Is it cheating?

[bear_n_bunny]

I recently had the opportunity to chat with some couples where the men were bisexual. The discuss lead to the fact that both men felt that in nonlifestyle relationships (aka traditional marriage), that it wasn't cheating to have sex with another man since the wife couldn't satisfy that need. They also felt that bisexual women having sex with another womain wasn't cheating either. However, if the men had sex with another woman, it was cheating.

Needless to say all the women disagreed. So, I thought I might ask the boards opinion, is it cheating if you are bisexual and have sex with someone of the same sex? Does it matter if the partner doesn't know about the bisexuality?

-- Bunny, who still hopes to figure out the male mind one day.

[windsor4fun2]

If you are having sex behind your partner's back without their knowledge or permision it is cheating. It makes NO difference if it is with someone of the same sex or different sex.

Jesse

[naughty A]

imo...

if the spouse KNOWS what they are doing it is not cheating...

If the spouse DOES NOT KNOW it IS.

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by naughty A
if the spouse KNOWS what they are doing it is not cheating...

If the spouse DOES NOT KNOW it IS.

Ditto.

[vevaycple]

If he or she is having sex with a person of the same sex behind the others' back or against the others' wishes it is definately cheating. All sex outside the marriage should not only be known about by the spouse, but ALSO be supported by the spouse.

[bccpl77]

if the spouse KNOWS what they are doing it is not cheating...

If the spouse DOES NOT KNOW it IS.


Im with these guys

[Alura]

Originally posted by bccpl77
if the spouse KNOWS what they are doing it is not cheating...

If the spouse DOES NOT KNOW it IS.


Im with these guys

We are, too.

Alura

[ATAK]

Originally posted by OhioCouple
Ditto.

Double Ditto

[bear_n_bunny]

Thanks for chiming in, as I am not a bisexual male in a traditional marriage I wasn't sure I was seeing the whole picture. But as someone on thread here said, take the gender out of the formula and it's cheating. However, I feel for bisexual men and women who don't feel safe telling thier spouse; don't want to risk the marriage for what would amount to getting something their spouse can't give them. Still, I'd rather do without than do with dishonesty.

-- Bunny

[Alura]

Originally posted by bear_n_bunny
T
Still, I'd rather do without than do with dishonesty.

-- Bunny

Good thinking, Bunny. One thing you'll find out about swingers is that they expect honesty from both their spouses and their playmates.

Alura

[ATAK]

I suppose the main reason I see it as cheating is that I cannot see (at all) what a man gets from being with another man. This holds no fascination for me at all, and in fact I try very hard NOT to think about the possible scenario. I have been in a few MFM scenarios and am comfortable enough with my sexuality to be naked in front of other men, but aside from glancing to see how I "stack up", I have no interest in men at all. I'm sure this has a major impact on my opinion as previously stated.

I certainly do not hold it against you if you prefer or are even open to such an encounter, but my preferences I'm sure sway my opinion on this subject.

[Flori_DAMAN]

THis may bring up another issue.

What difference does it make if your partner cheats.

If they cheat with same sex, then your paranoia about long term commitments that could involve your s/o leaving you are different.

This goes along the same line as online sex. Maybe your partner won't leave you over a same sex interaction, or an online one, but the idea of being commited sexually to your partner is one that I take as sanctimonious.

I would not knowingly have any type of sex with a person that is attached. Whether it be homosexual (which I wouldnt do), or online.

ONce you cross the line of trust it doesn't matter the vehicle.

So, my opinion is that whether it be same sex or hetero, trust is trust and the sanctimony of a sexually monogomous relationship based on monogomy unless both partners agree is still the same; both parties agree.

John

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by ATAK
I suppose the main reason I see it as cheating is that I cannot see (at all) what a man gets from being with another man.

Did I mis-read you?

Whether or not you can see the prospect of male bi-sexual relations, is really not the issue here. The issue here is "Is it okay for a man or a woman to have same sex relations without the knowledge of their significant other and be considered not cheating?"

I certainly do not hold it against you if you prefer or are even open to such an encounter, but my preferences I'm sure sway my opinion on this subject.

Are you then saying that (in your opinion) it is okay for the gal to take off an have sex with another female without her husbands knowledge but your opinion is swayed because it isn't MM actions?

Not trying to be critical, ATAK, but in my opinion, cheating constitutes any sexual or emotional act in which the other party is unaware of. Sexual orientation has no bearing on my opinion.

[ATAK]

Originally posted by OhioCouple
Did I mis-read you?

No you didn't mis-read me, but my point was that if I were bi-sexual, I might have a different opinion than I do as a straight man. I agree, that it shouldn't matter one way or the other. But the difference of preference, might tend to influence one's view on cheating...Any extra-relationship sex without the other's knowledge is cheating in my view, MM, FF or MF.

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by ATAK
No you didn't mis-read me, but my point was that if I were bi-sexual, I might have a different opinion than I do as a straight man.

Thanks for clarifying that, ATAK. I must say though, as I am a bi-sexual woman, I would consider it cheating to meet with another woman without my husbands consent and knowledge. I don't think that sexual preferences play a part in morals. At least they don't with me and obviously not with you either.