Swinging with Girlfriend not Wife

[Happy2Bmarried]

Quit rationalizing ridiculous behavior. Grow up! Nuff said We rarely post but this one really got us...........

[pammyjgcurious]

Oh boy, I just posted my dilemma on the wrong thread, oh well. A couple wants to meet us and he is married but his partner is not his wife. I didn't ask if his wife knows about this but I don't feel that comfortable with it. Is it me? From what I've been reading, cheating is no. I do like that.

[naughty A]

originally posted by pammyjgcurious
We almost had our first meeting with a couple. It would only be with the guy, his partner is sick. However, he says he is married but his partner is not his wife. I don't know. I guess at least he is honest about that. He had to cancel at the last minute which is fine. I guess it does bother me a bit. We (the three of us) were going to meet but I felt pressured from him wanting to go as far as he could and this would be the first time I even saw him. I'd love to try a 3some but I think we should at least meet the people who we are intersted in first, we are talking to a few other couples and that has been going great!
I don't know I really felt pressured on the phone with him. Hes going to call next week, I don't like feeling pressured, but I didn't feel this way till I got off the phone. What anyone think?
It is really none of my business if he is married and cheating, I don't even know if his wife knows about this.

i wondered when I saw it in the wrong thread....

[naughty A]

Originally posted by pammyjgcurious
Oh boy, I just posted my dilemma on the wrong thread, oh well. A couple wants to meet us and he is married but his partner is not his wife. I didn't ask if his wife knows about this but I don't feel that comfortable with it. Is it me? From what I've been reading, cheating is no. I do like that.

well I wouldn't be comfortable with meeting with him . period. even more so because "his partner" is sick...

if you want to try a threesome that's great but this guy already has TOO many strikes against him in my opinion....

[pammyjgcurious]

Thanks naughty A

[Elusive BiFem]

I don't think so. From what I've gathered from your posts, it sounds like those red flags are waving right in front of your face.

If I understand this correctly...he is married, but has a girlfriend. Equates to cheating. Red flag.
And now, the girlfriend is sick and can't make it. That relegates him to the single male status. Red flag.
Single males are fine if that is what you are looking for, but in this case, it seems you were seeking another couple, and this guy crawls out of the woodwork with his various stories. They might be true, but that takes us back to the fact that he was seeking to cheat on his wife in the first place and was attempting to make you a party to his deceitfulness. Red flag.

Then, most importantly, you are not feeling quite right about this arrangement and you are feeling pressured. Huge Red Flag. Absolutely never allow anyone to make you feel pressured. That is your gut talking to you and saying, "Uh...something just ain't quite right here."

Unrelated sidenote: Isn't it great to have a Board like this to bounce things off of with other people?

-EBF

[Alura]

It certainly is your business if he is married and cheating, Pammyjgcurious! When was the last time you enjoyed a full-fledged gunfight with an insanely jealous wife who may decide to shoot you in honor of all the other women he's fucked since they've been married and decided you were "the straw that broke the camel's back"?

Okay, that's not likely. There was a case, I think here in Tulsa, in which the wife tried to run over both of them (as they came out of a bar or some place) with her Mercedes SUV but the husband jumped and she only killed the girlfriend.

As Elusive said, this guy struck out long ago. Besides, what can he offer you that a couple can't? Threesomes can be done with couples. One person just sits out and watches. You get to be a part of three different threesomes and watch one. Now who has the advantage?

Hmmm. How does that math work with three couples...???

Mr. Alura

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally posted by Alura
There was a case, I think here in Tulsa, in which the wife tried to run over both of them (as they came out of a bar or some place) with her Mercedes SUV but the husband jumped and she only killed the girlfriend.

Or, Mr. Alura, that recent case down in Houston, I believe it was. Both were doctors or dentists (can't recall exactly) and the wronged wife ran over the husband in a parking lot and killed him. Now serving a life sentence.

And what do his friends have to remember him by? "He died for a piece of _________!" (Haven't gotten to the point where I can throw around the language comfortably. )
-EBF

[Brit_Pair]

Originally posted by pammyjgcurious
We almost had our first meeting with a couple. It would only be with the guy, his partner is sick. However, he says he is married but his partner is not his wife. I don't know. I guess at least he is honest about that. He had to cancel at the last minute which is fine. I guess it does bother me a bit. We (the three of us) were going to meet but I felt pressured from him wanting to go as far as he could and this would be the first time I even saw him. I'd love to try a 3some but I think we should at least meet the people who we are intersted in first, we are talking to a few other couples and that has been going great!
I don't know I really felt pressured on the phone with him. Hes going to call next week, I don't like feeling pressured, but I didn't feel this way till I got off the phone. What anyone think?
It is really none of my business if he is married and cheating, I don't even know if his wife knows about this.

Is that the sound of alarm bells I hear?

Ah, no. Apologies. My mistake.

It's alarm klaxons.

[alabamafuntonig]

ok look its wrong for you or the hubby to do cheating is cheating and let me tell you it sucks when it happens to you..i know!
lots of red flags go up with the post i read. and the one before that. hey if my wife had cancer or whatever i dont think i would be concerned with getting laid ...maybe my wrist would hurt but i think my heart would be some were else and i would think with the head on my shoulders instead of my penis

[Alura]

Originally posted by Elusive BiFem
Or, Mr. Alura, that recent case down in Houston, I believe it was. Both were doctors or dentists (can't recall exactly) and the wronged wife ran over the husband in a parking lot and killed him. Now serving a life sentence.

And what do his friends have to remember him by? "He died for a piece of __ass_______!" (Haven't gotten to the point where I can throw around the language comfortably. )
-EBF

What are friends for if not to fill in the blanks, Elusive?

Examples notwithstanding, being a part of marital cheating is not something we want to do. There are too many fun things to do in swinging without being a part of something sordid and maybe downright dangerous.

Mr. Alura

[alabamafuntonig]

amen brother

[customhardtail]

Originally posted by pammyjgcurious
It is really none of my business if he is married and cheating, I don't even know if his wife knows about this.

Oh...it is your business! This doesn't sound like anyone we would want to be involved with.

Swinging isn't about cheating. It's about commintment to your partner...he doesn't sound very committed....

[windsor4fun2]

Originally posted by pammyjgcurious
I don't know I really felt pressured on the phone with him. Hes going to call next week, I don't like feeling pressured, but I didn't feel this way till I got off the phone. What anyone think?
It is really none of my business if he is married and cheating, I don't even know if his wife knows about this.

I see a couple of problems here. First you should never feel pressured. If you are, step back and figure out what is causing the discomfort and deal with it before continuing.

Second he is cheating on his wife, not cool. You might not think it your business but how can you trust him? Swinging reguires discretion and trust. He has already proven he is not trust worthy.

I would suggest backing off from him and pursuing one of the other couples you've been in contact with.

Jesse

[Brit_Pair]

The reasons for us hearing those alarm klaxons . . .

(1)

We almost had our first meeting with a couple. It would only be with the guy, his partner is sick.

Classic ploy. Arrange to meet up as a couple, then come up with a reason (often at the last minute) as to why the female half can’t make it:

She’s sick
The kids are sick
Someone in the family is sick
The babysitter has eloped to Paris

Naturally, the female half is ”more than happy” for the male half to go ahead, so that the other couple isn’t too disappointed.

(2)

However, he says he is married but his partner is not his wife. I don't know. I guess at least he is honest about that.

Some honesty. He’s cheating on his wife with another woman. Now he’s planning on swinging without his mistress. Is he cheating on her too?

(3)

We (the three of us) were going to meet but I felt pressured from him wanting to go as far as he could and this would be the first time I even saw him.

So this is a man who’s likely to take things steady, and to respect whatever pace you wish to take things at? Don’t think so.

(4)

I don't know I really felt pressured on the phone with him. He’s going to call next week, I don't like feeling pressured, but I didn't feel this way till I got off the phone.

This isn’t supposed to be about pressure. It’s meant to be about pleasure. If you’re feeling pressured, then that’s your instincts telling you to slow down, or come to a dead stop.

(5)

What anyone think?

That you should ditch this guy, period. Even if you want to try a threesome, I’d advise finding a new partner, someone who displays a few more virtuous character traits. Go with your instincts. Meet up with some of these more promising couples, see if that generates a more promising, less pressurised lead. And if you want a threesome, then there are literally hundreds of thousands of single men out there to choose from. As someone else here said recently, it’s a buyer’s market. Don’t jump overboard with the first one who comes along. Be fussy. You can afford to be.