Bad behavior on the board gets more attention...

[LikeMinds321]

When I see blatant bad behavior displayed on the board by a poster, I ignore their post.

My reason is this: These people are like children who behave badly--especially in public--because they know it will get them attention. I think nothing pleases these posters more than to get lots of hot response from the board objecting to what they have said; the more irate criticism from board members, the bigger the smile on the perpetrator's face.

Some of these posters make it obvious what fun they are having with us all. They live for being disruptive. They are like the drunk at the bar at closing time who won't go home satisfied until he's had a fight.

Others, though, make a mistake with an offensive post because they are naive, but I feel they are good people at heart who would be better taught about what is good manners by constructive comments, not by condemning them.

A moderator, or Julie, could point out what they did wrong. Good people who made a mistake would learn from their error. The ones who will never learn will disappear soon enough when they get ignored because they did not heed advice.

When we have a poster who indulges in irritating us, I will ignore him.

LM

[HotCoupleGnS]

Dito to what LikeMinds said! We will be doing the same!

[JustAskJulie]

Along these same lines, if you come across something like this the best thing you can do is hit the "report this post" button (the one that looks like a triangle with an exclamation mark in it under the users avatar) and let the mods know that there is a problem.

[Elusive BiFem]

Ahhh...but at times it serves to strike up interests, too, and kind of livens the place up a bit. I find it "refreshing" in a strange sort of way that many of us, with diverse opinions and ideas about so many topics, can still come together to protect the cohesiveness of the group as a whole. And I'm certain if you were the recipient of some nasty and inappropriate remarks, others would do the same for you.

I'm glad you feel you can ignore irritating behaviors and blatantly rude people. That's a fine trait to have, but not one of mine. We all have different things that push our buttons and seeing someone slam-dunked for no apparent reason, is one of mine. - EBF

[BradAndJanet]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

When I see blatant bad behavior displayed on the board by a poster, I ignore their post.
...

Well, I usually do too, and it is the best policy, but for some reason tonight I just felt like poking him a bit before he was banned. I couldn't help myself... forgive me?

-B

[DuncanDoughnut]

I seem to have this stupid belief that it is my duty to fix things. Even thought I know that I can't fix all things, I have an uncontrollable urge to try. Maybe it's just the Momma in me. Hard to tell. I am however working on minding my own buisness, but it is just so damned hard.

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally Posted by DuncanDoughnut

I seem to have this stupid belief that it is my duty to fix things. Even thought I know that I can't fix all things, I have an uncontrollable urge to try. Maybe it's just the Momma in me. Hard to tell. I am however working on minding my own buisness, but it is just so damned hard.

Well, I don't have any "momma" in me, but I know exactly what you mean. I try and try...but when people are getting slammed unnecessarily...or that situation with neil1...I just can't keep quite. But it takes all types to make the world go round and we are just two of those types. That's the reason we have people like Brad and Spoo - to balance us. But, too...we balance them. Oops! It's all a balancing act.

- EBF

[BradAndJanet]

Originally Posted by Elusive BiFem

...Oops! It's all a balancing act.

...and we wouldn't have it any other way. What a mundane world it would be if we were all alike!

-B

[stoutgatte]

Originally Posted by BradAndJanet

Well, I usually do too, and it is the best policy, but for some reason tonight I just felt like poking him a bit before he was banned. I couldn't help myself... forgive me?

-B

I felt the same way while reading the posts... Pity I'm 9 hours after everyone else, else I woulda...

[LikeMinds321]

The feeling of unity among board members through support of a common concern does strengthen our bond. My hope is to see the bond developed in a positive way. Joining en masse to disgrace people--even when they deserve it--feels almost violent to me; a kind of adrenaline-fed mass movement reaction.

Recently, when two members lost favor, it brought to mind the baseball or soccer game where a lone intoxicated streaker runs across the field carrying a controversial banner. Three security guards tackle him to the ground to apprehend and remove him. It's their job; they can handle the situation.

Yet the crowd pours in, one-by-one, until a mob is on the field and more harm is done than good. The streaker has just made history on TV. How delighted he must feel.

If I should ever be the recipient of some nasty remarks, I ask that you send me a PM to share your support privately. I am capable of responding to any person who makes an inappropriate public post regarding me. I would then bring the post to the attention of a moderator or Julie, and with their added post clarifying the boards' rules of behavior--it would be taken care of.

Holding your tongue can sometimes be the toughest thing to do.

LM

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

The feeling of unity among board members through support of a common concern does strengthen our bond. My hope is to see the bond developed in a positive way. Joining en masse to disgrace people--even when they deserve it--feels almost violent to me; a kind of adrenaline-fed mass movement reaction.

Recently, when two members lost favor, it brought to mind the baseball or soccer game where a lone intoxicated streaker runs across the field carrying a controversial banner. Three security guards tackle him to the ground to apprehend and remove him. It's their job; they can handle the situation.

Yet the crowd pours in, one-by-one, until a mob is on the field and more harm is done than good. The streaker has just made history on TV. How delighted he must feel.

If I should ever be the recipient of some nasty remarks, I ask that you send me a PM to share your support privately. I am capable of responding to any person who makes an inappropriate public post regarding me. I would then bring the post to the attention of a moderator or Julie, and with their added post clarifying the boards' rules of behavior--it would be taken care of.

Holding your tongue can sometimes be the toughest thing to do.

LM

Excellent Points LikeMinds

[BradAndJanet]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

Excellent Points LikeMinds

Dito that, you are right LM. I broke my own rule and I'm not going to do it again...

-B

[OhioCouple]

Originally Posted by Elusive BiFem

I'm glad you feel you can ignore irritating behaviors and blatantly rude people. That's a fine trait to have, but not one of mine. We all have different things that push our buttons and seeing someone slam-dunked for no apparent reason, is one of mine.

Nor is it one of mine. I cannot sit back and say nothing when I feel the integrity of another member, or the well being of the board is in question.

While I understand what LikeMinds is saying, there are times when all you can do to difuse a situation is to "call a spade, a spade", publicly. Having to do so, is a very, very rare occurence on this board. Quite often there is a whole lot more to the situation than the masses are seeing. Quite often there have been numerous attempts to try and difuse situations thru PM's or email, to no avail, which are not shared openly on this board. It is pretty safe to say, that if someone gets banned from this board, there is a whole lot more behind it than the thread you are looking at. In the case of Neil1, IMO, I've been around here long enough to spot trolls and I'll not waste my time and energy playing the PM game with them. They are easily identifiable thru their inconsistent postings and generally out themselves within a short period of time. In the case of Neil1 it took about a month and 12 postings. If everyone were to ignore potential problems, it would open the door for disaster. The vast majority of disturbances are handled out of the public eye, with a very high success rate, but there is no amount of communication behind the scenes that will set some folks on the path to being a good community member. It is at those times that I feel it is necessary for long-term members to protect the well-being of the board and allow it to serve the new members in the same fashioned that we had, when we joined. Failing to do so, would be a shame. What message would that convey to a new-comer?

In the case of 4HavNfunHung, had no one responded to that posting, would that not in effect be giving free license for everyone to quiz other members in the various forums about their sexual behaviors? IMO, this place would start reading like some trashy XXX gossip column. If no one had responded to Neil1, do you really believe that he would have stopped there? Of course not. Do we wait until he has degraded and/or provoked 50, 100, 200 topics before finally saying "ENOUGH"? In actuality, waiting any length of time to respond would most likely not warrant any response at all, cause by then most folks would have left the board thinking this place wasn't for them.

That all said, I can't say that I won't respond to a situation that jeopardizes the integrity of this board and am more than willing to take responsibility for my written word. While ignoring them is comfortable for some, it isn't for me.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by OhioCouple

In the case of 4HavNfunHung, had no one responded to that posting, would that not in effect be giving free license for everyone to quiz other members in the various forums about their sexual behaviors?

Julie did respond.

Julie knew what to do and she capably took care of the situation.

People can defend themselves.

LM

[JustAskJulie]

I agree with your point LM. It comes to a point where once a situation has been taken care of, people continuing to come along and poke it... is really nothing more than beating a dead horse.

Perhaps that is my own fault and perhaps I should have just responded to the 4Hung thread and closed it. I didn't. I wanted to know how he would respond publicly if called out for his actions and as I said previously give him some rope. Some trolls take longer to out than others and if I can give them the tools to out themselves then I will gladly do so in order to be rid of them sooner.