Is it cheating?

[Flori_DAMAN]

Lets say hypothetically speaking that you were attracted by a sexual goddess named Jeannette. She had everything you really wanted. She had soft long luxurious hair. She was very lightweight. SHe had those lips that begged for you.

SHe had a quiet personality. SHe never would involve herself in really intimate discussions with you.

SHe had a really neat feature that allowd you to blow her up without having to use say a pump machine.

WOuld this be cheating?

Its not that I'm particularly affected by this, but if you had two of them and used one more than the other would that be cheating?

Just hypothetical.

John

[bbcpl4cpl]

Originally posted by ATAK
Double Ditto

And I second that.

My husband and I talked about this a few years ago before swinging ever came into the picture. Okay, well not exactly talked about it. I was at the time trying to meet a bi woman on the side for my pleasure with my husband's blessing.

I jokingly told him that if he allowed me to have another woman, then he can get a man. Well, he's not bi so that wouldn't work.


Tigress xx

[thump29]

Anytime you have sex behind your partners back then it is cheating. No matter if you are having sex with a person of the same sex or not!

[wrnakedru]

Anything unknown by or not agreed to is "cheating".

It is no excuse to set a scene with a bisexual male, who has activity outside his marriage because wife is unaware of this aspect of his sexuality. Or by its definition, is unable to meet this need of his.

So if a wife weren't a "swallower" it would then be acceptable for a man to stray with one who is? I think not.

As to the bisexuality issue, if that is unknown by his wife, he has already disrespected his marriage relationship by not communicating completely with his wife. If he is too fearful of her non-acceptance of it, then he needs to be non-acting on it.

They have other issues to deal with first. Those should be of the higher priority, otherwise a concern about "cheating" seems a bit hollow.

[jen]

[quote]ONce you cross the line of trust it doesn't matter the vehicle.

Exactly.

[bear_n_bunny]

I still simpathize. In the "real world," and not the one on MTV, how many people have the depth and understanding to deal with bisexuality in general, let alone in thier marriage. The posters on this board are already comfortable moving outside the boundaries of traditional relationships. Therefore I think that the concept of being honesty about ones sexuality is less frightening.

I know I over heard a woman at work talking about her friend who found out her husband had a membership to alternateconnections.com, a mainly homosexual/bisexual meeting service if I understand correctly. The tone of that discussion among co-workers assured me that I best not jump in with my opinions. As well, unlike females, I get the impression that bisexual men are far less accepted, by not only the community at large, but by swingers as well.

I feel for the man who suddenly realizes his occasional fantazies about being with another man means he is bisexual. I know my fantasies, though mainly hetrosexual, lead me to swinging. The longer I denied them, the more urgent it got for me to do something about them. What about the man who is in a happy marriage and starts to have trouble because he can't deal with his bisexuality? Anyway, I just watched Far From Heaven so maybe I'm bit too touchy feeling on the subject.

Still, no matter how it comes about, it is cheating. I just understand how it can come about.

--Bunny

[wrnakedru]

Originally posted by bear_n_bunny
.... As well, unlike females, I get the impression that bisexual men are far less accepted, by not only the community at large, but by swingers as well. ...
... What about the man who is in a happy marriage and starts to have trouble because he can't deal with his bisexuality?...
...Still, no matter how it comes about, it is cheating. I just understand how it can come about.
--Bunny

As can I.
There is, as you say, no stigma placed on a bisexual woman regarding her femininity. But even within the swingers world, there are some who question the masculinity of a bisexual man.

So it is not difficult to imagine the reluctance a bisexual man might feel to discuss this with his mate. I would think this reluctance would turn to fear if they are pretty straight living folks. If the wife has had limited exposure to those who live their lives with a "free spirited" attitude, his fear would include the absolute belief she lacked the foundation to even begin to deal with his bisexuality. And that as a result, she would be incapable of understanding, much less accepting of it. (And worse, would never view him in the same way ever again)

Then consider how much more difficult it will be to explain to her how she has become infected with an STD.

Those men who seek same sex activity outside their marriages (as opposed to as a part of threesome or foursome shared activity) are fair more likely to become infected with, and share with their spouse, any number of STD's up to and including the "big one".

[Flori_DAMAN]

I have always had and excersized a very limited bi-sex fantasy. The fantasy just kind of comes and goes. When it gets intense it is like any other full blown fantasy, but that is really rare, even when I am in a relationship.

I would suggest just cuz I think this is worth mentioning, that if you are a guy that just gets the bi-fantasy very rarely and thats it, then forget it, thats normal. IF you get it quite a bit and feel like you need to live it out then approach your feminine half with the honesty that you at least have the fantasy.

Then, you gots a chance of living it out with her. Hell, most females fantasize about it but are more afraid to bring it up thany ou cuz your a big macho guy.

John

[alabamafuntonig]

Come on guys. You all know it’s cheating! If you screw around with out your spouse knowing it’s cheating. I don’t care if you have sex with a goat. Still cheating. Sex with a blow up doll, not cheating that’s kinky. Male sex with a male still cheating. What happened to all this “swinging is about one love of another and making there bond closer stuff” if you insert your penis any wear on another person with out prior consent then that is cheating. Period. You all know better……….

[Flori_DAMAN]

Originally posted by alabamafuntonig
Come on guys. You all know it’s cheating! If you screw around with out your spouse knowing it’s cheating. I don’t care if you have sex with a goat. Still cheating. Sex with a blow up doll, not cheating that’s kinky. Male sex with a male still cheating. What happened to all this “swinging is about one love of another and making there bond closer stuff” if you insert your penis any wear on another person with out prior consent then that is cheating. Period. You all know better……….

Yes, that was why I suggested to bring it up to your S/O, rather than acting it out.

You are correct the way I see it.

John

[Flori_DAMAN]

You still gotta explain why cheating with a goat is kinky, but a blow up doll cheating...sry but...

John

[Alura]

Originally posted by wrnakedru
So it is not difficult to imagine the reluctance a bisexual man might feel to discuss this with his mate. I would think this reluctance would turn to fear if they are pretty straight living folks. If the wife has had limited exposure to those who live their lives with a "free spirited" attitude, his fear would include the absolute belief she lacked the foundation to even begin to deal with his bisexuality. And that as a result, she would be incapable of understanding, much less accepting of it. (And worse, would never view him in the same way ever again)

We think, if the communication gap is so wide, these folks shouldn't be married to each other. Since they are, they need to develop their communication. Fear has no place in a marriage, in our opinion, and the best way to face fear is head-on. He must tell his wife his "problem." ...or move to Paris.

Alura

[Flori_DAMAN]

Originally posted by Alura
We think, if the communication gap is so wide, these folks shouldn't be married to each other. Since they are, they need to develop their communication. Fear has no place in a marriage, in our opinion, and the best way to face fear is head-on. He must tell his wife his "problem." ...or move to Paris.

Alura

WE?

Fear is one of the foundations of marraige.

Opionion?

I agree with you on the rest tho.

John

[JustAskJulie]

Basically cheating is lying... whether by omission or by deceit. If you are having sex with anyone and not telling your spouse, then you are omitting the truth... therefore lying...therefore cheating.

[CABob]

Cheating is such an ugly word. But not knowing where your partners genitals have been, is worse.