Swinging with a married man.

[b4real69]

I've read a couple of messages that indicate some couples have a problem meeting with a married man. I'm a married man and I swing when I get a chance which isn't very often. Swinging with a married man can have some good points about it. I know there are some bad such as causing his marriage to break up but if you meet with him and take the time to learn some things you can usually find out how truthful he is. Some of us married men love our wives. Some of us have great sex lives with our wives but just need that little extra excitement once in a while. We are not bad guys. My wife and I did swing together at one time. As time went on she didn't care to continue. Being a male with a very strong sex drive it is hard for me to not want to swing. I don't want to swing with a single woman because I do not want another single person to have the least little chance of coming between my wife and I. With a couple it is only about sex. There is less of a threat of a married man causing trouble between the couple. Married men are more likely to be desease free. Give a married man a try. Take the time to learn a little about him and if you reach the point you feel comfortable with him go for it. But please don't discount us completely.

[twinkletoes]

If you are married, then so is your wife, and we wonder why she has no "say" in the matter of a swinging lifestyle?? If she is not swinging WITH you, then YOU are not "swinging" either -- you are cheating.

As for your comment that you "just need that little extra excitement once in a while", well... it reminds me of what my mother used to tell me (and, a quote that lives on in our family as the phrase as been uttered to our daughter) - "life is often unfair; you can't always have everything you want."

We have, thus far, only done MFM -- but will never ever ever consider a married man; we are not cheating and don't believe in condoning someone else's cheating behavior. It takes a little more time to find the true single men to play with, as we have to hack our way through the proverbial jungle of "swinging" married men - but we have found single men who we enjoy bringing into our relationship for our play time.

[Quin]

No matter how much you beg and plead, try to make yourself look good...you are a cheater, plain and simple and others will view it the same way. What sane married couple would get involved a married man without his wife having any knowledge? Not any that I know. For to include you within their play would be giving you and what you're doing a stamp of approval. I can't think of any couple I know that would endorse your cheating.

Like the poster posted before me, life is in no way, shape, or form, fair. You need a bit extra because of your high sex drive...take the problem in hand and give it a good whacking. Don't attempt to bring other couples into your lieing and deceitful web.

I, personally, would not want to be party to anything that would hurt an innocent person. And that's what your wife is, an innocent person. You will be found out, all cheaters are and when you are found out it's your wife and kids (if you have any) that will hurt the most out of all this. There's no way you could possibly love your wife and/or kids for if you did you wouldn't put them in any position to be intentionally hurt by your actions and that's exactly what you're doing.

Quin

[TeamSoBe]

I don't want to swing with a single woman because I do not want another single person to have the least little chance of coming between my wife and I. With a couple it is only about sex.

This is exactly the reason that a lot of guys use to justify fucking escorts. "I'm not paying her to have sex with me, I'm paying her to leave." Either way, you're cheating on your wife. You get even more flak than the typical single guy does because you aren't even a single guy. You're a couple with your female half absent.

Most swingers approach the activity from the point of view of a very tight, dedicated couple exploring something exciting together. The basic unit here is the couple. When two couples get together, it isn't four single people of varying genders getting together for group sex, it's two couples getting together. When a couple has fun with a single girl or a single guy, it isn't three people screwing, it's a couple playing with a single. You approach the situation as a single, which would be fine if you weren't actually part of a couple. Any couple that finds out that you are married suddenly becomes aware that they are actually dealing with a couple where the woman is absent, rather than a single guy.

You will get plenty of encouragement for your overactive sex drive if you put the effort into sharing it with your wife and including your marriage in your play. If you don't then you're just another cheating husband. The swingers that you interact with who have strong, tight marriages don't have much respect for that.

[OhioCouple]

All I can say is that I would appreciate the *honesty* of someone telling us that they were a swinging married single. Doing so allows us to blow them off in a heartbeat and provides more time to get to know honest, sincere individuals.

There is absolutely "NO VALID" reason in our opinion, that condones one half of a party to have sex with others outside of a "COMMITTED" relationship just because they need some more excitement or whatever lowly excuse they come up with.

We can argue the status of single vs. married until the cows come home, but the plain and simple fact of the matter is...if you are in a committed relationship and your significant other doesn't care to play with you, then keep your tool where it belongs. Your bedroom.

I've heard the woeful tales of why people seek reltaionships outside of their marriages. Trust me, too many people get hurt, especially those you love the most.

Lori

[SwingerSet]

My wife and I did swing together at one time. As time went on she didn't care to continue. Being a male with a very strong sex drive it is hard for me to not want to swing. I don't want to swing with a single woman because I do not want another single person to have the least little chance of coming between my wife and I

I have been staying out of this, even though it drives me to distraction. The reason being is that we own a club and we try to keep nutral about most things. The first rule of swinging, what I like to call the first commandment is No Means No!!!! You have broken this rule before you even stepped out the door. Your wife says NO! and you discount her decision. Now that I have said that I will go into the second worst part of what you are doing. You say that there is less chance of problems with a married man playing single, think about the worst case senerio. Your wife finds out what you are doing and sues for divorce. She calls the inocent couple as witnesses to show what an "asshole" you are, now they have been outed. Not only to a few people, but knowing how the media is, to your whole city and in a permanent record to boot. As was said before, swinging and (what you are doing) cheating are two completely different things. Swinging is sharing your sexual life with others,in a consenting manner. Then going home "with" (not to) your significant other. Cheating on the other hand is running around lying and doing things behind her back. Even before we started swinging we both felt very strongly about cheating. We said that it was the only real reason to split up a marriage.
Go home, work on your marriage. Increase your sex life at home and leave the swinging to truly single men and commited couples.
J.J

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by b4real69:
Married men are more likely to be desease free.

Perhaps you can explain to me how a married man who cheats on their wife, by having sex with other people are more likely to be disease free. IMHO they are probably indulging in more risky sexual behavior with anyone that will do it with them.

I've known a few wives that have been shocked to find out they have an STD as they had never been with anyone but their husband. In each of those cases, their marriages eventually ended in divorce.

Lori

[Flori_DAMAN]

I hear that "I can have my cake and eat it too".

I am wondering. How would you react if you found out your that your wife was having sex with other men and not letting you know about it?

Just because its a couple and you may have twice as much fun doesn't make it any less cheating. I greatly admire the twist you put that suggests that if it won't result in a permanent relationship then its OK. That is ludicrous.

Divorce your wife now and then swing. Cuz brother it will happen sooner or later, and you will be dragging other peoples lives into your warped logic. John.

[sportync]

For some reason, a photographer I once knew comes to mind....he was a horny dog living in a college town full of young hotties, so he suggests to the little missus that they have an open marriage, where each can explore other relationships on their own. She said, "OK", and took a weekend in Florida where she wound up in bed with her old boss and his young wife. She told him about it when she got back, and he was furious. Not because of what she did, but because he had tried every ploy in the book to get laid, and nothing seemed to work. It seems that all the little college-cuties weren't interested in what he was selling. Life may not be fair, but sometimes it's funny as hell! Sportync

[Sin D]

you are definately cheating! every couple that posts a personal ad will probably eventually have to deal with a married male replying to their post. the issue is, in a way, are you willing as a couple to enable his cheating for your own adventure? what if his wife finds out? what are the possible consequences to you if she does?

you can justify it any way you like to yourself, but it's cheating...and the couples you are with probably view it that way also...they just assume that it's not their problem, it's yours.

[FTnPV]

I'm a horny married guy also and I see a lot of women I'd love to go to bed with but I'm married and I cherish that very very much! When we play, we play together, whether it be with a single or couple. I feel for married guys who's wives have taken a back seat in the sex dept, but it's up to you to liven that up for her and get her interest up again.

[Alura]

We would never help a married person, male or female, cheat. If you are interested in swinging, you need to discuss it with your wife and enter it together or not at all. If she will not talk about the subject, or gets angry when you bring it up, the problem is with your communication and relationship, not with folks who do not wish to be involved in your cheating. Can you give us one valid reason why we should "give a married man a try"? We can give you many why we should not.

Alura

[twinkletoes]

I think our Mr. B4real69 has decided that he is NOT going to re-enter the discussion....

[bulb15]

so what about this....wife and i swing together,but she also allows me to swing seperate.she always knows of my activities and always has the right to revoke my privledges. I would never cheat and she trusts me to play safe. is this cheating? does it fall into the same realm as what is being disscussed? am i to be considered a single for all practical purposes? or am i a lying cheating sex dog that only cares about his own desires? and last but not least...should i get a hall pass from my loving wife? P.S. cheaters suck!

[b4real69]

In answer to Twinkletoes----------What kind of a response are you all expecting from me? I made my point. It's my opinion all of you have made yours. I respect your opinions and I feel you all need to do what feels right for you. I will say this. As far as sex with my wife, we probably have better sex than most of you. I have no problem with the sex with my wife. No sex between the two of us is taboe. She is like the majority of women and sex more than 4 times a week at the age of 45 is enough for her and I certianly would not want to pressure her. I have a much stronger sex drive than most men and would have it twice a day 7 days a week. I don't run out and do this. I don't go out and find sex with single women and I don't make up excuses for going out. If I have the oppertunity to enjoy sex with a MARRIED couple I incorporate it in my day with other things I need to do that take me out of the house. All the messages are in the negative. All the ones that you can read here atleast. What you all don't get to see are the private messages I've received and all the emails that are positive to my viewpoint. Like I said..I respect all of your comments and opinions. Also to all of you seemingly rightous people that think that I am cheating, bottem line is that you all are cheating also. Read your marriage vows again. They don't say it is ok to have sex with others as long as your partner agrees. You can swing and put me down but to the majority of married people in this world you are cheating and doing the wrong thing. You know that is true. How many are open with ALL of their friends and accuaintences and tell them you are swingers. I won't be responding to this any more because I didn't write the original message to cause any problems. I just stated my opinion.