · 08-26-2002, 06:03 PM

I don't think it's been as bad as you have been making it out to be. I think what has happened is that people are actually sharing their opinions good or bad instead of holding back for fear of pissing someone off. I think this is a good thing.

I have always said that all opinions and views are welcome here.

Unfortunately, of late we have all been burned by a few people with no respect for others. People who have come in, asked for advice then thrown it back in our faces and run away crying simply because they didn't like the advice they were given. This type of attitude over and over again has caused several people's fuse to get quite short, thus putting up with a lot less.

What we do all need to remember tho is to give everyone the benefit of a doubt.

The one thing I have noticed lately, is that it seems like any time a new person comes in some automatically assume that they aren't who they say they are and aren't being honest so they jump on them. This needs to stop as it will scare people off that have every right to be here but who may leave before they get the help they need because people assume that this new person is simply baiting them. They may be, but they may not be.

I think most of us have been burned in swinging, that didn't stop us from meeting new people. Keep that in mind here. We've been burned by some people on this board but don't let that stop us from welcoming new people in.

All that said, moving this topic to "Site Comments/Suggestions".

CanadianCouple · 08-26-2002, 09:47 PM

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by JustAskJulie:


The one thing I have noticed lately, is that it seems like any time a new person comes in some automatically assume that they aren't who they say they are and aren't being honest so they jump on them. This needs to stop as it will scare people off that have every right to be here but who may leave before they get the help they need because people assume that this new person is simply baiting them. <hr /></blockquote>Other than Uriah, who are you referring to? I can't recall another recent incident where a newcomer has been hauled on the carpet for an apparent deception.

The only ones who have anything to fear are those who set out to purposely deceive others. All who post here for the first time are welcomed with open arms, with very few exceptions for obvious reasons. I have personally witnessed chat and bulletin sites both adult and generic be ruined by infiltrators with agendas of their own. They're like a cancer, if not dispatched as soon as possible they return worse than before. I also realize that one of the key ingrediants of success for any website is increased traffic, but not at the cost of quality participants.

You encourage everyone to express their diverse opinions, and I expressed mine with Uriah, only because I felt the board may have been threatened by what I perceived to be deception on his part about who or what he is. I hate to sound redundant, but I've seen sites actually shut down by their owners because the original intent was lost in a sea of disrupters coming in one at a time, driving off long time regulars who have little patience for games. I may be completely wrong about Uriah, but I don't think so. His posts indicated to me he has a sufficient enough grasp of the english language to discern variables such as whether or not the man's single or married, and one would hope enough common sense not to send unrequested sexually explicit pictures helter skelter over the internet to strangers. Sorry, but the actions don't match the words in this case.

It's your site Julie, J and I and the other regulars here only want the best for it and you.

Dan

imsnowman · 08-26-2002, 10:08 PM

We're not sure what Uriah did wrong other than send some pictures unsolicited. As far as we can see he did not represent himself as an "unmarried" single male. His profile said he is married. He referred people with questions about his status to refer to his profile and reiterated in his post that he is married and that his wife will join him in swinigng.

He also told people that when he referred to himself as "single" he was using these definitions:
(i) Dictionary on this Website and (ii) Patti Thomas' book, Recreational Sex, contain the following definition:
SINGLE
A swinger without a partner, does not refer to marital status.

All of the people who condemned him may be right that he is a dirty, rotten no-good cheater but we don't see the evidence. Innocent until "proven" guilty we say.

Quin · 08-26-2002, 10:14 PM

<blockquote>quote:<hr />What we do all need to remember tho is to give everyone the benefit of a doubt.

The one thing I have noticed lately, is that it seems like any time a new person comes in some automatically assume that they aren't who they say they are and aren't being honest so they jump on them. <hr /></blockquote>Everyone is given the benefit of the doubt until I have reason to doubt them. For instance, leftcoast 9 and aSLUTInDC...in leftcoast9 who was registered, every single post they posted was a direct hit aimed and against me. aSLUTInDC, who isn't registered, had one post that was a normal post, the other 3 or 4 were once again a direct hit aimed and against me containing no more than one line, but an obvious attempt to flame. And I won't even go into kspartycpl. Other than those I can't think of anyone I have jumped on or doubted (with the exception of Uriah and there were some very valid things in that such as was he single or was he married).

If I am being disruptive, I will be more than happy to leave but I won't sit by idly while someone (and we're almost positive we know who they are) and their puppet(s) hit and run, taking pot shots.

Quin
<img border="0" alt="[Smiley_sex]" title="" src="graemlins/smilysex.gif" />

Quin · 08-26-2002, 10:17 PM

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Other than Uriah, who are you referring to? I can't recall another recent incident where a newcomer has been hauled on the carpet for an apparent deception.
<hr /></blockquote>Me. Reference: leftcoast9, aSLUTInDC and quite possibly kspartycpl.

Quin
<img border="0" alt="[Smiley_sex]" title="" src="graemlins/smilysex.gif" />

***JustAskJulie*** · 08-26-2002, 10:31 PM

I don't want anyone to leave, and I do want people to feel free to speak their mind.

Like I said I take the stance of letting the board run itself. I know that if someone comes in who obviously should be called on something someone will do it. And I appreciate that.

I don't think there have ever been any major flame wars here and only once or twice I can think of where someone got outright foul and I had to actually say something to them.

I think some misconstrue simple disagreements as fights or wars. Just because we all may not agree on something and voice our contrary opinions doesn't mean that there is a problem.

As for the names that Quin mentioned, there are doubts as to whether or not those people are who they say they are or someone else masquerading. And when people do come in and most of their posts tend to be more on the side of attcks or slams it does make us wonder.

Quin · 08-26-2002, 10:57 PM

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by C@YWMI:
I have noticed that there has been a lot of tensions on this forums the last 2weeks, People trying to out talk other members and guest. People being ridiculed and berated.

It used to be a lot of fun coming here checking out peoples question's and advise and favorite things to do. But lately instead of advise there is just opinions, and extremly long opinions. I realize some people need to express there feelings (much like I am now) but it seems like there trying to shove thier opinions down everyones throat.

Does anyone else feel this way and what can we do to ease the tensions before this site loses many of the members we have. We are talking about sex here but it seems more like poltical postering to me.

Let's try to be courteous and stick to subject at hand on these topics not change topic to suit your own personal needs just to be heard. If I anger anybody I'm sorry but these are things that need to addressed before everyone pays a price this is a great site let's not ruin it with bickering.<hr /></blockquote>First and foremost, there is more to these boards than just advice boards. Yes, there is a lot of people searching for advice, but there are also threads that are *discussions*, encouraging a person's personal opinion. In fact, I would bet 50% of the threads, if not more, actually are inviting opinions...some examples would be the threads entitled: Father's Rights?, Are Swinging Wives Just Sluts?, Is Swinging Really Worth It?, When does Bi-curious Become Bi?, Cheating or Swingers?, What Makes You Want To Swing? and there are many, many more. Even advice is subjective...what may be my advice to someone in a certain situation may not be the advice of someone else.

I certainly don't understand where you think political posturing is coming in unless you're speaking in regards to the Father's Rights? thread in which everyone, with the exception of possibly one or two people, had a very healthy discussion on a particular case that came up in court and the issue of abortion. And yeah, it can become a bit heated and tense but only because it's a subject that many people feel so passionately about.

But in order to keep you happy, any post I post after this one will be no longer than 5 lines and I will not post an opinion, but only something that can be verified and proven as fact, not even advice, as advice is really an opinion based on a certain set of possible facts. I basically have no clue where you get this impression that there's some huge flame war going on here and people are at each other's throats because that just isn't the case. But I will oblige you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="wink.gif" /> If anything your post may be causing more bad feelings/blood between people than any other post that I've ever read.

And before anyone screams I may be taking this too personally...maybe so, but for someone who only posts infrequently, at best, to come in and give his OPINION then complain about everyone else offering an opinion is laughable.

Quin
who's not only in a bad mood but ready to say, fuck it all when you can't even defend yourself against a personal attack

[ 08-26-2002, 11:01 PM: Message edited by: Quin ]

[ 08-27-2002, 02:28 PM: Message edited by: Quin ]

OhioCouple · 08-27-2002, 01:20 AM

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by JustAskJulie:

Unfortunately, of late we have all been burned by a few people with no respect for others. People who have come in, asked for advice then thrown it back in our faces and run away crying simply because they didn't like the advice they were given. This type of attitude over and over again has caused several people's fuse to get quite short, thus putting up with a lot less.

What we do all need to remember tho is to give everyone the benefit of a doubt.
<hr /></blockquote>I chose Julie's post to reply to as there are some very valid points here. If I am not mistaken Julie is the "2" member to be registered to this board in June of 2000. I registered in December of 2001, with a number of 1300 and something. Since I have registered, in a matter of eight months some 3400 more have registered. We are not even counting those who just come in and browse around or those who give a <just visiting> name so that they can make a post.

The popularity of this site has brought in a small handfull of people that have no business being here and a large number of people that do belong here. Unfortunately that small number can easily drive people away with their deception or ignorance. What you don't realize C@Y is that some of these people hiding behind ever changing screen names have driven and or almost driven even the most heartiest supporters in the swinging lifesyle away. They do it through their posts, PM's, AIM's and e-mails.

It upsets me, especially since I personally had to help convince another member of the board that they did indeed belong here and shouldn't feel intimidated by the slandering hurled at them by another, a couple of months ago.

Julie is right in the respect that everyone should be given the benefit of the doubt, as well should be. I for one tho am not going to sit back and let earnest people who are truly seeking advice or to give advice on this board be ran off by that small handfull of people. The benefits of their questions and insight outweigh the tolerance of the few.

Lori

[ 08-27-2002, 07:40 AM: Message edited by: OhioCouple ]

OhioCouple · 08-27-2002, 07:35 AM

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by C@YWMI:

Does anyone else feel this way and what can we do to ease the tensions before this site loses many of the members we have. We are talking about sex here but it seems more like poltical postering to me.

Let's try to be courteous and stick to subject at hand on these topics not change topic to suit your own personal needs just to be heard. If I anger anybody I'm sorry but these are things that need to addressed before everyone pays a price this is a great site let's not ruin it with bickering.<hr /></blockquote>This board is not for just talking about sex. Sex outside of our partners is a very small percentage of what we do in our everyday lives. There are some I am sure that live and breathe daily for sex, but I would say the majority do not, as they have jobs, children, non-swinging friends and other issues just like everyone else in this world which rasies outside issues.

Probably one of the most "heated" debates on this board was "Fathers Rights". It was one the affects each and every person differently and deeply. But if you will notice not only in that topic but many others too, that when the topic does tend to stray near the end, it is almost like "shaking hands" via the net and saying (not really in these words) "I agree to disagree, but hey I like you anyway." Therefore the topic will becomes light hearted and everyone cools down with a respect of each other and their opinions.

For the majority of the members of this board, when we are wrong or misunderstood, we come back, say so, apologize or rephrase ourselves. This happens in our everyday lives not just in our sexual ones. This board is not just about sex, but about people and their opinions, preferences and beliefs. When we stop expressing those then we become boring. Why bother posting anything then? Or for that matter even dropping in.

Lori

4sum · 08-27-2002, 09:05 AM

Okay,

Well We don't post all that much these days, but not for having any lack of opinion, but most often just not wanting to draw fire for what would undoubtedly be an unpopular viewpoint about certain things.

Needless to say, there is a constituency on any message board that are poseurs. That cannot be helped, regardless of subject matter. I do think that people have shown a tendency to jump to conclusions lately a bit more readily than they have in the past.

There are some strong personalities on this board and sometimes the desire to defend or present an opinion eclipses the original point of the posting. There's nothing wrong with that as long as there's an effort to understand each other and allow each other's points of view (even when we think that they are stupid), and cut people some slack when they might not have said something quite the way they may have intended to.

It's a message board. It's entertaining, informative, enlightening, perplexing, helpful...but you shouldn't take it too seriously either!

Cheers!

ciscosv · 08-27-2002, 11:44 AM

Miss a week and miss alot of action on this board!

Quin · 08-27-2002, 02:24 PM

<blockquote>quote:<hr /> Well We don't post all that much these days, but not for having any lack of opinion, but most often just not wanting to draw fire for what would undoubtedly be an unpopular viewpoint about certain things.

Needless to say, there is a constituency on any message board that are poseurs. That cannot be helped, regardless of subject matter. I do think that people have shown a tendency to jump to conclusions lately a bit more readily than they have in the past.
<hr /></blockquote>I won't address the first paragraph as I can find no way to do so without being a total raw but truthful bitch, so I'll leave well enough alone and let paragraph speak for itself.

No one's talking posers here and NO ONE has been called a poser by anyone here that I've seen. So that whole thing is moot and where you came up with it is beyond me.

As far as jumping to conclusions....well, when it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, nine times outta ten it's going to be a duck. I have jumped to a conclusion which has been wrong and I have admitted it and even offered my apologies which was graciously accepted and all was good. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="eek.gif" /> You make it sound as if everyone who comes here is automatically put into some category and throw to the wolves and that just isn't the case.

<blockquote>quote:<hr />There are some strong personalities on this board and sometimes the desire to defend or present an opinion eclipses the original point of the posting. There's nothing wrong with that as long as there's an effort to understand each other and allow each other's points of view (even when we think that they are stupid), and cut people some slack when they might not have said something quite the way they may have intended to.
<hr /></blockquote>Ever heard the saying...Say what you mean and mean what you say? Maybe that should be adjusted to...Type what you mean and mean what you type. But anyhow, once again, another person making this board out to sound as if it's nothing but a big flame war and it's not. But I can see this is fruitless. Those who think they're seeing the forest despite the trees, aren't seeing the trees at all.

<blockquote>quote:<hr />It's a message board. It's entertaining, informative, enlightening, perplexing, helpful...but you shouldn't take it too seriously either!
<hr /></blockquote>Translation: Get a Life! I just love when people try to fancy up that simple sentence instead of coming out and saying what they really feel and mean. <img border="0" alt="[ROFL]" title="" src="graemlins/rofl.gif" />

Ya know, I was here this morning, read thru a few posts (I had this site set as the startup site for my browser but have changed it since this morning) and left. I saw a few others also here this morning who are regular posters here and guess what...they did the same thing, they didn't post not one single post and eventually left. Speaks volumes to me.

Quin

4sum · 08-27-2002, 04:19 PM

My mistake Quin,

This whole thing is obviously about YOU! <GRIN>

CanadianCouple · 08-27-2002, 07:12 PM

Okay, I'll go out on a limb with this one.

I'm asking Uriah to send the SAME pictures he sent us to those in here who've been his most vocal critics, aside from me. If they feel he can pass for his claimed age of 43, I'll certainly accept their opinions.

I'd ask, however, that anyone who receives those pictures to please forward them to us, so I can be certain they're the same ones we saw. Uriah shouldn't mind, we've seen them already.

I really don't want this to drag on and on, but neither do I want it to be an unresolved festering sore either.

Dan

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08-26-2002, 05:46 PM	#1 (permalink)
C@YWMI Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Aug 2002 Posts: 224 Location: West Michigan Status: couple	What has happened to this happy site? I have noticed that there has been a lot of tensions on this forums the last 2weeks, People trying to out talk other members and guest. People being ridiculed and berated. It used to be a lot of fun coming here checking out peoples question's and advise and favorite things to do. But lately instead of advise there is just opinions, and extremly long opinions. I realize some people need to express there feelings (much like I am now) but it seems like there trying to shove thier opinions down everyones throat. Does anyone else feel this way and what can we do to ease the tensions before this site loses many of the members we have. We are talking about sex here but it seems more like poltical postering to me. Let's try to be courteous and stick to subject at hand on these topics not change topic to suit your own personal needs just to be heard. If I anger anybody I'm sorry but these are things that need to addressed before everyone pays a price this is a great site let's not ruin it with bickering. __________________ Nothing fails like success. Gerald Nachman

08-26-2002, 06:03 PM	#2 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 22,307 Location: Alabama Status: Female SLS Name:swingersboard Blog Entries: 59	I don't think it's been as bad as you have been making it out to be. I think what has happened is that people are actually sharing their opinions good or bad instead of holding back for fear of pissing someone off. I think this is a good thing. I have always said that all opinions and views are welcome here. Unfortunately, of late we have all been burned by a few people with no respect for others. People who have come in, asked for advice then thrown it back in our faces and run away crying simply because they didn't like the advice they were given. This type of attitude over and over again has caused several people's fuse to get quite short, thus putting up with a lot less. What we do all need to remember tho is to give everyone the benefit of a doubt. The one thing I have noticed lately, is that it seems like any time a new person comes in some automatically assume that they aren't who they say they are and aren't being honest so they jump on them. This needs to stop as it will scare people off that have every right to be here but who may leave before they get the help they need because people assume that this new person is simply baiting them. They may be, but they may not be. I think most of us have been burned in swinging, that didn't stop us from meeting new people. Keep that in mind here. We've been burned by some people on this board but don't let that stop us from welcoming new people in. All that said, moving this topic to "Site Comments/Suggestions". __________________ Julie Owner/ Admin http://www.swingersboard.com

08-26-2002, 09:47 PM	#3 (permalink)
CanadianCouple Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2001 Posts: 1,139 Location: New Brunswick, Canada Status: Married Couple	</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by JustAskJulie: <strong> The one thing I have noticed lately, is that it seems like any time a new person comes in some automatically assume that they aren't who they say they are and aren't being honest so they jump on them. This needs to stop as it will scare people off that have every right to be here but who may leave before they get the help they need because people assume that this new person is simply baiting them. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Other than Uriah, who are you referring to? I can't recall another recent incident where a newcomer has been hauled on the carpet for an apparent deception. The only ones who have anything to fear are those who set out to purposely deceive others. All who post here for the first time are welcomed with open arms, with very few exceptions for obvious reasons. I have personally witnessed chat and bulletin sites both adult and generic be ruined by infiltrators with agendas of their own. They're like a cancer, if not dispatched as soon as possible they return worse than before. I also realize that one of the key ingrediants of success for any website is increased traffic, but not at the cost of quality participants. You encourage everyone to express their diverse opinions, and I expressed mine with Uriah, only because I felt the board may have been threatened by what I perceived to be deception on his part about who or what he is. I hate to sound redundant, but I've seen sites actually shut down by their owners because the original intent was lost in a sea of disrupters coming in one at a time, driving off long time regulars who have little patience for games. I may be completely wrong about Uriah, but I don't think so. His posts indicated to me he has a sufficient enough grasp of the english language to discern variables such as whether or not the man's single or married, and one would hope enough common sense not to send unrequested sexually explicit pictures helter skelter over the internet to strangers. Sorry, but the actions don't match the words in this case. It's your site Julie, J and I and the other regulars here only want the best for it and you. Dan

08-26-2002, 10:14 PM	#5 (permalink)
Quin Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 1,136 Location: Ohio Status: Single Female	</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">What we do all need to remember tho is to give everyone the benefit of a doubt. The one thing I have noticed lately, is that it seems like any time a new person comes in some automatically assume that they aren't who they say they are and aren't being honest so they jump on them. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Everyone is given the benefit of the doubt until I have reason to doubt them. For instance, leftcoast 9 and aSLUTInDC...in leftcoast9 who was registered, every single post they posted was a direct hit aimed and against me. aSLUTInDC, who isn't registered, had one post that was a normal post, the other 3 or 4 were once again a direct hit aimed and against me containing no more than one line, but an obvious attempt to flame. And I won't even go into kspartycpl. Other than those I can't think of anyone I have jumped on or doubted (with the exception of Uriah and there were some very valid things in that such as was he single or was he married). If I am being disruptive, I will be more than happy to leave but I won't sit by idly while someone (and we're almost positive we know who they are) and their puppet(s) hit and run, taking pot shots. Quin <img border="0" alt="[Smiley_sex]" title="" src="graemlins/smilysex.gif" /> __________________ One thing about me is that I'm consistant in my behavior, my thoughts, and my posting. I don't sell out or change for any reason outside of my own self wanting to. What you see is what you get: today, tomorrow and every day after that.

08-26-2002, 10:08 PM	#4 (permalink)
imsnowman Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Mar 2002 Posts: 429 Location: TX Status: couple	We're not sure what Uriah did wrong other than send some pictures unsolicited. As far as we can see he did not represent himself as an "unmarried" single male. His profile said he is married. He referred people with questions about his status to refer to his profile and reiterated in his post that he is married and that his wife will join him in swinigng. He also told people that when he referred to himself as "single" he was using these definitions: (i) Dictionary on this Website and (ii) Patti Thomas' book, Recreational Sex, contain the following definition: SINGLE A swinger without a partner, does not refer to marital status. All of the people who condemned him may be right that he is a dirty, rotten no-good cheater but we don't see the evidence. Innocent until "proven" guilty we say.

08-26-2002, 10:17 PM	#6 (permalink)
Quin Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 1,136 Location: Ohio Status: Single Female	</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Other than Uriah, who are you referring to? I can't recall another recent incident where a newcomer has been hauled on the carpet for an apparent deception. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Me. Reference: leftcoast9, aSLUTInDC and quite possibly kspartycpl. Quin <img border="0" alt="[Smiley_sex]" title="" src="graemlins/smilysex.gif" /> __________________ One thing about me is that I'm consistant in my behavior, my thoughts, and my posting. I don't sell out or change for any reason outside of my own self wanting to. What you see is what you get: today, tomorrow and every day after that.

08-26-2002, 10:31 PM	#7 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 22,307 Location: Alabama Status: Female SLS Name:swingersboard Blog Entries: 59	I don't want anyone to leave, and I do want people to feel free to speak their mind. Like I said I take the stance of letting the board run itself. I know that if someone comes in who obviously should be called on something someone will do it. And I appreciate that. I don't think there have ever been any major flame wars here and only once or twice I can think of where someone got outright foul and I had to actually say something to them. I think some misconstrue simple disagreements as fights or wars. Just because we all may not agree on something and voice our contrary opinions doesn't mean that there is a problem. As for the names that Quin mentioned, there are doubts as to whether or not those people are who they say they are or someone else masquerading. And when people do come in and most of their posts tend to be more on the side of attcks or slams it does make us wonder. __________________ Julie Owner/ Admin http://www.swingersboard.com

08-26-2002, 10:57 PM	#8 (permalink)
Quin Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 1,136 Location: Ohio Status: Single Female	</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by C@YWMI: <strong>I have noticed that there has been a lot of tensions on this forums the last 2weeks, People trying to out talk other members and guest. People being ridiculed and berated. It used to be a lot of fun coming here checking out peoples question's and advise and favorite things to do. But lately instead of advise there is just opinions, and extremly long opinions. I realize some people need to express there feelings (much like I am now) but it seems like there trying to shove thier opinions down everyones throat. Does anyone else feel this way and what can we do to ease the tensions before this site loses many of the members we have. We are talking about sex here but it seems more like poltical postering to me. Let's try to be courteous and stick to subject at hand on these topics not change topic to suit your own personal needs just to be heard. If I anger anybody I'm sorry but these are things that need to addressed before everyone pays a price this is a great site let's not ruin it with bickering.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">First and foremost, there is more to these boards than just advice boards. Yes, there is a lot of people searching for advice, but there are also threads that are discussions, encouraging a person's personal opinion. In fact, I would bet 50% of the threads, if not more, actually are inviting opinions...some examples would be the threads entitled: Father's Rights?, Are Swinging Wives Just Sluts?, Is Swinging Really Worth It?, When does Bi-curious Become Bi?, Cheating or Swingers?, What Makes You Want To Swing? and there are many, many more. Even advice is subjective...what may be my advice to someone in a certain situation may not be the advice of someone else. I certainly don't understand where you think political posturing is coming in unless you're speaking in regards to the Father's Rights? thread in which everyone, with the exception of possibly one or two people, had a very healthy discussion on a particular case that came up in court and the issue of abortion. And yeah, it can become a bit heated and tense but only because it's a subject that many people feel so passionately about. But in order to keep you happy, any post I post after this one will be no longer than 5 lines and I will not post an opinion, but only something that can be verified and proven as fact, not even advice, as advice is really an opinion based on a certain set of possible facts. I basically have no clue where you get this impression that there's some huge flame war going on here and people are at each other's throats because that just isn't the case. But I will oblige you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="wink.gif" /> If anything your post may be causing more bad feelings/blood between people than any other post that I've ever read. And before anyone screams I may be taking this too personally...maybe so, but for someone who only posts infrequently, at best, to come in and give his OPINION then complain about everyone else offering an opinion is laughable. Quin who's not only in a bad mood but ready to say, fuck it all when you can't even defend yourself against a personal attack <small>[ 08-26-2002, 11:01 PM: Message edited by: Quin ]</small> <small>[ 08-27-2002, 02:28 PM: Message edited by: Quin ]</small> __________________ One thing about me is that I'm consistant in my behavior, my thoughts, and my posting. I don't sell out or change for any reason outside of my own self wanting to. What you see is what you get: today, tomorrow and every day after that.

08-27-2002, 01:20 AM	#9 (permalink)
OhioCouple Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Dec 2001 Posts: 6,616 Location: Ohio Status: Married Female	</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by JustAskJulie: <strong> Unfortunately, of late we have all been burned by a few people with no respect for others. People who have come in, asked for advice then thrown it back in our faces and run away crying simply because they didn't like the advice they were given. This type of attitude over and over again has caused several people's fuse to get quite short, thus putting up with a lot less. What we do all need to remember tho is to give everyone the benefit of a doubt. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">I chose Julie's post to reply to as there are some very valid points here. If I am not mistaken Julie is the "2" member to be registered to this board in June of 2000. I registered in December of 2001, with a number of 1300 and something. Since I have registered, in a matter of eight months some 3400 more have registered. We are not even counting those who just come in and browse around or those who give a <just visiting> name so that they can make a post. The popularity of this site has brought in a small handfull of people that have no business being here and a large number of people that do belong here. Unfortunately that small number can easily drive people away with their deception or ignorance. What you don't realize C@Y is that some of these people hiding behind ever changing screen names have driven and or almost driven even the most heartiest supporters in the swinging lifesyle away. They do it through their posts, PM's, AIM's and e-mails. It upsets me, especially since I personally had to help convince another member of the board that they did indeed belong here and shouldn't feel intimidated by the slandering hurled at them by another, a couple of months ago. Julie is right in the respect that everyone should be given the benefit of the doubt, as well should be. I for one tho am not going to sit back and let earnest people who are truly seeking advice or to give advice on this board be ran off by that small handfull of people. The benefits of their questions and insight outweigh the tolerance of the few. Lori <small>[ 08-27-2002, 07:40 AM: Message edited by: OhioCouple ]</small> __________________ Remember that human beings are complicated creatures. We like our bedtime routines but dislike routine in our bed times. - Sallie Foley, M.S.W.

08-27-2002, 07:35 AM	#10 (permalink)
OhioCouple Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Dec 2001 Posts: 6,616 Location: Ohio Status: Married Female	</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by C@YWMI: <strong> Does anyone else feel this way and what can we do to ease the tensions before this site loses many of the members we have. We are talking about sex here but it seems more like poltical postering to me. Let's try to be courteous and stick to subject at hand on these topics not change topic to suit your own personal needs just to be heard. If I anger anybody I'm sorry but these are things that need to addressed before everyone pays a price this is a great site let's not ruin it with bickering.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">This board is not for just talking about sex. Sex outside of our partners is a very small percentage of what we do in our everyday lives. There are some I am sure that live and breathe daily for sex, but I would say the majority do not, as they have jobs, children, non-swinging friends and other issues just like everyone else in this world which rasies outside issues. Probably one of the most "heated" debates on this board was "Fathers Rights". It was one the affects each and every person differently and deeply. But if you will notice not only in that topic but many others too, that when the topic does tend to stray near the end, it is almost like "shaking hands" via the net and saying (not really in these words) "I agree to disagree, but hey I like you anyway." Therefore the topic will becomes light hearted and everyone cools down with a respect of each other and their opinions. For the majority of the members of this board, when we are wrong or misunderstood, we come back, say so, apologize or rephrase ourselves. This happens in our everyday lives not just in our sexual ones. This board is not just about sex, but about people and their opinions, preferences and beliefs. When we stop expressing those then we become boring. Why bother posting anything then? Or for that matter even dropping in. Lori __________________ Remember that human beings are complicated creatures. We like our bedtime routines but dislike routine in our bed times. - Sallie Foley, M.S.W.

08-27-2002, 09:05 AM	#11 (permalink)
4sum Here to Stay Join Date: Mar 2002 Posts: 92 Location: CT Status: Fourple	Okay, Well We don't post all that much these days, but not for having any lack of opinion, but most often just not wanting to draw fire for what would undoubtedly be an unpopular viewpoint about certain things. Needless to say, there is a constituency on any message board that are poseurs. That cannot be helped, regardless of subject matter. I do think that people have shown a tendency to jump to conclusions lately a bit more readily than they have in the past. There are some strong personalities on this board and sometimes the desire to defend or present an opinion eclipses the original point of the posting. There's nothing wrong with that as long as there's an effort to understand each other and allow each other's points of view (even when we think that they are stupid), and cut people some slack when they might not have said something quite the way they may have intended to. It's a message board. It's entertaining, informative, enlightening, perplexing, helpful...but you shouldn't take it too seriously either! Cheers! __________________ Champagne for my true friends! And true pain for my sham friends! ~ Oscar Wilde

08-27-2002, 11:44 AM	#12 (permalink)
ciscosv Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Apr 2002 Posts: 750 Location: Redford, Michigan Status: Married Couple	Miss a week and miss alot of action on this board! __________________ M&M Melts in your mouth, not in your hand

08-27-2002, 02:24 PM	#13 (permalink)
Quin Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 1,136 Location: Ohio Status: Single Female	</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif"> Well We don't post all that much these days, but not for having any lack of opinion, but most often just not wanting to draw fire for what would undoubtedly be an unpopular viewpoint about certain things. Needless to say, there is a constituency on any message board that are poseurs. That cannot be helped, regardless of subject matter. I do think that people have shown a tendency to jump to conclusions lately a bit more readily than they have in the past. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">I won't address the first paragraph as I can find no way to do so without being a total raw but truthful bitch, so I'll leave well enough alone and let paragraph speak for itself. No one's talking posers here and NO ONE has been called a poser by anyone here that I've seen. So that whole thing is moot and where you came up with it is beyond me. As far as jumping to conclusions....well, when it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, nine times outta ten it's going to be a duck. I have jumped to a conclusion which has been wrong and I have admitted it and even offered my apologies which was graciously accepted and all was good. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="eek.gif" /> You make it sound as if everyone who comes here is automatically put into some category and throw to the wolves and that just isn't the case. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">There are some strong personalities on this board and sometimes the desire to defend or present an opinion eclipses the original point of the posting. There's nothing wrong with that as long as there's an effort to understand each other and allow each other's points of view (even when we think that they are stupid), and cut people some slack when they might not have said something quite the way they may have intended to. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Ever heard the saying...Say what you mean and mean what you say? Maybe that should be adjusted to...Type what you mean and mean what you type. But anyhow, once again, another person making this board out to sound as if it's nothing but a big flame war and it's not. But I can see this is fruitless. Those who think they're seeing the forest despite the trees, aren't seeing the trees at all. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">It's a message board. It's entertaining, informative, enlightening, perplexing, helpful...but you shouldn't take it too seriously either! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Translation: Get a Life! I just love when people try to fancy up that simple sentence instead of coming out and saying what they really feel and mean. <img border="0" alt="[ROFL]" title="" src="graemlins/rofl.gif" /> Ya know, I was here this morning, read thru a few posts (I had this site set as the startup site for my browser but have changed it since this morning) and left. I saw a few others also here this morning who are regular posters here and guess what...they did the same thing, they didn't post not one single post and eventually left. Speaks volumes to me. Quin __________________ One thing about me is that I'm consistant in my behavior, my thoughts, and my posting. I don't sell out or change for any reason outside of my own self wanting to. What you see is what you get: today, tomorrow and every day after that.

08-27-2002, 04:19 PM	#14 (permalink)
4sum Here to Stay Join Date: Mar 2002 Posts: 92 Location: CT Status: Fourple	My mistake Quin, This whole thing is obviously about YOU! <GRIN> __________________ Champagne for my true friends! And true pain for my sham friends! ~ Oscar Wilde

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08-27-2002, 07:12 PM	#15 (permalink)
CanadianCouple Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2001 Posts: 1,139 Location: New Brunswick, Canada Status: Married Couple	Okay, I'll go out on a limb with this one. I'm asking Uriah to send the SAME pictures he sent us to those in here who've been his most vocal critics, aside from me. If they feel he can pass for his claimed age of 43, I'll certainly accept their opinions. I'd ask, however, that anyone who receives those pictures to please forward them to us, so I can be certain they're the same ones we saw. Uriah shouldn't mind, we've seen them already. I really don't want this to drag on and on, but neither do I want it to be an unresolved festering sore either. Dan

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