Are You Among Friends?

[Elusive BiFem]

I was just reading/responding to the thread from BodyScape. Ms. BS (I just love calling them that! ) was relating an occurrence in their lives, and later Mr. BS (there we have it again! ) later said something in the thread about discussing it privately.

So OK...he has a point. However, I feel that couples - and even singles - reach an impasse in their communications or thought processes sometimes, and for me, it helps to have a place like this to come to for the purpose of seeking more objective opinions and ideas. Part of my reasoning is that for the most part, I feel like I am among friends here and in some respects, almost family. Most of you are people that "know" me and will give me honest opinions about things and believe it or not, sometimes those opinons really give me something to think about. Maybe I've been thinking with a skewed thought process...maybe I haven't considered or thought of all the issues or consequences...maybe I've been closed-minded in my thought processes...those sorts of things.

So for all of you...and especially couples that post separately...how do you feel about "airing" some of your personal discussions on this board for the purpose of seeking opinions from others? Does it bother either of you? Do you feel that your spouse/partner might be sharing too much personal info? Do you ever feel that this place is as close as you can come in terms of discussing things related to swinging with "family?" Your thoughts, please.

- EBF

[HotCoupleGnS]

I feel the same way. Although most of you don't "know" me real well yet, & I don't "know" all of you real well yet. I feel as though I am getting more known & knowing you guys more. I (female) am the one that posts the most, all right pretty much I am the only one. Hubby doesn't like to type all that much. Although he does like reading. I don't think he would care about anything I posted. When it comes to swinging issues we are both feel real new, even though we have had a few experiences. But we do feel we benefit fro asking people thta have knowledge on this topic. So, yes we do feel that this place is as close as we can come to dicuss swinging with "family."

On that note, I would like to say thanks for all the advue & help everyone has given me & others. Because even if I did not ask the question, your responses to others questions has helped us tremendously! Thanks!

[HotCoupleGnS]

Sorry for the bad spelling in the above post!

We definately feel like we are among friends!!

I think if I were to post a question about an internal hot button issue in our relationship I would do it as an unregistered member. But tell in my post that I am a registered member asking a question. I can see both sides of the fence here.
I can see someone really wanting to ask the board for advice since thats what this board is all about....and I can see the other getting upset about airing their dirty laundry in front of people they "Know".

Kind of a "Thanks alot, now you have made me look like an asshole in front of these people."

Its a double edged sword. I think posting questions about personal issues within the relationship as unregistered would still get the advice sought and save the other from feeling like they are being publicly attacked on an issue they wanted to keep private. Of course this only applies if both members of a relationship frequent this board.

[wrnakedru]

Here too it's just me who posts. I will read something to him I know he will be interested in. Not that he can't read, you understand, but he tends to skim over something that is "too long" (his words). [Now you know why I don't write him anything longer than a brief note on the kitchen dryboard.] I will also read him a post/response I have written and get his input.

I think that it is a normal circumstance that we, as couples, fall into sometimes choreographed roles with one another. As a result we can think we've heard what the other has said, but are we really listening? I know that both my hubby and I are guilty of "filling in the blanks" with/for each other at times.

My hubby is a very laid back kind of guy, and likes for life to be calm and serene, emotionally speaking. Well, sometimes it just isn't like that! And if I'm trying to get a point across to him, he has been known to 'agree' just to keep things peaceful. Surrender

That just makes me NUTZ! I don't want agreement, ever, for the reason of peace alone. If he "buys into" it, that's a different circumstance. Then I know he is 'invested' in it because it is his opinion as well. But if he 'goes along' simply for the sake of compliance, I don't have faith in his behavior matching the opinion.

I think I am willing to hear his thoughts and consider altering my own. But I too prefer peace, so would rather 'pick my battles'. Some things just don't seem worthy of arguement.

Coming here and airing it for opinions is like having your own free private psychologist. We care about each other here - but from a physically removed vantage point. So, like a therapist, we aren't truly emotionally involved for the most part. It allows for a perspective that can be quite helpful in the solution of a situation.

And except for those who do "Meet Up", the anonymity of cyber communication allows for personal privacy to be held in tact. The 'airing of dirty laundry' in the real world can set the stage for embarrassment and unwanted involvement. Here, it is taken in stride and not pinned to anyone's lapel.

I like having my own "Doc in the Box" therapist here! Sometimes I get agreement and through it, validation. Other times, my eyes are opened to a varying point of a view. It can be the same words hubby has tried to say, but sometimes hearing it from another enables me to listen to it from him.

Either way, the board helps me be a better person.

WR

[JustAskJulie]

Even when married and actively swinging I was the only one who posted here. Imagine how hard it is for me if have a serious question to post it... cuz I don't want to look like a putz! LOL.

Lately, I have posted a few different questions that have come up with my bf as we have discussed the ideas of swinging. The whole thing is still pretty new to him but he has some ideas in his head about what it is and isn't and often in our discussions I will reach a point where I don't know how to answer him and that has sparked many of my recent topics here.

[Greg & Sheryl]

We’ve never regarded this board as a place to help us resolve certain issues, so we can’t we’ve encountered this dilemma. This forum is a fun place for us to exchange ideas, opinions and experiences with others, but we have never felt compelled to use it as a “sounding board.” We have more than 25 years combined experience in the lifestyle, we guess we’ve already worked through just about any situation we could encounter.

[wrnakedru]

Some additonal thoughts on this topic.

I love this board. I think it helps a lot of situations for people. I learn everyday from things I read here, whether they necessarily apply to me - or to NOW. Daily, I learn new things because of my exposure to others who are different from me.

A few months ago, Julie had a contest about referrals. And it caused me to realize something. As good as I think this board is, and as much as it has to offer: I didn't want others I know or am just beginning to know reading everything I write here. I don't want to feel "hampered" simply by knowing they are reading everything I write.

Anyone else feel this way about it?

I mean, in a 'live' relationship we learn details about one another over time. Here we share a lot of things that may not ever come up with 'live' friends, and yet it could become part of how we are viewed because they have read it.

Am I being entirely too self-conscious about this?

WR

Am I being entirely too self-conscious about this?

No, not at all. makes perfect sence to me.

[wrnakedru]

Originally Posted by Mr&Mrs-naughty

I think if I were to post a question about an internal hot button issue in our relationship I would do it as an unregistered member. But tell in my post that I am a registered member asking a question. I can see both sides of the fence here.

Good point! And I think some might not even want to tell they are a registered member, simply post as an unregistered [maybe even to keep their mate from knowing it's them.]

There's been some discussion about the time we take to reply to unregistereds not being worth it - since we can't get questions answered, etc.

But it's a possibility the post is a member, incognito. Hmm.

Thanks for that, Mr. Naughty. I never thought of that!

WR

[good times]

Most of the time Mrs. will read her post to me before she hits the post button. I post more than she does because I can post from work and she can't. She reads the board almost every day though, so I always have that in my head when I make a post. I guess we are lucky in that we haven't experianced any problems that we couldn't work out between ourselves.

[BodyScape02]

It’s not that fact that she posted something that bothered me. What got me was the fact that she and I did not talk about it. We had only a 2-minute conversation on the phone yesterday and that was all.

I am not embarrassed because “our problem” was publicly aired; I am embarrassed because “our problem” wouldn’t have been a problem had we actually talked about it….

I just wish I had had a chance to discuss this with her first instead of reading about while having my morning coffee….

D2...the male

[BodyScape02]

Actually ...I did try to talk to you about it repeatedly... you didn't hear. I am a very open and honest person and I am not very savy on "saving face" posting anonmously didn't occur to me.

for that I am sorry...and I am done...I quit.

I have taken far too much crap for this honest concern . refute me if you will I promised you I would not post again, but this needed adressed... I said I was sorry, now I am done.

~Cat

[Elusive BiFem]

Well, it doesn't happen often, but I have to 100% agree with everything WR said in all three of her posts! Geez Louise! What's happening with me. (Or with her?) Normally, I can find something to argue with WR about.

And that thing about unregistered posters...something I never thought about. I'm glad Mr. Naughty brought that up.

Now there is one little bitty, teeny-tiny thing with WR's post...that thing she said about leaving her hubby a note on the kitchen counter because he doesn't like to read things that are "too long." Excuse me, but can anyone imagine WR leaving a little short note - about anything? Not long ago, she brought me a cube of hot-colored sticky notes - pink, green, blue. The 2" x 2" size. My first comment...why are you giving me these? You don't know how to write on something this little?

- EBF

[mrs good times]

I enjoy the information I have recieved on this board. Just last night Mr. and I were discussing my "form" of writing. I tend to come accross as bitchy because I don't like long posts so because of that I tend to be short in my questions or responses. I don't purposely intend to come across as defensive but apparantly Mr. thinks I do so I will have to be more careful.