Activities with cheating men. Thoughts?

[n2ez]

Originally Posted by LetsParty

Hi All!

I haven’t posted here in a while, but we just met a couple last night, who had a slightly different take on the Lifestyle, and I was curious about your thoughts.

They do some “cheat and greets” now and again. They may meet a couple and each go out alone with the other’s spouse. Or she may meet another guy, have some fun, and come home and tell the husband, etc. Him, too, on occasion.

That’s all fine and dandy – hotwife… whatever it’s called.

But here is where it gets a bit bizarre:

The “hot wife” often sleeps with married men who are cheating on their own wives. These are also men in her everyday, vanilla world. A colleague from the same company; trainer from the gym; old friend; business networking group, etc.

All these guys are married and cheating.

My partner and I are never ones to judge others. We always believed the more open people are with sex, the Lifestyle, open-marriages, fetishes, honesty, etc. etc. the better.

We’ve always said that the Lifestyle is not just about sex. Sex is the result of honesty, communication, open-mindedness, etc. I know you all understand, but the average vanilla may not.

The woman kept telling us, “It’s not MY sin!”; “I’M not lying!”; “That’s the GUY’s problem!”… And the husband kinda laughed at it.

I dunno.

Are we turning old-fashioned and prude?

Or is there really just something “unlifestyle-esque” about doing it with these cheating men from the community. It’s not that we looked at this woman and “lost respect” for her… but, Hmmm… as open-minded as we are, these people have WIVES sitting at home, thinking their husbands are at business meetings.

What do you think?

I understand that not all lifestylers have occasional separate activities, and to each his or her own. I’m not one to judge and say whether or not that enhances or detracts from a marriage. It’s going off with married, cheating men that kinda make my partner and I look at each other and go “gulp.”

I am so curious to hear your opinions!

hmmmmmmmm I always wonder when I read about how badddddddd these cheating men are, why is it only MEN? somehow I get the feeling that if it was cute little cheating woman she would be more then welcome without judgement into the bedroom!]

[n2ez]

How about activities with cheating Women???

how do you justify that over "Cheating men" ??
it is funny to see how some couples will (not all) be more then willing to let a cheating woman join their tryst, but on the other hand they will let you know they will have nothing to do with cheating man! in fact have read some profiles stating "we will contact your wife!!" yikes!
whats up with that?

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by n2ez

How about activities with cheating Women???

how do you justify that over "Cheating men" ??
it is funny to see how some couples will (not all) be more then willing to let a cheating woman join their tryst, but on the other hand they will let you know they will have nothing to do with cheating man! in fact have read some profiles stating "we will contact your wife!!" yikes!
whats up with that?

While I wouldn't be one to have such a double standard, I would think that you are probably right - this double standard does exist. "Single" women come to our club and are quite open about the fact that they are cheating.

On the other hand, I am only aware of one man who comes to our club who is openly cheating (he gets less attention than the men's room).

Is it right? No.

Is a double standard "fair"? Probably not.

So why are cheating wives more accepted than cheating males? Once again, it comes down to supply and demand. There are half a dozen single guys in the club at any given time - and that is on a low night. We have one regular single woman who is simply not very attractive and comes to the club to drink herself silly and complain about the fact that she can't get laid.

You walk a unicorn through the place, and people seem to lose their minds. Single or cheating, people don't really care... Because they are rare. And people will bend the rules for them.

But as a guy, the cheater in the club is in competition with a number of men, most legitimately single. Couples looking for single men have the luxury to be picky and to stick to their rules.

Frankly, I don't like cheaters coming to swing clubs. I have my issues with it which I have noted before, so I won't get into it. Male or female, I don't care. We aren't going to play with cheaters. So no double standard here... But I certainly understand why one might exist.

Spoomonkey

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by n2ez

The woman kept telling us, “It’s not MY sin!”; “I’M not lying!”; “That’s the GUY’s problem!”… And the husband kinda laughed at it.

What do you think?

.... It’s going off with married, cheating men that kinda make my partner and I look at each other and go “gulp.”

I am so curious to hear your opinions!

We (my husband and I) don't touch cheaters with a 10-foot pole. Like you, we believe that lying and deceiving has NO place in the lifestyle. Cheating husbands aren't swingers, they're just lying swine. The more that swingers associate with them as swingers, the less tolerance or understanding we'll get from the vanilla world. If we preach "honesty, trust, openness is what we're all about", we ought to demonstrate that, including taking responsibility. Otherwise, we're no better than the cheaters are. If you lay down with pigs, you get dirty.

Originally Posted by n2ez

How about activities with cheating Women???

Same. We've actually had that opportunity and turned it down. I know we're not the only ones, because we're not the first to turn her down because her spouse didn't know what she was up to. We live near a major military installation where a lot of the husbands are away in the war. Maybe couples felt safer or "less like cheating", and that's why some of them are looking for people like us, rather than just running around with the single men like a classic cheater.

[dayhiker]

I'd say she kinda has a point that they guy is the sinner. But she is clearly an enablier in the situation. Enabliers are looked on as part of the problem these days.

dayhiker

[LOL_OMG]

If a so called single tells you they are 'single' and later you find out their attached you run some of the previously mentioned risks. The only saving grace is your conscience is clear but that doesn't mean the So of the cheater will care. We have expierenced this to a small degree, the guy said he was single, we had a great time, but he was definitaly ' time watching'. At that point we felt he might not be a true single but what can you do. We still don't know for sure as he still has a profile and a few certifications. It was fun and we had no repurcussive problems.

It all seems to melt into grey areas when dealing with 'most' singles and all you can do is what you feel is best for the given situation. I would suggest however to keep copies of emails if possible from so called singles just in case you have a pissed off person knocking at your door asking wtf you were doing with there SO.

Mr.

[WesternSwing]

Originally Posted by Tybee Swing

We (my husband and I) don't touch cheaters with a 10-foot pole. Like you, we believe that lying and deceiving has NO place in the lifestyle. Cheating husbands aren't swingers, they're just lying swine. The more that swingers associate with them as swingers, the less tolerance or understanding we'll get from the vanilla world. If we preach "honesty, trust, openness is what we're all about", we ought to demonstrate that, including taking responsibility. Otherwise, we're no better than the cheaters are. If you lay down with pigs, you get dirty.

This reminds me of when the local CBS affiliate did an "expose" on swinging and of course it starts with the words "Couples cheating in secret, and in the open, and joining a movement that seems to be gaining in momentum. We've heard that spouse swapping and adultery is common in certain suburban neighborhoods..."

Part of the story is that the reporter, posing as a married woman signed-up on a website "aimed at extra-marital affairs and so-called swingers" and "within six days 70 married men" contacted them. Don't ask me how they knew all of them were married since most married men on swingers sites don't come right out and say so.

They had two women on there, one saying she and her husband were victims of "recruiting" by swingers and the other saying her husband was cheating and married the woman down the street within a week of their divorce being final. She didn't outright say he was seeing swingers, but the reporter eluded to it.

The whole gist of it was that swingers are recruiting your married husbands, so ladies, hold on tight to them. That is the slant that the public wants to hear and thus is being told to them. And the more some swingers entertain cheating men and women the more of self-inflicted black eye we give ourselves. Playing with married men and women is just feeding the non-swinger world exactly what they want.

Mr. WS

[crazycatz]

Not sure if my post belongs in this thread or not but it's a rant against married cheating men!! I'm so furious! I was invited to a party tomorrow night where apparently 20 couples would be attending. I've done a little research into this and it seems that of the couples attending, a good portion of them (3 or 4 at least) are not real couples, but in fact consist of married men cheating on their wives and probably using the single female to get into the party!!!
I have a policy of no playing with attached people without the consent of their SO and though I've always wanted to attend a party the one thing that stops me is that I would have little or no knowledge of who the geniune couples are!
Is this an issue for anyone else? Or is this the norm?

[ncmd_couple]

Catz,

Yeah, it would be an issue with us. Because of that we have blocked single males from viewing our profile on Swing Lifestyle. It is also getting easier to spot the fakes out there. But so far, we have managed to avoid this situation with no problem.

S

[tribbles]

The only thing we can do is ASK.
If they say they are single, we take them at their word.

Could some be lying? Sure. Sometimes even 'couples' are just two cheaters who hooked up to play with others.

We had to draw the line somewhere and without doing background investigations on playmates, that is where we put our line.

[sweet_tna]

Originally Posted by LetsParty

Hi All!
The “hot wife” often sleeps with married men who are cheating on their own wives. These are also men in her everyday, vanilla world. A colleague from the same company; trainer from the gym; old friend; business networking group, etc.

All these guys are married and cheating.

I personally would not condone this behavior. Too many people can get hurt (the wives left at home and the kids).

My partner and I are never ones to judge others. We always believed the more open people are with sex, the Lifestyle, open-marriages, fetishes, honesty, etc. etc. the better.

I call 'em like I see 'em. We all decide for ourselves whether we think a certain behavior is right or wrong. Even whether or not we'd play with a particular couple--is,essentially, a judgement.

We’ve always said that the Lifestyle is not just about sex. Sex is the result of honesty, communication, open-mindedness, etc. I know you all understand, but the average vanilla may not.

This, I think is a matter of perspective. I know when I was first married, I NEVER thought of having sex with anyone else. Heck, I tried for a year to talk my honey out of marrying me because I was his first lover and was terrified he'd decided he could "do better" ten years down the road. I wanted him to have more experience first. Swinging (to me) would have been lumped right in there with cheating.

NOW, I don't see it that way at all. Is it because we're in the lifestyle now? Quite probably. And while I agree with open-mindedness, honesty, and communication as healthy swinger attributes, not all swingers have them.

To answer another question in this thread: Are we (as swingers) above reproach from others (swingers or vanillas)? Nope. We're just as venerable to scrutiny as the next guy/gal/green hippo.

Just my $0.02.

=)

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by crazycatz

Not sure if my post belongs in this thread or not but it's a rant against married cheating men!! I'm so furious! I was invited to a party tomorrow night where apparently 20 couples would be attending. I've done a little research into this and it seems that of the couples attending, a good portion of them (3 or 4 at least) are not real couples, but in fact consist of married men cheating on their wives and probably using the single female to get into the party!!!
I have a policy of no playing with attached people without the consent of their SO and though I've always wanted to attend a party the one thing that stops me is that I would have little or no knowledge of who the geniune couples are!
Is this an issue for anyone else? Or is this the norm?

Unfortunately yes, there are more than a few "single" men that are actually cheating husbands. We were going to meet up with a gentleman on a Thurs. evening for dinner, just to see if the chemistry is there. On Wed. evening he says "Well, I'm actually married....I hope you don't have a problem with that"....well ummmmm YEAH, I DO have a problem with that LOL!
We actually have in our profile that if your marriage is in trouble we suggest you seek marital counseling instead of a lover.