Playing with cheaters

[passion8]

Alura you've done the English language a favour with your intermarital contribution.

Doesn't it deserve a place in this site's dictionary as a starting point on it's slow path to general acceptance.

(hint hint Julie)

[shoreguy]

To the best of my knowledge "stunt cock" is a reference from the movie Orgazmo. It was the guy that went in to do the fucking for the closeup shots when the main actor couldn't/wouldn't. (The main character is a Mormon acting in porn movies.) Funny damn movie, I highly recommend it. It's from the South Park guys. Two of the funniest people ever, but not afraid to walk up to the edge and keep going. For miles.

I can't see it being used in real porn movie-making. It's not like inability to act keeps you from work. But, who knows.

[NewBiFem]

call me a cheater? would you play with me if you knew my situation?

I'm an attractive bi woman... I have a full and busy life- 2 kids, my own business, volunteer work, lots of straight friends... I have NO interest in a romantic relationship right now- I don't have time to date, nor am I interested in taking my chances with strangers...

the lifestyle seems the perfect place for me.

BUT I have an ex-husband who still lives with me. We are in the middle of a divorce- he is supposed to move out this spring when he will take a job out of state, but he's still here... the papers aren't signed... I'm not technically free.

I would love to tell him- look, I'm going out, mind your own business, but, of course, I have to be "sneaky," so he doesn't find out and tell my family and friends- or WORSE, try to take my children away!!!

Should I sit at home and cry about it? I've been "under his thumb" and repressed for almost 13 years...

I would rather celebrate my sexuality. I want to have fun and forget about that mess for a while...

so??? would you play with me, or turn me away???

[Spoomonkey]

I think that we need to accept the fact that generalizing things is really only good in theory.



If you walked up and said, "I am cheating on my husband", then - IN THEORY - I'd say, "I have a moralistic problem with that." But - let's be real. Single bi-females are at a premium in the lifestyle. Mrs Spoo might find you attractive - I might find you attractive - and there go the rules...

Of course - you could simply say, "I'm divorced" - which is true in spirit, if not in paper and frankly it isn't our damn business who is sleeping on your couch

Yours is a much more involved story than the typical (stereo-typical) guy/gal who is stepping out. In your case, I would think that we aren't exactly comparing apples to apples... Just do what you have to do to make sure you keep those babies!!!

This post is Mrs Spoomonkey approved

Spoomonkey

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by NewBiFem
...BUT I have an ex-husband who still lives with me. We are in the middle of a divorce- he is supposed to move out this spring when he will take a job out of state, but he's still here... the papers aren't signed... I'm not technically free.

Technically your husband is not your 'ex-husband'. Therefore you are in the eyes of the law and ours, married....and still attached as he lives in the home with you.

I would love to tell him- look, I'm going out, mind your own business, but, of course, I have to be "sneaky," so he doesn't find out and tell my family and friends- or WORSE, try to take my children away!!!

This statement really gives me concern. First and foremost, your children should be the most important people in your life, especially now. It is difficult enough for them to endure the separation of their parents, much less bearing witness to your hiding and sneaking around. And believe me, they can pick up on it. Your children did not ask to be born and you do have the responsibility as a parent to insure the smoothest transistion in their formative years as much as possible which includes putting your social life on hold until that transistion has been successfully made. You became committed from the first born until they turned 18 years old, the day you made the choice to have children. Your responsibility to your husband may have ceased, but the ones to your children have not. It's not to say that you can't have a life, but it will differ from your years of being childless.

Would I call your situation cheating? Not in the traditional sense of one spouse cheating on the other, due to your stated situation, however... You are cheating your children. That in my opinion is lower than those that 'step out' on their significant others, be it married or not.

End result... No, we would even consider playing with you, given the known situation.

[Alura]

Originally posted by Spoomonkey
This post is Mrs Spoomonkey approved

Spoomonkey

I like that, Spoomonkey. Rather than plagerize, I'll trade you the right to use "Intermarital Sex" for the right to use, "This post is Mrs. Alura approved." Deal?

Mr. Alura

[Alura]

Originally posted by NewBiFem


Should I sit at home and cry about it? I've been "under his thumb" and repressed for almost 13 years...

I would rather celebrate my sexuality. I want to have fun and forget about that mess for a while...

so??? would you play with me, or turn me away???

I hate to say this, NBF, but I think you should sit at home and not cry until he finally does move out and the papers are signed. Any impatience on your part could cause you a myriad of problems with your kids, or lack of them. Spring is less than six weeks away, whether or not the groundhog saw his shadow. Six weeks is a real short time compared to many years of hoping your ex actually shows up with your kids at the appointed time.

If you were in Oklahoma and he in Connecticutt, we might consider playing with you. But if everybody is in Connecticutt, the divorce papers unsigned, and your husband still living in your house, we'd suggest you masturbate until "the mess" is over, for your sake more than ours.

I've been going through a similar situation with my brother whose ex is again living with him because she lost her job due to drinking. (She's been known to disappear for several days until she wakes up in a sleezy motel room with no idea how she got there nor who the guy is who is snoring beside her.) Why does my brother put up with her? Because if he makes her angry she disappears for an even longer time with his son. If he hunts her down and wants his son, the police arrest him because he's a man, and looks like a wild, half-breed Indian, which, of course, he is. They immediately assume he's an abuser, which he isn't. Actually she's the abuser, but it's not her fault. She only does it when she's drunk.

You have a pretty horrible decision to make, but it must be made.

Hang in there until you get this mess behind you, and hang around here. The folks on this board really care and will be glad to be your friends while you're going through this hell.

Good luck and please keep us up-to-date.

Mr. Alura

[LYTD]

Originally posted by NewBiFem
call me a cheater? would you play with me if you knew my situation?

I'm an attractive bi woman... I have a full and busy life- 2 kids, my own business, volunteer work, lots of straight friends... I have NO interest in a romantic relationship right now- I don't have time to date, nor am I interested in taking my chances with strangers...

the lifestyle seems the perfect place for me.

BUT I have an ex-husband who still lives with me. We are in the middle of a divorce- he is supposed to move out this spring when he will take a job out of state, but he's still here... the papers aren't signed... I'm not technically free.

I would love to tell him- look, I'm going out, mind your own business, but, of course, I have to be "sneaky," so he doesn't find out and tell my family and friends- or WORSE, try to take my children away!!!

Should I sit at home and cry about it? I've been "under his thumb" and repressed for almost 13 years...

I would rather celebrate my sexuality. I want to have fun and forget about that mess for a while...

so??? would you play with me, or turn me away???

I have to agree that you should probably get your situation at home squared away before seeking outside gratification. As a parent myself, I wouldn't do anything that would jeopardize my ability to be around my son......so playing would be out until the ex is out.

As for playing with you, your situation sounds like a potentially nasty one. I wouldn't be comfortable contributing to posssibly making life tougher for you at home should your ex find out about what happened. Therefore I would pass on any playing until the divorce is finalized and you've given him the keys to the street.

Just my opinion.

[NightGoddess]

Originally posted by Alura
I hate to say this, NBF, but I think you should sit at home and not cry until he finally does move out and the papers are signed. Any impatience on your part could cause you a myriad of problems with your kids, or lack of them. Spring is less than six weeks away, whether or not the groundhog saw his shadow. Six weeks is a real short time compared to many years of hoping your ex actually shows up with your kids at the appointed time.

If you were in Oklahoma and he in Connecticutt, we might consider playing with you. But if everybody is in Connecticutt, the divorce papers unsigned, and your husband still living in your house, we'd suggest you masturbate until "the mess" is over, for your sake more than ours.......You have a pretty horrible decision to make, but it must be made.

Hang in there until you get this mess behind you, and hang around here. The folks on this board really care and will be glad to be your friends while you're going through this hell.

Good luck and please keep us up-to-date.

Mr. Alura

<------Ditto, from a woman who was married to a cheater for 20 years.
I filed, and it took him a year to move out, the longest year of my life.
I put a lot of things on hold (including any thought of a social life) focused on my three kids, my career, and my mental health (got myself to a therapist)
I decided I needed someone to help me remain a good mom while recognizing I needed an impartial someone to discuss all the emotional stuff that surfaces during a divorce. I learned a lot about myself, and did a lot of self-evaluating. It was time and money well invested.


I wish you the best and please keep us posted. Life does get better.

[NewBiFem]

Hey, everyone, thanks so much for the advice. My intent, however was to put my situation out there to further the topic of converstion. Clearly, everyone is so sincere, that the debate took a backseat to the urge to help. Thanks, really for all the warnings, reminders, encouragement, and support.

Let me put your concerns to rest- I'm not playing until he's gone.

The extent of my experience to date is attending one gathering where I met and TALKED to several very nice couples for two hours- and left ALONE. That was my plan. That's what I did. I'm just reading about, exploring, trying to understand this culture. That's enough for now.

I COMPLETELY argree that my children come first. Don't think for one minute, OhioCouple, that they are being neglected in any way. Your OPINION is valid, but the FACT is that they are now, always have been, and always will be my first priority.

I was really asking what YOU would do given the opportunity to play with me.

Let's suppose that I had no kids... would you play with me?

Would it make a difference if I were a man in the same situation? What if I were not attractive and/or bisexual? Does the exterior package make the difference or your need to not be the cause of (more) trouble... or what?

[Spoomonkey]

NBF

Well - while I am humbled by the obvious concern that others had for your situation, I have to say that I (we) still stand by our first post.

I just sort of assumed that if you were doing this, you were smart enough to make sure that your kids came first. I guess I always err in that direction. I'd hack "l'il spoomonkey" off before I let his appetites hurt my kids

At the risk of being humbled *again* - I will say that there is definitely a double standard in the lifestyle for men and women. A triple standard if you're hot !

I think - and I am just trying to be honest here - if you walked into a swing club, as an attractive, nearly divorced woman - and screamed "my hubby's at home and I'm here to play!" You'd get a lot more takers than if a guy in a similar situation did the same thing. Do I think it is right that this would happen? Not really... But if anyone tells you that rules are black and white, hard and fast, not bendable or breakable and wouldn't be renegotiated - I'd say they just aren't telling you the truth.

If we were talking, and you said, "my marriage is in shambles", we'd probably say, "poor thing."

If a single guy said that, we'd wonder if he was just throwing a line and tell him to stop being a dick.

Bisexual females are a premium... That is just a fact... Some people honestly wouldn't play with you. Some people really wouldn't care... But I think you did hit the nail on the head - lots of the people on this board would be more concerned about you as a person than as a piece of ass - and that says a hell of a lot for people like "OhioCouple", The Aluras, LYTD and Nightgoddess. And honestly, those would be the kind of people that would be worth playing with anyway...

As for looks... Well - one thing I have noticed is that lots of the people we have met - while gorgeous, to be sure - are even more beautiful as people. That is the interesting thing about "real" swinging... It really is a game of "personality wins". The package is nice, but the contents are better...

Of course - I have a hell of a package...

(must post before Mrs. Spoo dies laughing )

Spoomonkey

[Alura]

Spoomonkey, that's some nice company you've listed us with. We're honored, indeed! Thank you.

The Aluras

[Roxysbayou]

I think all of the "is it right or is it wrong" stuff is fine, but I can't get past the idea that some guy in a jealous rage might show up toting a shot gun looking for redemption.

It's just not worth it to me, male or female.

Roxyflamethrow

[passion8]

Not living in America we're not so worried about the gun, but there are other blunt instruments they can turn up with. This brings a whole new meaning to the health risks of swinging.Surrender

[woodyxyz]

I would have to agree with Shaheena's viewpoint. Sex is the one thing that puts us all in touch with our humanity. I have a loving wife whom I adore. In times past we would have sex with others but after the children came she decided that she no longer cared for this while I still enjoy the intimacy with others. There is NO chance of me leaving my wife for someone else so I think that makes me a safer person to play with. As a result, I usually become good friends with those I play with and everyone benefits. Ask yourself, "what would I do if my mate suddenly stopped swinging?" I rest my case.....