Hiding things and information from your significant other

[Handyman69]

I'm / we are glad you could communicate and resolve this
Thats the key to surviving in this lifestyle.........open communication,

John

[Alura]

I'd say believe and trust him. I think the deletion of the chats is meaningless. I always delete chats. If Mrs. Alura might be interested, I copy the chat, paste it into an email and send it to her. Then I delete it.

Mr. Alura

[DragonsLair]

Well I am putting in my two cents into the ring.

To begin with I am married two a wonderful woman and don't feel the need to hide anything from her.

But I do feel you stepped over the bounds in looking into things that were his privately. I'm sure he did not intentionally hide anything from you and he probably felt really embarrassed and upset that you would go through his private messages and disks. You should realize that trust goes both ways. I'm sure he forgot about things that were left on the computer and the disks, because he was secure in the fact that he had no reason to remove them. Instead of probing through his personal archives, before confronting him, you should have asked him about them before going through them. I'm sure he would have been more then willing to disclose them to you. As you two had just recently moved in and finally decided to utilize one computer vs two, he never realized that he should have cleaned up his machine and accounts before allowing you access to them. More to the point, he probably trusted you not to go through things that were there prior to you two getting together.

My question is: Why did you feel the need to snoop through his machine and disks? Are you uncomfortable with your current situation and looking for an excuse to call it quits?

The thought of knowing the unknown and finding things out about your SO is always tempting, but you should have drawn the line and proved his trust in you worthy of him. I don't mean to turn this around as an attack on you, and unlike the rest of the posts so far, I do not agree with what you have done. His personal and private life prior to your current commitment was his to do with what he wanted and should have been left that way.

I would suggest in the future think about the repercussions of opening Pandora’s Box. You don't generally find nice things waiting for you on the inside. I would suggest taking a long look at yourself and see what inside yourself made you snoop through his private files and disks.

I understand his reactions completely about going home and deleting his private files. As he no longer felt he could trust you not to go through them. What needs to come out of this, is the two of you sitting down to discuss what the rules are about the others personal things. Even though you are a couple, there are still lines that should not be crossed. What's his is his and should be left that way unless he chooses to disclose them.

I myself have nothing to hide and let my wonderful wife in on all facets of my life. I let her know who I am chatting with, what pictures I have, but those are my choices. She also knows that if I choose not to that my choice also and she would not pry.

Just some food for thought.

I am T(The devils advocate)She is A(My devil I advocate for)

[Roxysbayou]

I am with T on this one.

You broke his trust by snooping. He may not have been hiding anything, it may have just been one of those things that he didn't feel was worth bringing up during your together time.

On the other hand if he was hiding something, then there is definitely a problem somewhere.

Swinging involves a great deal of trust for us. So if either of us were sneaking around behind the others back, we would consider that cheating. Or at least thinking of cheating. Either way it would be a big breach of trust in our relationship.

Roxy

[DragonsLair]

I also agree with my husband on this one. It sounds to me like you were snooping. And you got burned by your snooping.

Privacy must be respected. If you're SO had wanted to share those things with you, he would have.

I love my husband very much and I know he loves me. I would never think of invading his privacy like you did. And he doesn't invade mine. We are very open with each other and have nothing to hide. But we still respect each others right to keep some things private.

But now that this has happened, you need to talk to each other and work something out. Trust has to be reestablished. And it can be. But you both have to work at it.

Best of luck.

DragonsLair

He is T. I am A.

[SluttyWife]

Hmmm....I *do* find his behaviour odd, but I also find snooping odd.

Sir Mike and I have a way around this. We use the same handle
for IM and email address for corresponding with friends.
We tell each other EVERYTHING even if it may be a tad painful.

I'm not saying this is an easy thing to do or even how you can work through this to get to that place. I agree with the others on this thread, his trust in you has been broken. But on the same coin your suspicions have been raised and maybe rightly so.

A heart to heart is an order. Communication is vital if you
want to sustain this sort of relationship.


My ten cents,

Slutty Wife