Once you allow swinging are you allowing cheating?

[topdog6]

Are totally new to this but am curious. Some questions before the next step. 1. I am wondering if once this door is open it is impossible to close? 2. Can your wife have sex with 2 men and not look sleazy? 3.Is it cheating if you start to fool around with swing partners without the other partner. I mean can you call it cheating once you have basically told your partner that the relationship is no longer monogamous? 4. Can you ever go back to a monogamous relationship after this. Is the relationship still sacred or is it now tainted?

[OhioCouple]

1. I am wondering if once this door is open it is impossible to close?For us, we have halted activity twice. Once for him and once for me. We needed to do so in order to get a better perspective on what our goals were and how to avoid situations that make us uncomfortable. Neither time caused any problems in our personal relationship. We would both stop this minute if the other said they didn't want to continue anymore and we would resume our lives as usual, with no regrets.

2. Can your wife have sex with 2 men and not look sleazy? Absolutely. We have only done threesomes within a foursome/sixsome. My husband loves the visual and it is often part of our own intimate love talk when we are home alone together.

3.Is it cheating if you start to fool around with swing partners without the other partner. I mean can you call it cheating once you have basically told your partner that the relationship is no longer monogamous? As swingers, we don't view any mutually conscented sex as cheating. We consider it sharing and that is something that we do together. Cheating would be if one of us did something without the other knowledge and approval.

4. Can you ever go back to a monogamous relationship after this. Is the relationship still sacred or is it now tainted? As I stated in your first question, we have stopped for periods of time, with no repercussions in our own personal relationship. Our relationship remains sacred (even while swinging) and swinging does not taint it as we both mutually agree with what we are doing. We could walk away entirely tomorrow and it will not have a bearing on our own personal relationship in the sense that it would be tainted.

[BradAndJanet]

I can't answer those any better than Mrs. O. We say we'll keep doing it as long as we're both having fun and if one of us wants to stop, we stop. There's nothing sleezy about it, and we do everything above board so there is no notion of 'cheating' involved.

You may want to do a little reading in the New Swingers forum to gain an understanding of what swinging is about. Welcome to the board.

-B

[naughty A]

Questions originally posted by topdog6
Are totally new to this but am curious. Some questions before the next step. 1. I am wondering if once this door is open it is impossible to close?
No...you can take breaks from it or stop completely.

2. Can your wife have sex with 2 men and not look sleazy?
Define sleazy? and sleazy to whom? Personally I don't think so... I've done it before and fully intend to do it some more... My husband doesn't think so either ... he thinks it just looks really hot.

3.Is it cheating if you start to fool around with swing partners without the other partner. I mean can you call it cheating once you have basically told your partner that the relationship is no longer monogamous?
When you start swinging and as you go along... you, both of you I mean make up the rules, these rules can change but they are between the two of you... We have a rule that we always swing together... if one of us started to swing alone without TELLING the other person... that would be cheating... or breaking the rules of our agreement. There are couples that agree to swing seperately that is THEIR agreement... what they do is up to them... if that is their personal agreement then they are NOT cheating... and it is not up to me to say otherwise.

4. Can you ever go back to a monogamous relationship after this. Is the relationship still sacred or is it now tainted?
could we go back to a monogamous relationship... sure... the way my swinging life is lately... that's mostly what it is anyway...
the relationship between the two of us is definitely still sacred. We share much more than a piece of paper that makes us married. Memories, hardships, triumphs and losses, he is someone I know I can count on no matter what ... these are the things that make a couple... not a piece of paper and a ceremony or society's idea that a couple must be monogamous... For us swinging is an adventure, it's fun, we are sharing sex with friends and these are two very different kinds of relationships... I have said I have affection for my swinging partners... but as FRIENDS... not as replacements for my husband.

[topdog6]

Ok,,,thanks. Let me ask one more thing. Is it asking for trouble to enter in to swinging if your relationship is not going well. And should you be surprised if it is the final nail in the coffin?

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by topdog6
Ok,,,thanks. Let me ask one more thing. Is it asking for trouble to enter in to swinging if your relationship is not going well. And should you be surprised if it is the final nail in the coffin?

If your relationship is not going well, then you definitely should not look for swinging to 'fix' it. Most swingers are pretty perceptive to relationships that are not solid and won't play with you anyway. However, should a couple (who's relationship is on shaky ground) contemplate swinging, I'd like to think that they would consider the feelings of those they are deceiving, that is, if they get that far.

[naughty A]

Originally posted by topdog6
Ok,,,thanks. Let me ask one more thing. Is it asking for trouble to enter in to swinging if your relationship is not going well. And should you be surprised if it is the final nail in the coffin?

Hi Topdog6

You might consider an introduction so that we can learn a little bit about you... Welcome to the board.

I'm guessing you are the male half of the couple and that you are more reluctant than your wife to enter into swinging. I'm only guessing though, I apologize if I am incorrect.

In response to your more recent question... I don't know... no relationship is completely perfect. It depends on the nature of the problem within your relationship... if it's jealousy than FOR SURE this will kill it. If you just need to feel you are still attractive to the opposite sex and your life has become a rut of watching TV on Saturday night... then hey it might be the spark to put things back together.

final straw... I doubt it but it will sure make things much more complicated and raise a lot of ugly emotions.

Good luck. Naughty A.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally posted by topdog6
Are totally new to this but am curious. Some questions before the next step. 1. I am wondering if once this door is open it is impossible to close? 2. Can your wife have sex with 2 men and not look sleazy? 3.Is it cheating if you start to fool around with swing partners without the other partner. I mean can you call it cheating once you have basically told your partner that the relationship is no longer monogamous? 4. Can you ever go back to a monogamous relationship after this. Is the relationship still sacred or is it now tainted?

1. No, it's never impossible to close the door. Communication is key and if at any point one partner is not comfortable with what is going on or wants to stop then they need to communicate that to the other partner and things should stop.

2. I think that depends on who is looking.

3. If you start fooling around with ANYONE without your partners knowledge and consent then yes it IS STILL very definately CHEATING. Just because you decide to swing doesn't mean that there aren't still rules in place and that your marriage isn't sacred.

4. Refer to #1.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally posted by topdog6
Ok,,,thanks. Let me ask one more thing. Is it asking for trouble to enter in to swinging if your relationship is not going well. And should you be surprised if it is the final nail in the coffin?

Swinging should never be used as a potential "fix" for a relationship. Make sure your relationship is solid before you attempt swinging.

[HotMoCpl]

I believe that if a couple swings together it is NOT cheating. When one or the other steps outside the swinging, it then becomes cheating. To me, there is a difference. Swinging is a common experience to be done together.

[Alura]

Welcome from Oklahoma, TopDog! We're glad you've joined us.

Mrs. O said it all. There is no reason swinging should threaten your marriage. In fact, if y'all develop your communication in the process, you'll strengthen your marriage.

When we first met, we made an agreement not to tease each other so we would always know that what we say is what we mean. We also agreed not to become angry when asked a question by the other, and we would answer that question honestly. Consequently, we've never had to fear asking each other anything.

We think we could not swing without that agreement.

Alura

[dutch51]

I'm not sure we have anything to say that hasn't already been well-said, but we'll add our answers anyway, lol.

. Some questions before the next step. 1. I am wondering if once this door is open it is impossible to close?
If at any time, we weren't both comfortable with any aspect of what we're doing, we'd stop. Simple as that. It doesn't mean we couldn't resume activity later if we chose, but we know that since we said "yes" to doing this together, we can also say "no" at any time.

2. Can your wife have sex with 2 men and not look sleazy?
Our experiences have only included foursomes, no threesomes to date, and hubby has only seen me with one other man at a time, but I imagine he'd think it was pretty hot. We like watching each other. We don't think of it as looking sleazy, but rather like someone mentioned before, it just looks hot.

3.Is it cheating if you start to fool around with swing partners without the other partner. I mean can you call it cheating once you have basically told your partner that the relationship is no longer monogamous?
To us, it would be, but not in the traditional "my husband/ wife had an affair" kind of way. We're in this as a couples activity and to play without our partner's permission, knowledge and active participation, goes against our personal rules. It's not honest or fair and our loyalty lies with each other first, before any potential friend.

4. Can you ever go back to a monogamous relationship after this. Is the relationship still sacred or is it now tainted?[/QUOTE]
We do not feel there is anything tainted about our relationship at all. We love each other above all else; swinging has only added an extra element to an already established, very GOOD relationship. We swing because we choose to, not because we have to. If the only other person we ever slept with for the rest of our life was each other, we would be content and not feel disappointed with each other.

These were all good questions by the way, and answering them gave us another chance to clarify just how we feel about things.

smiles,
M (wifey) and A (hubby)

[DBL D]

1. I am wondering if once this door is open it is impossible to close?

No, it isn't impossible to close happily if you start out by saying it can and will close if one doesn't feel comfy anymore, or for any other reason.

2. Can your wife have sex with 2 men and not look sleazy?

Yes, but where is the fun in that? facelick

3. Is it cheating if you start to fool around with swing partners without the other partner. I mean can you call it cheating once you have basically told your partner that the relationship is no longer monogamous?

Yes, we can and will (call it cheating)! Anything done behind the others back is cheating-but you knew that!


4. Can you ever go back to a monogamous relationship after this. Is the relationship still sacred or is it now tainted?

It's up to you guys to determine the status of your relationship. Most of us probably think of our union as more "sacred" (for lack of a better term) since we've started swinging.

Male D

[good times]

Since everyone answered your first batch of questions so well and I agree with whats allready been said, I don't have anything to ad.

Now to your next questions.

Originally Posted by topdog6

Ok,,,thanks. Let me ask one more thing. Is it asking for trouble to enter in to swinging if your relationship is not going well. And should you be surprised if it is the final nail in the coffin?

Absolutely, in order to successfully engage in swinging your relationship must first be very solid and you must be in tune with each other and communicate well. If you aren't then not only will it probably make your problems worse, up to, and including being the final nail in the coffin, but you probably wouldn't be to successfull because potential playmates are pretty good at seeing when a couple is having problems and generally will avoid you like you have the plague.

[Belkin]

Don't know if anyone has noticed, but topdog6 started this thread in June of 2003 and hasn't logged on to this site since July of 2003.