Activities with cheating men. Thoughts?

[lovinher]

A cheating spouse who doesnt repect the rules of their own marriage will not respect the rules of your marriage. The trust just could not be there for me.

[flkeyscouple]

Originally Posted by lovinher

A cheating spouse who doesn't respect the rules of their own marriage will not respect the rules of your marriage. The trust just could not be there for me.

Very well said, lovinher! This sums up our feelings about cheating spouses in swing situations!

[spectraschain]

.....turns out we're the irresponsibles.

Still, we believe we'll leave the "policing" of others to the "clergy" here.

We simply do not have the where-with-all...........

[bill&sabrina]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

You police your own marriage, right?

Why allow potential drama into your own marriage?

Seems a little silly - maybe even irresponsible - to me...

Spoomonkey

And swinging doesn't introduce drama into a marriage?

[Mr. Truelove]

Originally Posted by bill&sabrina

And swinging doesn't introduce drama into a marriage?

Not in mine.

Mr. Truelove

[Rvrtas]

Originally Posted by The Fuse

I don't see anything wrong with "judging" their actions... in fact, not doing so is abdicating responsibility, which is what they themselves are doing. They are asking you to throw in with them, to validate them, by not caring about the consequences of their actions to others.

Why do people fall for this? Seriously, why do they?

We could not agree more. Mrs. Fuse has hit the nail squarely on the head. We are the first to admit we "judge" often. When we meet a couple, don't feel the connection and decline to play, we can't call that anything other than "judgement". We make no apologies for this.

We have no tolerance for cheaters. If we chose to play with someone so dismissive of the feelings of a cheating partner's spouse, we would indeed be abdicating repsonsibility. If some feel that is politically incorrect, let the PC Police come chase us down; far better that than wrestling with our own conscience.

R

[cutecouple39]

no one seems as if they are being judgemental...everyone is voicing there own oppinions here. My wife and I inparticular would not swing with a married man or married woman without there spouses knowledge. Thats just our opinion its alot like I prefer Pepsi and you prefer Coke... whatever floats your boat. It may work for some couples but not for us we know where that feeling of someone could be cheating on me can lead its not a pretty site.

[The Fuse]

Thank you, Rvrtas.

I feel a little badly for having gone off in the "judging" direction, after the OP's statement that they weren't looking for that... so now I'll just say "No, we don't do that". We've been approached a few times by cheating husbands and the answer is always no.

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by bill&sabrina

And swinging doesn't introduce drama into a marriage?

Hell no. Just a badly needed dose of reality. Drama implies something based on the imaginary. Acting. Fictitious bullshit. Cheating is ALL about lying and fiction and the imagined. Swinging is non-fiction. It makes you face reality; cheating allows you to lie to yourself and to others.

Lots of great insights in this thread!! Spoo, Mrs. Fuse, NakedInSeattle... your sentiments are right on target! I'm all for sexual liberty, too, but cheating is not about sex. I have no problem with having sex with these same cheaters...if they weren't lying to and hurting someone they supposedly hold dear. It's like watching someone pull the wings off flies and not saying anything about it. Just because it's not your wings getting plucked or not you doing the plucking doesn't make you blameless. If you see abuse and condone it, it's the same - in my mind - as doing it yourself. Would you walk past someone beating a dog with a stick? I doubt it. To me, playing with a cheater is like handing them the stick to emotionally beat their spouse with. We just can't do it. We REQUIRE honesty...otherwise the chemistry just isn't there. Cheating just kills an erection.

[cutecouple39]

Originally Posted by bill&sabrina

And swinging doesn't introduce drama into a marriage?

swinging introduces alot of things into our marriage but certainly not Drama.
sorry guys forgot to add that too the last post...kinda new to this oops

[spectraschain]

kinda new to this

Yeah, but he's cute as a button...

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by intuition897

Would you walk past someone beating a dog with a stick? I doubt it. To me, playing with a cheater is like handing them the stick to emotionally beat their spouse with. We just can't do it. We REQUIRE honesty...otherwise the chemistry just isn't there.

We couldn't agree more. This is precisely how we feel.

In our case, Mr. Tybee has been cheated on in a past marriage. We could no more be a partner in causing someone else's pain (which is all too close to home, especially for Mr. Tybee) than we could stand to cheat on each other.

[cutecouple39]

Originally Posted by spectraschain

Yeah, but he's cute as a button...

I might be cute but his wife is cuter

[flkeyscouple]

Originally Posted by bill&sabrina

And swinging doesn't introduce drama into a marriage?

No, it doesn't! Not in the least! Cheating is drama. Swinging is honesty! HUGE difference!!

[bill&sabrina]

Originally Posted by flkeyscouple

No, it doesn't! Not in the least! Cheating is drama. Swinging is honesty! HUGE difference!!

Jesus fucking christ. Exclamation points and yelling? Is that really needed? My mistake for thinking my point would be figured out. I'm pleased as punch for those of you that haven't encountered drama, but the odds are good you will have to deal with it as a swinger. This board is full of posts about drama being forced on people, but those people must be lying. Swingers are all honest, and don't bring any drama with them. What was I thinking for suggesting that a lifestyle where you have sex with someone other than your partner, could lead to unwanted drama. I guess I was stupid to suggest that.