Seeking to swing without wife's knowledge

slowcivic · 07-06-2003, 07:56 PM

I am a middle-aged gentleman that is interested in getting into the Swinging Lifestyle. My wife, however, does not want to Swing or have sex for that matter. I am seeking ( without my wife's knowledge ) a Swingers Club ( in Western Washington ) to take me in as a member. Would a person in my situation be welcomed?

ArcaneReference · 07-06-2003, 08:03 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by slowcivic
I am seeking ( without my wife's knowledge ) a Swingers Club ( in Western Washington ) to take me in as a member.

Hello, slowcivic - In my opinion, if you choose to "swing" without the knowledge of your spouse, that constitutes "cheating" in my books, not swinging and that hits a really ugly spot with this lil redhead.

I am honestly sorry your relationship has deterioriated to the point where you consider cheating necessary yet would not respect your wife enough to tell her it's over.

OhioCouple · 07-06-2003, 08:29 PM

I agree with ArcaneReference. I am saddened that your relationship has gotten to this point. Have you tried counseling or tried to work on the issues that have caused you to drift apart sexually?

You will find that the vast majority of swingers abhor any form of cheating, which is what it would be in your case, as you are attempting to do so without your spouses knowledge and consent.

I hope that you will focus more on your own relationship, rather than attempting to disrupt healthy relationships. Please don't expect to be greeted with open arms in the world of swinging. And, know that most swinging couples have an internal 'radar' that can detect whether or not someone is truly single or seeking to have sex without their spouse's consent. There are dead give aways that even the best of them can't hide.

bear_n_bunny · 07-06-2003, 09:18 PM

Honesty comes up in almost every conversation in regards to swinging I've been party to; good sex comes from trust and trust comes from honesty. You must be honest with yourself, your partner, and your swing partner(s). If you just want sex outside your marriage, then I suggest looking for that, because swinging is a lifestyle, not an avenue to cheat on your spouse. A better use of energy might be seeking couples counceling.

-- Bunny (who just can't manage to be sympathetic with people openly looking to cheat on thier partner.)

DragonsLair · 07-06-2003, 11:25 PM

I have to concur with the rest of the responses. Cheating just isn't acceptable in this lifestyle.

You may find a few couples who won't care if you're cheating, but the majority will.

Best of luck to you. You'd do well to work on your own relationship.

DragonsLair

He is T. I am A.

windsor4fun2 · 07-06-2003, 11:30 PM

I would have to agree with the others. The situation as you described it would be viewed as cheating and I boubt you would be welcome at any swinging functions.

Jesse

thump29 · 07-06-2003, 11:31 PM

I also have to agree with everyone else. What you are thinking of doing is cheating and not swinging. You need to work on your relationship with her and find the problem and deal with it. Swinging is for people who trust each other and honesty is always a key in this lifestyle. What you are wanting is not swinging. Good luck to you and I hope you and your wife can work it out.

fun_pairTX · 07-07-2003, 01:13 AM

But you will likely not be welcomed by swingers, honesty is the keystone of the lifestyle.

MassageCouple69 · 07-07-2003, 01:51 AM

Yes, I am sure that if you visit a club they will welcome you in and you will get all the no-strings-attached sex you can handle! Hahaha... If this were the case most of the male population would be trying to get in....

naughty A · 07-07-2003, 08:26 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by DragonsLair
You may find a few couples who won't care if you're cheating, but the majority will.

Just more of the same from me...

my philosophy is ...

My/our pleasure should not cause someone else pain...

AND I don't want to be on the receiving end of the phone call from YOUR wife when she finds out- thanks - NOT.

Naughty A.

EternallySingle · 07-08-2003, 05:28 PM

Either fix your marriage or get a legal seperation. Don't cheat. In the long run, working things out with your wife or breaking them off completely will be less stressful and less expensive than getting caught cheating, especially with the money you will have to spend to get into some of the swing clubs that will admit a man by himself.

alabamafuntonig · 07-08-2003, 06:05 PM

are you welcome on the board sure why not! at a club some will have you ! I would not most on this board would not tolerate a cheating spouse we are in this to enhance our marrage not help others destroy it! maybe a divorce and back on the hetero dating seen may help you in your situation . most of us are not out for a quick piece of tail or a good lay!

my two cents i have 98 more left for a nother post!

NotsoNew · 07-08-2003, 11:53 PM

I have to say I agree with the other responses and will add that I think that you should explore why your wife does not want to have sex and try to fix your problem.

How long have you been married? Has she always had a problem with sex? Have you talked to her about it? If not a long term problem has something happened recently that may be upsetting her?

Not an expert, but to me swinging is all about communication. And, it starts with the most important person in your life - your partner.

Good luck. I hope that everything works out okay for you both.

**Alura** · 07-09-2003, 12:25 AM

Welcome to the board! We'd like to hear some of your thoughts and will try to help with ideas to build your communication with your wife.

As a single man, you already have a tough row to hoe. Most couples are interested in couples or single women. There are far too many single men who, like yourself, think swinging may be a way to find sex.

As a married man, trying to play without your wife, chances are very slim that you'd be accepted by married couples.

There are a few - very few - single women in the lifestyle who might be interested in a permanent relationship with a man who is also interested in swinging. Again, they're usually busy with couples, who often seek bi women out for bi wives.

Alura

schamp · 07-09-2003, 04:15 AM

One thing I have learned about from the discussions on this site is that swingers are secure enough in their relationship. I see swingers as part of a couples relationship together. I dont consider it swinging if your in a relationship and do it alone. That is just cheating.

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07-06-2003, 07:56 PM	#1 (permalink)
slowcivic Registered User Join Date: Jul 2003 Posts: 1 Location: Shelton, Washington Status: M. Male	Seeking to swing without wife's knowledge I am a middle-aged gentleman that is interested in getting into the Swinging Lifestyle. My wife, however, does not want to Swing or have sex for that matter. I am seeking ( without my wife's knowledge ) a Swingers Club ( in Western Washington ) to take me in as a member. Would a person in my situation be welcomed?

07-06-2003, 08:29 PM	#3 (permalink)
OhioCouple Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Dec 2001 Posts: 6,619 Location: Ohio Status: Married Female	I agree with ArcaneReference. I am saddened that your relationship has gotten to this point. Have you tried counseling or tried to work on the issues that have caused you to drift apart sexually? You will find that the vast majority of swingers abhor any form of cheating, which is what it would be in your case, as you are attempting to do so without your spouses knowledge and consent. I hope that you will focus more on your own relationship, rather than attempting to disrupt healthy relationships. Please don't expect to be greeted with open arms in the world of swinging. And, know that most swinging couples have an internal 'radar' that can detect whether or not someone is truly single or seeking to have sex without their spouse's consent. There are dead give aways that even the best of them can't hide.
	__________________ Remember that human beings are complicated creatures. We like our bedtime routines but dislike routine in our bed times. - Sallie Foley, M.S.W.

07-07-2003, 01:13 AM	#8 (permalink)
fun_pairTX Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jan 2003 Posts: 1,185 Location: Ennis, Texas Status: Couple	You are indeed welcome here But you will likely not be welcomed by swingers, honesty is the keystone of the lifestyle.
	__________________ fun_pairTX

07-07-2003, 01:51 AM	#9 (permalink)
MassageCouple69 Active Member Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 33 Location: Beaverton, OR Status: Couple	Ha Yes, I am sure that if you visit a club they will welcome you in and you will get all the no-strings-attached sex you can handle! Hahaha... If this were the case most of the male population would be trying to get in....

07-06-2003, 09:18 PM	#4 (permalink)
bear_n_bunny Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 465 Location: Houston, Texas Status: Happily Married Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:bear_n_bunny	Honesty comes up in almost every conversation in regards to swinging I've been party to; good sex comes from trust and trust comes from honesty. You must be honest with yourself, your partner, and your swing partner(s). If you just want sex outside your marriage, then I suggest looking for that, because swinging is a lifestyle, not an avenue to cheat on your spouse. A better use of energy might be seeking couples counceling. -- Bunny (who just can't manage to be sympathetic with people openly looking to cheat on thier partner.)

07-06-2003, 11:25 PM	#5 (permalink)
DragonsLair Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Sep 2001 Posts: 1,020 Location: Cleveland, OH Status: Married Couple	I have to concur with the rest of the responses. Cheating just isn't acceptable in this lifestyle. You may find a few couples who won't care if you're cheating, but the majority will. Best of luck to you. You'd do well to work on your own relationship. DragonsLair He is T. I am A.

07-06-2003, 11:30 PM	#6 (permalink)
windsor4fun2 Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 384 Location: Windsor, Ontario Status: M half of Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:sjjesse2	I would have to agree with the others. The situation as you described it would be viewed as cheating and I boubt you would be welcome at any swinging functions. Jesse

07-06-2003, 11:31 PM	#7 (permalink)
thump29 Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 333 Location: okeechobee, fl Status: couple	I also have to agree with everyone else. What you are thinking of doing is cheating and not swinging. You need to work on your relationship with her and find the problem and deal with it. Swinging is for people who trust each other and honesty is always a key in this lifestyle. What you are wanting is not swinging. Good luck to you and I hope you and your wife can work it out.

07-08-2003, 05:28 PM	#11 (permalink)
EternallySingle Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 1,035 Location: Michigan Status: Single Male Swing Lifestyle Name:ABSingleMan	From a single man... Either fix your marriage or get a legal seperation. Don't cheat. In the long run, working things out with your wife or breaking them off completely will be less stressful and less expensive than getting caught cheating, especially with the money you will have to spend to get into some of the swing clubs that will admit a man by himself.
	__________________ "Style is not lusting after somone because they are cool. Style is loving yourself till everyone else does too." Prince

07-08-2003, 06:05 PM	#12 (permalink)
alabamafuntonig Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2003 Posts: 1,357 Location: alabama Status: couple	are you welcome on the board sure why not! at a club some will have you ! I would not most on this board would not tolerate a cheating spouse we are in this to enhance our marrage not help others destroy it! maybe a divorce and back on the hetero dating seen may help you in your situation . most of us are not out for a quick piece of tail or a good lay! my two cents i have 98 more left for a nother post!

07-08-2003, 11:53 PM	#13 (permalink)
NotsoNew Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Aug 2002 Posts: 392 Location: MD Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:newbies123	I have to say I agree with the other responses and will add that I think that you should explore why your wife does not want to have sex and try to fix your problem. How long have you been married? Has she always had a problem with sex? Have you talked to her about it? If not a long term problem has something happened recently that may be upsetting her? Not an expert, but to me swinging is all about communication. And, it starts with the most important person in your life - your partner. Good luck. I hope that everything works out okay for you both.

07-09-2003, 12:25 AM	#14 (permalink)
Alura Just a hick Okie Join Date: May 2001 Posts: 8,136 Location: Tulsa, Oklahoma Status: Widower	Welcome to the board! We'd like to hear some of your thoughts and will try to help with ideas to build your communication with your wife. As a single man, you already have a tough row to hoe. Most couples are interested in couples or single women. There are far too many single men who, like yourself, think swinging may be a way to find sex. As a married man, trying to play without your wife, chances are very slim that you'd be accepted by married couples. There are a few - very few - single women in the lifestyle who might be interested in a permanent relationship with a man who is also interested in swinging. Again, they're usually busy with couples, who often seek bi women out for bi wives. Alura

07-09-2003, 04:15 AM	#15 (permalink)
schamp Active Member Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 27 Location: wi Status: couplemarried	One thing I have learned about from the discussions on this site is that swingers are secure enough in their relationship. I see swingers as part of a couples relationship together. I dont consider it swinging if your in a relationship and do it alone. That is just cheating.

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