I walked in on my Husband Kissing the girl we sometimes have threesome

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally posted by Flori_DAMAN
Im glad you responded Mrs Thump. What it brought my mind to was that after we had our first encounter I asked you specifically if your hubby would mind if we kissed during our playtime. You said "no way". That meant to me that WHILE we were together it was an OK. Now for me to try to make out with you when he wasn't round would be out of bounds for me. Sensitivity is a big part of swinging. Kissing is an intimate act and swinging is too. BUt it is one to be shared. That was why I called it a small crime. I cannot possibly expect everyone to draw the line where I do, but once the boundary is passed assuming everyone doesn't think the way I do it is an issue. For many it wouldn't be. FOr me it is. I think it will be ok. I wouldn't suggest never getting together again if they both realized the slip. It would be a set back though.

John

John, from the female view, I would never want to get together with this particular female again. My reasoning is twofold:
1. It is a big deal to her and her husband doesn't seem to realize it. That bothers me. Everywhere you read, people advise moving as slow as the slowest partner. Doesn't this fall into this category? It would for me.
2. Frankly, I can believe that her husband doesn't think it is a big deal. To my way of thinking, that is one of the differences in men and women. If he doesn't think it is a big deal, it may well happen again.
3. (OK, threefold) The girl herself. Unless she knew beyond any doubt this would be OK with the wife, I feel she stepped over the line in one giant step. I really think I would feel more betrayed by the girl than the man in this case.

OK...I'm ready...come on back... -EBF

[Flori_DAMAN]

Originally posted by Elusive BiFem
John, from the female view, I would never want to get together with this particular female again. My reasoning is twofold:
1. It is a big deal to her and her husband doesn't seem to realize it. That bothers me. Everywhere you read, people advise moving as slow as the slowest partner. Doesn't this fall into this category? It would for me.
2. Frankly, I can believe that her husband doesn't think it is a big deal. To my way of thinking, that is one of the differences in men and women. If he doesn't think it is a big deal, it may well happen again.
3. (OK, threefold) The girl herself. Unless she knew beyond any doubt this would be OK with the wife, I feel she stepped over the line in one giant step. I really think I would feel more betrayed by the girl than the man in this case.

OK...I'm ready...come on back... -EBF

Ok moderatorwoman

This is what I meant by how people take things differently. TO me there was no boundries established and it was a bump on the road. It takes two to tango, so the male female difference doesnt really apply here. It is how they handle it in there reality that counts. I dunno what else to say, other than they could work it out as a part of the swinging experience. OF course I would know better, but I've been swinging for 25 years. Some people wouldnt give it a second thought but this lovely lady did, so I am just trying to give both of them some wiggle room to work it out. To eliminate the person may or may not be the right thing to do, but options are always dependant on those involved.

Hope that helps.

Maybe not, but your still the cutest moderator woman I know.

John

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally posted by Flori_DAMAN
Ok moderatorwoman

This is what I meant by how people take things differently. TO me there was no boundries established and it was a bump on the road. It takes two to tango, so the male female difference doesnt really apply here. It is how they handle it in there reality that counts. I dunno what else to say, other than they could work it out as a part of the swinging experience. OF course I would know better, but I've been swinging for 25 years. Some people wouldnt give it a second thought but this lovely lady did, so I am just trying to give both of them some wiggle room to work it out. To eliminate the person may or may not be the right thing to do, but options are always dependant on those involved.

Hope that helps.

Maybe not, but your still the cutest moderator woman I know.

John

Thanks! Now I will sleep happy.

I suppose experience does count for something, and that may be the reason I have rather strong feelings about it. Seems that most of us have bumps in the road in the beginning. I wish them the best. -EBF

[Flori_DAMAN]

Originally posted by Elusive BiFem
Thanks! Now I will sleep happy.

I suppose experience does count for something, and that may be the reason I have rather strong feelings about it. Seems that most of us have bumps in the road in the beginning. I wish them the best. -EBF

One of lifes pleasures is helping you sleep happy.

John

[saranmark]

I don't think she was out of bounds by being upset. No one can control what they feel or how they react to something.

I think everyone is right in saying that they need to set guidelines and stick to them. If she doesn't want anything to go on when both partners aren't present, that is perfectly understandable. However, unless her husband is an unusual human being, he can't read minds. She has to tell him what she wants and what she doesn't want.

Just my thoughts,
SARA

[saranmark]

John, you are hilarious!


SARA

[LadyCleo]

Originally posted by Terrileex
Thanks for your input and yes I have told him I don t like him to kiss her.

If you have told your hubby that you don't want him to kiss her, then he should never put himself into any position that would allow that to happen. PERIOD. :slam"
And he's a jackass ()() for doing it AND THEN telling you that you are making a big deal about nothing.

And as for the "once we play, it's all ok", I liken it to borrowing something from my neighbor. Just because he let me use his lawnmower once, doesn't mean that I can walk over there and grab it any ol' time I want to after that. I would ALWAYS ask.

But that's just me...

LC

[Flori_DAMAN]

Originally posted by LadyCleo
If you have told your hubby that you don't want him to kiss her, then he should never put himself into any position that would allow that to happen. PERIOD. :slam"
And he's a jackass ()() for doing it AND THEN telling you that you are making a big deal about nothing.

And as for the "once we play, it's all ok", I liken it to borrowing something from my neighbor. Just because he let me use his lawnmower once, doesn't mean that I can walk over there and grab it any ol' time I want to after that. I would ALWAYS ask.

But that's just me...

LC

John makes a mad dash to give his neighbors hedgetrimmer back.

[Lakotarose]

Originally posted by LadyCleo
If you have told your hubby that you don't want him to kiss her, then he should never put himself into any position that would allow that to happen. PERIOD.
And he's a jackass for doing it AND THEN telling you that you are making a big deal about nothing.

And as for the "once we play, it's all ok", I liken it to borrowing something from my neighbor. Just because he let me use his lawnmower once, doesn't mean that I can walk over there and grab it any ol' time I want to after that. I would ALWAYS ask.

But that's just me...

LC

That is a very good way of putting it, i've never thought of that before. If you all remember my situation a while back I have said that my friends fiance has still been trying with me all the time kissing,sleeping with me & copping little feels every once in a while...well gf has told him countless times that now she's pg she doesn't feel comfortable with him doing these things with me & i've respected that but some males get it into their heads that once you all start something it's alright to continue it even behind your loved ones back but i find this totally unacceptable in all ways. I've realised that talking things out with your partner & setting ground rules seems to be the best way to go, hope everything works out for you

[tisha]

Shame, shame... I would never play even if its flirting... without my Husband being there !
You 2 should sit down and make up rules for playing !
Mrs. K

[Brit_Pair]

They may well have done, since the original post was almost a year ago, and they haven't posted here for over 4 months.

[GirlieZ]

Originally Posted by Vjklander

Basically, once we have shared pleasures with someone, we can do whatever we want whenever we want with them. But if we do, we make sure to tell the other all about the juicy details. I call all wimmen darlin, but only MrsVjk 'darling'. A subtle difference to be sure, but noticeable. We really don't have a problem with the other doing whatever we want, but would never sneak something. If I walked into the kitchen, I'd much more expect to catch her giving a BJ than a kiss.
J

Dito However, terms of endearment are left for me. I am his one and only. He calls the other's "sexy" or "sweetie" but never what he calls me.

It doesn't bother me if he meets, kisses or even "gets it on" with one of our current partners. These are boundaries that we have discussed and he knows that it is OK with me as long as we talk about it first. These are our boundaries and no one else! Your boundaries are your boundaries and no one can tell you how to feel. If you felt uncomfy with this , then you felt uncomfy. Talk to your man and deal with it accordingly. Swinging is a "your milage may vary" sort of deal. You have to know what you want, when you want it and how you want it. Sometimes you don't discover your feelings about a particular subject until it is right there in your face, then you deal with it. Communication is the key!

Zgirl

[HotCoupleGnS]

I think you are entitled to those feelings. I would feel the same way. My hubby & I don't do anything but flirting without each other. We came into swinging together, & we enjoying doing everything together. If it wasn't a planned swinging event I would be really upset. I would be upset at both of them. If we are hanging out with swinger friends & it was known that we wouldn't be swinging, at least no till later after people left, I would want everyone to respect that. If you have to talked to your husband & expressed your feelings, then he should be considerate of those feelings. I would also talk to her about it. Then if they don't consider your feeling after that, I would really feel as if they were doing something really wrong.
S (female half)

[nxgn1]

Man you guys are good. I personally dont think my wife would ever swing even though we have talked about it but she is totally ruling it out. But to me it sounds like bounderies really weren't set and now is a good time to do it. It dose remind me that many times sex is not just physical but emotional. And once started lines can be come blurry. I understand your feelings though. It again reminds me of my ex and myself she totaly enjoyed the 3 somes. But i could also see some emotions starting each time. (shrug). Set the bounderies now and forgive and tell him to watch himself because he is now on your radar

[JustTwoHumans]

I think this is a sad thing, a jealousy issue and one of insufficent communication.

This incident is unexpectedly disturbing to me, because it reminds me of the kindegarten kid who was arrested by the police for kissing a little girl on the cheek because she asked him to.

If they had been having sex, it would be different. If her shirt was off, it would be different. If you had found them in his car, it would be different. If he did it again, knowing how you feel now, it would be different. It would even be different if she had come over when he was alone.

But you said that "There were other people in our home and these two just got left alone for a minute in the kitchen". Add to that the fact that you two never defined any rules about this.

People aren't computers and it's not fair to treat them that way. (It took me 40 years to figure that out!)

With other people there, particularly non-swingers, it seems obvious to me that they were just remembering the joy and happiness they felt when they were together in front of you which, to me, is beautiful.

Presumably, they haven't done it again. And the fact that they DID do it in the situation they did shows us that that 1) it was spontaneous, 2) they intended it to be just a few-second kiss, and 3) they didn't feel they were getting away with something. All of this speaks to their motivation.

You may not feel entirely comfortable with sharing him, despite having watched him fuck other women in front of you. You might want to talk to each other about it in front of a neutral and caring third party (a counselor) and discuss your feelings about it.

I even feel uncomfortable analyzing this because even doing that feels like I'm putting an obviously-innocent person on trial. Not only that, but the crime was tenderly kissing someone.

At risk of making you angry, I think your reaction, while understandable, comes from the same place as the "morality police". That's the idea that pleasure is a zero-sum game in which someone else's happiness means that they're ripping off yours.

And like the Republican "public decency" attitude, yours stems ultimately from fear.

But you don't have to be afraid; I think he loves you. And if she's as good a person as everyone else I've met in the Lifestyle, she probably loves you too.

Please don't worry; it makes me sad.