What Defines Cheating?

[Elusive BiFem]

Yawanna and I were having another of our "discussions" yesterday in another thread about cheating spouses and the definition of same. We agree on some points and disagree on others, but it got me to thinking and wondering. (And isn't that the point of discussion?)

This AM I did a google search and read a few articles on cheating and it was rather eye-opening in that there is technology today to identify cheaters that I would have never imagined. Beyond technology, though, the internet has opened many doors for cheating...obviously e-mail and IM, chat rooms, match-making services...those sorts of things.

But I'm still left wondering how others define cheating. Is a married person that lurks on this board cheating? If he participates without the intent of meeting someone is that cheating (assuming his spouse knows nothing of his involvement here)? If a person has a spouse that is opposed to swinging, but that person remains interested in the "concept" and comes here to live out his/her fantasy vicariously - is that cheating? If someone has an occasional generic conversation with someone via e-mail, is that cheating? I have a married friend and we e-mail every 1-2 months - work, church, home types of stuff with nary a mention of sex or intent to meet, etc. Would that be cheating? Personally, I think of this as nothing more than breakroom chit-chat, much like we would have if we worked in the same office.

I don't know...some of the stuff defined as cheating is just life events in my book. But I'm not married so maybe my ideas are different.

How do you define cheating for yourself and what would you consider cheating in your spouse?

- EBF

[HappyEyeball]

For me it's simple. Secrets. Hooking up without your partner's knowledge. It it's out in the open with clear understanding between partners it's not.

Mind you, there still may be fallout and damage from activities *with* partners knowledge, but both people went into it with eyes open.

My .02.

Jeffrey

If you know what you are doing is not cool with your partner and you do it anyway,without them knowing, it is cheating.

To nail down a set of black and white rules on what is cheating and what isnt is nearly impossible.

Since no two couples dynamics are the same everyone has different ideas on what constitutes cheating. If you go outside the boundaries set in your paticular relationship then you are a cheater.

Just my thoughts.

BTW,

The word "YOU" is not directed towards anyone in this thread. Just using it as a generic term.

[VegasLee]

In my simple view.

If it involves deceite or disrespect of ones spouse then it involves cheating. No matter what the subject matter maybe.

[windsor4fun2]

Originally posted by VegasLee
In my simple view.

If it involves deceite or disrespect of ones spouse then it involves cheating. No matter what the subject matter maybe.

This seems to sum it up well for me.

As said earlier it would be impossible to make a list as

no two couples dynamics are the same everyone has different ideas on what constitutes cheating

.

We don't copy every e-mail or conversation to each other, we don't see the need. We are seldom on line at the same time because of our schedules but we discuss things before we make any plans or decisions. This works for us.

Others on this board have stated they only read emails and go online when they are together.That works for them.

Every couple is different and what constitutes cheating is different for each.

Jesse

[2cute2care]

I think cheating is doing something u know ur partner would not approve of with someone else, plain and simple. Cheating isnt necessarily kissing someone, or flirting on the internet, or even screwing someone else for that matter, if u and ur partner agree thats ok, but I think that if ur partner says no doing this or that, and then u go and do that-ur cheating! thats how we look at it, because to us its all about honesty and being upfront cuase the way we see it is if u have to sneak around to do it, then u shouldnt be doing it in the first place--

just my two sense, take it as u will

[tazzie_n_truck]

To us cheating would be if we met someone for sex without the others concent or knowledge.

[fun_pairTX]

To us cheating is defined as initiating or perpetuating any untruth either by intent or by omission. It is a hard line but it works for us.

[flassh]

We have discussed cheating so many times. I guess the only thing that matters is when the moment of truth comes that the opportunity exists and someone does not really respect the "friendship" factor they hold with their SO. I remember a situation where I gave a lady friend a ride home from a party and she basically stripped down and wanted it right there. She was very good looking and very horny. I never thought of the sex though only my "friendship" bond with my wife who was away. It is the moral high ground and respect that blocks out lower drives such that sex can be for all of us. Laughter etc. are all signs that we are complex and able to function above just a purely horny mode. So cheating is about personal choice and sensitivity for us. Had we been cheated on before? I had in my teens and this formed a deep sense of what is right for me and how it feels. As far a surfing the websites like this? It is alot like going to college and having topical studies. I for one did look at things for awhile for the scintillation factor only to be seduced by the information and nice people. Now my wife loves to read things and talk about it too. So another answer to What is cheating might be a question: "what is the outcome of it?" or "Where is it leading?"

[jsnps]

To me cheating is simply dishonesty. I think VegasLee summed it up pretty well.

Mrs. JP

[Elusive BiFem]

Some interesting comments here and of course, I have some questions to ask, too. I've suggested that Brad incorporate this topic into Moderated Live Chat tonight. Maybe he will and if so, it should be interesting.

I'll get to ask all my questions at once. Yeah...right...like we really pay attention on chat. I must be getting delusional.

- EBF

[havasubouncer]

cheating I think has to do with the intent thats the magic word INTENT if thier is intent to disrespect either parties spouse then that is cheating because you have the choice to end it. My wife would disagree with that she feels that full intercourse is cheating anything else is ok some people just have totally different views good luck with that one but my best advise is communication

[Vjklander]

I keep it simple, having sex with another without your partner's consent.

[storygirl]

Hmm, I go to work for a day and miss a whole long conversation.

I'm with Mr Naughty - you do something your partner doesn't think is okay or the two of you have not agreed to, that's cheating. And if you do it without discussing it, because you know they'd say no, then you are just sliding down a slippery slope. Cuz they'll find out and then there will be *mom voice* consequences.

[De and Ci]

Originally posted by Vjklander
I keep it simple, having sex with another without your partner's consent.

This sums it up for me as well.
It's also if your in a competition and you break the rules in order to win