Is it cheating?

[alabamafuntonig]

Main Entry: mo·nog·a·my
Pronunciation: -mE
Function: noun
Etymology: French monogamie, from Late Latin monogamia, from Greek, from monogamos monogamous, from mon- + gamos marriage, from gamein to marry
Date: 1612
1 archaic : the practice of marrying only once during a lifetime
2 : the state or custom of being married to one person at a time
3 : the condition or practice of having a single mate during a period of time


does not mention sex

now monogomous sex is sex with one person polygimous sex is sex with many people. poly = many

but sexualy uplifting and spiretualy is a term i diagree with on my level..but to each there own its all about choice!

[Flori_DAMAN]

Originally posted by yawanna
"marriage to only one person"

But monogamy ain't the word defining sex or the limit of one sex partner.

Find and quote another dictionary definition....I'm curious

I stand corrected. Monogomay is having one partner for life. Nothing to do with sex. I always figured it had to do with sex.

[alabamafuntonig]

john stands corrected

(henry passes out with disbelief)

[yawanna]

yawanna
Sticking Around

So now I'm 'sticky' ??

Thank you nikki Thank you bama

In keeping with our now dictionary defined ,,,um... definitions lol

monospiritual
monoemotional
monointellectual

[Flori_DAMAN]

temporarily induced insanity provoked by situations that you cannot control.


KEy word....temporary

[windsor4fun2]

Originally posted by Alura
The trouble with keeping secrets is remembering who isn't supposed to know.

The trouble with lies is remembering what you were supposed to have said.
Mr. Alura

Very well put. Very true as well.

Jesse

[Couple_DFW]

Originally posted by Flori_DAMAN
Is it cheating then to flirt at work? You both know it won't go anwhere and who can difinately difine flirting?

Just trying to stir the pot.

John

Naw.....flirting is just fun as long as it doesn't go anywhere. It's kinda like this....."It doesn't matter where you get your appitite as long as you come home to eat". facelick

AND.....don't tell either of us anything you don't want the other one to know.......we don't keep secrets from one another. We may not always like what we are hearing, but at least it's been told and we don't have to worry about anything later.


P

[wrnakedru]

Several years ago, ex and I had a couple with whom we shared social and recreational times as well as the more intimate activities. The guys played as a team in golf tournaments, we ladies rode along in our own cart as "cheerleaders" [and the occasional distraction for the opposing team. ]

It was known by all 4 of us that some "separate" activity was indulged in by each on occasion. So when the male called me at work suggesting a noontime tryst (location-vehicular, due to limited time), I accepted without too much hesitation.

Afterwards, we drove back to my work location for him to drop me off to finish my workday. En route, he requested that I not inform my husband of the tryst. And that if I would agree, he would also not inform his wife. I was understandably puzzled by the request. So I asked "Why?" He explained that he missed the "thrill" of forbidden activity; the lifestyle and the consensual, open acceptance had removed a great deal of his enjoyment of the sexual activity itself. He wanted to know if I agreed. No, quite frankly, I did not. He asked if that meant I was going to tell my husband of our encounter. I told him I would not be at all comfortable with our activity being kept secret from either my husband or his wife. He shook his head, and told me, almost sadly, that my non-complicity meant that we would not "do this" again.

I told my husband of my noontime adventure, and also discussed the strange (I thought) request. My husband was not angered by it (as I had known he would not be)saying the two fellows had discussed this feeling of non-excitment the one was experiencing. My husband then reminded me of our friends behavior at a recent party; a large group of people were enjoying each other and themselves all in one play area. Our friend, after brief participation, had left the area to go to an adjacent room where a television screen was showing porn movie tapes. He spent the balance of his time, while others were "partying" nearby, standing and watching the screen while stroking himself.

I am still puzzled by our friends feelings and behavior. Have any others felt this way .... or encountered someone who did?

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by wrnakedru
En route, he requested that I not inform my husband of the tryst. And that if I would agree, he would also not inform his wife. I was understandably puzzled by the request. So I asked "Why?" He explained that he missed the "thrill" of forbidden activity; the lifestyle and the consensual, open acceptance had removed a great deal of his enjoyment of the sexual activity itself.

I have never experienced anything of that nature, but we did have an instance where the male half was trying to get too close to me, personally, which bothered me greatly.

From what you described, I don't understand why you would be asked not to relay it to your spouses. It was already agreed that you could play separately and you did so on a whim, so therefore in my eyes, the forbidden 'thrill' aspect was met (in a sense). Isn't telling your spouse about it, part of the fun too?

I would be very leery of anyone that made a request like that to me. Someone (I believe it was Alura) said something in another post to the affect of "Don't tell me anything that you don't want my spouse to know". I think that is a very important statement. When you start hiding things like that, there is trouble in paradise. Thanks, but no thanks, for this girl.

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally posted by yawanna
I don't know how to work the dang controls here beyond the smilies so I can't post quotes anyhoo.......

is it cheating to flirt?

I think that anything is 'cheating' if you are doing something you know would put a rift between you and your partner.

If you can't or won't tell your partner, it's cheating.

online chats, flirting, Bill Clinton sex, anything.

And to Flori_DAMAN.. we don't consider ourselves, as swingers, to be sexually monogamous...it's spiritual, emotional and intellectual monogamy that we have. Sex we share with others as we choose

I understand, yawanna...took me months to figure out the quotes, then I felt completely foolish. So easy.
Look down in the lower left hand corner of the post that you want to quote. You will see several buttons, one of which says "QUOTE." Click on that one and the entire post will show up on this reply screen. You can then go in and hightlight and delete everything except the part you want to quote. Or, you can leave the entire thing quoted. Second method is to hightlight/copy, hit the reply button, and paste into the response screen. Hope this clears it for you. -EBF

[azwildcat]

is it cheating if you flirt with someone online even if you tell your spouse, but he still gets p.o'd about it when you flirt with a guy but doesn't mind when you do with a women?

plus doesn't see the difference when he does the flirting with another women and tells me from myself doing it and telling him!

it that cheating?????

[wrnakedru]

Originally posted by azwildcat
it that cheating?????

Oh, geez honey - you know what that is.. I'm so sorry, truly. I'd hoped for happier times for you. That's that old devil that haunts us all from time to time - inequity - plus really not good or kind communication. But you knew that already.

C'mere and let me give you a big hug!

And then - shhhhhh - we'll go find that vehicle with those bad brakes and - shhhhhhhhh - I'm your friend, so I'll help you hide the body. And we'll never ever tell any any body else. Just our secret, okay? sshhhhhhh!

Hugs and luff and stuff!

[azwildcat]

so, you'll help me hide the body for real!!!!

it's just plan o'le stupid i think he's ok to chat but finds it hard if i do

[wrnakedru]

Originally posted by azwildcat it's just plan o'le stupid i think he's ok to chat but finds it hard if i do

Please understand - what I am about to say is not in defense of his reaction. I know from experience just how much the attitude you describe is hurtful to you, and seems so "unfair" and "double standard". I know.

At the same time, try to recognize his reaction not as antagonistic or intended to diminish you, despite the inbalance of it. It is most of all a glimpse into the insecurity he has about this issue. He is apt to feel fully in control of himself in "flirting" situations, quite sure he knows exactly where the lines should be drawn and confident of his ability to keep things in perspective. His inability to grant you the same freedom does not necessarily reflect a lesser opinion of you to operate in those same capacities. I think it is more likely an insecurity regarding how he is viewed by you versus the fun of harmless flirting which at times may seem more fun than he is being (especially when it seems deragatory to you).

Of course, there is also the chance that it is simply a matter of control for him. I hope not, because that is just plain ole ugly. It would mean only that which he is directly in control of is granted his sanction. Tsk, tsk - I hope the first option over the second.

Although both bring difficulty, the first is one your caring for him can help change. The second is a whole 'nother ballgame and I'm not sure how you might need to proceed from there. Counseling perhaps? Never hurts, in my opinion. Often helps.

I may be way off base, totally wrong, not even in the right time zone. I do not know either of you, only you can know.
I do hope nothing I've said here has crossed a line and angered or hurt you in any way. I care, and only wish to be helpful.
If the biggest help is for me to just hush - I can deal with that, too. Just say so, k ?

[Flori_DAMAN]

If I followed this right then the situation is this. It is ok in his mind to flirt online, but not ok for you to do the same thing.

To me it doesn't matter if the root is insecurity the result is control and inequality.

John