Playing with cheaters

[shoreguy]

Satisfy my curiosity: Is there a difference between how cheating married women are viewed versus cheating married men? Consider LTR equal to marriage if you please.

[Miss_Piggy]

Good poll, shoreguy!

[Spoomonkey]

Shore guy

Our "off the cuff" respose was "would not swing with cheaters". That is our rule and we have stuck to it. However, in the interest of honesty, I will say that we were approached and propositioned by a bi-fem at a club who was "stepping out" and let us know up front. She ended up a part of a larger group, but I did have sex with her, though my wife did not.

There is a difference because single women are hard to come by (from what I've heard ; ) and men are dogs... I'd like to say that in the future I will stick to my guns on that issue, but I realize that the chance certainly exists that an attractive female (single or married) would probably be welcome to play. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak - I suppose.

Men - on the other hand seem to be part of a pretty rich pool and it is much easier, I think, for my wife to pass up an opportunity.

Spoomonkey

[lnk4u]

Both hubby and I feel that swinging is something to share as a couple therefore if you are swinging without your s/o (spouse) it is cheating. If on the other hand you meet with both halves of the couple and one has the attraction but the other one doesn't and they do swing alone with the others approval maybe. But that is a big maybe. I still dont think we would though.

[passion8]

Our "off the cuff" respose was "would not swing with cheaters".

Spoomonkey you're so right, or at least the same as us! Normally we would not want to get involved with cheaters, it's a turn off actually. But there has been one time when a good friend joined us without her boyfriend (who was not a friend of ours). It was something she wanted to do and we could see that her relationship was coming towards an end (if that's any excuse). But certainly with strangers we would feel it was a definite no-no.

[biblonde]

NEVER with a cheater. I think cheating is sooooo wrong and if i found out someone was steppin out....then they would be steppin right out the door! This lifestyle best works if honesty is always in the forfront. I would never get inbetween a couple because the outcome is always bad! and well i dont have time to be a part of that....

my 2 cents for the day!

[EternallySingle]

There was a 22 year old college student I met with a few times. She wore several rings on each finger, was always with a group of other known bi women, and had no kids so I had no reason to believe she was married. Mainly because of her age and the fact she was a grad student. Stupid of me, I know.

I knew she was a swinger because she first asked if I ever had a 3some then if I ever been to a swing club. When I said yes she said she and her friends were looking for some nice guys who would go with them to a convention in Chicago and wanted to get to know us better, as in conventional dating as well as swinging. We had several boy-girl dates as well as group encounters with her three friends and two other guys they knew.

What I didn't know was that her new husband wanted nothing to do with the lifestyle and thought that I was just a classmate she was studying with. I was not happy with her or her friends (who helped her cheat) when I found out she was married. This girl and her husband ended up getting divorced only seven or eight months later. I don't know if I believe it, but she said she was the one who filed for divorce. I still didn't want anything to do with her, though.

"Once a cheater, always a cheater" applies to women too.

[LYTD]

"Once a cheater, always a cheater" applies to women too.

I disagree with this sentiment, as I'm living proof of it being untrue.

I was a blatant and dirty cheater until about the age of 21. That's when I took a step back and saw that every relationship I'd had either suffered greatly or ended because of it. I realized that until I made the conscious choice to stop cheating, it would never actually happen. Much like quitting smoking, you'll do it when you actually want to, you won't do it just because you know it's what you should do.

I reformed, I met a wonderful woman (to whom I'm now married) and not only is the cheating a thing of the past, the desire to do so is also.

People can change if they want to. Now if I could just find the "want to" to quit smoking.

On the topic of this thread, I wouldn't get involved with someone who was cheating either. I've seen the ills of it and it's not pretty. There's too much lying and deception going on and eventually when the truth comes out (as it always seems to) the consequences can be severe.

[Shaheena]

Well, so far I have heard everyone saying they would not get involved with cheaters. I think a lot of people are hesitant, but there are times that my hubby and I would not have a problem in playing with someone who is in the lifestyle where the other half isn't. I know of several men and women who are sexually deprived because of the sudden religious beliefs of their wife or husband. They didn't have this when they first got married, and now they are stuck in a relationship where they still love the person, but are having no sex. Who can blame someone for searching elsewhere for some pleasure without any strings attached? The way I figure it, in a situation like that.. the one depriving has really paved the way for the cheating. What else can they expect? It's human nature to take care of our sexual needs and if they are not going to supply the demand, then the partner will look elsewhere. At least they are only looking for the pleasure aspect and not a relationship. If their relationship breaks up, it's not because they cheated, it's because their relationship was going down the toilet way before that. I am not for breaking up a relationship by any means, but it's also not my choice to make. Life is too short to be deprived of the things that make us happy. I guess when you stare death in the face it really tends to wake you up and make you realize that life is all about being happy and enjoying the pleasures life has to offer while you can. If someone has to go elsewhere to find that happiness, then I will be happy to supply that for them with no strings attached. I'm happy with my husband and love him more than life, and I know we have a great relationship. So we don't have an issue of someone wanting to spend a night or weekend of pleasure with us whether they are a "cheater" or not. I just had to put in my 2 cents worth here

Hugs & kisses & licks!
Shaheena

[Spoomonkey]

LYTD

I completely agree. Cheating sucks - but I've been there. It would be great to say that the "cheater" side of me is dead, but I'm in the lifestyle with a wonderful wife and partner - so how will I know? I mean, extramarital sex is a part of this lifestyle.

I can say this - you are right on the money about finding the right person. Sure - many cheaters are just looking for sex on the side. But a lot of people, I believe, are looking for initmacy, physical attention, passion, even love that is being deprived at home.

For me - I have found my soulmate. She is an insatiable sex machine who happens to be quite open minded. She is the best I have ever been with physically, emotionally, passionately... Does that mean that she is the hand's-down, put a patent on it and write a book, best ever lover? I know I am completey biased and wouldn't see a flaw in her if it bit me on the neck. That is what makes our connection so incredible, and our love so complete. If I ever had the desire to play with someone, why would I need to cheat to do it?

I also agree with Shaheena - not all motivation in cheating is all bad. We just wouldn't want to be a part of someone else's "end of the marriage." We'd rather play with a recently divorced guy than one who hasn't gotten the balls to admit that it is time to move on.

And just to clarify my earlier post - I did take advantage of the rare bi-fem encounter. Knowing myself, the way I do - and the lifestyle the way I do - I'd probably do it again. However, I'm not particularly proud of myself for it. Just wanting to make sure that my "sterling ethics" don't over-shadow the dirty truth

Spoomonkey

[PrtyinDuo]

Allways have this vision of some BIG dude or Scornfull woman knockin' on our door and either punchin someones lights out or worse!!!screaming.."so your the ones that are fuckin' my mate"!!!

To swinging with cheaters!!!


Enjoy!!

[EternallySingle]

I should have made that clear. Not enough coffee yesterday.

Seriously, though, I see your point and making a blanket statement like "Once a cheater, always a cheater" is like saying "Single men can't be trusted until they get married" or "All dogs have rabies and kill children". BUT...

I always try to think about everyone involved. Just because I never see or have contact with the other person in a relationship doesn't mean what I say and do with one half of a couple will not have an influence on the other one. I've been cheated on by a woman, and it was not nice. I can't help thinking, when I find out someone is married and wanting to play behind her partner's back, "how did I feel when I found out E* had cheated and lied to me?"

Again, I was speaking from my experiences and what I've learned and observed. People do change, but only if they REALLY want to change.

[4Beauty2C]

Hub and I have never come across anyone who cheats as of yet. Our opinion on this is divided. We though think that it is none of our business who they come in with and the other side of it is we have to put ourself into the hands of the person who is being cheatted on.

[wrnakedru]

And we passed.

For us, it is just that we do not wish to BE a part of anything we would not appreciate have done TO ourselves.

Not judging those who stray or those who play with them. They have a right to their choices and it is their business.

[Shaheena]

Thanks Spoomonkey for clarifying something important! If a person is out to find a relationship within swinging and in doing so, it causes the end of their marriage then that's not a good thing. If they choose to swing because they are simply deprived of sex, but are still very much in love with their partner, then I have no problem with it. There is no threat of me leaving my husband for another because we are very much in love and have a better than great relationship. The person depriving their spouse of sex is in no danger of him or her leaving them for me or my husband... it just won't happen. They are simply getting a good romp and a safe one. You have to consider that the alternative to pay for a call girl that is probably unclean and diseased is much more dangerous than this way. I just look at things all the way around and if it's not hurting anyone then I go for it. The spouse is the one who chose to deprive and should know that if they do something like this their partner will find satisfaction elsewhere. It's just a matter of the better decision of who, and where and when that makes the difference here. I hope that makes it a lil more clear

Hugs, kisses & licks!
Shaheena